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trying to see how many ways i can hurt applejack, apparently Ko-Fi | Pronouns


This story is a sequel to Lies We Tell Ourselves

A month after Applejack came out as transgender, she confides in her best friend and her family about her troubles. She finds it’s not good to keep it all inside, even if she doesn’t mean to. At least they’ve got her back.

Another entry to my Transverse AU. Recommend you start at the beginning.
This fic contains dysphoria, boob jokes, characters experiencing feelings of uncomfiness and supportive family!
Thanks to my wonderful friend RainbowDashSonicFast for pre-reading <3

Consider donating to Point of Pride (A charity for Trans People!)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

Always enjoy another Transverse fic. Keep 'em coming, please!

Anyway loved the story. I hadn't read the prequel but now got to read all in a row very nicely. Love this verse!

Thank you for writing these :)

I definitely want to! They’re fun to write and the AU lives rent free in my mind haha. Thanks for the comment:)


Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you enjoyed and thanks for checking out the prequel too :)

Thanks for reading them :) means the world

God, Applejack’s whole tirade about her taking off her shirt and realizing that she hates what she thought she didn’t mind, it hit so hard. I almost teared up, seeing Applejack’s doubts try and bring her down, because that also hit me so hard.

I don’t really have much else, but I do want to say that Dashie relived the tension pretty nicely. I knew I named myself after her for a reason.

Definitely. I think its something that a lot of trans people go through, even if they do end up eventually not minding whatever they were hating before. Happened to me where I absolutely hated some stuff about me, but I ended up just kind of realizing that... well, whatever. AJ thought she didn’t care, but realizing she cared more than she thought was pretty hard. Maybe eventually she won’t mind.
Sorry to hit you so hard but thanks for reading :>

Thanks for the comment, and yeah, Dash is definitely a great friend

On the contrary, if you hit me hard, I feel that it’s almost certainly worth reading.

There was a feeling I got while I was reading this fic, and it only grew stronger as I chewed and savored the almost 7000 words within it. It reminded me of home. Not in the traditional sense where I'd go to the house my parents were, as my parents were nowhere in the realm of kind or homely. But rather, in that warm, comfortable feeling I got when I stepped through the door to my friend's house knowing I'd get to spend the night and the next day with them. Reading this reminded me of Cuban lemonade, or at least, that's what my friends had called it when I was young.

That is to say, this fic was unconventional, down to earth, and like the brown sugar lemonade, sweet-sour and bitter, but one simply cannot stop themselves from having a second glass... Or a third... Or a pitcher.

Like I usually do with comments, I want to get the technicalities out of the way before I start fawning. With this particular piece, the pacing took its time to deliver an incredibly natural, grounded, and charming story to the reader! Your talent, Jay, lies partially in the little details, like Rainbow Dash trying to adjust her hair, only for it to go right back, or when she fiddled with a pack of gum. It's when Applejack closes her eyes and sees the light of the sun and the shapes of the clouds shift across her shut eyelids. It's when AJ knocks on her brother's door, it's the bathroom setup, it's the feeling of Applejack's home being lived in and lively in the distinct Apple way! It's Rainbow Dash stumbling in the shower and taking all the hot water.

Though you have a remarkable talent for grounding your stories in cozy reality, you also have a supreme penmanship for writing natural characters and an extraordinary precision with writing emotions. The way Applejack's friends are characterized in this is simply awe-inspiring! You didn't even write dialogue for them, but their emotions came through, and they were a nuanced, nervous, understandable feeling! Rainbow Dash wanting to be supportive without being too sappy, Big Mac being a recluse, but genuinely caring when it counted, Granny Smith being supportive while still remaining scrappy and strict. But also the feeling of dysphoria suddenly crashing down on Applejack. The way it happened to Applejack, and even the way she talked to herself and the voice in her head berated her, and the way she still couldn't grasp Rainbow Dash really considered her a girl, it was some of the most superlative writing I've seen on this matter in a long time. Not just because the way you did it was authentic and masterfully done, but because it was done so well and so in character at the same time. That's an insanely hard balance to strike, and you did so flawlessly.

Now onto the fawning.

Whenever I read a fic like yours, they always suck me in and make me forget I'm reading them. It's more like I'm living through the words than I am reading them and imagining the scenes play out. It's like I'm watching the piece, not reading it. Whether that's in the sublime feeling of the Apple home, or the emotional sharpshooting you do that manages to hit a bullseye with each shot, or in laughing at the jokes you've sprinkled in the story. I never read them, I always savor them like I'm replaying a memory.

Beyond that, I've been really loving the way you've been writing the transverse stories, and this one in particular is no different. I love the way you navigate through the plot, and carefully arrange each event and emotion and dialogue to always add to the quality of the piece and move things along while still remaining grounded! The endings are always such a stellar emotional haze that I can't help but feel when I was in such a fog! And with this fic, I love that Applejack has all the support in the world from her friends and her family for being trans, but that still doesn't change the breakup with Rarity affecting Applejack, even if she understands the why. It doesn't change that she still feels wrong. There's always more than one emotional throughline tying the stories you write together, and that's not only masterful writing, but it's realistic in a way that's so hard to capture and talk about, let alone do so in an amazing and creative fashion like you've done!!

My parting words to you, Jay, would be that you've got an insane degree of talent with writing fics like these, and you can only go up from here! I cannot wait to see the next thing you write, in general, and in this series!! Truly, astounding, incredible work!!

Oh! Gosh! I can’t even begin to explain how much your comment made me smile. I’ve never really had these specific nuances of my writing pointed out, so it is definitely curious to see what you think stands out. I always thought that my characterization was probably one of the better aspects of my writing. I’m glad to see you agree!

I had honestly no idea really what to say in response to this because its just such a good comment but just gosh, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Especially considering I wasn’t exactly even sure about this fic when I started writing it. I put it off for so long because I wasn’t satisfied, but I am glad I saw it through :) Thanks again

This hurt to read for me, because it reminds me of a friend that went trans and then completely out of the blue comitted suicide . .

You really do have this powerful sense for what words will suck me into your work and leave me in a satisfied melancholy when they let go. Whether it's something harrowing or just an absolute warm comfy blanket like this, I am consumed by the prose, and I never want to be let free.

I mean it when I say you're one of my favorite writers on this site, and I strive to give my writing, whatever form it may take, half the power you grant imbue into yours.

Ohh ahh oh my god thank you so much!!! that means the world to me omfg. I’m sure your writing is awesome!

A lot of food for thought here. I have had four people in my environment going through the battle of transgenderism (is that even a word?), two of which are friends. They all had surgeries and such. I can see how if you are still figuring it out you will wait with any medical procedures. AJ seems pretty sure of herself though. I already find it hard to imagine what it's like, the search for answers and identity as a transgender. If you have answered that question for yourself yet you are struggling with the question of having any procedures done... That must really mess with AJ. Especially considering how much her current body seems to bother her still.

“Sure, but darlin’, I’m supposed ta teach it to the eldest daughter’a the family. That ain’t Apple Bloom, hun, that’s you. Even if it took us a bit ta realize it.”

It's the little things that really get ya.

Very sweet. AJ has a rough road, but supportive family and friends who have her back. <3

Yes! She has a great support system :)

If you really squint your eyes, rotate your head, mess with all the settings on your monitor, and stand 30 feet away… that cover image looks kinda like a depressed Perry the Platypus drinking alone at a bar.

HAHAHA this is the best comment

As a trans woman, this brought a tear to my eye. Hate to admit it, but even almost a year into doing hormones and other stuff I still have issues registering my body as actually mine, if that makes sense. But that’s the struggle we all go through, I think.

Thank you for writing this story.

I appreciate your input on this story as a trans woman. Sometimes I worry that I’m not doing it justice since I’m not a trans woman, and I definitely don’t want to do wrong to my trans sisters, but I’ve gotten many nice words from other trans women like yourself. I’m just glad that it is able to resonate with you. Transition is a tricky thing, and while I haven’t started my hormonal transition, I do pass as male more often than not and I understand what you mean. It’s hard to see yourself as you sometimes, so yes, what you said did make sense. Thank you for reading it, and for the comment :)

This is just... wow. You are incredibly talented! And it's always great to see supportive family. My parents are super queerphobic so I'm just waiting out here. The whole episode of AJ undressing hit me soooo hard. I'm afab so I don't really know how it's like to be a trans woman, but this is so well done.

Hey thanks for the comment!! Means a lot. Sorry to hear that your family is queerphobic. I hope that they come to their senses or, if anything, that you’re able to be in a place where that doesn’t affect you. Im not a trans woman either, I’m actually trans in the opposite direction, but I have lots of trans women friends! So I can take my own experiences and feelings and experiences i hear from them to help me write, apparently it works because I get to see so many nice comments like yours :)

Thanks again :)

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