FM crossover.

A collaboration myself and another AiE writer, TheScooter did of our two respective stories, RadioAnon and Flanking Maneuvers. Find all of Scooter's wonderful works here

The music fades out

"Hello hello hello and good afternoon! Welcome to First Call with Anon and The Punch! As always I am one half of the show Anon and joining me of course is the wonderful Berry Punch. Today's show is QUITE special, why don't you tell our listeners Berry?" you say.

Your partner Berry's bouncing in her seat, grinning like a mad mare, "Today in studio we have two VERY special guests, the first family of Equestria, Princess Celestia and her husband Mous! Would you be so kind as to say hello to our followers in radio land?"

"How d'you do I see you've met my-OW!" Mous starts before Princess Celestia smacked him upside the head. "You bitch...Yeah, hi, I'm Mous and...I'm in a very small room right now." He says rubbing his head.

"And I am Princess Celestia, a pleasure to be here, Anon." The Sun Goddess says daintily.

Berry giggles and Anon winks before laying it on, "The pleasure is mine and I must say for all of our listeners in radio land, you can't see her, but the princess is looking VERY well today."

Berry rolls her eyes, "Do you have to hit on EVERY female we have in studio?"

"I don't hit on you"

Celestia titters. "Oh, I don't mind a bit of...amorous conversation from time to time!...But I am afraid that my more "active" days are behind me now. I am a married mare.

Mous speaks up. "Meaning she's afraid what I'd do to get her back once we got home."

Berry perks up, "Interesting that you mention that sir! It's WELL known that you and our Princess have an... Uh... Unorthodox approach with each other. For example, I recall hearing a story about a Griffin ambassador and the term 'pressed ham' mentioned... Whatever that means."

Anon nods, "Yeah, basically, what's the deal with the 'love hate' thing you two?"

Mous leans back in his chair and smiles. "We're the one the other loves to hate."

"Ooooookay," Berry warily says with a quirked eyebrow. "But you two DO love each other right? I mean you're married."

"Frequently. Unfortunately." he says.

Celestia bumps into him with her flank. "Oh hush. To answer your question, Berry, of course my husband and I love each other. We would not be married if we didn't."

Mous mumbles something about "Hay sausage", but it doesn't get picked up by the mics.

"Well that's fantastic Princess," Anon says with a smile. "Really heart-warming to hear... On to a touchy subject if you don't mind. How old are you?"

Berry smacks Anon out of woman instinct.

"One thousand two hundred and eighty, but she lies and just says she's an even thousand." Mous says.

Celestia glares down at her husband as he rests his elbows on the table.

"What?" he asks.

"Always trust a fellow bro with the truth!" Anon exclaims, putting his hand up for a high five.

Berry rolls her eyes and groans in annoyance.

Mous meets Anon's hand in a high-five. "The truth shall set us free." he says.

Berry face hoofs, "I am SO sorry Pri-"

"Now now my charmingly chubby chum, this is leading somewhere." Anon narrowly avoids another angry hoof. "OK! SO... Might I say, you don't look a DAY over 628. But, I also expect you to live A LOT longer. Is... Is Mous going to age regular? Maybe another 40 or 50 years left?"

Mous sighs and leans back against his chair with a far off look in his eye. "I don't age anymore. Whatever brought me here stopped that."

Celestia was quick to step in. "A fact that we are both happy for, right dear?"

Mous shrugs in response. "Eh."

Berry and Anon look at each other briefly before Berry chimes back in, "That's actually very storybook and kind of sweet. Almost like you two are meant for each other."

"Only because we're the only ones who put up with the other's shit." Mous says.

Anon pauses on the station delay, "You know, studio rules forbid swearing, but just for today, you two got our backs?"

Berry shouts, "Shit yeah! They going to argue with the royal family? Doubt it. What do you say?"

Mous arches an eyebrow. "The mics on now?"

Berry and Anon share glances again, "Uh yeah, we've been on for quite a while now."

Mous leans into the mic. "Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits fart turd twat prick."

Berry falls out of her seat laughing, pulling her headset out of the console.

Anon removes his hand from the delay and nods approvingly, "Fuck yes sir! So I guess it's going to be THAT kind of show today. Listener, if there's any small children or those heavy of morals, you may want to tune back when a calmer program is on... Like The Vinyl Scratch."

Celestia rolls her eyes. "Honestly, can you NOT tarnish our reputation just for once?"

"Didn't you do that by being the city-wide passage to adulthood for every two bit stallion with good hair and a decent sized prick?" Mous says.

Celestia leans closer and stares down her husband. "My activities prior to when we met are none of you-"

Celestia is interrupted by her husband speaking in a very high falsetto as he imitates her voice. "Oh look at me! I'm the immortal ruler of a kingdom who went STIR CRAZY during my first century and now fucks everything with a pole or hole! So line up everypony and get it before I have to go fuck up trade negotiations AGAIN."

Berry's still on the floor.

Anon leans nonchalantly against the desk, "Shaaaaaame I should have been here sooner. Who knows, maybe THEN I'd have had some sun in my life and not..." He stares at the rolling Berry, "....Not a complete idiot.... Glad married life turned things around for you though."

"Sun exposure is unsafe." Mous says.

"Not that he doesn't enjoy a tan every so often~" Celestia corrects.

"Looking for love in all the wrong places, buddy?" Mous asks, ignoring his wife.

Berry regains composure enough to shout up from the floor, "Story of his LIFE!"

"QUIET DRUNKY!"

After a brief moment to get Berry all plugged back in, she asks, "So tell us about your sister Princess, she's oddly reclusive except under certain circumstances."

Mous seems to try to stifle a giggle as he turns his head away from the microphone and Celestia clears her throat.

"My sister...was away for a very long time. She has been re-familiarizing herself with her kingdom and her people in recent days, but I assure you that she does get out to see some of her few friends."

"Especially the little British ones." Mous says between laughing fits. At least before Celestia uses her magic to bop him in the head with his microphone.

"Indeed, one thousand years on the moon for trying to plunge the land into eternal darkness. I'm sure making friends after that long is difficult." Anon says, "Maybe we should have her in the studio one of these days, maybe get her to open u-."

Another Berry punch, "YOU just want her in so you can hit on her too!"

"My Miss Punch, you offend! Besides, sounds like she has a classy fellow all lined up anyways." you say in mock offense.

Mous has his hand over his mouth and seems like he's about to burst.

"My sister is not currently seeing anyone, Mister Anon. But I will pass your invitation along." Celestia says.

A few words escape Mous's covered mouth "Take a seat right over here" being the most clear.

Berry frowns, crosses her forelegs and glares at Anon.

"Sweeeeeeeet! You know, love to get to know her, she seems like an attractive lady."

Berry sighs and adds 'rolling her eyes' to the list of her symbols of annoyance, "Anon, she was trapped on the moon for a thousand years, she doesn't need you trying to take advantage of her."

"It's not that, she... It's like she probably WANTS friends, but her awkwardness... It must be like... Crawling in her skin, and these wounds... Well they will not heal... Not without help."

Annoyance has become violence.

Mous smiles "Awwww, they're like us but with more blows to the head and less character assassination. But sure! Bring Luna on, this might actually get her to get out of the damn castle and not sing so fuckin' loud in her room all day."

It's Anon's turn to be disabled by the giggles.

"So you two, what IS life like living in the castle?" Berry asks, "What's it like to get waited on hoof and mane?" Her eyes light up, "All the luxury and servants and respect!"

Celestia clears her throat. "Life in the castle has it's up sides, and the servants-"

"-Are constantly either avoiding us out of fear of being involved in something or trying to jockey favour by helping." Mous interrupts.

Celestia rolls her eyes. "Just like politics."

Berry puts her chin in her hooves and sort of stares off, "Still, it's like what every little girl dreams about-"

Anon claws his way back up from the floor, "You're just lazy and don't want to get out of bed to make your own breakfast."

"Not that YOU would know." She scoffs.

"Bitch! I had to carry you to the bathroom once!"

Yet another Berry backhoof, "I was drunk and you know it you ass!"

"At least she doesn't sing in the shower..." Mous says.

Celestia glares at her husband, not that he seems to notice.

"Loudly."

Never mind, he knew.

"And off key."

Celestia's wing comes up.

"And showtun-GAK!"

Her wing bounces off her husband's head and quiets him. "I am glad to see we both know how to handle our men, Miss Punch."

"And this is why I like interviews like this Princess, it helps prove that you're no different from the rest of us." Berry says with a sly grin.

"You mean abusive?" Anon asks, rubbing his head.

She laughs and says, "I mean able to handle loud mouthed jerks who can't control themselves. Princess Celestia! Taking care of business! A THOUSAND MORE YEARS!"

"Great, another thousand years of waking up to a horn in my mouth." Mous grumbles.

Celestia beams her practiced royal demeanor the entire time.

Anon checks the clock, "Well looks like our time's ALMOST up, but before you two go we have one final question. After this you're both going to a meeting to discuss KCOLT coverage for The Grand Galloping Gala and Berry and I would like to ask you personally seeing as that we've hit it off so well, if we could be the representatives for the station?"

Berry's eyes become VERY wide.

"Yes."

"Now dear." Celestia starts. "There is a proper way to go about doing thi-"

"Then consider it a royal decree for any and all listening. These two are to be reporting at the Gala and Berry here needs to help me run the drinking contest."

Celestia sighs and shakes her head, albeit with a smile on her face. "I suppose we can a make a single exception in this case."

Mous reaches up and scratches Celestia's ears. "Awww...see? I knew I stuck with you for a reason."

"Mutual tolerance?" Celestia asks.

"Blatant abuse of power."

Anon claps his hands and cheers. "FANTASTIC! A royal decree and everything! Well I'm sure the execs will have no problems, after all, who could say 'no' to those violet eyes and that prismatic mane."

Berry's still just staring

"I could and do say no often. It's all about setting boundaries in a relationship." Mous quips.

Mous waves his hand in front of Berry's face. "But I think we killed your co-worker."

Anon waves dismissively, "Oh no, don't worry about her. She's just always wanted to go to the Gala and sh-"

Berry reaches up and yanks Anon down to whisper in his ear off mic, "You do know that gig was supposed to go to Vinyl and Octavia don't you?"

"Eeeeyup, but no one can REALLY say 'no' to a royal decree."

She lets him go and shakes her head with a slowly creeping stunned smile.

"It was great having you two," Anon says in a bubbly tone.

"We were very pleased to be here, you two." Celestia says.

"Nice to get out of the Sex Dungeon once in a while." Mous quips.

Celestia sighs. "He means the royal apartment."

"Sex Dungeon."

"Apartment."

"Sex Dungeon."

"Apartment!"

"Sex Dungeon."

"APARTMENT!"

The royal couple is silent for a few moments.

"...Sex Dungeon."

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