• Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Nightmare_0mega


C ag lonsa od ag el...

T

Another winter had come to Ponyville, bringing promises of another joyous Hearths Warming. The cheer and good will was infectious and abundant, ready to be celebrated. However, after a strange cast of lights ripped across the sky over Everfree Forest's horizon, something changed. The winter became foreboding. The atmosphere gained an ominous presence.

Determined to combat the ill feelings, the citizens attempted to ignore the feeling of dread... that was, until, ponies found out Fluttershy had disappeared around that time.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

Oomph. That’s really neat writing here. And the plot is intriguing enough.

11102302
Well, thank you very much. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

I have mixed feelings about this story. It's a very good horror story for about 90% of it, with excellent prose, appropriately eerie atmosphere, and good pacing. That being said, your decision to end it the way you did really undercuts everything you built up prior to that point. Having a silly, fourth-wall breaking ending after a disturbing monster story makes for some serious tonal whiplash. I get that you were trying to write a happy ending for the sake of the holiday theme, but I really think that it could have been done better. There's nothing wrong with writing a horror-comedy story, and there are many good examples of that, but those stories normally have a more consistent tone throughout, rather than going from zero to sixty right at the end, which is how this story felt. Also, a nitpick: you wrote out Applejack's accented pronunciation of words. Please don't do this; it's always awkward, no matter how many writers may do it.

11764717
About the ending... yeah, I totally get it. Honestly, the original ending was VERY grim. Very "The Thing" like, However, when I was doing the final chapter, I was having second thoughts. Not that I wouldn't have been able to pull it off, but more in that I just didn't feel up to murdering the cast for the ending. It really was a last minute choice, and I was ultimately happier with the final result, despite the mood whiplash.

As for Applejack's country-isms and accent... I dunno, I feel using phonetic pronunciations in regards to how some people speak is sometimes necessary to get an authentic enough feel of the character. I apologize it didn't jive well with you.

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