Disastrous Lesbianism
“You must have a spare bedroom.”
Sunny Starscout blinked at the observation from her friend Izzy Moonbow. The pair were seated side-by-side at a kitchen table in Sunny’s lighthouse, sipping teas together.
“What makes you say that?” Sunny quirked an eyebrow.
Izzy gestured her hoof towards the front door, where a portrait of Sunny’s father Argyle hung in memoriam. “Your Dad lived here, right? And I bet you didn’t share a bedroom, because yours is pretty tiny. So…”
Sunny smirked at the deduction. “So my parents’ room is here collecting dust, yes. Why do you ask? Just curious?”
Izzy bit her lip, the corners of a smile poking through the unicorn’s disastrous poker face. “Do you think we could see their room?”
“Well…” Sunny dropped her gaze. “I haven’t been inside since shortly after Dad passed. It’s too…” Her thought trailed off as Izzy leaned across her chair to wrap her friend in a gentle hug. Sunny nodded weakly, her ears flopping back.
“I’m sorry,” Izzy whispered. “It was selfish of me to ask.”
Sunny blew out a puff of air with a trace of a smile. “It’s alright. I bet Twilight Sparkle would have a friendship lesson for something like this.” She chuckled to herself, caught on a visual of the ancient princess.
Izzy nuzzled Sunny, cheek-to-cheek, causing the latter to blush. “You really look up to those old ponies.”
Sunny laughed, pulling back from the hug. “I guess by now, they would be pretty old.” She stood up and beckoned her her neck. “C’mon, I’ll show you the room.”
Izzy stood up and followed as Sunny led the pair to an adjacent hallway. As she followed, almost side-by-side, she leaned into her friend and allowed herself a grin. Not very sneaky. Then again, as the pair slowed down in front of the farthest door of the hallway, Sunny was too distracted to notice the gentle touch. Medium sneaky.
Sunny breathed in, opened her eyes, and rubbed her hoof against Argyle’s dusty cutie mark embossed on the door. She nodded to herself and wheezed. “No time like the present.” Leaning against Izzy, she grabbed the door handle and opened.
A messy beige bedroom greeted her. The bed was unmade; loose pieces of paper littered the floor. Above the desk beside the bed sat an assortment of tchotchkes modeled after ancient Equestria, artisan projects that died with their creator. A framed photo hung on the wall, depicting a young adult Argyle beside a slightly older mare. A tiny orange foal stood between the ponies, barely old enough to walk on her own.
Sunny Starscout closed her eyes. “I miss you, Dad.” She leaned into Izzy’s embrace. “I…” She stammered on her syllable, eventually shaking her head and fleeing the room.
Izzy followed suit a moment later, leaving the door ajar, and found Sunny seated on the floor pressed up against the wall of the hallway, head slouched down. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Sunny shook her head. “Don’t be. It’s the closest I’ve felt to my parents in ages.”
Izzy nodded but kept her gaze below Sunny’s.
Sunny took Izzy’s hoof in her own without a trace of anger despite Izzy’s guilty glow. “So what’s this about?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Izzy mumbled. At Sunny’s knowing stare, she relented. “Bridlewood.”
“What’s wrong with Bridlewood?” Sunny smiled sheepishly. “Other than the mayonnaise taboo, do not enter signs, and overall gloomy demeanor.”
“That’s all fine for me.” Izzy bit her lip. “It’s just…” She mumbled the rest of her sentence under breath.
“Hmm?”
Izzy sighed. “You’re not there, Sunny.”
A pause. “Oh.”
Izzy’s gaze drifted towards Argyle’s bedroom. “The day we brought magic back was the second best of my life.”
Sunny grinned. “I get that. What was the best?”
Izzy turned back to meet Sunny’s eyes and tilted her head with a faint smile. “The day I met you.”
Though no tears came, Sunny’s eyes grew glassy. “Izzy…”
A lopsided smile. “I don’t want to go back to Bridlewood because that means leaving Maretime Bay. That means leaving you.”
Sunny squeezed Izzy’s hoof.
“So I got to problem solving.” Izzy continued. “Now, in books, this is where the characters elope and have a happy-ever-after. Then again, marriage doesn’t solve anything if I’m still living in Bridlewood, so then I thought–”
“Wait, marriage?” Sunny blinked. “That came out of nowhere.”
“I like to plan. Dream, really. Fantasize?”
“Uh…”
“Yeah, I know, those books are highly unrealistic.” Izzy pouted. “I mean, first you’d have to be my marefriend, but I don’t even know if you like mares– those books are very heteronormative–”
“Hetero–”
“And even if you do like mares, I don’t know for sure if you like me.”
Sunny stared off in contemplation.
Izzy pressed on. “Even if we were marefriends, I don’t think unicorns and earth ponies are allowed to marry, so we’d have to get around the anti-miscegenation–”
“Anti-what?”
“Good point, Maretime Bay barely has a legal system; we’ll make it work. What was I thinking?”
Sunny blinked. “Okay, go back, before the big words. Marefriend?”
“Wow.” Izzy looked puzzled. “I thought you’d know that one? Umm…” She rubbed her hooves against each other while making kissing noises with her mouth.
Sunny danced her eyes. “Yeah, got that. Just seems like you’re getting way ahead of yourself. I didn’t know you liked me like that.”
Izzy laughed. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re soft and adorable and brighten my sparkle. I’d be lucky to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“So?” Sunny laughed with an unintended hint of condescension. “I feel the same about you, but it doesn’t mean I like you like a coltfriend.”
Izzy grinned knowingly.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Izzy’s grin grew. “Just that you’re cute when you’re clueless.”
Sunny tilted her head and paused for a moment, before her jaw dropped a bit. “…Oh.” She slouched. “Sorry, I never thought much about romance. I was always too focused on restoring harmony to Equestria.” She sighed. “I never even had a first kiss.”
Izzy leaned over and dared to peck Sunny on the cheek, pulling away just as quickly, leaving both mares’ cheeks pink.
“Oops?” Izzy giggled. “I mean, problem solved. Tada!”
Sunny blew out a puff of air, her face still flushed. “Thanks, I think. I still don’t get why you asked if I had a spare room.”
Izzy extended her legs into the air, bringing them together, apart, up, and back together, tracing a square. “I was trying to think outside the box. I can’t afford rent in Maretime Bay, and I’m not even sure anypony would rent to a unicorn. But the farther I live from Maretime Bay, the farther I am from you.”
Sunny chuckled in understanding. “If you stayed with me, you’d solve both problems in one go?”
Izzy nodded eagerly.
“Your plan assumes I wouldn’t charge you rent either.” Sunny pointed out. “I could use the money.”
“You didn’t get any royalties for bringing magic back?”
“Nope.” Sunny snorted. “Did you?”
“If I had, I could afford Maretime Bay rent.”
Sunny chuckled. “True. It’s still a hole in your plan.”
Izzy shrugged her hooves. “Eh, more motivated wishful thinking than plan.”
“It still seems unwise, entrusting your life’s happiness in my hooves?” Sunny frowns. “It would be easy for me to say no.”
“So that’s a ‘good try’ then?” Izzy deflated. “No chance your lighthouse could use an extra pony’s worth of light? I guess you don’t want to disrupt your memories of your Dad’s room.” Izzy caught Sunny’s eyes earnestly. “Unless… Is it maybe time to make new memories?”
Sunny hesitated, then with a creeping smile, leaned in and kissed Izzy on the lips.
“You tell me, Izzy.”
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Snuuy
I mean... I'm up for this ship. Izzy is best pone. But I think something was lacking here... I think it just moved too fast (ironic, since that seems to be the joke).
I can say I liked it :3
11047649
Yeah, for sure . That the fic's title is a complete sentence was the first clue this is tongue-in-cheek. For the pacing specifically, I wrote this long-hand because my computer battery died, which screwed up my usual pacing heuristics... and I have my actual longfic to get back to despite the allure that is Izzyscout.... Priorities
The adult in me would argue no one-shot can develop a romance. The adolescent in me doesn't care
("So what's the message of this story, if it wasn't a romance?" "The message is that Sunny Starscout is a disaster lesbian.")
gay
gay
Gay
I was getting so concerned Izzy's heart was going to get broken....and I do think these two are perfect for one another.
11047740
Only half my [Romance] fics are unrequited, flip a coin c:
Gay!
Also the story picture is cursed AF
A bit fast-paced, but my own IzzyScout story suffered from the same thing in chapter 1 sooo...
Good work regardless! The part with Izzy's ramblings while Sunny just stood there becoming increasingly confused was sweet and in-character for both of them, not to mention hilarious.
11047657
Just make your longfic into IzzyScout like I did...problem solved!
Cute
QT
This was adorable.
As I...
...I can relate.
Very good story! And very accurate to the U-Haul lesbian stereotype which, in my experience, is usually true.
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Thanks for reading c:
11048102
Oof I didn't know about the U-Haul lesbian stereotype and now feel so called out. I thought that was just me. I, uh, I will pretend I didn't read that and get back to looking at two-bedroom apartments....
Idk, seems kinda gay.
11048239
...Does that apply to lesbian horses?
11047810
Hmm so just thinking logistics, my long fic involves time travel shenanigans so sure of course we can skip to G5 for Izzyscout in the middle of a G4 fic, that works
11048182
Haha, don't worry. You're not alone in that. I can't say I'm any better.
"Disaster Lesbian" sounds like a comic book superhero and/or supervillain.
That is all. You can get back to reading the neat story now.
11048390
She's one of the Power Ponies, actually.
11048446
You better write THAT into a fanfic or I will do something terrible like glare at you creepily.
Such a short and sweet little story to bring a smile on your face! Absolutely wonderful stuff! Hope ya didn't mind, but I just had to make a reading of this lovely fic of yours!
Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/iDUYkIEKu7o
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
very cute, wholesome. loved it.
11047657
I beg to differ https://www.fimfiction.net/story/429016/vertigo
11048182
wait really? what are they even teaching you kids at the orientations these days smh
Story was adorable
But i had to look up what a disaster lesbian was
They gay!! 🤩
sick burn!
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Gay c:
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Sheriff Hitch has entered the chat
11048516
Nice reading C:
Cute but a bit fast and short. Enjoyed it while it lasted.
This was really cute. Bit rushed, but cute.
11048629
To be fair, a sheriff doesn't do anything useful without the rest of the legal system which we didn't get to see. Considering the defense attorneys tend to be protagonists in their own right...
Aww, that was cute. Those two would make a great couple.
Izzy be upfront in this one. Although I prefer the dynamic of two clueless gays, this will do. This will do nicely.
Cute story. I was struck surprisingly hard by seeing the inside of Argyle's bedroom, with so many signs of him still there. Going from that to the romance did admittedly feel sudden, but it was still nice.
I expected random, I would love to see you add another like this but Zipp trying to get Hitch to cue in on the obvious. Great story
Nice. Not sure the title really conveys the story though.