Sun and Moon

by Graymane Shadow

Cracking the Façade

Luna hadn’t been lying when she had told her sister that she wanted to prove herself.

That didn’t mean she was sure that she could.

The problem continued to pick at her mind, eroding what little confidence Celestia could build in her as the days went on. After a very discreet inquiry, Celestia made arrangements to put a counselor on retainer.

The modern concept of a counselor had been foreign to Luna, and she found herself struggling to open up to their questions, though the counselor – a stallion named Open Mind – assured her that was perfectly normal.

“I’m just here to talk if you want to,” he’d told her during their first visit. She hadn’t talked, not about anything substantial, but he hadn’t seemed to mind.

Now, on their fifth visit, Luna was starting to get a measure of the other pony, enough that she felt safe venturing what had been occupying her mind once more.

“Perhaps I should simply go through with my initial plan, and abdicate my title.”

Open Mind didn’t immediately respond. Instead, he reached for his bag, pulling out an apple and offering it to her, which she politely declined.

Shrugging, he raised it to his mouth with one wing, then took a bite, chewing thoughtfully.

“An interesting idea,” he finally said. “And if I thought you really wanted that, I’d say it was worth considering.”

“You believe I am being untruthful?”

“I believe that you don’t actually want that.”

She held his gaze for several moments before looking away, her shoulders slumping. “I did not realize I was so obvious.”

“You’re not, not usually, but there are certain tells one learns in my line of work.” He took another bite, waiting for her to continue. She appreciated that he seemed to respect her, never taking charge, but not being overly deferential either. Some of the palace servants were afraid to even breathe in her presence.

“I…I know what I want, but I’m afraid to want it,” she slowly admitted. “And even though Celestia tells me it is a normal thing to want, some part of me still fears to do so.”

“Such feelings are not uncommon among those with unresolved trauma. And, while it may displease you to hear such, you were just as much of a victim of what happened that night as Celestia. Only your trauma was far more drawn out, far more layered.”

“But I -“

“Did terrible things, yes. I will not deny such, having read the accounts. But they were not the actions of a raving lunatic, nor of a pony who enjoys inflicting pain and terror. They were the actions of a deeply wounded individual, one who had sacrificed much to drag Equestria to the state it was in at that time. A pony who felt trapped, and reacted in such a way because she didn’t see any other way to escape the horror that her life had become.”

The thought was tantalizing to Luna, even if she wasn’t sure she liked all the implications. “I still chose to do what I did.”

“You did, and I would not stop you from accountability, were it due in this case. I believe it is fair to say that a thousand years on the moon is sufficient penance for your crimes. That leaves us with only the trauma to work through.”

That was something she could accept.

---

“I’m not certain why you wanted me to come to these sessions.”

Celestia sat somewhat uncomfortably in the slightly-too-small chair, frowning at the small (in her view) stallion opposite her. She continued, “I’m certainly not the one suffering from having spent a thousand years trapped in the moon.”

“You’re not,” Open Mind admitted. He remained placid in his own chair, twiddling his quill between two feathers.

She blinked. “Then there must be some other reason you asked me to see you?” Her quick mind scrabbled for a explanation, and she settled on one that was pleasing. “You wish to discuss Luna’s case with me?”

“I don’t,” he replied. Smiling, he added, “Doctor-patient privilege applies even to sovereigns. I invited you here because I believe you need someone to speak with that isn’t your sister…”

She opened her mouth to object, but he raised a hoof to stop her.

“…or a member of your staff,” he continued. “Unless you’re going to claim that your staff doesn’t see your every word as a command, and aren’t too afraid to offer any actual advice?”

I’m going to have a word with Fancy Pants about his recommendation, Celestia thought. This counselor was more perceptive than she’d been prepared for. Annoyingly so.

“I’ve managed to survive this long with only my staff,” she replied. “I think I can continue to bear any burdens I might be shouldering well enough.”

“But why should you?”

Her mouth opened…and closed again.

“Many of the ponies I work with are not so different from you, Princess. Their lives may be shorter, but they still have the same stubborn streak that fools them into thinking they don’t need any help. They usually maintain that stance right up until they break, and end up in my office on a psych hold. I’d rather we avoided that step in your case.”

Seemingly unaware of the stir his words had caused within her, he raised one hoof. “Unless you’d prefer the hard way?”

Ponies did not speak to her this way. Even Luna did not speak to her this way.

It was both annoying and refreshing.

“I do not speak of my problems, in part for the reasons you mentioned, and in part because the things that keep me up at night – the things that dig into my soul – are things that no pony should have to think about.”

“Is blaming yourself for what happened to your sister one of those things that ponies shouldn’t have to think about?”

She felt the burn of shame, and a flare of anger blossomed in her chest.

“I believe we’re done here,” she said, stepping off the chair and moving to leave.

“As I told your sister, part of my job is to talk with those who want to talk.” He didn’t move, merely watched as she continued toward the door. “As with most of my patients, if you wish to leave, that is your right. Should you decide to return and speak with me, my door remains open.”

It took Celestia two weeks to return. The first week had been spent trying to put what he’d said out of her mind, and failing badly. The second week had consisted of internal debates over not wanting to appear weak, and not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d been right.

She’d finally decided that such fears were petty, and beneath her. If a professional thought he could help her, then she had a duty to the ponies she served to seek out such help.

Which was all that was keeping her from walking away from his door without knocking.

Biting her lip, she squeezed her eyes shut, took a breath, and raised one hoof to knock on the door.

He came to the door rather quickly. “Princess?” He was still wearing a sleeping cap, and yawned before adding, “I can’t say I was expecting your visit at this hour.”

Centuries of waking earlier than nearly everypony else to raise the sun had somewhat warped Celestia’s concept of what ‘early’ was.

“I’m sorry,” she immediately said. “I should – I’ll return some other time.”

“No.” The fatigue temporarily left his voice. “I know what it takes to admit you need help. The strength you showed now may not be so easy to find later. Please, come in.”

She looked to the guard who had come with her. He nodded, stepping into place just outside the door.

“Just let me put on the kettle for tea…”

Author's Note:

There's at least two, possibly three more chapters of this to come (much of which is already written). I expect to have this done by next week.

Comments

[njits23]

Celestia getting therapy. I think this will be a good form of different.

[twilight_aurora_sparkle]

potential gold!!! .
Can't wait to see more.... Great job!

[Eroraf86]

Ohhh, this is GOOD. Therapy is absurdly underrated. I can't wait to see how this goes!