When somepony shows themselves to be bad, it is enough for many to simply categorise them as evil and move on. But not for Pipp. Pipp doesn't believe in evil. So when Sprout was locked up following his assault, it wasn't long before Pipp found herself sitting just a meter away from the demon, cold steel being the only separator. Sprout looked up through the rusty metal bars and stared at his visitor. His fur was matted, his expression bleak and his eyes were bloodshot, staring daggers right through Pipp's determined glare. Pipp blinked, and her eyes softened.
Chapters (1)
Why aren't there any genre tags?
This piece addresses an important issue about finding a positive purpose to pursue in life and it also attempts to redeem Sprout both prospectively and retrospectively. It is short, but it accomplishes what it sets out to do. Thank you for submitting!
A suggestion. Move the parts bolded below into the subsequent paragraphs since their speakers are NOT speaking the lines preceding them.
There are other instances, but if you choose to make the below changes then I am sure you can catch the others.
Also:
heir
If you choose to add genre tags, slice of life and drama may be good bets. You can add them by editing the landing page for your story.
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Not bad for your first story and I kind of like how you met pipp actually care and not only that thinking that people can still change even sprouts and again I'm a sucker for a Redemption stories anyway nice story keep up the good work
A few pieces of advice and some thoughts:
It would probably help your prose if you separated your text into more paragraphs. For instance:
I would put a newline after the first sentence's end. It allows the reader a moment to internalize what and who is in the room, before they move on with the text.
I'm not really sure what this is trying to convey. Pipp already went there with the assumption that Sprout isn't really bad, so why does she glare at him in the first place? I think it would feel much more natural if Pipp's stare started out soft and then hardened when Sprout doesn't even try to humor her.
I get what you're going for, but Sprout in the previous sentence is talking about his feelings. Others hating him isn't part of that. The sentence about him being locked up also reads weird. The ponies have no reason to think he "should be locked up," since he already is. Finally "vitalised" while technically correct sounds really out place here and not a word I could imagine the character say. Perhaps "fanned" could be used as an alternative?
I understand why Pipp is asking "Why?" however, due to Sprout's last sentence being about the sun, this can feel out of place.
Sprout's monologue about not understanding why ponies should defend themselves is where the story breaks down a little for me. If he truly didn't believe in his mother's words, then why did he rally the ponies into an army. If anything he would have tried to calm them down himself, now that he was in charge. This part, without further elaboration, makes very little sense.
This part comes right out of left field. I assume this implies that she tried to commit suicide, but the way you have written it is both very sudden and unnatural. Saying she can kill herself any time she wants sort of implies that she's still living for nothing. Even thought just a sentence later she says that she both has music and friends to live for.
Finally, your story is chock full of typos and other such mistakes. No one can blame an author if one or two slips by, but seeing words like "maby," "fractal twins," "an hair," etc. becomes grating fairly quickly. I suggest if you have trouble finding these issues (no shame in that), enter a proofreading group.
This was a neat interlude between Pipp and Sprout; I like the fact he got busted and is in jail. Do a quick rewrite and fix a few of those tiny errors and it'll be perfect. Great job.