Chapter One - Wherein Anonymous Entertains Important Guests With Pressing Concerns
You are Aufpasser Anonymous, and you are feeling quite refreshed after your lovely afternoon fishing trip a few days prior.
Indeed, trolling royalty at such a high level for such a prolonged period of time is no easy task. Not quite as difficult as say, running your developing new country but certainly nothing to scoff at.
But such musings on the heaviness of your various iterations of headgear will have to wait, as you will soon be entertaining guests. And at any rate you find your current hat to be both light and breathable. You will have to send your thanks to Rarity for being so accommodating with finishing your order with such short notice. A nice thank you card and a fruit basket perhaps.
As you continue to contemplate matters of such incredible weight and importance, a few trumpeting brass horns sound to get your attention. You snap back to reality, facing forward and adjusting your new headgear, doing your best to look important as several deer in armor stride through your doors. One of them calling out. “Ahem, Announcing His Excellency, Ruler of the Wilds, Master of Beasts, Speaker for the Trees, King Aspen of Thicket
Announcing His Excellency, Heir of the Wilds, Prince Bramble of Thicket.”
What you assume to be the two deer in question walk through the double doors of your office, where you are sat behind a tasteful desk of mahogany In a fairly comfortable office swivel chair. You smile at the two of them as you think back to how you managed to secure this important meeting.
~~~~~~~~~~~
You are Aufpasser Anonymous, and you are having a pretty nice night. The sun set some time ago, and you are settled into a rather comfortable position leaning back on an old log, rod in hand and line cast into the slowly moving stream in front of you. At your side is Gilda, the Captain of your Everfree Rangers, who has taken it upon herself to stop by and make sure you don’t get clapped by wild animals in the dead of night. A lantern is lit and glows dimly beside the two of you as you both just sort of vibe. You haven’t caught anything yet, but frankly, you don’t care. Even if you did you’d probably just let the feathery broad to your right eat it.
Unfortunately, it seems that your relaxation may be cut short early, as you hear a rustling in the bushes behind you.
Gilda reacts first, snapping to attention and turning to face standing towards the bushes, putting herself between whatever is behind them. “Anon, stay back, I got this,” she says confidently as she raises a single claw in preparation to strike, eyes firmly glued to her target as her feathered puffed up in that way that you were told griffins found intimidating but you honestly found kind of adorable.
Once more, the off-topic ramblings of your strange mind are cut short by the intrusion of reality. Out of the bushes struts...a deer. A fairly heavily armored, rather intimidating-looking deer as a matter of fact.
He is a pleasant, warm brown, with striking auburn eyes and a dashing set of red armor detailed with what seemed to be arrows or spades. The look on his face is all business, as is his tone as he begins to speak. “Hail, Aufpasser. Please do not be alarmed. I simply seek to speak to you on behalf of my ruler.”
You scratch your chin for a few moments in contemplation, and slowly stand up, signaling Gilda to relax with an off-hand wave as you stretch your legs out a bit. “Oh. Yeah no worries man, I can spare a few minutes. Haven’t really caught anything tonight anyway.” You say with a small grin as you walk over towards him past Gilda, offering your hand.
The buck gives you a slightly unsure look for a moment before extending a cloven hoof for you to firmly grasp and shake. You offer him a confident, relaxed smile, wanting them to feel at ease. “The name is Anonymous, but you can call me Anon if you want. I’m not super big on titles so you can leave that out if you want. It’s just us here after all, right? Oh! I almost forgot to ask, you got a name?”
He seems to pause for a moment, possibly vexed by your affable introduction before slowly nodding. “Yes, just us. Well, Anon, My name is Blackthorn. We have much to discuss. Are you aware of the existence of a kingdom called Thicket within….your borders?
You scratch your chin slowly and shake your head as you look the other over more curiously “No actually, I am or er...I was not aware. I take it this is who you are speaking on behalf of then?”
He nods again before continuing. “Yes. I am the Captain of the Guard, and as such my King has given me the task of locating you and establishing contact, as well as requesting an appointment for a formal visit to be made to your….holdings within the forest to discuss matters of import.”
You grunt softly in recognition of this statement, getting the feeling he isn’t talking about the trade sort of import before responding “Huh, yeah. I’m guessing the big guy isn’t too happy about squatters. I can respect that but uh...I gotta level with you man. I have the paperwork to back this up, and I should be getting international recognition before too much longer if everything goes smoothly. I haven’t even heard of you guys, what gives?”
You can hear his teeth grinding loudly before he responds in a more strained tone. “Yes, I am not surprised, even most Equestrian Citizens are not aware of our history and all that it entails. I assure you that my Liege will be more than happy to explain everything to you to the best of his ability.”
Huh, seems like that was a bit of a sore spot to poke. Something worth taking note of. You give them a nod and hold up a hand to gently interrupt them “Alright then. In that case, I would be more than happy to hear it. If it’s alright with you I think three days should be enough time for me to get things ready to see a guest. Gotta prepare accommodations and stuff. We’re still kinda building the place ya know.”
Blackthorn seems mildly surprised by how willing you are to cooperate but shakes it off quickly, a small smile reaching the corners of his otherwise serious expression. “Very well then. We shall see you in three days, Anonymous. Until then, fare thee well. Guards, fall in and fall back.”
As he said this, an additional four armored deer popped out of the bushes, getting a startled, indignant squawk from Gilda, her feathers suddenly fluffing up again, leaving her hilariously poofy and very much displeased as you look on with mild curiosity. They move into a formation before quickly disappearing back into the bush, leaving you rubbing the back of your head. “Huh, so that’s what it feels like to be on the other end of that. Cool.” You say relatively unfazed as you look to your guard with a small smile. “Alright Gilda, get your feathers out of that bunch and let’s head back. I need to get everybody ready and uh...shit, If I'm going to be seeing important guests I should probably get like...a fancy hat to show how important I am huh? Leaders get cool hats right?”
Gilda gave you an unamused glare as she settled her plumage and did not dignify you with a response. But to be fair, there was already nothing dignified about you, so that was not a trend you minded allowing to continue. You cackled softly and gave her a firm pat on the back and started back towards the castle with your equipment in tow. You wondered if Rarity would let you commission her for a hat.
~~~~~~~~~
And now here you are, with that very same hat perched happily atop your head. You adjust it carefully before turning your attention proper to the guests. Gallus has just finished announcing your own title and you nod to him thankfully before you address them.
“So, I gather you have a lot to tell me, why don’t you go ahead and tell me everything you think I need to hear, and we can go from there.”
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I sure hope Celestia and Luna get back at this smug jackass.
11040125
Maybe, or maybe they'll keep right on malding >:3
11040129
That would get old real fast ngl. And ain't Celly a bit of a troll herself, I wanna see a rivalry.
I sure do hope Anon treats the Deer better than the Western Frontier Settlers treated the Native Americans.
11040145
I am sure he will be willing to offer them very reasonable terms. His kindness will enshroud the like a warm blanket.
...wait no.
11040149
SCP 409
11040164
Spooky crystal?
Gret!!
Noce a sequel! Cant wait to read the rest!
man I can't wait to hear this !
lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/FVZaBh3W2shSmlELwsC01SNesmQKQDoi6-AL06EuiLGEQ8JExsC3vkgziXZsGJ0OI5UejZ1gjpM4iFVIWWt2960iVJyFvyEBIH8lAIISMG0x62dO2TpGcBPM7upbfwleiXI
BUT
i like the sequel!
Well!
Honestly, whatever is going on with the Kingdom of Thicket, I'm sure that Anon will figure how he can best use the newly established relationship between Thicket and Everfree to extort more stuff out of Equestria.
11040448
See this guy gets it >:3
Yo it's this guy again.
Awesome.
Good stuff
I like the hat. But I would color that green instead of purple.
11040494
Rarity insisted on purple, purple is a proper color for a ruler, and the fact that clashes horribly is totally not a petty passive-aggressive gesture on her part.
11040511
Is that what it was? Or did Anon ask for a hat knowing this is how it would turn out — as a total offense to the eyes — allowing it to be used very effectively as a social weapon to push foreign dignitaries on the back foot?
All according to cake.
11040450
im pretty sure that if equestria sold land that wasent theirs then you might get pressured to give anon the exact ammount of land they falsly tryed to sell him. and we all know he is going to take a bit of land that will cause the most headace for the princesses
I'm really happy to see this saga continue! Looking forward to relations with the kingdom of Thicket.
Glad to see this continue great stuff!!!
You have no idea how happy I am to know that there is a sequel.
Very excited to see where this is going, any chance at seeing some kind of map of what Anon's holdings look like or naw?
11040743
The geograhpy is a lot different than standard Equestriaso it might be a tall order, maybe if I can get it commissioned at a good price
Gotta have a hat for important meetings though good on Anon for keeping it simple since wearing a big golden crown would probably do a number on his neck after a while
Oh deer!
(Did I just secure the price for the worst dad joke in this comment section?)
Well, that surely will be interesting.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it and look forward to see where it goes.
Hmm.
A heavily armored person with equally armored squad, whom claims to represent a country that has...obviously, been slighted by Equestria, approaches the lightly guarded leader of the newly founded nation that has unknowingly absorbed their country...
Is the forest that dangerous? I hope that is their answer, else they were there expecting some...aggressive negotiations.
I wonder what happened to make them so cautious.
This is gonna be good!
You got the deer characters from IDW Comic "The Root of the Problem" .
Casually bought another kingdom