• Published 22nd Sep 2021
  • 7,057 Views, 499 Comments

New Noses To Know - Irrespective



Baked Bean and Princess Celestia have welcomed their newborn into the world. Now the fun begins.

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4. - Couples

* * * *

“Quill! I’m back!” Wysteria kicked her front door shut with a rear hoof, dropped her clipboard on the entryway table, and moved towards her front room. “Is everything okay?”

“Just fine,” Quillpoint called back. “I just got the twins to sleep.”

“How have they been?” Wysteria asked as a smile overtook her and refused to leave. Her beloved sergeant was sitting in the overstuffed recliner, a precious bundle of sleeping filly in each foreleg, and she gave him a kiss before looking Elegant Flourish and Lilac Inkwell over.

“Pretty good for the most part. I changed their diapers not too long ago, but they’ll probably be hungry when they wake up.”

“Is it bad that I want them to be weaned already?” Wysteria said with a shake of her head. “I mean, I don’t really want them to be, of course, but I am looking forward to the day when they can eat solids. I feel like a dairy cow with overactive udders right now.”

“I’m sure you do. Still, let’s not rush it. They’ll grow up faster than we want them to anyway, so I don’t want to speed up the process and have them moved out by next month.”

Wysteria snickered. “Gee, my parents couldn’t wait to kick me out. But you do have a good point.”

“How did everything go at the palace?” Quill asked as Wysteria retreated a step and removed her secretarial collar.

“It was fine. Trixie is handling everything pretty well without me, so she and the Princesses agreed that I should take the rest of the month off.”

“You didn’t hurt your incision at all, did you?”

“No, it’s fine. I was sitting the whole time.”

“I don’t know why I’m so paranoid about that, especially when you’re not.” Quill shook his head at himself, then gave the twins a slight wiggle. “Do you want to trade? I can get dinner going so you can relax.”

“Maybe in a minute. I need to correlate some notes first, and I should probably use the bathroom, too. It’ll just take me a few minutes.”

“Okay. I’m serious about dinner, though.”

“I’ll let you handle it, don’t worry.” Wysteria chided playfully. “Oh! Lieutenant Spear Point also wanted me to tell you, quote, ‘Tell my Corporal that he needs to get his sorry rump back into formation already,’ unquote.”

“Have there been problems at the palace while I’ve been out?” he asked with some concern. “Chrysalis tried to do something, didn’t she?”

“No, there’s been absolutely no problems at all, which is probably making Pointy nervous,” Wysteria called over her shoulder as she moved to the restroom, which thankfully was close enough that she could continue her conversation, provided she left the door open. “Chrysalis is still leeching off Hokey Pokey, but Spear still has a couple of guards tailing the pair and reporting back to him and the Captain. Oh, speaking of which, both Captain Armor and Princess Cadence will be in Canterlot next week, after Apollo’s crystalling. I guess they want to meet with Ambassador Horwitz while they’re here.”

“That explains why Lieutenant Point wants me back,” Quill replied. “Would you be okay here by yourself if I did go back to work?”

“Yes and no. I think I could handle the twins, but it would be a lot easier if you were here to assist me. I wonder…”

“Wonder what?” Quill asked after a moment.

“I was just thinking that I might be able to ‘borrow’ Mama Nana for a bit. Princess Celestia did say I could, after all.”

“She did? If the offer still stands, then that might work. I don’t like the idea of leaving you here alone.”

“I’ll send a message to Trixie and see if something can be arranged. Odds are Celestia will send Mama Nana over as soon as she gets it.”

“I could see that happening. Mind sending a message to the Lieutenant for me while you’re at it?”

“I’ll let him know.”

“Out of curiosity, does Trixie still burp up the messages when she gets them, or did she ever figure out how to receive them normally?”

“She knows how to get them the normal way, but more often than not, she burps them up still. Something about grossing out the nobility, and Prince Bean just chuckles and makes the same old ‘better out than in, I always say’ joke.”

“Sounds about right.” Quill paused as Wysteria washed her hooves, then continued as she walked back to him. “I’ll have to compare dad jokes with him when I go back.”

“Oh, great. That’s just what our daughters need.” Wysteria kissed her smirking special somepony. “But it was inevitable, I suppose.”

“I’m not too worried. Your elegance and intelligence will cancel out my lameness, I’m sure.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” she dryly shot back. “But I do hope they pick up on your devotion and organizational skills.”

Quill scoffed. “Are you kidding? These two are going to have massive obsessive-compulsive problems thanks to us. If anything, we’re going to have to teach them how to relax.”

“I suppose that means we’ll need to learn first.” Wysteria tapped her chin and gave Quill a playful glare. “So, having said that, when are you going to take me on another date, mm?”

“How about tonight, if you’re feeling up to it? We can head over to that pasta place over in the Quarter.”

“That does sound good. We haven’t been there since we broke up, have we?” Wysteria bit her bottom lip for a moment in thought. “That’s where you took me on our first date, too. That’s fitting, then.”

“Fitting? How so?”

Wysteria didn’t immediately reply. A surge of joy had just attacked her, and a few tears of happiness trickled out as she tried to keep her composure. “I want to talk about marrying you. Where else would be better?”

“Marriage?” Quill’s eyes widened. “Are you sure? I thought we were going to wait and give us some time.”

“We did, but I’ve had a change of mind. It’s the most sensible thing to do, really.”

“It is?” One of Quill’s eyebrows slid up into his mane. “What do you mean?”

“Tax breaks.” Wysteria said with glee. “If we file jointly, and with two kids, we’ll get a massive refund next year.”

Quill rolled his eyes with a laugh. “Of course. How very practical. I suppose we should plan a date and begin preparations while we’re out, then?”

“That would be prudent, yes,” Wysteria said. “But you’d better get me a ring, too.”

* * * *

“You are a cruel, cruel stallion, you know that?” Chrysalis huffed.

“I am?” Hokey Pokey flashed an innocent smile, propped his elbows on the table, and rested his chin in his forehooves. “Do tell.”

“I should have seen this coming from a mile away and changed into anything but myself.” The Queen of Lovey Dovey Smoochy Land glanced around the tavern, then wilted slightly when all she saw in return were hard glares and deep frowns, only not quite as bitter as she expected. In fact, there was a thin thread of… relief in the air? “You’re trying to make me feel guilty for my checkered past, aren’t you? Well, it’s not going to work, you know. I regret nothing!” she proclaimed before throwing back what was left in her tankard.

“I wasn’t trying to do anything,” Pokey said defensively. “You’re the one who always insists on coming to the Phoenix Fire. You really should tell me when you stop liking a place.”

“It was different when I wasn’t me,” Chrysalis shot back.

“Was it easier for you to forget that ponies have a very real and legitimate reason for disliking you when you looked like us?”

“Oh, you’re an absolute riot, you know that?” Chrysalis snarled.

“You didn’t deny it,” Pokey noted over the top of his own glass. “Blame me all you want, but it’s not my fault that you feel guilty.”

“Yes it is. Everything is your fault.”

“If you say so.”

Chrysalis slumped into her seat more as the bartender began to weave towards them. “Look, just level with me. Why are you so insistent on parading me around Canterlot without any kind of disguise? It’s gotta be some sort of horrible attempt at punishing me.”

“Evening, Hoke. Chrysalis.” The bartender took a moment to wipe the impeccably clean table free of any microscopic mess before placing a large fluted glass before the buggy Queen.

“Evening, Trigger,” Pokey replied.

“Need a refill?” Trigger asked, then nodded when Pokey grunted in the affirmative. “Right then.”

“What is this?” Chrysalis sniffed the oddly fragrant concoction before her, then licked up one of the strawberries that was hanging from the rim.

“Just a simple strawberry daiquiri, Your Majesty,” Trigger replied. “Normally I’d salt the rim and add some lime, but you look like you needed something extra sweet tonight.”

Chrysalis let out an involuntary chirrup of confusion. “Why?”

“Sure looks to me like you’re getting quite a bit of bitter from the patrons tonight,” Trigger replied in a smooth and even tone. “So, I thought I’d sweeten things up for you. Try and even things out a little.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” Trigger bobbed his eyebrows before beginning his retreat. “I’ll be right back with another round for you, Hoke.”

Chrysalis finished chewing her strawberry, then licked another one off the rim of her glass. “Did I tell you ponies are weird?” she added through the chewing.

Pokey shrugged. “Maybe some of them appreciate having you out in plain sight instead of worrying about what you’re plotting in the shadows.”

“You have a really bad sense of humor, you know that?”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny,” said Pokey with a shrug. “If you’re here with me, that means you’re not trying to impersonate another pony and take over Equestria yet again. Thus, despite the expressed hostility, every pony in this bar can relax and enjoy their evening more fully. You’re contained and controlled here, like a tiger in a cage at the zoo.”

Chrysalis let out a small, annoyed harrumph. “So that’s what you’re doing. Just have to parade me around Canterlot, to boast and brag. ‘Behold! I, Hokey Pokey, have tamed the wild and mysterious Queen Chrysalis! Come and gawk at this once mighty creature who used to be the stuff of the darkest nightmares!’”

“Right,” Pokey said with an amused snort. “As if any pony could truly tame you.”

The statement brought a tiny thrill of joy that made Chrysalis sit up a bit straighter and smile slightly. “A fact that I suggest you remember, my Pokey-poo.”

“With that being the case, it thus becomes impossible for me to ‘parade’ you around,” Pokey went on. “Nopony in their right mind takes an unrestrained wild animal into a major city.”

Chrysalis leaned back and frowned. “If you’re quite done with giving me the runaround, I’d like a straight answer out of you at some point, please.”

“Here you go, Hoke.” Trigger’s timely appearance prevented a reply, a full tankard with a perfect head of foam drawing Pokey’s attention away from the Queen.

“Keep ‘em coming, Trig.”

“Say, since I have you here, Your Majesty, let me ask you something.” Trigger pulled over a free chair and sat with a devious gleam in his eye.

“I don’t have to explain my motivations to you,” Chrysalis replied with a haughty sniff.

Trigger scoffed. “Trust me, we all gave up on trying to understand you a long time ago. What I want to know is why you still hang around with this sorry sack,” he said with a jab of the hoof towards Pokey. “I don’t get it, personally. I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that a bar is a terrible place to pick up a date, but is he really the best you can get?”

“Hilarious as always,” Pokey grumped before taking a long draft.

Chrysalis, however, was willing to play this game, and she grinned. “I suppose I could go find that first stallion. What was his name?” She made a show of tapping her chin, her gaze subtly taking in the suddenly concerned look on her sweet Babboo’s face. “Some sort of color, I believe.” She tisked, sipped her daiquiri, and smacked her lips. “I just can’t think of it. Too much to drink tonight, I suppose.”

“Between you and me, I’d go find him,” Trigger said. “Hoke here is far too uptight for his own good.”

“I’ve told him that many times,” Chrysalis replied, her grin growing. “So there’s your answer. As soon as I break him, my work here will be done and I can go back to the hive.”

“Good luck with that. Hoke is thick as a brick and twice as rock-hard in the noggin.” Trigger stood, put his chair back where he’d gotten it from, and let out a small chuckle. “Once you do get back, you should really consider organizing a changeling invasion pub trot. It’d be great for business. I’ll even give all bugs an additional five percent off during happy hour.”

“Prepare to be invaded, then. Changelings are the cheapest misers you’ll ever meet.”

“Lookin’ forward to it.”

With that, Trigger made his way to his customary position behind the bar, stopping briefly to check on another patron. Chrysalis watched his return for a moment, took another sip of the delightfully fruity concoction that she’d been given, then gave a wink to her succulent centurion.

“At least somepony around here likes me,” she noted.

Pokey rolled his eyes. “You should go move in with Trig, then. Save me a fortune on the grocery bill.”

“Tempting,” she said with a wistful glance over to the potential target. “Strong, well-toned, good business sense, and all the free booze I could ever want. Why am I still with you, again?”

“You have no idea how many times I’ve asked myself that.”

Chrysalis tisked. “I suppose I should just stay with you. It’s taken me forever to changeling-ify your place, and I’d hate to lose all that hard work. Besides, Trigger’s emotions taste like stale hay,” she added while pulling a disgusted face. “Why would I give that up for Pokey-poo pudding?”

Now it was Pokey’s turn to smile deviously. “That’s just it. I don’t think you can. You’re addicted to me.”

“I am not!” she huffed, but without conviction. “You just taste good, that’s all.”

“The first step in recovery is to admit you have a problem,” he smarmed.

“Shut up. I could quit you whenever I wanted.”

“You’ll get the chance to prove it this weekend. I’m heading out of town starting Friday, and I’ll be gone for a couple of days.”

Chrysalis started a bit with this revelation. “You are? Where are you going? Can I come? I hate just sitting around the house while you’re gone.”

“I don’t think having you tag along would be a good idea. Prince Apollo’s crystalling is this weekend, so I’m heading out with Prince Bean to the Crystal Empire. Last time I checked, the only two ponies who hate you more than Prince Bean are Captain Armor and Princess Cadence.”

“Oh, pfft,” Chrysalis waved a dismissive hoof and blew a raspberry. “Water under a bridge by now.”

“Or a bridge underwater,” Pokey shot back.

“Funny.” She tapped her chin in thought. “I should come with you. I am the Queen of the Changelings, after all, and I’d get all sorts of love—I mean, good will points,” she hastily clarified “if I came along and was there for the little sunspot’s presentation.”

“I’m not going to stop the Empire’s guards from detaining you,” Hokey warned. “And I’m not going to stop the Captain’s Magic Death Beam, either. With Princess Cadence being pregnant, he’s gone into a super-protective, hyper vigilant mode. Even the mere thought of a changeling puts the Empire’s finest forces on high alert.”

“Then I’ll just have to do things differently, then.” Chrysalis buzzed a bit as another glorious and foolproof plan began to come together in her head. “I can make this work for me. Just you watch, Hokey Pokey. This will be one of my greatest triumphs.”

“I can’t wait to see how this explodes right in your face yet again,” Hokey replied with a deep grin.

* * * *

Author's Note:

With deep thanks once again to Wing and No Longer Sober for allowing me to borrow Trigger and the Phoenix Fire from their excellent stories,No Longer Displaced and No Longer Alone!

Sass! Science! And Surviving Shipping!