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When Rarity applies to have her dresses carried by a store in Canterlot, but gets rejected because her letter is once again illegible, she finds herself more than a bit bothered. Fortunately for her, a creature who has spent most of his life writing walks in the door. Naturally, she asks him for help.
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4011629
Yes.
A nice, simple story. I didn't really find it to fit the Comedy tag, however. There wasn't anything particularly funny about it, and felt more like a Slice of Life tale.
This doesn't detract from the story, though, and it still gets a like.
4011679
I'd agree, but I don't like using the tag slice-of-life on many stories. slice of life is defined as a genre were there is little to no character development or conflict. This story has both, though in simplistic form. A true slice-of-life story would be something like Luna Eats an Oreo.
Nevertheless, slice-of-life fits better than comedy. What fimfic needs is a [normal] tag like EqD.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't intelligible already mean that they couldn't read it? The "un-" would undo that though, so would this be something along the lines of "irregardless"?Also, I think the idea that Rarity's magic isn't precise enough for neat writing is really silly. She constantly works on dresses, where she has to have even finer control.
All in all, a nice little read. Although I was a little sad that it was really just messy writing on Rarity's part and not some kind of weird writing tick of the fashion industry, like the title suggested.(At least that's what I got from it)
4011736
Dictionaries are your friends.
4011769 Ah, ok. Thanks for that. I guess I kinda thought along the lines of "finite - infinite" -> "telligible - intelligible"
4011779
You're welcome.
4011736
no. in the case of intelligible, the prefix doesn't mean not. The word "telligible" doesn't exist in the English language, so "in" isn't applying to anything or making it negative. In this case, "intel" is the prefix. Intelligence also has the same prefix.
4011736
Had a similar comment in the last one about her being able to draw well but have bad handwriting. I still see it the same way. I know plenty of people with perfect handwriting who can't draw to save their lives. This time the parallel would be a musician. Musicians are great with their fingers, but most of them have terrible handwriting too.
Cool, an excuse to read this again!
4011827
Yeah, it was an excuse to write it again for me. Shame that all the original comments went with the first chapter, though.
There's a lot more 'tell' in this rewrite. I enjoyed the original more because it was simpler and you let the readers use their imagination more. I'd go deeper but I'm on a bus using a phone. Still a good read but I feel led by the hand compared to the original and the character interactions seemed burdened
I personally don't see why this needed to be rewritten if all you did was add on a few details. The original seemed fine enough. Oh well, you're the author and there's little that can be done to change the fact that you made the decision. This rewrite is still pretty good, mostly because it didn't seem like there was anything that needed to be improved on the first time around.
4012785
Most of what I did was word choice. There were also a decent amount of grammar errors in the original. I wanted it to be on par with what I write now.
4012206
I can't say I disagree with that assessment. It's certainly not anything I was trying to do, but things like that happen when you fix something. Most of what I did was plug up some of the plot holes and fix grammar and small things like that. One thing I have noticed about my writing is that sometimes I do tend towards telling, which is sometimes appropriate. My intent with telling is that I want to engage the reader's imagination by giving them some of the picture as a primer to imagine the rest. If I were to cut out all description, then there would be a black setting and the reader wouldn't have anywhere to start. However, I'd say it's probable that I take descriptions of thought and feeling a bit too far.
I missed the entire meaning of the story, I think. I learned how breakfast is unimportant.
4306469
The story didn't have a meaning. That's the definition of slice-of-life. No character development and no conflict.
4306630 Which is why I got a meaning.
After cleaning the bowl Rarity used her magic to carry Spike to the Couch, Laying him down she nuzzled his cheek whispering.
" Thank you my knight in shining scales" She thought If a little kiss does this .What will it be like when I want little ones?? She could only sigh. . .
4821439
Yeperooni
5030536
You're welcome