Sunset vs the Neckbeard

by Autistic Witch

sunset vs the neckbeard day 3

First floor halls of Canterlot High
Sep 3, 2015, Before the first bell

Sunset had gotten to school early to ask Principal Celestia if Mama Beard had tried anything else. Sunset was a bit better educated on the lunacy of entitled parents due to her mom being a college professor. The only type of parent college professors deal with are crazy, entitled ones. When Sunset reached Principal Celestia’s door, she gave her signature four nocks. I wonder if each student has their own nock. Can Celestia tell each of us apart by our nocks? Everyone I know has their own unique nock. I wonder if that remains consistent with a larger sample size? Sunset was pulled from her musings by a ‘come in’. She entered into Principal Celestia’s office and was pleasantly surprised to see Vice Principal Luna in there as well.

“Good, you’re both here. That’s not something I’d normally say. Any way I was wondering-”, Sunset said but was cut off.

“You were wondering if Mrs. Beard tried anything over the weekend.”, Principal Celestia said.

“Have I really become that predictable?”, Sunset asked, half offended.

“We’ve made it a point to learn how to predict you and your antics.”, Vice Principal Luna said.

“Killjoys.”, Sunset said.

“Ehem, to answer your question. Yes, Mrs. Beard made a complaint about me and Kiba to the school board. That was a fun call to receive. “Yes Mr. school board president, there was a dog on campus. The dog was one of the parent’s seeing eye dog. No, I did not make him prove he was blind. I know he’s blind because he has a seeing eye dog”. She also threatened to sue the school and me personally. Sigh, gotta love dealing with crazy.”, Principal Celestia said.

“Hff. Yep, favorite time of the day.”, Sunset commented sarcastically. It was at that time the first bell rang. “Gotta go. Thanks for the info.” With that, Sunset left the room and started heading to her first class of the day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Basement halls of Canterlot High
After school

Today had been a good, quiet day at school, for the most part. Sunset had managed to make a huge mess of the sports gear supply room. Master of ninjutsu and stealth, yes, human wrecking ball, also yes. Sunset had tripped over - something, crashed into a large shelving unit, and caused it to fall over, causing a domino effect for a third of the shelving units in the room. Luckily no one got hurt. Apparently the room got flooded back in the 70’s, and nearly 50 years of rust ate through the bolts attaching the shelves to the ground. Sunset stayed late to help clean up the mess, and that’s why she’s still in the school at this hour. Sunset was almost to the stairs that lead up to the ground floor when she saw something that threatened to make her eyes bleed. There was Mama Beard, wearing a neon yellow tracksuit, at the end of the hallway, blocking Sunset’s path.

This can’t be good. “Hello, Mrs. Beard. Is there something I can help you with?”, Sunset asked.

“You bitchy whore broke my son’s heart and got him expelled! Now, you’re going to retract everything you said, apologize, and start going out with him!”, Mama Beard screeched, getting closer to Sunset.

Okay, arguing: bad idea. Being a smart ass: bad idea. Every person in the building: me, her, one janitor. Our location: down stairs. Location of janitor: up stairs. Weapons: me, none; her, unknown. Exits: locker rooms. Course of action decided.

With her plan of action, Sunset made a break for the locker rooms. Out of all the sections of the school, the underground sections are the most confusing. Sunset used this to her advantage, taking the most convoluted path she knew to the locker rooms. Sunset didn’t want to risk the woman being faster than her. She hoped by doing this the woman would get lost, and Sunset could lose her. Unfortunately, the woman was keeping up with Sunset. Crap, I can’t lose her. That put a wrench into Sunset’s plan. She won’t be able to pick up any real speed until she’s on less slippery terrain. Wings are also a bad option due to the narrow corridors. That’s when an idea struck her. Sunset made a beeline for the pool, the only space large enough for her to fly down there.

As soon as she passed the pool doors, Sunset ponied-up and took flight. She positioned herself over the pool but not high up. Sunset wanted to be relatively eye level with Mrs. Beard while she talked to her.

It was only a couple moments later when Mrs. Beard came barreling in. The sight before her stunning Mrs. Beard.

Sunset smirked. Perfect. “Hello, Mrs. Beard. Are you ready to talk now?”, Sunset said.

“How the hell are you doing this? I bet you got wires. What’s your end goal with this? To make me beg for forgiveness thinking you’re an angel. Well, it’s not going to work! I know that this is some trick!”, Mrs. Beard said while getting progressively louder.

“No tricks, and no, I’m not an angel either. I just wanted to talk, where you won’t be able to do whatever you were planning. Oh, and if you pull a gun, I’ll kill you.”, Sunset said in her most regal voice.

It was only then did Mama Beard realize where she was and where, exactly, Sunset was. Sunset was three feet out over the water. She couldn’t reach Sunset without falling into the water. “What do you want to talk about?”, Mrs. Beard grumbled.

“That’s the smartest thing I’ve heard you say.”, Sunset said. Now I just need to make her see reason. “Both you and your son need serious mental help.”

“I don’t need-!”

“SILENCE! It is my turn to speak. You will get your turn. Starting with Obadiah. No sane person raves about using their powers, they got from being a reincarnation of an ancient warrior, to take over the US with any seriousness. He should’ve grown out of it by now. As for you, attacking a child on school grounds, breaking into the school- whoa.”, Sunset was cut off by Mrs. Beard jumping to grab her.

Sunset moved up and back out of instinct, keeping her well out of reach of Mrs. Beard. Mrs. Beard hit the water with a swap and splash, and Sunset made a ‘I am so done with this face’. Mrs. Beard resurfaced after a couple seconds, looking even angrier.

“Here, I’ll help you out.”, Sunset said while reaching down towards Mrs. Beard.

“Don’t touch me you freak!”, Mrs. Beard shrieked while batting Sunset’s hand away.

“Fine, have it your way.”, Sunset said. She decided to stick around for a bit, not confident in Mrs. Beard’s ability to swim, especially with a water logged tracksuit weighing her down. Before too long, Sunset’s suspicions were proving themselves correct. Mrs. Beard began having trouble keeping herself afloat. “Do you want my help now?” Sunset reached for Mrs. Beard again.

“You keep your filthy hands off me, you dyke.”, Mrs. Beard said, spitting up water.

“Wow.” No one, outside of her girls, had ever called Sunset that before. The feelings that were brought up from being called that in a malicious manner were interesting, but she’d explore them later. “Interesting you call me that when you’re the one filling up with water.”, Sunset said mockingly.

Mrs. Beard had no response.

Growing bored with the situation, Sunset flew over to the pool’s flotation ring and tossed it to Mrs. Beard. Sunset walked back over to the pool’s edge, and as soon as she saw Mrs. Beard was holding onto the floatation ring, Sunset took a photo of her.

“What are you doing? Delete that photo right now!”, Mrs. Beard said.

“We’re in a public space, lady. I can take as many photos as I want. Interesting how ‘lady’ can be derogatory or very respectful, depending on the context and who’s using the word. Isn’t English wonderful?”, Sunset said in an obviously fake bubbly voice.

“You’re retaliating for me calling you a dyke! Stop that, this instant!”

“You’re right. I am retaliating for you calling me a dyke, and don’t worry. I’ll stop now. I already got your confession on tape. That officially makes this a hate crime.” Sunset had been recording the conversation since she took Mrs. Beard’s photo.

“You can’t record me without my consent! That’s illegal!”

“Actually no, it isn’t illegal for me to record this conversation. Maine is a single-party-consent state, and I have my consent. Now, I shall take my leave, and again don’t worry. I’ll be sending the police down here. They can help get you out of the pool.”

With all that done, Sunset began making her way back to where she was trying to get in the first place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Canterlot High’s front lobby
5-ish minutes later

As soon as Sunset left the school’s basement, she checked her phone to see if she had any missed calls or texts, can’t get a signal in the basement, and oh boy did she. She had several missed calls from her mom. That wasn’t surprising, considering how late it had gotten. It was going to be more annoying than anything else to calm her mom down. Sunset knew where she was coming from, and she was right to get freaked out. That, however, didn’t change the fact that calming her mother down was a process.

Sunset had barely finished getting through the doors, when she was pulled into what would have been a bone shattering hug, if not for her increased durability. Up side of alicorn durability: I’m not suffocating. Down side: mom’s hugs can go one for longer. Once being let go, Sunset filled Brigid in on what happened.

“So, wha' do ya wanna do?”, Brigid asked.

“The plan’s to call the police, wait here for them, send them a video I recorded, and let them deal with the crazy lady.”, Sunset said.

“Sound’s good. ‘Hat’s in da video?”

“Mrs. Beard’s confession to calling me a ‘dyke’. Don’t.”

“Ya don’ even know wha' Ah’m gonna do.”

“You were going to go down there and go all ‘Irish mama bear’ on the Karen.”

“Okay, ya know wha' Ah was gonna do.” That made Sunset smirk.

Fast forward through a phone call and 15 minutes, two police cars with three police officers showed up. After receiving a basic rundown of the situation and directions, two of the officers entered the school to arrest Mrs. Beard, and the remaining officer is got the lowdown from Sunset.

“That’s when she lunged to grab me. I got out of the way, and she went into the pool. I tried to help her out of the pool, but she refused and called me a ‘dyke’. I have a recording of her confessing to that, and I gave her the floatation ring and left.”, Sunset recounted to the cop. That was technically the truth. She just left out ponying-up and where she was relative to the pool and let the cop fill in the blanks.

“Okay, if I give you my email, can you send it to me?”, Officer Spear Head asked.

“That's why I got it.”, Sunset said. With that, Officer Head wrote down the email and gave it to Sunset.

A couple minutes later, the two other cops came out with a dripping wet Mrs. Beard, shrieking like she was possessed. “Assault! Assault! This is an unlawful arrest! Assault!” Mrs. Beard then turned her head to face the other present trio. “Arrest her! She’s a demon! Show them! Show them what you really are!” Mrs. Beard continued to be dragged away, turning back to shout at her escorts once too far away to see Sunset. “Unhand me! I’ll sue you and you and this whole city into the ground!”

“Ma’am, you have the right to remain silent, and I highly recommend you exercise that right-”, one of the officers began reading Mrs. Beard her Miranda Rights.

“Why is it that whenever there’s trouble, you and your friends are somehow involved?”, Officer Spear Head asked in a more casual tone.

“It’s a gift”, Sunset retorted. “Plus, we do have a tendency to make ourselves involved.”

“Shinie’s right. You seven are going to be the cause of the apocalypse. I guess I’ll see you and your dad in the courtroom.”, Officer Spear Head finished, before heading back to his car.

With that debacle over with, Sunset and Brigid made their way home. “Ya now, I think I actually prefer T-rex mama. At least she wasn’t vindictive.”, Sunset mused.

Brigid shuttered at the memory that brought up. “Uhg, fuck dem dinos. No more dinos.”, Brigid grumbled while Sunset giggled.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunset’s bedroom
11:00 pm

Once the mother, daughter pair got home, Sunset told her dad what had happened. For the first time in four years, Sunset saw Anzhong’s face turn red. Those sayings about ‘the fury of a patient man’ are very true. Emi even signed “You get the top. I’ll get the bottom.” to Sunset, in case they needed to grab him, and Kiba hid upstairs like the “heroic and brave” dog she is. Luckily, no such actions were needed, as they merely had extra creamy mashed potatoes that night.

Fast forward to now, Sunset has informed Princess Twilight of the events of the last two days and was now, basically, giving her a lesson on US law. “So this first amendment thing prevents you from charging him with treason?”, Twilight asked.

“Correct, he didn't make any direct threats to the president’s life or take any action towards that goal.”

“So, what are you going to be able to charge them with?”

“We’ll be able to charge Obadiah with harassment and assault and Mrs. Beard with assault of a minor, breaking n’ enter, aiding to the delinquency of a minor, and resisting arrest.”

“What will that get them?”

“Depending on if he’s tried as an adult or not, Obadiah could face anywhere from community service to prison time and a fine. Mrs. Beard is definitely going to prison.”

“Is your dad going to be taking the case?”

“Maybe, It’s up to the state.”

“This has got to be the craziest non-magical thing I know happened to you. Is this the craziest non-magical thing that happened to you?”

“Yeah, it was really crazy, but I’ve dealt with worse. In a couple of months, this will be just another stone at the bottom of the pond of life.”

“Nice metaphor.”

“Thanks. My mom taught it to me. Helps a lot with trauma. It’s getting late. I’ll write you soon.”

“Bye, Sunset.”