Pseudologue
There was a period of time in which nopony moved. Fourteen pairs of eyes locked frozen onto the pinto stallion currently occupying a space against the wall behind Twilight Sparkle. He met each gaze evenly, not blinking as Rarity stood, took several steps away, and vomited. The last eyes he met were Twilight’s, and it was she who broke the silence of voice.
“Did… you… was he…”
“I am unsure as to your attempted inquiry, Milady.”
“Was he telling the truth?” She finally choked out. Applejack shivered, getting up and moving to hold Rarity.
“As I have said before, Milady, Broken’s rec-“
“ANSWER ME!” Twilight roared. Everyone but Pip jumped at the anger in her voice, including her, surprised at how rapidly her voice had returned. Shining whispered something to the guards, who nodded and quickly marched to the end of the hall, and then whispered something to Celestia, who nodded and whispered something back. Pip coughed before speaking.
“Yes and no, Milady.”
“Explain. Now.” Twilight’s voice was tense, even as she tried to control it.
“Broken’s depictions of events was inaccurate in the details, but generally truthful, Milady.”
“Keep going.”
Pip inhaled. “He was inaccurate in his claim that the CMFM members were locked in the basement and had the burning building collapse on them. The majority of the CMFM were arrested on suspicion of aiding terrorism; some were prosecuted and sent to the labour and education camps, others volunteered to join the Guard as recompense for their actions. About eight of the seventy CMFM members were officially unaccounted for, and it is believed that they were the ponies in the basement with the gryphons. I hasten to mention that unjustified violent action against guardsponies, which everypony in the basement was guilty of based upon the bodies of the guards that were recovered, is an offence punished by death no matter the pony.” Pip took in another breath. “He was also inaccurate in his depiction of Scootaloo’s execution.”
“So you didn’t… do… what he said you did?”
“Not as such, Milady. To execute a pony in such a brutal manner is highly impractical. Scootaloo was killed by my hoof severing her spinal cord long before the building was set aflame. However, Broken’s depiction of the actions taken upon Scootaloo’s body were accurate, save for the breaking of her legs.”
“So you did… you did tear out her wings, just… after she was dead?” Twilight asked. Pip nodded. “Why?”
“Your Ladyship had ordered me to make an example of her for the other groups that would aid terrorists and oppose democracy and freedom, Milady. It seemed effective; ninety-five of the one-hundred eight registered resistance groups disbanded within a month.”
“What the BUCK?!” Applejack yelled. Twilight turned to her in surprise.
“AJ?”
The earth pony turned, placing a hoof on the side of her head. “They’re both tellin’ the truth, Twi. Pip had seventy foals burned, but he had most of them arrested instead, an’ Scootaloo had her wings ripped off before she was dead an’ after she was dead an-“ The farmer gritted her teeth, growling as she rubbed her head. “It don’t make sense, it can’t have worked like that, but neither of them is lyin’, Twi! It’s really messing me up, here!”
“I have an idea.” Rainbow spoke up. The group’s focus shifted to her. “Just hold on a bit with me here, but what if they are both right? What if both what Pip said and what Broken said actually happened?”
“Rainbow, what are you-“
“Oh! Oooooooh! I get it!” Pinkie interrupted. “Broken came here from one timeline thingy and Pip came here from another timeline thingy!”
Applejack, Twilight, and everypony else stared at the pair, eyes somehow becoming wider. Pip sneezed.
“That is, based on the current information, a reasonable assumption, Lady Thalia, but Broken and I were sent back to this timeline by the same pony, from the same timeline. I was, in point of fact, deliberately sent back in order to retard his efforts to kill her Ladyship in the ‘past’. The possibility that I would somehow appear within minutes and kilometres of his arrival, in the same timeline, if launched by an independent source, is infinitesimally small.”
Pinkie and Rainbow both deflated slightly. “What’s your explanation, then?” Rainbow asked sullenly.
“Simple. Broken’s injuries and irrational hatred of Lady Dawn’s free and democratic governance have likely contributed to a corruption in his memory of events pertaining to the Revolution. It is probable that his memory of the CMFM raid is absent, and that he has invented memories using general knowledge from the incident in order to overcome this perceived weakness, convincing himself that the falsehoods he claimed to have happened were factually accurate in order to justify his crusade against harmony and freedom. Due to this, he would more than likely come across as telling the truth when in fact stating fabrications.”
The Princesses, Twilight, Shining, Spike, and the doctor began slowly nodding at Pip’s explanation. Everypony else gave him blank stares.
“Can you repeat that?” Rainbow asked. Twilight spoke before Pip.
“He said that Broken probably made up fake memories and convinced himself that they were real.”
“Oh. Right, that makes total sense…” Rainbow rolled her eyes. Twilight returned the focus to Pip.
“But how do we know that you haven’t done the same thing, convinced yourself that Dawn never did anything wrong when she was actually doing horrible things like what Broken said she did?” She asked. Pip blinked.
“Because her Ladyship never-“
“AH-AH-AH!” Twilight cut him off. “When you’re talking with us, Pip, just try pretending that Dawn isn’t infallible. It might do you some good. Try to convince us that your account is the more accurate one without just saying ‘Dawn said so’.”
Pip blinked again. “As you say, Milady. I-”
“Wait!” Twilight spoke up again. “I want you to swear to me that you’re going by your own memories only. Nothing of what Dawn said happened that you cannot verify from a source other than Dawn.”
“I have never intended to deliver you false information, Milady.”
“Then you should have no problem swearing an oath that ensures that you don’t, should you?”
“Of course not, Milady.” Pip took a breath. “I hereby swear upon my duty as First Guard, the greatness of Equestria, the power of self-determination, the grace, honour, and leadership of her Ladyship Theia Rising Dawn, that I shall only give information that has been demonstrated to be truthful and accurate by a source other than her Ladyship Theia Rising Dawn.”
Twilight nodded. “Thank you, Pip. Now go on.”
Pip nodded back. “Thank you, Milady. While I cannot say that I am a completely unbiased source, I endeavour to be more accurate to reality than Broken Shield has been. Firstly, I would like to point out that Broken Shield would have been unable to observe the events at the CMFMHQ, due to the massive security presence that was only momentarily overcome by a sudden, direct attack. There were no vantage points from which Broken could have determined the presence – or lack of presence – of police carriages. His charge down the street towards our location had his focus largely on the guardsponies he was attacking. After his fleeing the scene, every nearby building was combed, magic trails searched – there was no rebel presence within several kilometres.
“As such, it is impossible that he would have been able to gain information on the CMFM events except by third-hoof knowledge, through which it would have likely been greatly distorted before even entering his damaged mind. As well, the idea that all seventy members of the CMFM were burned to death in the basement, that no gryphons were present, and by extension that no guards were killed, directly flies in the face of public record. Guardspony records demonstrate the loss of life of the Risen Guard Second Lane, Sergeant Double Point, Private Stal-“
“We don’t need the names, Pip.” Twilight interrupted.
“My apologies, Milady. As I was saying, guardspony records for that day specify that a number of guards were killed in attempted breaches of the basement’s main room, as well as the count of those killed in the building’s collapse. There were eight pony bodies removed from the rubble, as well as eleven gryphons and twenty gryphon eggs – not the seventy ponies that Broken Shield claimed.
"Guardspony records also specify the prosecution of those ponies of the CMFM old enough to be held legally accountable for aiding terrorist actions, the processing of those ponies too young to be held criminally accountable into orphanage and foster care placements, which accounted for forty-eight of the sixty-two arrested, and other such documentation. Some of the older members volunteered to join the Guard rather than serve time in labour and education camps, and guardspony records had their identification and status as former CMFM members on file. Broken Shield himself killed several of them during a raid on a Ponyville Guard station.”
“It’s fine that you claim those records to exist, Pip, but we cannot access them here.” Celestia said. Pip nodded.
“I am well aware of the limitations of information forced by the situation, Princess. However, as her Ladyship has obtained my oath to informational accuracy, I would hope that you would judge the information I am passing on as more likely to be more accurate than Broken Shield’s claims.” Pip took in a breath.
“Bringing me to my second point. As your knowledge of the events of what could be called ‘the future’ are based solely on Broken Shield’s and now my claims, a certain amount of personal judgement on the likelihood of the occurring events is necessary. Which of the two claims sounds more reasonable? That seventy foals were burned to death and their leader forced to watch while she was put through an extremely brutal and painful torture? Or that eight ponies and a group of non-ponies who had murdered guardsponies were themselves killed after their leader was painlessly and efficiently executed, with the non-violent suspects simply arrested and put through proper legal channels? Which of the two claims sounds less like a sensationalist tabloid and more like realistic, factual information? Which of the two events sounds more likely for her Ladyship Twilight Sparkle to have ordered, in accordance with the pony that you have known for at least several years if not decades?”
Pip’s entire speech had been done without inflection or emotion, sounding to Twilight like an effort to reinforce its message that it was simply fact without embellishment. She took this with a grain of salt – Pip had used the same voice when talking about anything, including espousing ‘equine superiority’.
“Dawn was not necessarily the same pony that Twilight is today…” Celestia spoke again.
“I am aware, Princess, but surely you in your millennia of experience and observation can determine easily which of these two events is more likely to have occurred in reality?”
The Solar Princess nodded. “I can, Pip. You have very strongly made your case. But personal conjecture is not necessarily accurate.”
“Again, I am aware of the irrevocable limitations placed on your knowledge, Princess. ‘Personal conjecture’ is the only choice available to you that does not involve actually reading our memories.”
There was silence for a time after this. The doctor excused himself into Broken’s room “To make sure the bloody subplot didn’t break anything else trying to move without magic”, in his own words. Everpony else wore looks of silent contemplation.
Everypony except Applejack. The farmpony looked around the group with increasingly angry eyes.
“Oh, don’t tell me you all are just gonna accept this!” She finally yelled. “Sure, he might be ‘more accurate’ than Broken, but his version still has him kill eight foals and a dozen other intelligent bein’s!”
Pip spoke up. “The number of gryphons killed in the fire was one less than a dozen-“
“Oh grease it and shove it up yer plothole!” She snapped at the stalwart stallion. “So y’killed nineteen instead of twenty! Big flyin’ whoop! Ah’m guessin’ by the eggs that not all of the gryphons were full grown either, were they?”
“The probable ages of the ponies in the basement ranged between fourteen and sixteen. The gryphons were for the most part either adults or nearly full grown, with one fledgling and two adolescents.”
“Great! So yer willin’ t’admit t’murderin’ eleven young folks, then? Or orderin’ their killin’?”
“As I said before, every being in the basement was determined to have contributed to the murder of at least six guardsponies, counting only those killed attempting to enter the basement. Killing anypony without their directly attempting to kill you is a death-penalty offence.”
“How the buck can eleven CHILDREN be counted under that law?!” Applejack roared. Pip blinked.
“After age fourteen, a pony can be tried as an adult if their crime is considered serious enough. This is true even in modern Equestria.” Pip and Applejack both glanced at Celestia, who nodded. “As First Guard of the Revolution, I was given the authority to serve as judge, jury, and, if need be, executioner for crimes I bore witness to, similar to the power the Captain of the Royal Guard possesses. This power was not appointed, as his was, but instead voted upon and determined an acceptable power to be given to the station.”
“That is true.” Shining gave a sorry glance at Applejack. “If somepony performs a crime in front of me, I’m allowed to pass reasonable judgement on them. I’m supposed to put it through the courts like a regular guard, but if the crime’s something like ‘attempted murder of a Princess’, well…” he shrugged. “That doesn’t mean I’ve killed anypony, but the option is technically there.”
“Y’can’t’ve just known that everypony down there wanted t’kill those guards…” Applejack was still furious, but said fury was somewhat muted.
“Their refusal to surrender themselves to proper legal process, as was offered before the attempted basement breach, provided a convincing enough evidence of their guilt, Applejack.”
“An’ how d’you know that they were even offered a way out?”
“Simple. I sent a Risen Guard down to aid in the breach. If she herself did not make the offer, then she would have ensured that somepony did. Anypony found to have assaulted the basement without first offering a peaceful option of arrest would have been summarily executed for fifth degree protocol violation.”
“An’… an’ the gryphons?”
“The gryphons were unregistered non-ponies living in a noted resistance group’s headquarters. Even had they not been killed in the building’s collapse, they would likely have all been destroyed as dangerous animals, befitting their status.”
“Pip, we talked about this…” Twilight warned.
“Milady, the conversation that we had yesterday introduced me to the knowledge that non-ponies can occasionally overcome natural pony superiority. I have not yet received any evidence that points towards creatures such as gryphons, Diamond Dogs, minotaurs, etcetera, to be regularly on par with ponies, or even the lesser equines, in any measure of worth. While some non-pony species are stronger by nature, they are slaves to their animalistic instincts, universally less intelligent and more aggressive, unable to rise from the dirt that they spawned in. Pony superiority can easily be determined by comparing Equestria’s standard of living, technological and scientific advancement, political stability, inherent peacefulness, and other such measurements to the universally horrible conditions of Gryphonia and Draconia.”
Applejack stared at the stallion, wide eyed, as he finished his calmly vitriolic speech. She opened her jaw, but all that came out was a squeal of air. The farmmare blinked several times before sitting down heavily, placing her hooves on the sides of her head, and leaning into Rarity. Luna stepped forward.
“Whether or not you were justified in your ordering their deaths, I still do not view the initial attack on the… Cutie Mark Freedom Movement, was it? The initial attack was not adequately justified.”
“The group was operating as a front in Ponyville for two known violent terrorist groups, the Loyalists and the Shadowbolts. The raid was an attempt to destroy their capability to aid violent action against civilians and to gather evidence that could be used to inarguably demonstrate their guilt. Both goals were achieved.”
“Even if that is true, I still do not view such harsh action as necessary against foals, Pip…”
The stallion tilted his head. “Princess, I feel the need to remind you that I am currently fifteen years old chronologically. I led the raid at the age of twelve. The vast majority of Risen Guards were inducted and Raised between the ages of eight and thirteen, and it was very common for guardsponies that fell in the line of duty to be killed by foal members of terrorist organizations. A pony’s age does not lessen their capability for heroics or for villainy.”
“Is that how you view the conflict, Pip? Between heroes and villains?”
“Of course. The good ponies are those who support her Ladyship, and the bad ponies are the ponies who don’t, or the ponies her Ladyship says are bad. Any definition of friend or foe beyond those points is irrelevant to my occupation.”
Luna stepped back, nodding as if something she had been wondering had suddenly had the answer presented. Celestia cleared her throat.
“There are two terms in your explanation that I am curious about, Pip. Raising and… stepping, was it?”
The stallion nodded. “Raising is the process in which Risen Guards are created; a pony who has undergone training for a period of minimum six months takes an oath to faithfully and unquestioningly serve her Ladyship and Equestria, unto and past death. This pony is then Raised; they are granted the physiology and mental capacity of an adult pony of approximately twenty to twenty-five years of age, as well as a restriction on mental processes such as emotion that may lead to irrational decisions. Orphaned foals were often encouraged to enter Risen training to allow them to contribute to Equestrian society, though the training was entirely voluntary and could be backed out of at any time without repercussions.
“Stepping is the term used for my ability to move extremely quickly; another term is ‘flash stepping’, due to the common misconception that it allows for faster-than-light movement. The technique was taught to all Risen earth ponies by Lady Thalia.”
“Just the earth ponies?” Celestia inquired. “Why not the pegasi or unicorns?”
“Two reasons, Princess. The first is that neither pegasi nor unicorns have the proper skeletal or muscular structure to properly step without causing extreme damage to their bodies. One unicorn who was taught it lost both hind legs halfway through his two-metre step; the muscles and joints all catastrophically failed when put under the strain required. In earth ponies, our naturally-stronger body tissue structure appears to be better capable to handle the rapid movement and extreme shifts in muscular tension.” Pip took a breath. “The second reason is a matter of tribal equality. Her Ladyship believed that earth ponies needed a means of transportation unique to our tribe, as the unicorns have with teleportation and the pegasi with flight. In that way, her Ladyship ensured that there was another less reason for tribalists to view any tribe as inherently inferior or superior to any other tribe.”
“I see. You mentioned that Risen Guards are often orphans, between eight and thirteen years old?”
“That is correct.”
“So you have no objections to the use of foals as soldiers? Placing them in dangerous conditions, forcing them, apparently often, to kill other beings?”
“Again, Princess, I myself would be considered by age as a foal during most of the Revolution, and I am still not yet an adult. Yet, should you ask the doctor that has attended Broken Shield, he would likely put my physical age at around twenty or twenty-five, a decade older than what I am chronologically. Her Ladyship took great effort to ensure that no foals were entered into war situations intentionally; Risen Guards are simply ponies that grew up very quickly.”
“Thank you, Pip. I must say, you are remarkably open for a pony supposedly our enemy.” Celestia gave a light laugh.
“I am still opposed to your oppressive regime, Princess. Her Ladyship has ordered that I maintain civility with you, and in any case I do not intend for you to be able to effectively utilize this information against the Revolution before I kill you.”
Any tension that had been lost during Pip’s explanation very quickly returned at the last three words. Silence returned as ponies shifted, some to further their distance from Pip and others to better keep an eye on him. Twilight brought her hoof up to rub between her eyes. Broken’s door opened.
“We done now? Good. Waiting for a good few wasted minutes in there.” The doctor squeezed out from behind the door, closing it quietly. At the looks on everypony’s face, he appeared to go through several possible conversations in his head before discarding them. “Right. So, ‘Broken Shield’ is currently sleeping. I’m going to get him on a high energy intake diet for the next three days or so, just so we can heal the most threatening things wrong with him. He’s also going to need a good… oh, twenty or so hours of sleep a day.” The doctor flicked a glance at Celestia before returning his eyes to the clipboard. “Essentially, all of you need to leave now and stay the hay away from him for four or five days. Ah-ah!” He held a hoof up, cutting off Twilight’s protest. “Please, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t actually make me invoke patient’s rights privileges to get a restraining order on you for him. I’m not enough of an idiot to not recognize that wherever you and your friends go, things happen. And things happening is the exact opposite of what this patient, or any patient here, needs right now. So kindly go bake a giant cake, or help solve a diplomatic crisis, or save Equestria from an unspeakable evil for the, what, fifth time? I don’t give a damn. Just keep it the buck away from my hospital.”
Twilight and Shining both looked like they were going to protest, but Celestia raised a hoof. She stood, taking a few steps down towards the exit. “I believe that we can afford Broken Shield some time to recuperate, can we not?” Twilight reluctantly nodded. “Good. So let’s get out of the good doctor’s mane, shall we?”
As everypony stood, the doctor spoke again. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten your condition, Princess. You have fifty-six minutes of being up and about before I strap you into bed and start reading you The Complete Works of Soft Dreams.”
Celestia tripped, darkly muttering what almost sounded like words. Luna snorted and began giggling, but the laughs sounded slightly odd to Twilight. The rest of the ponies (and Spike) followed the Princesses, Rarity and Applejack leaning on each other for support. Behind them, the doctor shook his head and walked down the hall in the opposite direction.
Behind him, Shining slipped into Broken’s room.
Broken Shield lay with his back to the door. He despised the depravation of sight, but he could hear well enough, and if he looked asleep-
Clik creee
Well, speak of Tartarus…
Broken maintained his façade as the pony took slow steps towards his cot. He twitched slightly, groaned, and shifted a small amount. Broken felt the pony come up behind him.
“I know you’re awake.”
Broken didn’t change his actions; slow breathing, occasional twitch. Shining snorted.
“Fine.” Shining took a breath before continuing. “I, personally, think that you’re a lying sack of pony-processed hay. Pip’s… just bucking insane, I guess. I have no doubt that my sister and your Dawn – the one you saw, the one he saw, whichever one of you isn’t lying - are separate ponies. But…” Another breath. A dull thump sounded as a wrapped object dropped onto Broken’s bedside table. “I have a duty to protect Equestria. Every claim must be investigated, every threat recognized…
“Watch yourself from now on.” Shining turned to leave, adding on a final point. “I need to get back to Cadance. This won’t help you use magic again, that’s the Princ-“
Broken’s eye shot open. “Wait!” Broken hissed. “Is Cadance sick right now?” Shining’s ear tilted back.
“How the buck did you know that? I wasn’t even near the door, and you were unconscious!”
Broken ignored him. “Alicorns don’t get sick, boy. Cadance only ever got ill twice that I know of – once before the wedding, and once when she was carrying Dazzle.”
Shining stared at him in confusion for a moment. Then the gears clicked.
“She… dear Faust, she’s… we’re…”
Broken began muttering, apparently having lost notice of his young double. “Three years, four months, Three years, four months, three years, four months…”
Broken began to laugh, tears running down his face as he repeated himself, not caring that Shining had turned and fled from the room. He laughed harder and harder, until his breath came in gasps and left in retches. He took a moment to calm himself, and in the clarity remembered Shining’s package. He turned his head to look at the cloth-wrapped item, waiting a moment before grabbing the package with his hoof and unwrapping it.
Broken began to laugh again as his horn was returned to him.
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You know, that would be an interesting twist to the story. Both Pip and Broken coming from a different timeline. Both would be very similiar, yet not the same
Great, now I have an idea for a spinoff story that has two Brokens. One from a future where Dawn is the oppresive ruler she is here and another Broken that comes from a future where Dawn is the saviour of all life (or something).
Anyway, back to the story... I find Pip's explanation far more believable. The way he acts in his description sound more true to his character than what Broken said. The parts where Pip explained how Broken couldn't have possibly know what happened make his version even more solid. All in all, I really liked this chapter. More Pip development, more info on Dawn's guard. I am pleased, have a moustache
Only thing that has me face-palming is Shiny. He pretty much armed a terrorist/lunatic/whatever-it-is-you-call-him. Of course, Broken doesn't really 'need' his horn but the action remains dubious. Does he even realize that Broken wants to kill Twilight? Twilight, not Dawn mind you.
Oh and good luck with your tests.
My there was a lot of talking heads in this one, as you recognize. Not sure how I would have suggested breaking it up more, though, so I guess this will just be known as "the chapter wherein everypony stood and spoke a lot". Maybe some of it was a bit over-detailed? But that's just Pip's character, I suppose.
I liked that the thought I'd had previously, that Broken and Pip were from slightly different timelines, was broached and addressed. I agree that it's far more likely that Broken's just plain broken. Dratted unreliable narrators. :) Ultimately, though, it doesn't really matter which version is true, if either - the basic gist remains the same, the Equestria these two came from is a horrible place that must be averted. Here's hoping that Broken starts to realize that it *has* been averted.
2633360
I'd suggest waiting for the end of the story before writing anything; not that I'd mind fanfics of my fanfic (Barking frogs, never thought I'd be talking about that), but just to make sure that you aren't writing anything that might actually be what happens or that might not be possible with future-revealed information.
There's a multitude of different timelines, and in this particular branch of at minimum five-hundred billion Minor Lines each has a Dawn, Broken, Pip, etc... There's going to be some variance on which is the 'good' versus the 'bad'. I tried to write the 'future' to be fairly grey - Dawn's not good, but it isn't the saccharine world of the Primary Line (aka FiM the show) either.
Pip's statement that they both came to this Equestria from the same Equestria was accurate, however.
As for the horn thing, it's like giving someone a gun that's had its firing pin, ammunition, ammunition carrier (clip, tube, revolver cylinder), trigger, and hammer removed. Sure, you can hit someone with it, but its not nearly as dangerous as when it could shoot people.
Shining was actually supposed to give it back as a sign that he was starting to fear that Twilight might become a threat, but that didn't work out with how conversations progressed, so it changed to Celestia allowing it back (at Shining's request).
As Rarity (kind of) puts it in 21, "Losing a horn is like a pegasus losing their wings." Giving it back is meant by Celestia as a sympathetic, if essentially useless gesture that shouldn't really alter Broken's ability to harm ponies with the rootshield on while still showing him that he's not being completely left out in the cold.
And Broken doesn't want to kill Twilight, he simply sees her death as unavoidable in preventing the Revolution and the deaths of a whole host of others (the Princesses mainly). He's not going to try to kill her until he thinks she's gone off the deep end, but his perception is... not omnipotent.
Oh, and thanks!
2633405
Now now, one must pay precise attention to what's been said in these cases...
The multiple timelines thing was one of my first thoughts with this, actually. I'm not going to say whether it's correct or not, but it's certainly a good idea if you want to postulate on certain things. See my comment to EP for a bit more detail.
Generally, though, you are correct - any future with Dawn and the Revolution isn't going to work out very well. The exact details are [spoilers], but there's a very good reason Broken is insistent that Dawn not be allowed to rise.
Nice to see that House is working at Canterlot General.
2633641
Good idea, actually. He's not grumpy so much as foul-mouthed and tired of having an extremely-injured patient constantly doing things that only exacerbate his injuries.
Solid Shelter... good name for a doctor, methinks...
2633742
Very good name. You're welcome.
2633444 Nah, I just had an idea about it. As much as I'd like to, I don't think I could compare to the level of detail that you put into this story
And I know it's probably petty but I don't think Broken deserved to get his horn back. He has endangered so many ponies since he arrived. I know he doesn't want to kill Twilight but he has threatened her many times so far and tried a few times as well. He's traumatized and not well mentally. I just think that he needs mental help more than anything else.
And besides, even without hammer, pin and ammo, a gun still looks like a gun. Even if it can't fire, one can still do a lot of damage with it. You know, this reminds me of an incident here a few years ago. A madman with a machette attacked the cops. They killed him in self-defense. It then turned out that the machette was blunt.
Are you getting what I'm trying to say here? I still find it hard to express what I mean in English at times.
Oh and what exams are you studying for, if I may ask?
2633836
I can see what you mean with that. I wasn't trying to say that giving him the horn back was a good idea, just that Celestia and Shining a) don't believe that he's going to do much with it, given that it's not essential to his ability to perform magic and b) are trying to calm him down and keep him from harming other ponies. If having his horn keeps him from getting further desperate and trying more dangerous means of stopping Dawn, then they'll give it back to stop that from happening.
I'm being intentionally ambiguous about if they have the right idea.
Regardless, having his horn is mentally helpful to him - he has a clear attachment to it, and it's something of a point of normalcy for him. There's a bit more with [spoilers], but trust me when I say he's more stable when he has control of his horn.
And with the machete thing, I get where you're coming from - appearance and implication can go a long way. Broken isn't going to try anything like attacking/threatening innocent ponies, though - he still views himself as a guardspony, even a decade after being forced out of that position.
The tests are Calculus, Biology, and Social Studies.
2633931
Hyracotheric is a pony equivalent to our human 'Neanderthalic' - it's mean as an implication of animalistic or barbaric behaviour.
Wiki page for it
Blunk is meant as a casual/passive form of 'blinked' given my focus on perceiving eyes as a means of expression. I've largely phased it out after the first few chapters, though.
My apologies for any discomfort from a compatriot in proper grammar preference
.
I love that doctor man
and the "Step" technique I like that too!
2634038
Thanks!
2634584
See 2633974 for an explanation.
2634671
It really depends. There are some who vehemently support blind faith that contradicts reality (in which case they really need to be helped to stop them from becoming a danger to themselves or others), but there are plenty of others who can really be left alone and ignorantly happy until the dangerous extremes are handled.
Ok, finished up with all the chapters, a bit later than I wanted but hey, I've got today off work anyways! Also, to any one not the author reading this comment if you care about "guesses" on story points I would heavily suggest not reading my following spoiler tags.
So, great story. I tend to read the first chapter or two when finding a new story and if I like it I'll drop it on my "Read Later" list and come back around when I have more time but some stories, such as this one, just really grab me and I have to sit and read through it all. You have great pacing, the right amount of information flow to cliffhangers to foreshadowing slash hidden exposition (I'm looking at you Discord! The bleeding/wrongly stitched timeline threads he talked about are the 'dreams' Twilight is having as Dawn tries to take control) and keep things well ordered and flowing in a manner that just makes me want to keep going to find out more.
I love, love, love alternate time line theory and execution and you do it right. During the whole "like a tree" talk a few chapters back I was sitting here going "Is he going to mention Core Time Line?" and BAM! Prime Line. "Nice! What about micro infinite choice threading?" and BAM! hoof knocking on the ground and "infinity minus one" splits. And while the idea that Pip and Broken had come from two different yet very close timelines would have been interesting, in the end it would not have been a service to the over all story and the fact of the matter that Broken is, well, broken and is remembering things wrong is the better way to go. His mind has been messed with; psychologically from all he's been through, physically (the brain scarring) and magically (the blocked memories of why he looks like a corpse my vote is that Dawn killed and resurrected him and he really is a corpse and that was how he looked before he was brought back). He is a very hurt and damaged stallion and is too hurt and damaged to simply let others help him.
Back on the time line though. It's highly, highly obvious that the two times are not as close as Broken first thought. Star Swirl with healing spells and the fact that all of the guard history and what not are totally different is the big tip off there. But Broken is too focused on "preventing" his timeline from coming around he can't see that this one was never going to go in that direction in the first place. As for Pip still talking about how there is going to be a Revolution... well, I put that into the very very complex programming Dawn puts into her Risen soldiers. He mentions restrictions on their mental processing, specially calling out the emotion damping but it is obvious there is more to it than that (such as being literally forced, and quite willing, to follow any orders given to them up to and including killing themselves). Though I do take anything Pip says with less salt than anything Broken says. Pip may still be biased but he is not mentally damaged (at least in that regard) and is telling the truth as he knows it. That is kind of covered in this chapter anyways though. Also he's very literal with his wording, Twilight best watch out what she tells him... .
So, really great story, looking forward to more. I'd kind of like to set up a discourse with you, maybe over PM, about your thoughts on alternate time lines and time travel in general because most people don't like giving it the thought you have seen to. As for my spoilers I don't really expect any sort or conformation of denial, especially here, I just want to get it out there as see where things go.
I do have one question, and I fear it'll never get answered for various in story and out of story reasons. I want to know who "Pet" was! And on that same note Dawn was one frisky revolutionary leader!
2635656
Oh mother f
did I miss one? Crap, normally me or Jade catch it in post-writing edit. I'll go get that - it's not a major enough change to worry about. Thanks, by the way. 
I really like Pip..Will he eventually make a attempt on Luna's life or will he befriend her. Will future Pip meet Present pip?
2639329
First one, he's not going to do anything unless a) Twilight orders it or b) Twilight is directly threatened by Luna (or anypony else for that matter). With b), his response will be proportional to the threat, so he'd only kill her if she tried to kill Twilight.
The second one is probable; I've got an idea for Pip meeting Pipsqueak, but I'm trying to find somewhere to fit it in.
2639480 I can respect that, but I wonder how Lil Pip will feel that his Favorite Princess will be killed by him in the future.
2639480 I can respect that, but I wonder how Lil Pip will feel that his Favorite Princess will be killed by him in the future.
Man it really sucks when you find a new story and read all of it in less then a day then you realize that you have to wait for more.
2640192
I don't think that topic of conversation would really come up; Twilight'd probably order Pip not to talk about such things to an impressionable foal. Though I can imagine:
Pipsqueak: "So what happens when I'm older?"
Pip: "You kill numerous ponies including Princess Luna during a socially-chaotic period of time in which the entire governmental system is destroyed and built from the ground up in order to usher in a utopia of freedom and harmony."
Pipsqueak: "Oh... I kill Luna?"
Pip: "I do not understand why you're crying..." followed by [spoilers] and Twilight facehoofing so hard her brain falls out.
...I'm horribly tempted to actually write that now...
2640403
I share your frustrations. Unfortunately, school's kept me on a rather slow schedule - once every second Sunday. Still, at least I have a regular schedule. (Thanks, by the way
).
2640703
She can't really send them back - not only has timeline magic not been developed in this Equestria, the method of traveling between timelines doesn't really work like cutting and pasting from one to another. I'll expand on it later on, don't worry. As for the incineration, too much paperwork.
To be serious, I can confirm that Dawn won't rise in the manner she did with Broken's Equestria. I've seen too many time travel stories that use that for me to actually think of writing "And then Broken made Twilight become Dawn and everything happened like he said he would and..." ugh it just annoys me to no end.
That said, he is affecting how ponies view the world and each other, and who's to say it won't turn out worse?
2640702 Do Itttt
You've piqued my interest~
2640792
I probably can't do it exactly as in the comment, but I'll see what I can do with their interactions. Corruption of youth ahoy!
2640825 Get them while they're young
Hey look! It's a really short comment!
I'd just like to compliment you on this amazing story.
2642506
Thanks!
2635916
Right, finally getting to this one...
Firstly, thanks for the compliments!
I can't really confirm or deny right now whether Pip and Broken come from different timelines. The answer will come, but I intend to make it very ambiguous until then. I don't plan to have very many people be able to solidly figure it out until close to or right at the end.
Pip and Broken are both heavily mentally damaged, just in different ways. Broken's is more trauma-based, whereas Pip is closer to brainwashing and kinda-sorta doublethink. Neither is going to be entirely accurate or truth telling, though both are going to recall events as they remember them. Pip's might be more accurate in some cases, and less so in others. I'm a jerk like that.
The spoilers.... I can say kinda sorta in some ways from a certain point of view.
Both are going to be explained fully later on.
Pet will probably be left ambiguous. Not quite sure yet. And as for Dawn's bedroom manner, notice that Pip mentioned "trainees" as bedding her. When do Risen guards usually get recruited and trained? (...don't get the torches lit yet, explanations are coming.)
As for the timeline discussion, this kind of thing really interests me so hopefully sometime soon, but I have exams that are going to be eating up my time until the 21st of June. (Dammit, rhymed again.)
2645118
Yes, it was something of a large post, thank you for the response. And as I said before I was looking for neither conformation nor denial of my guesses, only wishing to get my guesses out there before the were set into the story. You can go "I KNEW IT!" all day on things but unless you've said it before it's revealed no one will believe you... . And it's always fun to be proven totally wrong. ^_^
Ahh, Double Think. Not quite to that level myself yet but I'm working on it. My mind is just too inquisitive to be able to truly believe two contradictory statements at the same time and picks them both apart until I come up with a third option.
I don't think we will ever get the full story of what happened in the other timeline, at least not anything that is the whole truth. You can take both what Broken says of an event and what Pip says of an event and maybe divine out something in the middle that might the the truth if you look at it right. Still, of the two I take a little less salt when Pip says something. That doesn't mean I'm going trust everything he says though. Still, I think Dawn would prefer to kill less than more, after all, it is a waste of resources and that resurrection spell is hard to cast.
When I first read "trainees" I did not think of the Risen guard but her normal run of the mill guard, it can easily be taken both ways. And it could well be after the aging spell is cast. Either way I'm not one to rile up a mod over it. Still, with a name like "Pet" it is kind of obvious the role that person (might not even be a pony!) fulfills when it comes to the pecking order around HQ... .
When you have the time, no rush. I should be here. Unless I'm not, but then I will be unless I already was here but only if I haven't been here because I wasn't here when I would have been here. And if you can understand that we will/have/had get/got along juuuuusut fine. : ]
2645260
Jade Defender (brother of mine) has been ragging on me to mention Rashomon. That's probably your best bet for figuring things out when given contradictory information (if they even are talking about the same events, muahahaha
), though I'll freely admit that Pip isn't actively trying to mislead Twilight and everypony+Spike else, whereas Broken wants to make the Revolution seem as evil as possible to justify his aggression.
With Pip, the doublethink is along the lines of "Her Ladyship said this happened, I saw that, I must have misseen / what I saw must have been unrelated / I saw a part of what her Ladyship said happened / etc.". Since Dawn is infallible, Pip's own senses must have been tricking him!
That kind of thing is where Pip's more likely to have false information, especially for the older information where the Dawn-said-happened has completely overwritten I-saw-happened in Pip's brain. He did swear to Twilight to speak his memory instead of Dawn's claims, but what happens when Dawn's claims are his only memory?
I'm actually trying to show the failings of both Dawn and Broken's Princesses through their supporters' eyes, even if Pip/Broken don't realize that they're making their supported sides look bad. (Broken from a later chapter: "Wait, how is [spoilers but really not nice] a bad thing?", plus his 50-60 guard-killed ponies per year. Pip and his blithe racism, CMFM attack).
Dawn... I can't really comment on her style much until she actually shows up, but I'll point towards the Totalitarian Utilitarian trope. She does drop the resurrection thing in favour of other methods (for happiness!), though, after certain events occur.
Pet... Pet's interesting, actually. She's (a mare) more influential than she might appear, both in and out of story.
For the discussion, we could probably set something up fairly soon, so long as you don't mind only one or two messages passed per day.
2645704
I have yet to watch Rashomon but I know what it is and why it is being mentioned.
And of course Broken is going to vilify and deponyize thoses he fights, it is just what intelligent beings do when they fight their own kind.
We all know Pip is so brainwashed his brain squeaks, kind of obvious. And Twilight is smart and meticulous enough that she's not going to let something as simple as "contradictory logic" get in the way of loyal minions.
And we also can see that the timeline thw two of them come from is not very nice at all. Though I would think Dawn would take on a title other than "Princess" since she just over threw the mobility and all. Something like "Madame President" would be better, and it could still have a "Mi'Lady" tile to go with it, I mean, "Madame" is right there in the name.
And the people in the most seemingly subservient position often have the most power, or at least more power than others think they would. It wouldn't at all surprise me if "Pet" took the on the role of the Court Jester and said things others wouldn't dare to say.
I don't mind a slow turn around. It seems like we've got some over lap in our time but not much so we'd probably only be able to get one or two in anyways. Just drop me a line about a topic when you have the time for it and I'll respond when I can and we'll just go back and forth.
2648650
Everything you've mentioned can be answered with a "Yeah, basically." except for Dawn's title ('Lady' is her proper title, as she's only officially the head of the Elemental Council - admittedly fairly important, but the President's a different pony) and Pet, who's... about a mix of Broken and Pip, except her trauma was more guided and made her absolutely terrified of doing 'bad' things rather than just making her go insane.
I'll see when I can send you a message. You want to get a better idea on the timeline system from here?
2648923
Ah, didn't know they had a President. I was mostly making a reference to Shades of Twilight as well.
But being "bad" makes for the fun times! But, well, that's in "play" not in "reality". *Sighs* Poor mare. Oh well, at least that particular time line isn't going to happen. Maybe the Pet in this one will have it a little better.
Well, fun enough, we need a starting point. Let's go with that Prime Line. Personally, from the explanation, I would say this would be the show we never really got to see since it was "As Faust wanted" and she wanted a more "magical girl" type show instead of the slice-of-life we got... .
Can I "borrow" this doctor for a minor part in one of my upcoming fics?
2650772
Go right ahead. His name's Solid Shelter. If anyone asks about him, just point them here, yeh?
That doctor is getting on my nerves... Well, I am rather confrontational, unlike the characters, but I still think they should at the least tell him to not to talk like that.
Doctor or not, there is only so much I'm taking from him before I hit him.
Still, the story is just amazing. I'm shaking from the excitement and all those twists!
2682348
Muahaha. He's going to show up some more, but he's not really becoming a major character or anything. Just one of those recurring supports.
The thing with Solid Shelter is that he gets fairly foul-mouthed when stressed. Having a Princess suffering from extreme exhaustion dropped into his care, coupled with a pony that by most medical standards should not be alive, is a little stressful for him.
He's not the kind of doctor that's particularly coddling, either. If a patient's doing something that's going to hurt them, he's perfectly fine with calling in guards to restrain them. Full body restraints have been used before Broken.
That said, he is supposed to ensure that the ponies in his care are cared for, and that they exit the hospital in a better shape than they entered. While he can't really pull rank on a Princess, he views the health of his patients as paramount to anything, and he's very much dedicated to ensuring that possibly injury-causing events occur in his hospital as little as possible.
He fully respects the Elements and the Princesses and everything, but "respect doesn't mean sh-horseapples when somepony's hurt", in what would be his own words.
2692364
Yeah, the marshmellow thing is a kind of typo. Blunk was used as a passive form of blinked, but I've gotten out of using it later on.
2692451
'Magic words' or symbols with magically-imbued properties are typically known as runes. To say something is 'runed' means that it has had runes transcribed onto it.
And for the 'it', it was meant to be kind of mysterious, but what she meant was that she couldn't risk the loss of information that the spellpage held.
2692559
Trust me, he's going to get shown up in the future. There's actually a reason that he's been rather unbeatable so far - I'm certainly not trying to Gary Stu him.
2692620
It's not really a 'boss-mode ninja-fakeout' so much as a very quick ability to disguise oneself and improvise - very valuable skills for a guerrilla commander to have. And he's reaching his limit, if you'll read on.
2692677
That one is... tricky. His loyalty and obedience are being magically emphasized, if that was your question.
The regicide thing is kind of a situation similar to a child suicide bomber - you convince them that those people are bad and that the kid needs to hurt those people. It's not like he just up and stabs her and she dies and he runs away scot free, though - the situation is very much more chaotic than that.
2692701
'Lying' is such a strong word, though... it's closer to truth from a certain point of view. One of them might be more correct than the other on a certain topic, and vice versa. Both have been mentally damaged (traumatically in Broken's case and clinically in Pip's) and thus neither is going to be able, if even willing, to give an unbiased, fully truthful, retelling of the Revolution and the period afterwards. Both of them are trying to make theirs sound more legitimate, but there should be some clues that not all is what it seems with either of them.
Pip could easily be lying and be completely unaware of it - the 'invented memories' thing he talked about can apply to him as well.
for some reason, I imagined the doctor as THE Doctor....
Don't worry, you probably won't get as tree killing as FoE:Project Horizons. I lost track of how many millions of words it is. I think it broke two million, maybe three. I know it exceeded the harry potter series, the entire series, in length.
3930070 As of right now, around 1.6-1.7 million I believe. Only one or two fics on this site come close to it.