Return to Equestria

by David Silver

5 - Questions

"There he is." A mare wearing a headset, the microphone boom in front of her mouth, was grinning, her eyes locked on the strange new biped that had become the overnight mascot of Joypad's place. "Now, according to reports, he is friendly." She wandered up towards him as she spoke, a recorder at her side slowly turning its tape, capturing her words. "But let's find out for ourselves."

"Welcome to Joypad's," greeted the strange creature named David, spotting her before she could finish sneaking up on him. "Do you have a time card?"

The mare froze, spotted! "Uh..."

"You need a time card to use the machines." The strange creature pointed one of its many digits at the array of computers available. "First time here? Just ask Joypad at the counter and she'll get you hooked up."

"It is friendly," she noted, her paralysis ending. "Hello, strange creature! I'm News Flash."

It was at that instant that David could figure out what the mare was. It was quite convenient that ponies generally had such straight forward names. "Nice to meet you, Miss Flash. Reporting on the store, or me?"

"Both?" She stepped closer by a few clops of her hooves on the tile floor. "Where did you come from? Where do you live? Are you Joypad's pet? Is Joypad your pet?

"I'm not domesticated," assured David. "Though fairly well tamed. There is a difference."

News leaned forward with shining eyes. "Do tell. What is the difference?"

David hadn't expected that, but he wasn't really opposed to explaining things, so off he went, "Alright. Domesticated animals take generations of work. You're basically making them into always-kids, trusting in their caretakers to handle most of their needs and slow to get angry or scared."

"Are they bothering you?" called Joypad from the counter. "Hey, stop pestering my tech support!" She waved a hoof at News Flash.

News cringed at the rebuke. "We're just talking. Baltimare deserves to know the truth!"

"She's not bothering me." David sank down into a sort of crouch/squat. "Now, taming is taking a wild animal and making it alright to be around. It's still wild, not domesticated, but friendlier." He pointed at News. "You are tamed. You were taught from a young age what was allowed and not allowed, but your instincts are still there."

News inclined her head left and right. "Huh! Huh! Well, who tamed you then? Was it Joypad?"

"Nah, I'm way too old. Pretty sure I'm older than Joypad, but she didn't share her age with me, so I can't be sure."

"How old are you?" She leaned in all the closer. "How old do.... What is your kind of creature called anyway?!"

"That's a human," noted somepony else at a computer that hadn't even been part of the conversation. "Duh."

"Living Evermarsh," laughed a mare not too far away.

"Hue man," News repeated, saying each syllable as its own word. "Note to self, check references for 'Evermarsh'." She cleared her throat, still looking up at David. "Do you come in peace?"

"That was a lot of questions." He stood back up. It was more comfortable standing properly. "I'm a bit over fourty and middle aged if that helps. I prefer peace by a pretty big margin." He spread those strange things wide. Hands. "You're cute, by the way."

News began to blush. "W-what?"

"I like the whole reporter outfit you have on there." He pointed from her hat to her jacket. "It's very on point."

"I do my best." She curled a hoof as she struck a proud pose. "I'm not trying to hide what I am. New Flash! Here to get all the news worth hearing. Out to every listening pony in Maretime bay!

"Newspaper?" guessed David, not seeing a single camera anywhere nearby trained on the interaction.

"Newspaper," agreed News with a firm nod. "Can you read?"

"Read, write, type, and even do math if I have to." David shrugged at that. "If you thought of me as a funny-looking pony, you'd be close to the truth."

"Are you a funny-looking pony?" A new smile grew quickly. "That would explain everything."

"I don't think so." Humanity, funny-looking ponies. Well, from a certain point of view... "More of a strange simian. Fortunately, nothing stopping a simian and an equine from getting along."

"Huh..." News leaned to one side and the other. "You're a monkey?" Her eyes dipped towards his hands. "Those look about right..."

"Only if you're a horse."

She snorted in a very horse-like way. "Point taken. David the human... stallion?" He nodded at that. "David the human stallion," she repeated more confidently. "Middle aged. That's older than I'd expect some creature to... whatever this is. You aren't from here, obviously. Where are you from?"

"What, middle aged people can't adventure?" David smiled at the idea. "I always hated that trope. Always young people sent off into strange new things. What, do we just turn into corpses the moment we're past our 20s? Besides, this isn't that dramatic of an adventure so far. I moved to a new city--" He waved about a bit vaguely. "Found a nice person, and started working for her."

"Fascinating." News was still a moment. "Joypad being the nice pony, I assume?" David nodded, words not required. "I see... Well, thank you for this interview. I may be back, but until then, keep an eye on the paper. Your story'll be in there, no doubt. Maybe even front cover!" Her eyes shone, clearly hoping that would happen. "Until then." She twirled back towards the exit, tail giving a final lash as she got to trotting away.

"You alright?" asked Joypad as David wandered past. "You can't let news ponies just shove you around. They'll never leave you alone if you don't draw a straight line in the sand."

"She wasn't bothering me." He leaned against the counter, not blocking the way for customers. "These are questions that're gonna come up. Maybe just printing them out will skip a lot of steps."

"Or bring more gawkers." Joypad brushed at her multi-colored mane with a sweep of her hoof. "Consider that?"

"Which means more hooves in your store." He waved a sweep of fingers across the busy computer café. "Sounds like a win for you."

"But what about you, dummy?" She thumped his available side roughly. "You don't want to be my freakshow, do you?"

"It's not that different. I take that back. It's different in all the right ways." David noticed a new jar. "Get out." He dipped down for a better look. "You got sugar free lollipops?" His mirth bubbled into laughter. "I couldn't find these, back where I came from. I looked."

Joypad looked quite proud at David's amazement. "They use some kind of seaweed that's sweet, but isn't sugar." She plonked her hoof down on the top of the jar and gave it a twist, revealing the nutritional label. "Zero calories, but all the flavor!"

"Get. Out. Oh, wow, great. Can I?" He reached for the lid of the jar with wriggling fingers.

"For my favorite Evermarsh reject?" She popped open the lid, stuck to her strangely sticky hoof. "Go ahead. Shoot, I'll admit I was guessing. The way you were talking, I thought maybe you wouldn't like sweet things at all."

"No problem with sweet." He dug out a blue one and ripped the cover off before it vanished into his mouth. "Mmm, a touch of sour. I like it. Sour blueberry. This is a real treat."

Joypad brought her hooves together silently. "So sugar's fine, calories bad, got it. I'm figuring you out, Dave."

"Oh no," he cried in mock horror. "Someone that just cares about me." To her surprise, his hand came down on her shoulder. "Seriously, thank you. It's pretty rare someone thinks about what I might want and just... does it. I appreciate it, a lot."

The two met eyes a brief moment before the next customer appeared and her attention went to them. Business paused for no ponies.

"Sir!" a little voice squeaked. Looking down, David could see a familiar little colt. He had a name! He had been told that name at least once. A pity it was lost forever... "Sir," they repeated, performing a strange gesture, a hoof applied directly to the center of their own forehead as the other hoof went to the center of his belly.

The gesture David knew! He repeated it back, hand on his head and the other on his belly. "I recognize and welcome you."

The colt began to cheer, bouncing on all fours. "I knew it! Do you remember me?" He pointed at himself eagerly. "I'm Pipster, and I love your games!"

"They aren't my games exactly," defended Dave, hands up. "But they are good games, eh?"

"Super!" Pipster bounced from front to back hooves and back again. "Is there gonna be a new one?!"

"Hmm... Only the weave can be certain." It was a phrase humans in Evermarsh used a lot.

"Oooo...." Pipster was eating it all up. "Show me a little magic." He reared up, holding hooves close. "I can keep a secret! It's not that big a deal. Unicorns can do magic too!"

An idea came to David. He plucked a pen sitting on the counter behind him and held it up before Pipster. "See this? It's solid, rigid. Go ahead, inspect it."

Pipster took it in a hoof, turning it left and right as it remained stuck. "Yep, just a pen." He offered it back.

David pulled it free with a faint pop. "And yet." He began to wobble the pen up and down, holding it just at the center point so. Light did its trick, making the pen look like it was more made of rubber than a straight thing as it bent at impossible angles in the shaking. Would it work on a pony? David had no idea, but he was ready to try.

Pipster's wide eyes as he followed the pen was answer enough that the optical illusion worked just fine on pony eyes. "Wow!" Ponies did not have little fingers to clutch a pen the way David was, making the trick less popular, which also meant it was more effective. "How..." He suddenly grabbed the pen.

But the pen was solid. It wasn't rubbery. This only made the event more magic. "Whaaaaaaaa..... Whaaaaa!" His eyes only grew wider by the moment. "Whaaaaa? Ohhhhhh yeah!" He pumped the hoof with the pen attached. "Real human magic! Thank you so much!" He stuffed the pen away as if it were the magic artifact involved. "You are the best! When the next game comes out, I'll get it for sure."

"As the weave would want it," half-laughed out David. "So long as you have fun with it."

"Always!" And off he dashed, scampering out of the shop in quite the hurry.

"What... did you do?" There was Joypad, behind her counter. "It's not often I see Pipster that excited about anything but new game release day." She leaned forward onto an elbow. "And it ain't that, so spill it."

"Just a little human magic." David shrugged, though he couldn't help from keeping the smile on his face. The joy he had brought to the foal, well, it felt nice in kind. "Harmless, I promise."

"I'll be the judge of that in my shop." She sat up, crossing her arms. "Show it."

So it was that David took up a fresh pen and got to waggling it until it flowed and wobbled as if it were made of soft rubber in the motions. "Behold it!"

"Huh..." She leaned in, squinting. "That is... not bad. But don't break my pens." She pointed to the cup they were supposed to live in.

David dropped the pen right back in, where it landed with a tink, whole and unrubberized. "There you go."

She reached to inspect the pen herself, but could find no hints of its temporary rubbery nature. "Huh... human magic?"

Author's Note:

Human magic! We can make pens wobble, and create typos! Beware human magic.

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Comments

[harts fire]

Human magic! We can make pens wobble, and create typos! Beware human magic.

aww yes the fear of hidden Typos. i just live with them and keep pushing forward.

a grate chapter, i can see this is going to be a fun story.

[Booster Spice]

During the day he goes by Captain Crunch.

But at night, he becomes Phreak Show.

[Lionheartcartoon]

Yet another story that I love to follow :)

You are amazing!

[David Silver]

11070806
Welcome to this, so far very pretty dang chill, tale!

[Morphy]

She reached to inspect the pen herself, but could find no hints of its temporary rubbery nature. "Huh... human magic?"

Everyone knows hands are magic, just ask the pony drooling on themselves while getting ear scritches and belly rubs.