Night Terrors

by TikiBat

Chapter 8: Waking Ambitions

The weekend had always been Silver’s favorite part of the week— not just because he didn’t have to go to work, but rather because it allowed him to relax and disconnect from his usual routine for a brief time. It had been a long while since he felt as if he genuinely needed to disconnect from everything, but with all the stress in his life that had been growing lately, he was more than happy to get a brief respite from his responsibilities— especially after his recent dream adventure had carried over into the waking world.

The injury in question, now having dulled to a dull pain, still served as a reminder that, in reality, he and students knew next to nothing about what they were meddling with. As much as he loved to explore and discover new things, closing off the realm for the time being was evidently the right choice, even if Morgana and Koruk had been quick to lodge their own complaints. Such complaints were dismissed until the end of the weekend however, for Silver had decided to forego his usual dream adventures entirely so he could decompress for once.

True to her word, Scarlet had dictated the course of the family’s weekend, and much of it had consisted of cuddles in bed and fun trips to the beach. In a way, this almost took Silver’s mind off of the stress that had been consuming his life as of late… almost.

“Silver, do you have the most recent diagnostic reports?” Tinker asked, pulling Silver back to the boring reality of the late night shift.

“What?” The stallion asked.

Tinker shook his head and sighed. “What’s wrong? You’ve been lost in thought a lot lately and I feel like you don’t enjoy work like you used to.”

A shred of guilt built up in Silver’s stomach, making his expression soften as he looked at his friend. “It's… it’s complicated,” he admitted. “I like what we do but it just doesn't…” he trailed off.

“Feel fulfilling?” Tinker finished for him. “Believe me, I know how that feels.”

“Do you though? Because it’s mind-numbingly frustrating sometimes. I don’t hate what we do, I have a real cushy job… but I just don’t know. I think it’s amazing what we’re building but a part of me wishes I could just go work on something less… directly in a lab and more dynamic, you know?”

The other stallion nodded. “I think I do. Tell me, what did you do before we made this place— before ETS even?”

“Huh?” Silver raised an eyebrow and glanced away from the flickering monitor. “What does that—“

“Just humor me,” Tinker pressed.

Silver sat and considered this for a moment before nodding. “I was a teacher’s assistant. Didn’t really do a lot of actual teaching, just floated around wherever they needed me and it was nice.”

“I see. And what about it was so enjoyable to you?”

“Just…” Silver trailed off for a few brief seconds. “I don’t know. It sounds funny but it just felt like the right kind of job. I could help people out, make a difference to students that really needed it, and in the end I wasn’t just tied down to one project or place.”

“I think you do know then,” the older stallion smiled. “Tell me this Silver, have you ever thought about going into teaching?”

“Well uhh… maybe a little?” The stallion replied. “I know Scarlet thought about maybe going back and getting her credentials now that Orion’s mellowed out a bit more… but… I don’t know,” He laughed.

Tinker nodded. “I’ll be honest with you Silver. You’re a good researcher and your heart’s in the right place. You want to help people and you want to make a difference… but I don’t think you’re really in the right career path.”

“I—“ Silver started.

“This isn’t a knock against you or anything,” Tinker interrupted. “But rather, this is me saying that I think your talents and ambition could be put to greater use elsewhere. I know this isn’t my business, but I’m aware that you work on tutoring other night ponies in the dream realm, correct?”

“How do you know about that?” Silver raised an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly a trade secret or anything, I just don’t talk much about it to others out here.”

“Phoenix told me when we met at the last council meeting. I’ve been aware of your burnout for a while now, but I didn’t want to confront you directly until I knew it was something that was seriously eating away at you.”

Silver looked away and idly fiddled with one of the readouts. “It’s not eating away at me.”

“It is though, trust me. I’ve been in your shoes countless times before and it’s hard to admit it to yourself.”

“I’m not burned out,” Silver protested.

“You don’t have to lie to yourself,” Tinker assured him. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

Silver sighed and nodded his head. “What’s on your mind?”

“I think you should really consider changing careers. I’m not saying you can’t have a role with this project, but maybe you handle it like how your wife handles her interests?”

“Do it on the side and go find a regular job?” Silver half-heartedly asked.

“Do it on the side and tackle research from another angle,” Tinker corrected him.

Relaxing for a second, Silver set down his clipboard and let the monitors beside him fade out of his peripheral as he turned towards Tinker. “What are you suggesting then?”

“I’m suggesting that maybe you make the shift to academia. You said your wife was considering that right? Well, given your job history and your own description… maybe you should give it some real genuine thought. You’ll still always have a place here of course, but it doesn’t need to be this big dark thing dragging you down constantly.”

Silver shook his head. “I can't just leave you all hanging though.”

“Who said you’re leaving us hanging? There’s more than enough capable hooves assigned here to keep the project moving smoothly.”

“Is there though? We’re still behind on trying to reach the primary objective on this and the tests we’ve been running aren’t up to snuff. Sunset Blessing’s already getting impatient with the progress of her messages are anything to go by and I feel like she’s just waiting to cut all of us loose if we don’t make our value known to her.”

Tinker shrugged. “The modern computer wasn’t built in a day, it wasn’t even built in a decade. What we’ve managed to build here is astonishing and should theoretically not even work with what we know about electrical engineering. We’ve done what others have done in decades in a little more than half that time and if Sunset Blessing can’t see the progress there then maybe she isn’t qualified to make that call.”

Silver sighed. “It’s just a heavy weight to bear, you know? As much as I don’t like how she handles things or pushes shimmerism everywhere, she did basically make this whole place possible and if that’s the deal with the devil that we needed to stay afloat then I should see it through.”

“You don’t need to though,” Tinker exclaimed. “You can stay on as a consultant and handle project briefings and development instead and save yourself from this burnout.”

“Why don’t you plug my life into the computer and see what kind of future it comes up with for me?” Silver laughed. “It’d make things a hell of a lot easier.”

“You know that’s not how it works,” Tinker replied. “This just gives us possible outcomes of an experiment based on the data we feed it, it’s not a future telling device.”

“I know, I know,” Silver held his hooves up. “I just thought we needed a laugh to break up the depressing realism of this.”

“And I sincerely think you need to consider what I’ve suggested,” Tinker countered. “If you want to talk about the future, just think about how one event can change the course of your entire destiny. Sure we had SPEC’s funding to build this place, but would we have really lasted had it not been for the Great Storm?”

Silver shrugged. “Sapphire injected a little chaos into this place with that, that didn’t exactly factor into any plans we had here.”

“But just think about it,” Tinker replied. “That was a freak event that probably gave us our best chance at longevity here, even if it was just through giving us a better source of water and resources. I’m not saying your life needs a big injection of chaos to completely change your destiny, but what I am saying is that maybe what’s best for you is deviating from your rigid plan and seeing what happens. That’s chaos, sure. But it’s chaos that’s wrapped up in a smaller form that’s easier to control. If you fail? If you decide you don’t like academia or whatever else you might pursue… well, it’s not like you can’t just resume your direct role here until you find something else out.”

“I mean… maybe I could try?” Silver shrugged. “It’s just a big leap of faith and it feels like me admitting that what I want to do isn’t worth it.”

“Start small. And like I said, nothing says you can’t still work with us here on the side. Maybe just sleep on it and see how you feel in the evening?”

Silver smiled and nodded. “Maybe I’ll give it a try… thanks Tinker, I know you didn’t sign up to play impromptu therapist but these kinds of chats really do help clear my mind a bit more.”

“It’s my pleasure,” the stallion smiled back. “Why don’t we break for dinner and then we can wrap everything up once were done?”

“That sounds great,” Silver replied.

---

“So how was work?” Scarlet asked.

The calm water of the lake gently splashed against the shoreline as Orion ran past with the family dog.

“It was okay,” Silver replied. “A lot of the usual, but I had a nice chat with Tinker about some stuff that’s been bugging me lately.”

“Oh?” she asked as she continued to prepare their picnic dinner; a pasta salad. “What kind of stuff did you talk about?”

Silver reached over to help and smiled. “Just stuff that took some weight off my shoulders.”

“What kind of stuff?” she pressed.

“You really wanna know?” Silver paused for a moment. “It’s boring, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to share. Tinker picked up on how stressed I've been lately and suggested that I scale back my role and become more of a consultant.”

“He wants you to just be a consultant?”

“Part-time,” Silver clarified.

“Part-time… right,” Scarlet nodded. “So how are you going to fill the rest of the time then? I know we don’t really have a real preschool here yet, but he’s still out of the house most of the week.”

“Well,” Silver smiled. “You know how you wanted to go into teaching, right?”

“Right,” Scarlet nodded. “Let me wager a guess. You want to do that too?”

“Maybe?” Silver shrugged. “I know I’d have to do a lot of work, but maybe that’s where I’m destined to go.”

“Not gonna shoot you down or anything, but did you think this all the way through?”

“Not a hundred percent, that’s kinda why I’m talking to you,” Silver admitted. “Tinker just barely floated the idea and I suppose it’s a good idea to start figuring stuff out before I really commit to it.”

“That’s always a good idea,” she pulled out a container of noodles that Silver had cooked before work and started to add a few chopped up vegetables into the mix. “You did some teacher assistant work in the past, right?”

“Mhmm,” Silver hopped in to help. “That’s what made Tinker suggest it in the first place. But is that really enough?”

“Dunno,” Scarlet replied. “There’s not really a right or wrong when it comes to teaching I guess. When you start your observations and student teaching you tend to pick up stuff and build your own plans, but you probably won’t really start to get a feel for it until you’ve started teaching your lesson plan to the class.”

“You’re probably right,” he laughed.

“Probably?” The mare raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Absolutely correct,” Silver corrected himself, earning a chuckle from his wife.

Scarlet smiled and closed her picnic basket. “I think you could be a good teacher Silvy. But obviously you won’t know that for yourself until you have a chance to do it.”

“That’s the tricky part eh? It’s something I wouldn’t mind trying, but it feels like a leap of faith for me right now.”

“Any job is if you think about it, but I have a suggestion that might help make things easier.”

“Oh? I’m all ears,” Silver replied with a flick of his ears.

“I know this is probably different than the level you want to teach, but considering they’re still getting the school set up here… maybe you could go talk to the Moonlight Star or Lightning Glow and see if they need help with anything? They’re the ones in charge of setting up the school right?”

“They are,” Silver confirmed. “I guess it wouldn’t be a bad idea to ask Moonlight, she’s the one running Orion’s program.”

“Well there you go, there’s your starting point.”

Silver perked up. “You think it’s worth it?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “You’re the only one who can figure that answer out, but if you want my opinion, then yeah. I think it is. What do you have to lose here?”

“Nothing I suppose,” Silver nodded.

“There you go then,” scarlet paused and rummaged through her basket for a few moments. Then she pulled out a bottle of dressing and added it to the mix.
“I know it’s a big leap of faith, but if you think you’re not cut out for it or too unskilled or whatever, then just don’t think about it for now,” the mare reassured him. “For one, you’re not going in blind. If you decide to do this then sure, you have a lot of work to do, but you’re not going to be alone. I’m just barely getting the ball rolling on my credential work, but you already worked as a teaching assistant.”

“Which as you said,” Silver began to add “Isn’t really the same as teaching for real.”

“So what. Yeah sure, that’s not really a teaching job, but still, you had in-class experience and that looks really nice. Now if you go help out with the school here, then that gives you a little more foundation and time to figure out if it’s really the right fit for you.”

“True,” Silver looked out over the lake. “I’m not discounting what you’re saying, I’m just trying to temper my expectations and consider everything.”

“Consider this then, you finished your associate’s when ETS hit right? Well, that’s half the work already done.”

“I guess so,” Silver agreed. “But it’s been almost four years, and that was back in California.”

“So?” Scarlet shrugged. “You still did the work, maybe you have to play a little bit of catch-up, but it’s not like you’re starting from scratch.”

“I…” Silver paused. “You know, you’re absolutely right. I’m just being dumb and weird about this because I guess on the inside I don’t want to feel like I’m wrong. But I’m not, you’re right, you’re always right, and I love you so much.”

Scarlet smiled, giving Silver a kiss on the cheek. “When we got married we said we’d always be here for each other. Never forget that. You’ve supported me when I thought I was wasting my time trying to figure my career out, so it’s only fair that I do the same back to you. I know we’re not going into the same exact career, but I think this could be a good thing.”

“I think so too. Plus, on the bright side I guess choosing similar careers makes things a lot easier for us if we’re ever feeling burned out or stuck,” Silver added.

“That’s the spirit Silvy, you just gotta keep your head held high and look at the bright side.”

Silver smiled. “Thanks for everything Scarlet. It really means a lot, more than I think you realize.”

“Oh, I know it does. Trust me,” She smiled. “Now how about we get our little beach bat and have some dinner?”

“I think that sound lovely,” Silver stood up and glanced towards Orion, who had amassed a meager collection of shells nearby. “Hey little buddy, are you hungry? Your mom made some noodles for you!”

Upon hearing Silver mention his favorite food, the young colt stopped what he was doing and looked back with a wide-eyed stare. “Dinner time?!” he adorably chirped back.

Silver smirked and nodded. “Dinner time!”

Before he knew it, Orion had bolted over with their dog, and had been quickly enveloped in a tight hug.

“I love you, mommy and daddy,” Orion happily squeeeed, bringing a warmth to Silver’s heart.

For the first time in what felt like months, Silver felt genuinely excited for what laid ahead, even if he still had a lot of work to do.

Comments

[Mix-up]

Nice work dude, keep it up.

[Numinos]

Nice chapter : ) It's difficult to change your life when stuff happens.

[ProgAltRocker]

Nice chapter. Love seeing Silver's pivot toward teaching being realized

[PonyofEntropy]

Awesome story.

[TikiBat]

11443398
Glad you like it, hope you’ll stick along for the ride!