Sunny Starscout has never seen a trans person before. She’s heard about them, and even developed an empathic curiosity for them despite being cis. So, when a guy named Isaac Moonbeam comes to school one day, dressed as a girl, will this be a chance to make a new friend? Or, will the school’s less than tolerant audited be too much for her to handle?
*not sure if the teen/self harm tags are warranted, feel free to tell me they’re not, but this story dose have some bullying scenes/moments that may be triggering to some
Art used by Jade https://www.deviantart.com/jadethepegasus
Proof read by
Darksoul85 https://www.fimfiction.net/user/379211/Darksoul85
(Could still use, so feel free to note me if you feel like pointing out a lot of grammar errors)
Chapters (1)
"despite being csi" in your description.
10986401
What I spell wrong? :/
10986421
I think you meant CIS, as in cisgender, as in a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. ;)
Okay, something about that really rubs me the wrong way...
Like, really badly.
10986451
Was by design 😅
But I do see your point and may be worth re-wording 🤔
10986455
No, that's not I mean't.
Like, transphobia really hits me hard, not because I myself am trans, but I have multiple friends who are trans, and it just hurts to see it, y'know?
10986456
Well I’m especially curious to hear what you think of the story when you have time to read it then. Basically it’s the point of view I wrote myself in with Sunny
(Also, changing out freaks in description with girl or something else shortly. Hopefully that makes for a good balance of what I’m going with)
If she's trans, it'd be a girl who used to live as a guy, or a girl who was assigned male at birth, or a trans girl. She's not a guy dressing as a girl (which is kind of the point), she dresses like a girl because she's a girl.
10986934
Read the story, that was by design/make sense after (I know that’s not an excuse and means I should consider how I do things like, but still…)
10986934
Maybe that's an anime trope.
u think that one would be enuff
10988713
Well I haven’t been to school for awhile, so forgive my lack of the most current slang 😅 was simply trying to use the more timeless dialogue tbh
10989009
Key word; trying. Would love to then have you as a proof reader for the next story ❤️
I understand what you're trying to do here, and I applaud that. However, I find myself agreeing with 10988713 on some issues. I'll admit it's been a long time since I was at school, but the bullying didn't feel especially realistic. I did witness bullying, but it was nowhere near this brazen at the school I went to. Credit to Hitch eventually stepping in; I just wish the staff at my school had been more proactive.
Also, minor nitpick. I'm pretty certain Pipp's surname is Petals.
10989051
10989033
Well thanks for both your input (I do appreciate it even if I was wishing for me, “I loved this part’ kinds too 😅)
Anyways, I do admit I wasn’t aiming for ultra realism with the bullying, but, what I was getting at, both with Hitch’s, and even the teachers hesitation, is the fact that, at least in my telling, Izzy is the first open trans teen at CHS, and, as we have seen, while lgtb individuals are by and large more accepted, there are still reasons of hesitant on, not only on the queer persons half, by even more of those who are just as new to the concept. Which was why I tried to write/hint the teachers being one of two things;
Either those who are homophobic and purposely not doing anything, and those who arnt, but are so new to such a situation they’re not to sure how to act. The reason Sunny and Hitch did so at all was less because they ended up caring less about how how might their actions might have consequences (be it more of the social kind with Sunny, Zipp and Pipp, or more technical kind with hitch) and more that a student needed help, and what everyone else was doing was wrong and needed to be called out. Which, especially after seeing the movie, I will definitely come back and see if I can better touch/portray these themes after a bit of a rocky start, and any feedback is appreciated
(And wanting you as a proof reader because you say you know how the the dialogue would be better)
10989051
You are very lucky.
10989069
No problem. I'd be happy to help as a proofreader.
The first highlighted transition works fine, but these other two are unnecessary (“Then” and “Finally”).
Needs an apostrophe before the “s”
“…” works better in the stuttering than “,”
Did you mean to say “ret*rded”?
Also needs and apostrophe before the “s”
How come the students are understanding of this and not MTF? Even if non-binary is only an identity, I’d expect at least some of the students to be against it. Were they just not speaking up due to how popular Zipp is?
Why is he not looking at Izzy? Is he afraid of her?
I know Zipp goes by she/they, but this part sounds inconsistent.
Thoughts on characterization: Although you said you hadn’t watched the movie prior to writing this, I feel that every character is portrayed well. It would have been nice if Izzy got a bit more dialogue (near the end, especially, since I imagine finally having friends would make her peppy) since she was relatively quiet.
Thoughts on the plot: The plot really could have been fleshed out more. It sort of took that “bullying route” where a character gets bullied and people come to quickly resolve it. It would be more interesting if more time was given to help Izzy and to deflect the bullies. Bullying is not an easy fix, especially when dealing with LGBTQ+ topics. One thing to consider is, not all people are accepting of it (like Sprout), no matter how much explaining is done. There are also people out there (like Pipp) who are willing to be accepting and open. Giving the story the chance to explore both sides would add so much to the plot and leave room for extra characterization.
Thoughts on the LGBTQ+ representation: I can’t speak much for it since my knowledge about gender identity is very limited but I feel as if both Zipp and Izzy are represented in a positive way. Izzy is just trying to be brave and express herself and Zipp is unafraid of what people think of them. One thing I wonder is, how come no other people were supportive of Zipp and Izzy? Were they all just following the crowd, or more accurately, Sprout?
This whole Equestria girls and Generation 5 crossover inspired me to make some fanfics with this crossover, except for the whole Izzy trans thing.
Maybe someday I'll get to it if I can try to interpret what Sunny and her friends were like in the Human world as best of my ability.
Do you know it’s weird it could only be something like 10 years since The main seven went to CHS
Is Pedals intendent here? XD
Anyway, that was quite brutal description of reality but written well. And Sunny is brave and inspiring as always. Good job!
Huh, figured he'd have something cool as a human.
It sure fits the picture with what we do far know since mlp a new generation came out. 😌
Yeah I think that's why, I'm with sunny on this. 😎
I'd so want to punch sprout right about now.
Way to show them sunny!
I izzy said she won't then she won't! Some people are serious with their promises myself included.
Ha! Take that sprout!
Huh, wasn't expecting zipp to mention rainbow dash but it's a sign that she's following in her footsteps.
At least pipp is fine with this which is a good sign if you ask me.
Damn, impressive.
Took him long enough. 😒
I'm sure they count.
And ngl this story was better than I thought it was gonna be.
11120703
Actually it had more to do with the scene where Izzy says they look exactly the same, except for the horn, and the memes that fallowed;
Talking to csi women be like; “we look exactly the same! Except for this of course”
“Whoa! Careful where you point that thing!”
11121613
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200830/transgender-bronies/thread/480240/talking-to-a-cis-woman-like#comment/7580333
pbs.twimg.com/media/FAkDZN6UcAMaJol.jpg
11121713
That’s the one XD
I'm trans non-binary myself, and while I haven't been bullied for it at school (my school is really accepting)... let's just say that my parents aren't supportive. As such, I feel like the bullying scene is pretty unrealistic. Also, why did they accept Zipp as nonbinary and not Izzy?
It kind of irks me about how Sunny sees trans people like alien creatures, but I don't know how it's like when you're cis and learning about trans people so I guess I can't judge. Overall, this story is much better than I thought it'd be, judging by the like/dislike counter.