The Bug and the Wanderer

by Thesane1

Chapter 2 Bite My Tongue

It felt like forever before the tears came to an end. Long enough that rain had begun to fall in the meantime, casting the cave entrance into muted darkened shadows. It felt like the world was answering my tears in kind, the sky's themselves crying for my people. Alison was now sitting with his back to the closest wall. His eyes were closed, and softly, I could hear him humming something to himself, the tune nothing I recognized. It was soft and sweet, perhaps a lullaby. He had backed off a little while still staying relatively close, attempting to give me some space, the action meaning a surprising amount to me.

The last time I had cried like this was a moment I didn't particularly appreciate remembering. No tears escaped me the day my mother passed on, nor did I cry the days afterward. When I finally broke down and grieved her was the day of my official coronation. It hadn't felt real until then, I suppose. My mother had been an oppressive force, Drilling into me how a royal is to walk, talk, speak, and breathe. So when she was gone, it didn't feel like it. Everything about my life was dancing to her tune, and If I thought the influence and shadow would die with her, I would have been so sorely mistaken.

In the night, right after my coronation, after all the pleasantries and congratulations. A weight settled into my chest. I was queen. All my life, I was being taught how to do this, but now it was happening. Despite the ghost of my mother whispering teachings into my ear so ingrained into memory, I could recite many of them this very moment. She was gone, and the hive fell into my hooves. The futures and lives of my subjects were now resting on me being a good queen. The realization must have broken a wall within me in some way, no matter how obvious it should have been to me. It hit me all at once, and I broke down alone within a lavish royal bedroom, high above those starving below, trusting me to lead them into the light. But I had never seen it either. I was just as lost.

I failed them just as I hoped I never would, yet somehow, I'm not alone. Wiping the remains of tears from my face with my bandaged limb, I broke the silence that had settled again. "What you said was really dumb. I just wanted you to know that." I said it with as much of a smile as I could muster directed towards him.

My poor attempt at humor just now being equally as stupid as anything Alison had said. His words seemed genuine in attempting to be comforting. They weren't perfect, but if they were, the more they would have felt fake. As if he was trying to gain something from comforting me rather than an honest attempt at reaching out and meeting me in the middle somewhere.

He stopped the soft hum and opened his eyes. Face still turned to look out at the rain falling, he spoke to me. "I suppose so." Reaching up and settling his hand tenderly on the back of his neck, he continued. "I'll admit I have a terrible habit of talking about stuff I shouldn't, and there are things I should leave myself well and truly out of. But what can I say?" He turned to look at me, giving me a sad smile. "I gotta try."

I couldn't meet his eyes, looking back down to the bandage. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I-i want to start again. Can we do that? Start over?"

I hated this. It felt like I was trying to fly backward through tree sap. I so desperately wanted to escape this vulnerability, but my masks had only managed to hurt people. He didn't deserve that. The least I could do for someone in return for saving my life was allowing them respect. There being nothing else I could give him.

"My name Is Chrysalis, Vasila. I am pleased to meet you. I am truly in your debt, a-and I apologize for my earlier actions." My words almost caught in my throat as I said them, feeling ridiculous attempting this.

The words sounded so fake to me despite being true. They tasted like paper and felt just as thin. Had I truly worn the mask so long that simple Words of honest regret and casual introduction sound alien to my ears? Had I gotten that bad? When was the last time something was a request and not a demand? A suggestion and not an order. Even if some could see through me, When had I last been me?

"I'm Alison, Strider, just as pleased to be meeting you. You're Majesty." He paused for a moment." And I'm Kelly, Strider. Glad to finally get a chance to speak to you." His voice was just a little lighter after the pause with slightly different inflections. It was eerie and more than a little off-putting. Even knowing he wasn't crazy, it still came off as really creepy.
'Kelly' was smiling at me as she continued. "Thank you for the apology but, we really do understand that you were in a rather raw emotional state and probably still are. We didn't take it personally." Punctuating statements with dismissive waves of her hand.

It made me realize how different their body language was. I learned how tense Alison usually is in that moment of observation, with Kelly's movements and posture being loose and more fluid.

"So forgive me for not grasping everything perfectly but, how are you, brother and sister exactly? The family resemblance is a little hard to find between a snake thing and a minotaur, I must say." Was this a safe topic? Something to talk about that's not weighed down by emotion and regrets.

"Well, Kelly's our mother's kid, and I'm our mom and dad's kid. So Brother and sister. Pretty simple, I would think." What part of that did they think was "Pretty Simple"?

"Why the distinction between Mother and Mom?" I asked them and was interested, but my heart wasn't there, and I could tell. I sounded hollowed out, not quite there. I shouldn't have asked about family. How could I be so stupid?

"Mother is what we usually call our mom's S'line." He said the words flat as if confused. Alison was continuing the conversation but had caught on to my growing state.

"So, do both of your parent's host S'line?" I need to keep talking. This is fine.

"Of course. Everyone does. It's like saying grass gets wet when it rains." They pointed outside to articulate the statement. His eyebrows furrowed now, concern once again across his face.

I was frozen. What came after this? Do we talk about the weather, not try and broach all the horrible things just outside? How all the blood was washing away in the rain. It was looming, permeating my every thought. I couldn't escape it. What use was it to pretend things were okay? To smile and say pleasant things, to introduce ourselves in a less tainted light. Cause it wasn't tainted, everything was. And that was my future now, Tainted by blood. I can't ignore it, but I can still attempt to be kind to them within this nightmare.

I steeled myself and asked something I feared to. "Was anyling else alive out there when you approached?" I knew I didn't want the answer. But no more hiding. That brief moment was torture enough in its own way.

"No. I didn't see anything that even looked remotely like a person. A lot of green blood, but..." He trailed off, looking out at the rain.

"But what?" I asked, annoyance slipping into my tone. I didn't have time for him to dance around whatever he was thinking.

"But you survived, right? So chances are someone else did." He met my eyes before looking back outside. "they might not live long without assistance though. I'll be right back, okay." He was gone with a blink of my eyes. There one moment and gone the next.

Then I was alone again. I didn't want to dwell on the thought, so I figured I would see how my wings were doing. I unfurled them, making sure to check them thoroughly, and found them in excellent condition, which surprised me given how delicate they are. I could have lost them due to the fall relatively easily if I had clipped a tree.

With that wellspring of activity completely dry, I turned my attention to the one place I had been avoiding and dreading. At the rest of the world beyond the cave. At the blood-stained ground and bodies piled high. But when I looked out. I saw a brilliant green landscape. Trees swayed in the wind as the rain fell upon them. Everything was being cast into muted colors by the dark clouds above. However, I could see a gap in the shadows in the distance where the sun was still streaming through onto the forest far away.

We must be higher up than I thought. Looking out at the ground near the cave revealed a small stream of water that had formed, flowing past the entrance no green stains from when I had crawled in here anymore. The rain had long since washed it all away. I could walk away from it all right now if I wanted. Alison was an excellent opportunity if I wanted to run away from facing them again. No doubt they already knew that the invasion had failed, but they might not know how bad it had gone.

It has to be me. I won't let what's left of my people hear from some Propaganda piece made by our enemies, how their loved ones died. No step one is to get back to the hive. I have to face them and let them pass judgment on my failure. We couldn't destroy those who cursed us to die alone. In hating and killing me, maybe they can find some path forward.

He was taking forever. The longer he stays away, the more concerning it's going to become. What if he does find someling who survived? I... I want to believe that someling could be alive. Just maybe, for once, the news won't be bad. I'll blink, and he'll be back, a changeling under each arm. I knew it was fantasy, just something to be broken into further despair. A borderline manic desperation was taking hold in my heart, and I desperately wanted the image formed in my mind to become true. I clung to it. Just please let one live. I had to be crazy thinking about it, but I even stooped to asking the curse for a favor. As if it were a person to be bargained with.

"You can take anything if just one ling made it. I would gladly have lost both wings, if only. Would you please take something else this time? My people have suffered enough at your hooves." Fresh tears dripped down my muzzle. I thought my eyes might have gone dry with how much I had already cried, but the world loved to prove me wrong.

When I blinked and rubbed at my eyes, trying to force the tears away. It was as if the curse had indeed granted my wish. Before me, Alison stood holding a single Changeling tenderly in his arms, blood dripping down his front and pooling onto the floor. The changeling had both minor cuts and large gashes covering Its form. The trees must have broken his fall while also leading to this sorry state.

"he's breathing, but he's dying." He sputtered to me with urgency, fear evident in his voice.

"H-how do I heal him? You started healing faster when I was bandaging your wounds. How d-do I do that?" His teeth were chattering, making his words stutter. It couldn't be that cold out even with the rain, summer still in full swing. It must be nerves.

I responded with equal haste. "You have to love them. That's our strength and our greatest weakness. We turn the emotions of others into power." I motioned for him to come closer

"I can help with the transfer of energy, but it's all on you to provide enough emotion for it to work."

Altogether forgoing my attempts to save as much energy as possible
I allowed myself to look at Alison's emotions, preparing to transfer some of my pitiful reserves. No one else has to die. His emotions were a beautiful aurora of swirling colors. I had never seen anything like it. It was like watching a storm high above the clouds swirling and twisting. Perhaps because he has two sets of emotions within the same body?

I shook my head. There was no time to become distracted; we had a life to save. Alison quickly stepped near me, holding the dying Changling between us.

"summon up your strongest positive feelings and direct them towards the ling in your arms. I will help with the transfer and speed things up. Just be aware It may feel very taxing on your end."

He nodded in response while his arms shook slightly. He had his jaw clenched tightly and determination in his eyes. I saw his emotions start to take a primarily green and yellow hue. As the ling took a shallow breath, I saw a small amount seep into him. It was time to start on my end.

I opened my mouth, beginning to collect the emotion rolling heavily around us. Once I felt I had enough, I redirected it towards the ling, rather than absorbing it myself, adding Some of my already distilled energy with the raw emotions to speed things further. I don't care about the cost. I would give it all if I must.

Already I could see the effects it was having. Many of the wounds had stopped bleeding. Though that did nothing about the small pool already covering my forehooves. We just needed to keep it up. We just needed to save them. I poured more of my energy into the mix. I could already feel myself weaken further, but it didn't matter. I couldn't fail them again.

"Chrysalis, I don't want to bring bad news, but my vision is getting spotty.
Alison sounded tired. It might have been a bit presumptuous to think he could aid in my recovery as well as fully heal this Changling. Looking between them, I could see how the ling's breathing was more at ease and how most of his wounds were at the least in a manageable state. Alison, on the other hoof, looked pale, almost on the verge of passing out.

"This will have to do for now. We're going to bandage the rest." And hope he makes it through.

Alison gently laid the changeling down in front of me before standing. He swayed a bit as if the motion dizzied him, pressing a hand against his forehead. Alison stayed like that a moment before quickly shaking himself and reaching into a large pocket on the leg of his pants, pulling out a small bottle and a half-empty roll of gauss. Leaning back down and resting on his knees, he began to clean and wrap the lings wounds. His movements were quick and practiced. Though occasionally broken by a slight tremor in his hands.

I took a look at the changeling's face. A peaceful expression was present on his muzzle. As if having a relaxing nap on the stone. I laid my head down next to his, gently pressing against the warm chitin. He's going to live. I know it. At the thought, I felt joy swell in my heart. Before a darker uncertainty rose, will he forgive me?

I don't know if I even deserved their forgiveness. But that's the future. Right now, I needed to make sure living to make the decision was possible. My horn cast the cave in a soft green glow as I readied a simple healing matrix. It would cost me. The days after this will be harder for me, undoubtedly. I cast it anyway. Pain rushing into my mind as my body told me what I already knew. I needed to stop using energy for things other than not dying.

Now though, I could rest more easily, knowing that they would live with the healing and the emotional energy boost. This ling might be doing better than anyone else in the cave when they did finally awake.

Lifting my head back up to look over at Alison, the living miracle he was. I found him sitting against the wall again, looking at the two of us with a puzzled expression on his face.

"What was that?" His voice was weak, eyes drooping. The light must have been unexpected, keeping him from well-deserved rest.

"A simple healing spell. It hopefully dealt with some of the internal damage enough that the energy can settle and get to work more efficiently." No more death; it was becoming a mantra at this point.
He had managed to give me hope again, as fragile as it felt within me. I took a heavy breath, savoring the air in my lungs.

"Thank you." I had never meant those words more in my life. Reaching out, I clutched the ling close to my barrel. I was alive. This ling was alive. The steps after this were towards the future. Not bright and shining as I had wanted, but it existed, and that's all I could ask for.

Comments

[Thesane1]

10998025
I see this as a major win, by the way.

[Thesane1]

10994653
Thank you for the actual criticism. I appreciate it.

[Thesane1]

10993926
Where they at?

[Background Bystander]

Enjoying it so far, keep it up.

[ARandomLonelyDude]

11011224
Go for my head. Probably in there.

[Ali della Morte]

This is heartwarming. I can't wait for the next chapter. I hope it comes soon.

[Chrissy_Fly]

Can't wait for the next chapter

[Thesane1]

That's valid. Dang it.
Where Alison and kelly come from is different from both equestria and earth so most explanations are difficult to keep simple. When I try and give a truncated answer, I feel as though it just causes so many more questions. But I am trying to work on that.

[Onyx Wulfgar]

This is amazing and feels really compelling, can’t wait for more!

[Thesane1]

11076039
Thanks! I hope to actually do more work on this soon.

I've been stricken with the writers curse.

As soon as I started writing this story like 5 major things happened which sucked up all my time. Dang it. Very not dead though. So thats good.

[Crimson Eon]

This is wonderful, waiting patiently for more

[Thesane1]

11150103
I'll do my best to make the wait shorter then.

[sicklyhare]

11150893
just came back to this out of curiosity and this fills me with much hype, hope you're able to continue, I'm gonna reread this and enjoy it all over again

[Chrissy_Fly]

Update?

[Thesane1]

11321233
You drive a hard bargain I must admit.

[Ann Hook]

This is great! I had to make an account so I could keep track of it, good job 👌👌👌

[TheDoctorRet]

Really nice story.
I really like the 'Mama' vibes that Chrysalis gives in this chapter. Just in general, I really like this version of Chrysalis that shows feelings while also understanding her mistakes that she made.
Pls give as more of this piece!

[ImAbronyFagg]

11321858
Do you accept?