• Member Since 4th Mar, 2021
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

eemoo1o


Just a writer. Not good with descriptions, though.

T
Source

Thorax was always considered a nuisance to the Hive. He was useless, he wasn’t Changeling enough, and so he was shunned.

Eventually, his brother was forced to ask him to leave.

Now, it’s Pharynx’s turn, and it’s put both of the brothers in each other’s hooves.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

That's good and all, but...

Reject Skittlebugs

Return to walrus fangs

I really enjoyed the way you navigated back and forth between current and past events, using parallel phrasing and sentence continuation as transitions. Very effective way to show the ling' brother's relationship :twilightsmile:

The wording of some sentences came off as peculiar and confused me thusly, such as this one, early on:

Pharynx stormed right past it as if an unshakeable crown storm clouds plagued him everywhere he went

I assume there's just some kind of typo or missing word throwing it off. :pinkiesmile:

Always excited to see more of the changeling bros. A very nice short story! :moustache:

Great story. Really nailed that sad feeling, and certainly did a good job of portraying the parallel situations bugbros found themselves in. As NavelColt said, great use of shifting from past to present.

10992619
Thank you for pointing out the typo! I'll correct it, now.

I've actually been working on a Lion King-inspired (just little elements here and there) story containing Thorax coming to terms with his role as king and a patriarch-to-be, with elements of Chrysalis' control sprinkled here and there. But, I have no idea when I'll be done, when it will be submitted, or how the overall product will be.

I love your stories - it's nice to know I'm not the only one obsessed with King Thorax as much as I am. I appreciate your feedback greatly!

Edited:

Pharynx stormed right past it as if an unshakeable crown of storm clouds plagued him everywhere he went

Wow great story from Pharynx point of view. Sequel?

10992887
That sounds interesting! I'll definitely have to watch you if it means more buggos. :pinkiehappy: And I'm glad you enjoy my stories. Sometimes my reputation precedes my own knowledge. :twilightsheepish: I guess writing about Thorax and the skittle-lings before it was cool helped with that. :rainbowlaugh:

Edit looks good. :heart:

Out of all the fanfics that deal with Pharynx’s feelings towards the hive’s new ways, this is my favorite so far.

That ending though. Poor Phar.

10993336
Why, thank you! I've often seen Pharynx being described as a metaphor for an old veteran, or similar, and I think that fits really well.

I tried to stray away from him looking different his whole life (lighter chitin, red neckfin, purple eyes), so/because being moreso now (unreformed amongst a reformed Hive) wouldn't be much of a hassle to him. Heck, even reformed he looks so, so different. Probably because, well, it's a completely different matter entirely.

Reading the end of your comment as "low/poor par" instead of "poor Phar" had me worried, but it was my own misunderstanding. :twilightblush: -- But, speaking of which, if there's anything you didn't like or think I should change, I'd love to hear it! Constructive criticism is always welcomed!

10993363
Honestly, I didn’t really see anything wrong with it. I honestly think your portrayal Pharynx is also pretty believable in this situation, being emotional (especially at the ending) without overdoing it. It’s something a few writers, myself included, have trouble with when writing this character.

10993063
My edit thanks you on complimenting its appearance. If you squint, the plot of my hopefully-upcoming book (or, at least half of it) is layered into here. This wasn't necessarily meant to be a prequel - because 4everfreebrony's awesome song is awesome and fic-inspiring - but it ended up with some elements in it.

Also, a few quotes from The Lion King. I counted two, but who knows? You can never get enough Simba-Thorax! :pinkiehappy:

10993374
I’m listening to the song right now. I already know the message is supposed to be depressing, but dang that beat is catchy—

10993370
I had trouble portraying him, too. He's gruff, but so interesting. It's a shame we didn't have more than one episode with him (speaking). The only way I can really compare him to anything is, well, Husk from Hazbin Hotel. The second time watching the pilot I had to actually double-check that they weren't portrayed by the same guy (they aren't, but Bill Newton voiced Bright Mac, which, to me, is pretty nuts).

10993386

It's a shame we didn't have more than one episode with him (speaking)

It’s a shame we didn’t have more than one episode with him period.

10993374
There are a lot of Lion King parallels with the changelings even without reaching that far, too. :twilightsmile: I'm not sure if you've ever watched the sequel, Simba's Pride, but Chrysalis is a mirror image of Zira. They are both manipulative, selfish, opportunistic, ruthless matriarchs that used faux affection for their followers to disguise their lust for power and conquest. They both had followers who followed them largely out of desperation (constant hunger), and were both betrayed by their followers once they found a better way of life.

They both rejected someone reaching out to them to reform...both dramatically fell off a cliff. I could go on. :rainbowlaugh:

I'm 100% convinced that the S6 Finale found inspiration from the climax of Simba's Pride. There are even panning camera angles of crowds facing in the same exact way, at times. All very interesting stuff!

derpicdn.net/img/2021/8/27/2687683/medium.jpg

Look forward to what your book does with that crossover aspect! :pinkiesmile:

Aww...poor Phary...he needs a big hug!!!

10993633
He definitely won’t enjoy that. 😁

10993648
Which is why I must do itttttttttt! He needs to see others besides his baby bro love him!

10993654
Oh. Okay. I’m happy I don’t have any flowers.
Phew!

10993390
He was in the finale, I'm pretty sure.

But, the way I get into writing specific characters is by either watching them in the show, or listening to songs describing the situation. What's helped me with Pharynx here is Hallelujah (MLP:FiM Verses) by 4everfreebrony, and Sam Haft's Moxxie's Bad Trip (Original Version) and My World is Burning Down Around Me. Surprisingly, once I got in the zone with the dynamic between the brothers, I put Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls on (I'm not a Thorynx shipper, I swear) because it's catchy.

I've actually made playlists for much longer fics I have planned, to get me in the "mood" to write them. Heck, I've got a whole playlist just for Discord. (It's the theremin, I'm sure). It helps a bunch.

10993997
Wow. Might need to try that strategy sometime.

10993997
Music is invaluable to writing. I listen to my music in a way where the mood of the situation is what I'm listening to. I have playlists for Empathy (anything feelsy), Hype (action scenes), and Ambiance (songs without lyrics, anything that I can zone out to).

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