Ponies Don't Wear Shorts

by kits

Velvet wants grand babies

“Hey, Twilight!” Dash barged into the throne room with out waiting to be announced. “You’re mom’s mailing me porn spells again.”

Metal shoes hurt slightly more than a uncovered hoof when impacting ones own face. “Ugh. Mom!” Twilights ears folded back against her head and she felt her cheeks warm. She glanced away from Rainbow Dash, unable to meet her friends eyes. “Ever since Flurry Heart entered primary school, she’s been onto Shining and me about having grandfoals.”

Twilight could hear Rainbow’s frown. “She knows that you’re like, ninety-seven percent gay, right? And that we’re not married? Or even dating?”

“I think she’s just trying to hedge her bets and is sending letters to any creature I’ve ever told her I thought was cute.” Twilight nearly bit her tongue trying to stop those words, but it was too late. “Um, that is-“

Her gaze was drawn back to Rainbow. Who was smirking, no, outright leering at her. “So you think I’m cute?”

Twilight made several sounds, but none of them were words.

With a toss of her head, Rainbow let the letter fall to the floor. “I’m still not looking to date, but if you need to help get tying your mom off of your back…” Rainbow drew out the last word, and waggled her eyebrows at Twilight for some reason. “I’d totally help out with that.”

Twilight snorted and rolled her eyes. “Mom once delivered a scathing lecture about punctuality and the importance of a regular bedtime to a Celestia when I was fifteen minutes late getting home. Marched right up to the castle, waited in the petitioners line, and just let Celestia have it in the throne room, in front of everypony. I doubt she’ll be much intimidated by a Wonderbolt, no matter how incredibly awesome she is.”

“Seriously, Twilight?” Dash fixed her with a pointed glare.

“What?” What had she done?

Rainbow just kicked the letter closer to Twilight. “Your mom sends me a dick spell, I offer to help with your lack of foals problem, and you think my plan is to go yell at your mom?”

“Oh.” It took Twilight a moment to figure it out. She felt her entire face heat up. “Oh!”

“Well?” How was Rainbow so calm? How were her cheeks not the red hot balls of fire that Twilight’s were?

“Um. Yes.” Twilight tried to hide behind her mane, but it just waved away from her face. A wing would have to do. But from behind the safety of that wing, she said. “Yes. let’s— let’s go do that.”

Author's Note:

Yeah it was posted a few weeks ago. But let’s store it here forever.