• Member Since 5th Mar, 2021
  • offline last seen April 10th

Velocipede


My darling, I compare you to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels.

Comments ( 8 )

Aww, this starts out so sweetly. Like a lot of love stories, one lover worrying over the other being too stressed with work. And then came the line that made me shiver.

“Wouldn’t you want me to fulfill my royal duties?”

Said exactly how I would say it too, no less.

Of course Twilight brings up that it's a historical inaccuracy because she's not that easy to seduce, but it doesn't take long for me--I mean the viewpoint character--to get through her understandable anxiety and reluctance.

Which is all handled brilliantly completely in character. Golly I love the character work here. Twilight's consideration for the viewpoint character to ensure she's not there just to be used like a piece of meat is... It shows how much she loves her. It's wonderful in so many ways.

“It just feels so strange that you’re so into all of this.“

“I wouldn’t have accepted if I weren’t.” You smile warmly at her. “That just means we’re compatible. That’s a great thing

This alone makes the story.

Oh but then we get into the lovemaking. And it is lovemaking, in every way. I was sucked in when I saw a few bits of this on Discord... Seeing it altogether grabbed me and held me tight enough I lost myself in the fantasy of being the viewpoint character. That is a sign of an excellent well written second person story.

And I usually dislike second person stories.

But just... I could go on for hours over every visceral detail, from the way Twilight gazed with ownership to the way she used her wing to lovingly tease as she spoke words of ownership, the kissing, the touching, and...

Well. The possibly controversial part of the story, that being Twilight's marecock. It's a term not a lot of people would use but it's a great one because that's exactly what it is. This is a standard part of your alicorn world-building, and I think it's wonderful.

But then as a trans woman I'm biased like that.

I won't go into detail the way I enjoyed the sections involving this, not here. Just know that I did, and in the way you intended.

The lines about foals afterward did make me laugh a little.

And big spooning at the end? Perfect.

This was magnificent. Easily one of the best pieces of pony erotica I've ever read. Thank you, Bike.

A sweet and hot story.

Pretty cute and hot. Hope there's a sequel, really love female pov stories like these.

"You fingertip lingers there, idly rubbing"
"Your fingertip lingers there, idly rubbing"?

"her flesh against your lips.."
"her flesh against your lips."?

"your lip after a soft gasp.."
"your lip after a soft gasp."?

"oh so pleasantly rubs against the inside"
"oh so pleasantly rub against the inside"?

I was just saying this site could use more futa mare on human female stories, the fact that this one is also adorable and lovely to read is a huge plus.:pinkiehappy:

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Damn I was gonna comment but you hit more than everything I was gonna say, even the being a trans woman part lol.

Wow that was a good one. Lovely interactions all throughout the story, very well done. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by TimothyHaynes deleted Aug 9th, 2023
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