Chapter 4
What We Lose
Chapter 4
My head spun as I sat against the wall. My legs were numb and weak. I inhaled and focused on getting everything under control. I couldn’t break down, not again. She was awake.
She woke up. She wasn’t on the brink of death. She wasn’t lying there, unmoving. She was awake. She was going to be okay. My body relaxed, losing some of it’s tension. She couldn’t remember me, but maybe she was just dazed after waking up!
“Mrs. Dash!”
My head jerked up, having forgotten the doctor was even there. “Mrs. Dash, have you been listening to a word I’ve said to you?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t think so.” He frowned. “Well, now that I seem to have your attention, why did you come into Mrs. Sparkle’s room? I thought we told you and all your friends that we’d come get you when we could.”
I looked back at the ground and snorted. “I should be able to visit her, I’m her wife.”
“I assure you, it’s for her own good.” He paused, closed his eyes, and rubbed his temple.
“It was her, wasn’t it?”
“Huh?” He opened his eyes and blinked, looking back to me.
“The scream. Was it her?” I sunk my head into my forehooves.
“Yes.” The hallway fell silent again. He started back to Twi’s room, sparing me a glance. “Ms. Sparkle.” My ears twitched. “I’ll be back soon, please stay here. If a nurse comes in tell her to come get me.” I strained my ears, hoping to hear her voice, sweeter than an angel’s.
The door reopened and the doctor stepped out. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.” Exhaling, I rose to my hooves and followed him down the hallway, my hoofsteps slow.
“She’s married ya know.”
“What?” He turned towards me, eyebrow raised.
“She’s my wife. She’s Mrs. Sparkle. You said Ms.”
He stayed quiet and turned back forward.
Princess Celestia smiled down on us. She and everypony else in the throne room. The light from the sunset streamed through the stained glass and colors flitted through the air. A strand of my mane fell into my face and I blew it out of my eyes. My legs wavered. My breath was shaky.
“Now, do you Rainbow Dash, take Twilight Sparkle to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
I stared into her eyes. Twilight always had the most beautiful eyes. The way the color seemed to glow, as if imbued with every drop of her power. I saw her love for me, a flame burning bright.
“I do.”
“And do you, Twilight Sparkle, take Rainbow Dash to be your lawfully wedded wife?” It was odd. At that moment, I was nervous. More nervous than at the Best Young Flyers Competition. More nervous than when I tried out for the Wonderbolts. More nervous than when I asked her to marry me. It didn’t make sense, but then again, when did love ever make sense.
“I do.”
“You may now kiss the bride.”
The world became a kiss. We were the only ponies alive. For that instant, everything was perfect.
We came to a doorway and walked through, entering a small waiting room. He gestured for me to take a seat, and sat down across from me. He stayed there for a moment.
“Where to start?” He looked up and our eyes met. He couldn’t hold my gaze and his stare went back to the ground. “Well, a couple of weeks ago, we began to notice Mrs. Sparkle deteriorating. We monitored her condition, but she only got worse and worse. This morning, it got to the point where we didn’t believe she was going to survive the day.”
I nodded but he didn’t look up. “We came to get you and your friends so you could say a final goodbye. Her heartbeat was irregular, and she had no brain activity.” He looked at me and shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense. By all means, she should be dead. Ponies don’t just recover like that.”
I smiled. “She’s not just any pony.”
He let out a chuckle and continued, “After Mrs. Sparkle fell back unconscious and we got you and your friends out of the room, we took a look at her vitals. Everything was perfect. Her brain is functioning, her heartbeat is regular. It seems like she’s made a full recovery. I let the other nurses and doctors go. I thought as soon as she woke up, it would one final quick checkup and then she’d be back with you.”
“You thought? Does that mean she’s not coming home?” I interrupted. He looked away. “Well? Come on!” His eyes avoided my glare.
“I’ll get there in due time Mrs. Dash. Now where was I...” He thought for a moment. “Ah yes. She woke up again several minutes later. She was confused and disoriented, as is to be expected after such a long coma. I went through most of the checkup and all seemed well. She was responsive, and all seemed well.”
He raised his hooves to his eyes and rubbed them, going on. “As we finished up, she wanted to ask me some questions. She wanted to know where she was and how she got there. I told her that we were in a hospital because she’d had an accident.”
“She couldn’t remember what happened?”
Finally he met my eyes, his full of pity. “She was quiet for a moment and then asked me who she was and why she couldn’t remember her name.” He reached over to me and held my hoof in his. He swallowed.
“Mrs. Dash, she has one of the worst cases of amnesia I’ve ever seen.”
Amnesia? She’d lost her memories? Was that why she didn’t recognize me? It made sense. My brow furrowed. “So she can’t remember anything?” He nodded.
The mare I loved couldn’t remember who I was. Things would be hard, having to deal with being married to someone she didn’t know or love. Could she fall back in love with me?
I smiled a bit. She was alive. No matter what we had to go through, no matter how long it took our love to be rekindled, it would be better than the last three months. We’d turn out okay in the end.
“Mrs. Dash... I-I don’t know how to tell you this.” He was crying.
“What? What is it?” I held his hoof, trying to help him regain his composure. I felt a pit begin to form in my stomach.
“A-after I told her who she was, s-she sat there for a little while, so I asked her if she wanted to know more about herself. S-she did, so I started telling her about Princess Celestia, and that she was the Princess’ personal protege.”
He shivered and glanced up at me. There was something in his eyes. Pity. Pity and fear. “Her eyes went blank and her horn began to glow. She let out that goddess-awful shriek and collapsed back into the bed. The room fell cold and magic was coursing through her. I-I had to cast a spell to cut off her magic flow. I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if I didn’t do it.”
Her eyes glowed white and she levitated into the air. A mystically summoned wind blew through the room. The necklace I wore began to glow. All six of us rose into the air and the energy flowed through us, into her. Compared to what she already had, it wasn’t much but with the power she had, and the six of us, we could do anything. A rainbow beam fired, overwhelming the alicorn in front of us.
I knew that power first hand. “As it was,” he went on, “she managed to destroy the spell and bang herself up quite a bit. After the flow was cut, she woke up. Instantly.” My brain was buzzing. I blinked trying to focus.
“The first thing she said to me was where am I and how did I get here. She had lost all memory of what I told her.”
My entire body was numb, and I struggled to understand him.
“Do understand why I made you get out of her room earlier now?” I shook my head. “Mrs. Dash! It is a life or death matter here. If you don’t listen to me, you could kill your wife! She’s lost her memories and I tried to help her get them back. She almost died. Do you see it now?”
“Y-you mean... If I try to tell her about her life..” My voice trailed off.
“You could kill her.”
The room was dead silent.
Today was the day. After months of trying to figure everything out, I was going to ask Twilight Sparkle out. No longer would every minute I was around her be me trying not to be too obvious. It was torture. She was just so beautiful, it was hard not to just stare at her. But no longer. ‘I just hope she’ll go out with me!’
“No. Not again” I muttered to myself.
The doctor grabbed my face and made me look into his eyes. “You can’t say one word to her about who you are, or anything about the two of you!”
My heart was hurting. She was awake. After months she was awake, and I couldn’t tell her I loved her. I never got to say that one last time. She didn’t remember me, and I couldn’t help her to.
“No!” I broke away from him and bolted up. “No! Fate can’t be that cruel! Y-you're just pulling my wing aren’t you?!” I turned towards the doorway to see Twilight, tears flowing from my eyes.
He caught me with a forehoof. “Mrs. Dash control yourself. For Celestia’s sake, think! I need to make sure you get this!” He was crying again, though he was trying not to show it. “I get what you’re feeling, but you can’t tell Mrs. Sparkle. You’d kill her. If you care for her at all, you will not tell her about anything in her past!”
I collapsed into his hooves. “B-but then, what am I-I supposed to do?” I sobbed. “She’s everything to me. I love her more than anything in the world.”
“You have to take care of her, and hope she recovers on her own.”
I sat there and cried for the umpteenth time that day.
A nurse came in and got the doctor, leaving me alone.
I thought about all the things I couldn't tell her.
I might never get to tell her I love her.
I might never get to tell her the one thing even more important than that.
“Twilight. Oh, Twilight my love, I am so sorry.” I whispered to the quiet, empty room.
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL
on a side note, first.
WELL that was depressing
Ouch
Shesh, what a twist.
Where there is Life there is Hope.
Urrk, right in the feels....
1322028 Gotta love sadfics!
But there is also pain in life!
1322033 It hurts, I know.
1322081 Hope that's a good thing!
1322084 Muhahaha! I am quite evil.
1322085 I love this comment.
So are you through stomping on my feels or can I expect more?
Somtimes i hate u…this is not one of those times
UPDATE QUICKER
1322174 Depends on my mood.
1322181 Sorry, I update at the best speed I can manage!
Mystery!
Also, I am really looking forward to what's coming next. I mean, not to sound cruel, but Dash is about to be in an extremely heartbreaking situation and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it.
And by enjoy, I mean cry like a tiny baby.
You are evil sick and twisted but if in the end there is a happy ending, then I will forgive you but if not I will HATE YOU FOR-EV-ER
But very well done hits right in the feels 
I will keep an EYE on you
1322211 Its fine! I love fics where the character is absolutely distraught! They're the best.
How I felt when I read this:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v644/PockyAddict/Gifs%20and%20stamps/CaptainAmericaRIGHTINTHEFEELS.gif
I know this has been said, but you cruel, sick, sadistic FLANK!!
We think your giving us some rope to climb out of the sadness into happiness, but than you choke us with said rope and kick us right back into the tormenting sadness. Teach me oh master.
I...no...FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS y u be?! please let this have a happy ending!
please?
i bucking love fanfics like this if anyone is capable write fics like these
please
JESUS MAN! Can't we put a happy face SOMEWHERE in there?!
I mean, you're gonna make me cry.
Twilight lost her memories? And if she is told of her past, she'll die?!
reactiongifs.com/wp-content/gallery/yes/yesjacknicholson.gif
YES. THIS WILL BE A GOOD STORY INDEED.
Damn you... now I'm gonna cry...
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/1qInQH.gif?1312762842
I love you (as a friend) you sick bastard. Keep up the torture of the innocent, for it pleases our mistress: Fluttershy.
Your a dick...A brilliant...brilliant...dick
Man, this keeps getting more and more depressing.
Hey! Hey Dash! I found the writers go to guy for ideas!
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRm30s68jyHMiiOSIopmNIfOtYKxNg4XHA20FnSJRY22EXIqRHaxg
...Nuff said.
Amnesia - expected
Lack of ability to TELL her about her previous life? -
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
With that said there were a couple of errors in this chapter. Both during the wedding scene, actually.
1.) My breathe was shaky.
Breathe can only be used as a verb. You want: "My breath was shaky."
2.) More nervous that at the Best Young Flyers Competition.
You mean "than," of course.
The one thing more important than that she loves Twi? Whelp... Dash must be preggers.
Incredible. Truly incredible. Didn't cry but damn near came close.
Greatly anticipating what happens next.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand reading this, this kinda thing goes right through me.
This feels like what you would get if you let mlp be written by the people that make Spanish soap operas.
I love it.
MY FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1273295 LOL!
MOAR! img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-10-18/1255878607012.png
not sure if I love you or hate you
2.bp.blogspot.com/-NmH_TprSzIg/TsAZKPcreVI/AAAAAAAAFyg/WVC1mOPc5Z4/s1600/Wilf_cries.png
So, I am guessing the Element of Magic is having a restorative effect on her, at the cost of her memories. I have so many sads right now.
Hello Donna noble.
1322244 Mission accomplished.
1322984 I've never seen Doctor Who before. What a coincidence.
1322304 Meh. We'll see.
1322921 I love sads.
1322906 I don't know if I love or hate me either.
1322643
Rainbow: Estoy triste! Necissito mi amore!
Twilight: Quien es?
Rainbow: NOOOOO!!!!!! POR QUE!!!!!!!
1322624 I understand how you feel.
1322564 Thanks for finding those! Glad I blindsided you!
1322576 Hopefully should be up sometime soon!
1322528 ...But I like marmite...
1322383 Yes. Yes I am.
1322306 I wrote it because I couldn't find one them out there!
1323107 but cant wait for more
1323107 the only diff is she wont burn from the inside out
Or Will She? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhMvKv4GX5U
Okay. I figured that she had amnesia. I thought that she just wouldn't recover her memories and would have to start over. I WAS NOT expecting that any information about her past could KILL HER. Damn good plot twist. Got me right in the feels.
Feels... right in the feels.
Yet I want more.
Competing with My Little Dashie to become the most depressing fic eh?
...Still beating the hell out of my feels I see?
interesting twist on old school amnesia.
Me likes.
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/rage-nuclear.png
1323107
I heard that in my head with the voice of mexican banditos.
I have been playing to much Red Dead Redemption I think. 
So, amnesia combined with magically induced short-term memory loss. Dear lord, this is one of the worst mental problems I've ever heard about.
The doc should talk about this to Princess Celestia, she has the biggest library and the smartest eggheads under her wings, she´ll figure something out. Also she needs to be told of her protegée´s health status and amnesia condition.
I wonder anyway why there´s no Luna/Celestia/Twi bro+parents there when this had been supposed to be her final day.
Great chapter! Once again you do a good job of hitting just the right buttons to make a touching scene near perfect.
either something in her mind broke after the accident, or someone put some kind of curse on her.
She was running the spell, and accidentally turned it into a memory erase spell. One that keeps on reinvigorating itself in the face of resistance. Interesting.
Also, thanks for ruining the mood by reminding me that if Rainbow Dash was married, she'd have the same name as a seasoning salt.