• Member Since 29th Apr, 2020
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Dewdrops on the Grass


A lady in her 30s who likes to write. Like my works? Feel free to donate to my Ko-Fi account. :twilightsmile:

Comments ( 18 )

I want to read this so bad you have no idea.
but it will have to wait until after November.
I'll be saving it.

This was great fun. Cute and hilarious in equal measure. Not my thing, kink-wise, but I knew that much going in.

Also, it's weird how much sense this makes for Twilight Velvet's character. The fandom seems to have her pegged as a romance author, but I like this better. Not sure she'd have the patience to sit down and write all day.

Alright, this was a pretty nice read through!

I figured it's about time I started paying more attention to FiMFic, again, since I sorta lost that drive being here for so long. So this is the first story I've properly read here in... years :rainbowlaugh:

I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I didn't like this story for the sex. It was written well enough, yes, but I thoroughly enjoyed this for everything else it had! It's so easy to write smut that just focuses on the sex and very little else, when that's often the shortest and most basic part to focus on.

Velvet's written wonderfully, I adore the mix of maternal and flirt vibes she gives off throughout this. The little banter between the two and their dynamic was honestly the most fun thing to read.

Beautiful <3

This was really great. Velvet and Rainbow both came across as very true to character, and the sex was great. Hope there's a follow up with Rainbow meeting Velvet's friends some day.

11035696
You know you can read without masturbating, right? Just read for the story? That's what I always do when I find myself reading one of these. I read for story and plot. Not for sexual pleasures.

11036776
yeah but see.....masturbating isn't the challenge

I'm going for a lack of content consumption. :pinkiecrazy:

11035779
Thank you. :twilightsmile: I'm not the biggest fan of her interpretation as an author either, not given what we see in canon. Maybe before that episode I could've been convinced but after seeing her as a daredevil I just can't picture her sitting down and writing.

11036245
By all means I don't take it the wrong way at all! :twilightsmile: If anything I really appreciate this comment. I do my utmost to write erotica rather than just plain boring smut. I've no interest in writing just sex itself... it has to have meaning, purpose, an act of care behind it. Hence why so much of this story is devoted to them talking or otherwise working things out. :raritywink: And I really appreciate you enjoyed those aspects as I worked quite hard on them. Velvet was a ton of fun to write.
11036332
I can't necessarily promise a follow-up to this, as the idea was more for one last joke at poor Rainbow's expense, but if the fancy ever does strike me I'll do my best to write it well. Thank you kindly. :twilightsmile:

11036778
Ohhh... kayyy then.

11036858
Velvet was tons of fun to read! It's always nice to see more of her overall, plus her being a really good domme? Heck yeah!

“Hey, hey,” Velvet said gently, setting her wine glass aside. “Rainbow, please, listen to me. You’re okay. You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Didn't we just get a show of her setting it down out of reach?

“However!” Velvet held up a hoof, pointed at herself, then at Rainbow, then at the floor. “No one said that’s what was happening here. I’m not offering to be my daughter’s replacement, Rainbow.”

“You know… my name’s Twilight too.”

Felt a bit of whiplash from how close together these two bits were... them having concerns and addressing them feels natural, but then playing directly into it feels like it's just to checkbox against the art.

11037695

Didn't we just get a show of her setting it down out of reach?

Whoops. That part went through a rewrite and I must've left a bit of line in from the original version. I'll go fix that.

elt a bit of whiplash from how close together these two bits were... them having concerns and addressing them feels natural, but then playing directly into it feels like it's just to checkbox against the art.

Ah, I was wondering if someone would bring this up. I have an answer for this actually. While yes, I admit I did want to use the quote from the art in the story, the reason behind why they suddenly shift to playing into it isn't just to checkbox. It's because Rainbow Dash already liked Velvet in a similar way that she did Twilight Sparkle, because she liked their names. The issue was that she didn't fully realize that on a conscious level, so she was, as noted, trying to work out not seeing Velvet as a proxy. Once she worked out that Velvet wasn't a proxy, she could then accept what she did like about Velvet, and the fact that it happened to be something very similar was, well, because of the fact that's the name passed down. Hence why i established it as the House of Twilight.

That said, this section underwent a big rewrite, part of the same reason that extra line you mentioned was lingering. I did my best to try to avoid the whiplash but I found that if I inserted too much material between them it slowed the pacing down that the story ground to a halt. So... yeah, hard to find a middle ground.

In any case your critique is valid and I thank you for it.

Reaching the bar, Rainbow hopped up onto one of the provided stools, noticing that the instant she sat down the sound of the music dimmed considerably, a spell put in place presumably to allow conversation.

Nice detail, already loving the world building.

11037840
No worries, I understand, and that moment didn't really detract from the overall experience. You still did great establishing a mutual attraction between them, and combine that with pointing out Velvet's canonical daredevil tendencies, I'm surprised this is the first time I've seen this pairing

Wow this was hot! And a great read altogether.

There's so much to like, a good representation of BDSM, confirming consent, age positivity, actual talk and making sure they're both on the same page, not just before but after too as well as just hot sex between two sexy mares.

I really love the worldbuilding too, the high magic setting meshes well with the story. The sound dampening to allow conversation at the bar was a particularly nice touch but the enchanted stainless sheets, the real feel dildo and much else was creative too.

I also love the depiction of Velvet as a daredevil, I don't think I've ever seen that before, as a magic powerhouse, sure but not as a thrillseaker. Rainbow being embarrassed about being bottom fits well with her character too and I'm glad Velvet helped her accept that about herself.

Now I know this is nitpicking, but I try to be constructive in my comments as well and there were two things I noticed that felt a little off in this otherwise great story. The first is just a minor detail but Rainbow was wearing clothes when she arrived, fairly unusual that in and of itself but she does dress up for special occasions. The thing is that I never noticed her taking them off, they just sort of vanish, a bit of a shame as that could have been quite the erotic moment where Velvet helped her undress or watched as she made the younger mare strip.

The other is that it seems to be a little whiplash in Rainbow's affections. At first she seems to not be into Twilight (the younger) at all and instead having the hots for her mother and AJ, then there's the talk about Velvet not being a stand in for her daughter and Rainbow is back to finding the older mare very sexy, which is reinforced at the end. I can't say there's anything wrong here as all the talks are well written, but it just seemed like it came a bit out of nowhere.

Lastly, I just really liked it okay, there's no clever way to say this, it was good.

11040087
Aww thank you Atom Smash.:pinkiehappy: I really appreciate all of the compliments here. I also appreciate the constructive critique. :raritystarry:

Firstly when it comes to her clothes you are 100% correct. I'd been in a rut so I wrote this over a long stretch of time (several weeks) and as such completely forgot about that detail, so they just vanish. Alas. :rainbowlaugh:That's something for an eventual edit pass. One of these days I plan to go over my older works and do some editing.

Regarding Rainbow's affections this is where I admittedly didn't do as good a job at depicting what I was trying to go for, which is that she's into a lot of people. AJ, Twilight, Velvet, and many others besides. She's never quite sorted out what love means or if she's in love with anyone but she likes a lot of them. Her feelings towards both Twilight and her mom get mixed up in her head too, especially a few times here thanks to a combination of her anxiety and the cider. She starts worrying about using Velvet as a proxy primarily because Velvet brought up Twilight. That, and this actually changed from one of my original ideas, which was that she was actually more worried about messing with Velvet's marriage. However it was pointed out during pre-reading that it wouldn't make much sense for Velvet to own and operate a sex club like this without her marriage firmly sorted out. So she ends up mentioning that part sooner in the story than initially thus I had to shift the crux of Rainbow's issue. :rainbowhuh:

Rainbow herself also has no idea what she really wants. She's not a very self-aware person, and has yet to work out whom she might actually be in love with. I threw in all the AJ stuff because canonically she ends up with AJ (and this is post season nine pre time skip story) but if I didn't have to do that I would've focused a lot more on differentiating between Twilight and Velvet.

TLDR: she's into everyone, has no idea what she wants, and keeps getting confused, hence why she seems to be all over the place. But as I said, not as well conveyed as it could have been. Critique taken and kept for future reference, thank you. :twilightsmile:

11040309
I can very much sympathize with that, should have known from the heartfelt Author's Note.

Ah, upon reflection I can see that very well, Rainbow not being perfectly aware of how she really feels is very much in character for her and this is a new and scary situation for her. I am glad you mentioned her husband early on, it really goes to enhance the positive feeling of this fic. Would have been a bit of a letdown if they were going behind his back or if he was forgotten entirely.

Her ears flattened as the full weight of the music hit her, pounding inside her chest.

aww i can just imagine this! love pony ears

“Enjoy your first time, Crash,” Spitfire had said with a snicker and a smirk.

hehe, nice to see that nickname coming back. fitting, since Rainbow is nervous about being in a new environment

A moan escaped her as that familiar, heavy hitting appley flavor rushed over her tongue and down her gullet. “Oooooh…”

so sensual that this feels like foreshadowing, haha

The stunning, gorgeous eggshell grey coated mare with a mane of purple and white in an all too familiar haircut smiled warmly at Rainbow Dash, blinking her arctic blue eyes behind short rimmed reading glasses, with only trace of wrinkles around the corner of eyes showing her real age.

gotta admit, it definitely adds to Twilight Velvet's allure that her manecut is exactly the same as her daughter's

Oh sure the resulting shockwave would probably damage half the building and she might lose her Wonderbolts position forever but… her whole body tensed up, prepared to flee.

oh no Rainbow Dash please don't kill half of Canterlot's élite mid-orgy

What am I doing? Rainbow asked herself as she continued to watch Velvet’s swaying rear. That’s Twilight’s mom!

Yeah, and? She’s hot! countered her libido. You’ve thought that for, like, ages, ever since you first met her.

Rainbow Dash's libido has the right idea

But Velvet on the other hand… Rainbow heard how Velvet went over Neighagra Falls in a barrel from the deck of an airship multiple times. There were other tales of her daredevilry too, usually told to her by Twilight in a bored, irritated voice as she whined about how much her mom risked her life for pointless thrills.

i really liked this point of connection between them, all the more for how annoyed Twilight Sparkle must be by it

“Honey?” Rainbow whispered, feeling a shiver run through her body. Did she like being called honey by Velvet? Was that a thing she was actually into?

holding back a meme response to this rn

“Night Light loves hearing my stories about this place. He even comes along sometimes. Only sometimes though. The poor dear finds it too… stimulating most of the time.”

really liked this bit of backstory, too! placing Twilight's family in the nobility, but not too powerfully so, is a great headcanon

Velvet’s eyes twinkled. “Yes. And enchanted, so don’t worry about any messes. You could dump a gallon of gasoline on this couch and it would clean itself up.”

very convenient! ah, magic is so great

The smouldering look in Velvet’s eyes caused Rainbow’s whole body to break out in a sheen of sweat. “Uh, y-yup, that’s… that’s me! A real thrillseeker, hehehehe…”

hehehe

“You know… my name’s Twilight too.”

title drop!

“Yup, everytime. Top Dash, that’s me.”

oh hey that's me

Velvet didn’t look the least bit apologetic as she backed a few steps away and planted her rump on the floor. “Alright, Rainbow, show me. Take the lead.”

oh hey that's my nightmare

“I mean, Rainbow, that you’re someone who deals with a lot of stress in her life, so when you’re making love, you want to be taken care of, don’t you?”

oof, Twilight Velvet is really playing to a certain dynamic here and i am very for it

Like the Running of the Leaves, when her wings were bound.

oh yeah that was interesting wasn't it

She shifted in place to straddle Rainbow’s hips, smearing wetness all down Rainbow’s belly. The smell of it hit her too, an intoxicating blend of mare scent that threatened to throw Rainbow’s libido into overdrive. As Velvet settled down, Rainbow could just feel the end of her tail briefly caress Rainbow’s folds before moving away.

ooh this is great stuff here. very sensual and just nice

Something about the techniques Velvet knew… she hit spots Rainbow didn’t even know she had. She didn’t just use her tongue either; she mixed in brushes along Rainbow’s inner thighs with her hooves, pulling Rainbow’s tail with her magic, the occasional pull and bite at Rainbow’s soft teats…

also very good. ah, teats are great

But Rainbow was not one to give in without a fight. Velvet wanted to make this competition? Oh she’d make it a competition, alright!

haha, always fun to see Rainbow's competitive streak

Rainbow did her best to flood her mind with everything she could think off to try and still her libido, from reading textbooks to listening to Mudbriar go on about sticks to even coming within fifty feet of Zephyr Breeze, but all her efforts were like pouring buckets of water into a volcano: utterly useless.

oof, pretty glad i've never been in the position to have to slow down my own libido during sex, as mixing in such unpleasant thoughts with sex is upsetting

“Oh… by Celestia, honey… goodness I needed that.” Velvet reached her head up and planted a kiss on Rainbow’s cheek. “Such a good girl.”

Rainbow’s cheeks flushed solid crimson as she did her best to snuggle into Velvet’s embrace with what little amount of her body she could move in her restraints. “...thank you, ma’am,” she said quietly.

aww! i love the mental image here, very sweet

“That’s… wow, it feels warm,” Rainbow grunted as Velvet’s weight pressed into her. “Almost like it’s real.”

Velvet let out a low chuckle. “That’s right. That’s the other part of the enchantment. Makes for a lot of fun. Are you ready, honey?”

wow, magic is great!

At least, she hoped she wasn’t. That would be awkward as all Tartarus. Just imagine explaining that to Twili–”Aaah!”

well, that's making me hope she is! it'll be so funny to tell Twilight

She bellowed into the kiss with Velvet as her spine arched, her hips pressing up against Velvet’s, keeping her firmly inside her all the way to the hilt. As promised the dildo pulsed inside her, phantom blasts of magic feeling like shot after shot of thick, ropey marecum, without leaving a real trace.

oof, fantastic stuff here. a very fitting climax (heh) of the story, and yet another thing that makes me wish Equestrian magic were real

“Yep.” Velvet grinned cheekily. “Oh come now dear, I have a son who’s almost forty and my daughter is a year older than you. Of course I’m going to be in my sixties.”

yes, she is canonically a GILF! weird to think about, but true

Rainbow didn’t need to look in a mirror to know she paled at that thought, even as a part of her twitched in anticipation.

“Greaaat.”

ah, ending on an anticipatory note! such a happy ending, imagining the great times Rainbow Dash has ahead. a perfect way to end a lewd. i really liked this placement of a BDSM club into the context of Equestria's setting, with long lines of inherited noble ownership and the use of magical devices for not only some fantastic toys, but also the privacy of the patrons. and i really like this idea of Velvet being an experienced, thrillseeking older domme who gets a kick out of taking care of her daughter's hot friends. it fits so well with the small details in her canon characterization and biography, and you've definitely sold me on this TwiDash ship (even as the fic itself denies the idea of them actually dating, i kind of want to see it now, haha).

as i've said before, really wish there were more lewds like this on the site. thank you for this piece of it, and i hope you keep writing more

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