• Member Since 15th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen November 15th

n3k1dsk1llz


Physics Pony. If you like what I write consider buying me a Ko-Fi. Or subscribe for spicy stuff.

Comments ( 30 )

For some reason I'm thinking of another type of jar with dubious substances that poor zipp is trapped in......


Does that make me a bad person?

All that hard work to get into shape for summer and poor Cherry Jam gets got. I wonder if she tasted like cherries... Anyway that was still a pretty good way to go if you ask me, relatively quick and painless in the fangs of a mysterious beauty.

Um, anyway, I love the journal entries slowly revealing what happens and I can't wait to see more. :twilightsmile:

Cool! At first I thought that the ponies in the first chapter were having their luminescence stolen (as Izzy said Pegasi do in the movie), but colors makes sense too and has a much more sinister explanation. (Especially for those of us who know what that’s referring to.)

11030537

yeah I'm sad about Cherry Jam. But I guess that's the lesson: Don't investigate dark alley's at night.

11030563

insert evil laughter here

11030486
no. it doesn't make you a bad person. If anything, it makes me worse for making you think about it :pinkiehappy:

11030737
some one should write it though

11030763
go for it! :pinkiehappy:

start your writing journey with a princess and a jar :twilightsmile:

11030802
i meant someone else i cant write shit

11031192
Don't say that. You could end up being really good. I wasn't always a decent writer either.

But I do understand the hesitation. It took me a long time to post up my first story.

I got my measuring kit out and found the cup, measuring out just one ounce.

Very scientific!

I noticed a paper in the cabinet that I hadn’t seen before and left it there, resolving to bring it back with me when I was done straightening up. I fix it up pretty good, making it look like a proper office with a desk on one wall flanked by filing cabinets. The old couch I left on he opposite wall.

Alright, this paragraph is rather confusing. It ping pongs between different subjects without explicitly informing the reader of the subject change which is really confusing. We start off about the light coming from Zipp's wings and cutie mark as she tests it. In the first part of the paragraph the idea everything revolves around is the light coming from Zipp's wings. :moustache: Then there's this sentence: "I started with the cabinet where I had found the jar," which makes it seem like the paragraph is now about the cabinet. However from "I started to" the end of the paragraph Zipp's actions make it clear this part --the second part-- of the paragraph is about Zipp cleaning the northeast corner. She sets up the filing cabinet, she talks about how she's "straightening up," and makes the place look like a "proper office." I did not realize this first read, so when Zipp says she "fixed it up pretty good," it sounded like she was saying she fixed the filing cabinet, but then there's a desk on the wall and it's like :rainbowderp: And I had to reread the paragraph three more times before I realized the desk is part of the northeast corner of the terminal, not part of the filing cabinet or something related to Zipp's wing glow.

To sum up, there are in effect there are two main ideas in this paragraph: the light from Zipp, and the tidying of the northeast corner. There is a sneaky cabinet that wants you to think the paragraph is about it too.

There is an easy solution to this though, it is; paragraph breaks.

You see, this is not one paragraph, it's actually two paragraphs in a trench coat! So now behold to my revised version of this part:

I decided to test the light coming from my wings and cutie mark in the north east corner where the light barely ever reaches. My wings put off enough light to see everything pretty decently. It wasn’t enough to read by, but I could definitely see all the debris and furniture that was knocked over.

Seeing how dirty everything was, I decided to give the North East corner a clean up. I started with the cabinet where I had found the jar. I picked it up and put it in place against the wall. I noticed a paper in the cabinet that I hadn’t seen before, but left it there-- resolving to bring it back with me when I was done straightening up. I fixed everything up pretty good, making it look like a proper office with a desk on one wall flanked by filing cabinets. The old couch I'd found I left on he opposite wall.

Also, with how man quadrants and directions are present in this fic, I think it'd be cool if there was a map! It would make things extra clear!

Neat!
I really like how whenever Zipp talks about the Spectra, she always talks about it twice.
I also have a strange appreciation for these parts:

Not sure why the idea crossed my mind anyway. She’s so absorbed into her "Pippsqueaks”. Gods that’s a stupid name. I told her that today and she got mad. Whatever.

I got my measure kit out and found the cup, measuring out just one ounce. Just a swallow, really, and that’s what I did. I drank that ounce of rainbow liquid.


11031192
It doesn't matter how good or terrible a writer you are, if you want to write something you should write it. If you enjoy writing you should write. If you're worried about being terrible... write anyway! Failure is a part of learning. Accept it and have fun.

11031319
You are 100% right about that paragraph break. But Zipp isn't always the best at clarity in her personal journal. :trollestia:

As for the map...I may do one. I like the idea.

11031247
No really I meant that literally I have no writing skills due to the fact that I’m a bit erm delayed mostly because my education was lacking due to stupid teachers saying I was expelled when they turned around and wondered where I was when I didn’t show up. So thanks to them I’m now looking forward to delivering newspapers across the frickin city where I live to pay the bills till I’m old and grey. Thank you Canadian mental health association not to mention the Canadian education system for royally screwing up my future

11031341
I'm glad you're liking it so far. :pinkiehappy:

New chapters soon...

11031345
That, right there, is a story.
We all have stories.
While it's true that not everyone is an amazing storyteller, it's also true that everyone has a story to tell.

Do me a favor: write your story and then dm me

I’m sorry, Cloud Crusher. I want to restore our magic, but the cost of this method is too high.

They say that, but this story isn't marked as "Complete" yet, and I can't imagine there's going to be a happy ending here.

Boy, oh boy, that slope over there sure does look slippery...

Nice prologue! But there's a lot of word repetition happening here! I'd recommend re-editing it with different ones to explain similar concepts

It would be nice to know some physical characteristics of the journal, its current state, and the prose.

Not the brightest of ideas to stick an age-old magical liquid that falls on your muzzle into your mouth. Charles Darwin wouldn't be proud of Zipp.
Perhaps have it shatter or break whilst being mishandled? Or when it opens, it behaves more like a gas and it's inhaled by accident.
A little pet peeve of mine, 'tis all

11032183
But would it be a horror story without at least one bad decision?
:pinkiehappy:

11032175
The journal is described in the prologue :scootangel:

Loved this story and how it ended, and the Blank Flank story inspiration on top of the Rainbow Factory inspiration. Perfection.

I for one welcome our new best pony: vampire Zipp

11035392
I was striving for continuity in the magic of Spectra. I looked at everything I could about it. I might be slightly obsessed now.....:pinkiecrazy:

This is the part where I reference Void Chicken and Wayward Son

Honestly, half the stories on the site wouldn't happen if ponies had access to decent therapy options.

Even if it sounds like I was critical of some aspects of the story, I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
The whole daily diary format made this short and to the point, but I just didn't personally agree with some of the decisions made by Zipp in the process.
The story itself, with its start and ending, was good. Vampire Zipp was a thrill to read. Good job!

11064266
:rainbowlaugh:

That is very true. I myself have read many stories where just even talking it out will help immensely.

"WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS"

It's a damn Rainbow Factory sequel!

I hope he lived. There's nothing I'd like to see more then Vampire Hunter H(itch)!

11357598
I’m glad you enjoyed it.:pinkiehappy:

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