Pinkamena Diane Pie: Consultant Detective

by Time Pony Victorious

The Ponyville Party Pony (2)

My first impression of Pinkamena Diane Pie was rather simple and straightforward: hyper. I recognize that it is sometimes difficult for somepony to see the perpetually smiling, cake-eating, hyperactive, singing party pony as a master sleuth with incredible mental faculties. When I was first able to cast my eyes on the revered pink pony, she could barely stay still, mouth running at Mach 5. I was quick to dismiss her as some random pony ruffian.

But shortly after learning who she was and what she could do, it became clear to me that Pinkie Pie was far beyond any pony ruffian and was instead an incredible pony with incredible gift. To this day it always struck me as incredible how intuitive she was, not only observing absurdly well at minor details that other ponies would miss but connecting those details with information extrapolated from her own experience and logical inductions.

Although I may not be as skilled as Pinkie in her amazing train of thought, I am, at present, well-practiced enough to be able to observe and conclude data for myself. Pinkie's speed and experience, however, greatly overshadows mine as she almost resembles a supercomputer of sorts rather than a pony. Her mind was a simple paragon of logic and reasoning, simply incredible.

I had been sent (nay, ordered) by Princess Celestia to oversee the Summer Sun festivities whose proceedings would be held in Ponyville. I insisted to the Princess that my studies on the stray weather patterns from the Griffin Frontier that were interfering with Canterlot's weather team and would produce, in 200 years, major ice storms would ravage the eastern front of Equestria.

But the Princess had decided that the festivities would provide an excellent opportunity to engage in social niceties and such.

"'Make some friends!'" Spike finished reciting the correspondence he had regurgitated earlier. He nodded vigorously, in obvious agreement with the Princess. "She's right you know, it can't be good for you, being cooped up in Canterlot University's library all day."

Shifting my saddlebags on my back more comfortably, I rolled my eyes and examined Ponyville as the chariot approached. It was a tiny village, small, quaint and humble, nothing like Canterlot or Manehattan which boasted its architectural wonders and booming industries. This looked like a village that time, and the rest of the world, forgot, a freedom away from the hustle and bustle.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said with a wavering voice as the chariot experienced minor turbulence despite the low altitude. "I am the Princess's student, it's practically my job to keep up in my studies otherwise… what kind of student would I be?"

"But the Princess said to overlook the proceedings."

I waved a dismissive hoof irritably. "That'll be a piece of cake, I can get that done quickly and get back to my studies."

"I could go for some cake right about now," grumbled Spike. "Or some sapphires."

"There's a library around here somewhere, right?" I asked, hoping to distract Spike from his stomach-fueled fantasies. Thankfully, the little reptilian responded, nodding as he peered over the chariot and pointed toward the east side of town at a large oak tree.

"The Golden Oak Library," he said. "Nopony has used it in like ten years though, but the Princess set us up to live there while we do our work."

"An unused library?" I frowned. "Why would somepony have a library and not use it?"

Spike chuckled, patting me on the shoulder. "I know right? Crazy!"

I got the feeling he was being sarcastic.

The chariot finally touched down in the town's square. The ponies there paid us no mind while others looked at us with revere and respect and a few others stared at us strangely, as if wondering if we were going to partake on some of their fresh goods.

Spike and I stepped off the chariot and I turned toward one of the pegasus escort. "Your chariot has a poor suspension, the weakening of the hull kept making it tilt to one side, try to get that fixed, okay?"

"Of course Ms. Sparkle."

They left us and Spike walked off, consulting a comically large map with the hopes of leading us to the library he mentioned.

"Nice place," I remarked off-hoofedly. "A bit quieter than back home."

"Some peace and quiet might be good for you," Spike said, not looking over his map but navigating perfectly somehow. "You know, it relaxes the mind."

"Have you been attending Hive Mind's spiritual sessions again?" I asked, remembering the eccentric "spiritual leader" duping innocent ponies into donating exceeding amounts of money to his program.

Spike chuckled nervously and buried his face deeper into the map. "He gives me free sapphires sometimes…"

Smiling, I remembered how easily driven Spike can become if led by his stomach. For such a tiny dragon, he could certainly eat a lot. Then again, in comparison to me who would sometimes forgo meals that disrupt my study-time, everyone could appear gluttonous beside me.

Finally, after a few misadventures and accidental wayward turns on the road, we found the library. It stood in solitary a large oak tree, impossibly huge, with massive branches and an impresses foliage on them. Proper windows were placed on the tree which were barely illuminated and just outside was a large sign that read "GOLDEN OAK LIBRARY".

"Cozy," I said, looking at the tree. "But… why a tree?"

Spike shrugged, folding up the map and tucking it under his arm. "Why do ponies do anything, Twi? This town seems a bit weird to me, to be honest."

Keeping my opinions to myself, I walked up to the door and lifting my hoof to open I found that it was already slightly ajar. Frowning, I turned to Spike. "I thought you said this library was unused?"

"I did," Spike answered. "According to the Princess, nopony checks out books here anymore."

Weird, I thought. Perhaps it was just a bibliophile enjoying the solitude of an unused library, like I would in this situation. Opening the door, I was greeted by a warm candle light that lit up the interior that opened up to large bookshelves with a grant assortment of books. Not as impressive as the catalog in Canterlot, but still a decent enough haul, I suppose.

But the bookshelves have been ransacked, dozens upon hundreds of books were thrown about the library, littering the floor. Gasping at the atrocity to these lovely books, I scanned the room to find the culprit when I saw him. He swooped from the addition upstairs with a book in his beak and flew down to the middle of the library.

He was a tiny but mature owl, with a light brown body and coffee brown wings. His inquisitive eyes scanned the large pile of books before casually hopping to another, smaller pile and depositing his book there. Before the owl could take off again, I stomped inside and ensnared him in my magical grip. The owl had, however, not resisted and merely stared at me with a curious expression.

"What do you think you're doing? You're ruining these books!" I yelled, bringing myself snout to beak with the creature. "Who do you think you are mister?"

"Hoo?" was the owl's response.

"You!"

"Hoo?"

"You! The owl! The owl messing the library up, I'm talking to you!"

"Hoo!"

"Ugh!" I released my magic on the owl and turned around in frustration. Spike tapped my shoulder gingerly and frowned.

"Uh, Twi, that's an owl. I don't think you're gonna get much out of him," he said.

"Hoo?"

"You," answered Spike.

"Hoo?"

"I'm talking about—"

"Spike, it's an owl," I interrupted, ending this weird comic cycle. Why was an owl in an abandoned library stacking up these books in a seemingly random order?

"GERONMIO!" A pink blur crashed like a meteor in front of me, splashing into the pile of books as if it were a pool of water. Almost instantly did the pony poke her head out of the pile, staring at a large tome intently. That's when I got my first good look at her.

Her pink mane was impossibly curly without rhyme or reason, her manic blue eyes were filled with energy and devotion, darting everywhere as if she couldn't get enough of the world to see. She was positively pink, like her fur accurately represented her mood: bubbly.

I could only stand there, mouth agape at what just occurred. Spike, however, was laughing his tail off. "Oh man! That was sweet! Do it again!"

The pony took a quick look at Spike and looked at me, she lingered on me for a moment longer, making me feel like I was under a microscope, trapped under the scrutiny of a scientist.

"Sorry for scaring you. I'm Pinkie Pie and this is Owlowiscious, he's my current assistant! He doesn't talk much but he's really good at handing me books to read! Isn't he awesome? Anyways, I'm sorry I can't talk to you any longer, but I'm reallllly busy on this case, as busy as a bee in fact! So, bye!" She said all of this in one breath, standing up, with her book on her back, she trotted off to another room.

Undeterred by this eccentric pony, I followed quickly, hungry for answers. "Wait, wait, Ms Pie—"

Suddenly Pinkie turned around with a bright smile on her face. "No, it's Pinkie Pie! All my friends call me that!"

"Right… Pinkie Pie. What're you doing here anyways? You said you were on a case? I thought this library was closed and why are you piling up these precious books like that? What is going on here?"

"I'm on a case, I need these books for reference but it's so boring to look through each book so I have Owlowiscious—" The owl gave a customary "hoo" at his name – "Pile them up so I can just jump into it and find what I'm looking for like that."

"Okay, but what do you mean by a 'case'? Are you with the Ponyville police or something?"

Pinkie Pie wrinkled up her snout, as if offended by the question. "No, I'm a consulting detective, the only one in the world!"

"Consulting… like a private eye?"

Pinkie shook her head. "Nope, I go in and help solve the cases the others can't, and that's a lot. Pinkamena Diane Pie, at your service."

I scoffed. "Professionals didn't need the advice of an amateur, that's why they're professional. So, listen, I'm going to need you to clean this up, please I have a lot of important work to do. I'm sure your little consulting business is great and all but I have some real work to do."

Pinkie frowned and took a step forward, making me take a step back. Her excited blue eyes seemed focused now, intensely focused on me, as if trying to extract information from my eyes through sheer willpower.

"You mean overseeing the Summer Sun festivities, a responsibility which you'll probably hurry through to get to your self-inflicted studies quicker?"

"H-how—"

"You're a student of Princess Celestia, very studious and socially stunted as a result. You dive into your books every night despite everypony insistence that you get out and make some friends. You won't listen of course being as intellectually gifted as you are, but it's clear everypony disapproves. Your brother, in fact, disapproves greatly. But you don't listen, you tend to follow your head on most things like breakfast this morning, you skipped out on it, preferring a small muffin over the meal you were given. You headed out as soon as you can, just to finish your work in hopes of pleasing the Princess. Oh, the chariot you rode on is leaning a bit to the right and your charioteers need to practice better mane hygiene."

I blinked, awe-struck just as I imagine Spike was, absolutely speechless. Pinkie merely smiled at my stupor. "You are right, on one thing. Professionals don't consult amateurs."

Comments

[I am not a Dalek]

[Time Pony Victorious]

3350891

[Time Pony Victorious]

3353509

They are meant to be a sporadic, almost random, but they coincide with a larger plot point that will be addressed later. It is intentional, initiating the, frankly, sporadic style of The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes and even both the volumes of the Sherlock Holmes collection as per Dr Watson's style. The narrative between each short-style has little rhyme or reason.

It is entirely intentional, thank you for your interest, however, and I hope you enjoy further installments . The chapters with the Doctor will be addressed in the future

[Dropped C]

3353642 Sorry, I think you misunderstood me. I get that style. I meant that using the Doctor broke the pacing, not that your writing style did :P

The rest of the fic is very good. It's just that the Doctor breaks completely the suspension of disbelief :P

[Time Pony Victorious]

3356755

The Doctor has a certain role to play but it will not be regular. In fact, his next appearance will be his last.