• Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

TheOneAJ


I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.

T

Sunny Starscout has never seen a trans person before. She’s heard about them, and even developed an empathic curiosity for them despite being cis. So, when a guy named Isaac Moonbeam comes to school one day, dressed as a girl, will this be a chance to make a new friend? Or, will the school’s less than tolerant audited be too much for her to handle? 

*not sure if the teen/self harm tags are warranted, feel free to tell me they’re not, but this story dose have some bullying scenes/moments that may be triggering to some

Art used by Jade https://www.deviantart.com/jadethepegasus

Proof read by
Darksoul85 https://www.fimfiction.net/user/379211/Darksoul85
(Could still use, so feel free to note me if you feel like pointing out a lot of grammar errors)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 26 )

"despite being csi" in your description.

10986401
What I spell wrong? :/

10986421

I think you meant CIS, as in cisgender, as in a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. ;)

Isaac Moonbeam comes to school one day, dressed as a girl, will this be a chance to make a new friend? Or, will the school’s zero tolerance for freaks be too much for her to handle

Okay, something about that really rubs me the wrong way...

Like, really badly.

10986451
Was by design 😅
But I do see your point and may be worth re-wording 🤔

10986455
No, that's not I mean't.

Like, transphobia really hits me hard, not because I myself am trans, but I have multiple friends who are trans, and it just hurts to see it, y'know?

10986456
Well I’m especially curious to hear what you think of the story when you have time to read it then. Basically it’s the point of view I wrote myself in with Sunny
(Also, changing out freaks in description with girl or something else shortly. Hopefully that makes for a good balance of what I’m going with)

So, when a guy named Isaac Moonbeam comes to school one day, dressed as a girl

If she's trans, it'd be a girl who used to live as a guy, or a girl who was assigned male at birth, or a trans girl. She's not a guy dressing as a girl (which is kind of the point), she dresses like a girl because she's a girl.

10986934
Read the story, that was by design/make sense after (I know that’s not an excuse and means I should consider how I do things like, but still…)

10986934
Maybe that's an anime trope.

I feel the bullying scene was very fake feeling, especially with the times now. "Freak" and "pervert" aren't really words anymore. It's more like smaller but really button pushing things like "tranny". I go to middle school, where things are real immature. But what they're saying is just not what's new. And highschool is worse, but not everyone crowding the person. More like occaisonally grabbing at her legs and checking private parts, etc. Extreme stuff.

Also I thought up a probably existing rude insult to transgender people just cause

"You're not [the gender the person has transitioned to], you're just false advertisement."

Hitch added, catching Sprout as he tried sneaking off. “I’ll be adding ten extra suicides to today’s practice

u think that one would be enuff

10988713
Well I haven’t been to school for awhile, so forgive my lack of the most current slang 😅 was simply trying to use the more timeless dialogue tbh

10989004
Yeah... Sure. Arright.

10989009
Key word; trying. Would love to then have you as a proof reader for the next story ❤️

I understand what you're trying to do here, and I applaud that. However, I find myself agreeing with 10988713 on some issues. I'll admit it's been a long time since I was at school, but the bullying didn't feel especially realistic. I did witness bullying, but it was nowhere near this brazen at the school I went to. Credit to Hitch eventually stepping in; I just wish the staff at my school had been more proactive.

Also, minor nitpick. I'm pretty certain Pipp's surname is Petals.

10989033
I'd like to say I've never witnessed bullying in my life. Maybe when I'm older but I never have. So yes, it's too brazen.

10989051

10989033
Well thanks for both your input (I do appreciate it even if I was wishing for me, “I loved this part’ kinds too 😅)
Anyways, I do admit I wasn’t aiming for ultra realism with the bullying, but, what I was getting at, both with Hitch’s, and even the teachers hesitation, is the fact that, at least in my telling, Izzy is the first open trans teen at CHS, and, as we have seen, while lgtb individuals are by and large more accepted, there are still reasons of hesitant on, not only on the queer persons half, by even more of those who are just as new to the concept. Which was why I tried to write/hint the teachers being one of two things;
Either those who are homophobic and purposely not doing anything, and those who arnt, but are so new to such a situation they’re not to sure how to act. The reason Sunny and Hitch did so at all was less because they ended up caring less about how how might their actions might have consequences (be it more of the social kind with Sunny, Zipp and Pipp, or more technical kind with hitch) and more that a student needed help, and what everyone else was doing was wrong and needed to be called out. Which, especially after seeing the movie, I will definitely come back and see if I can better touch/portray these themes after a bit of a rocky start, and any feedback is appreciated
(And wanting you as a proof reader because you say you know how the the dialogue would be better)

10989051
You are very lucky.

10989069
No problem. I'd be happy to help as a proofreader.

Sunny’s eyes lit up. A trans person, at Canterlot High! Rather recently, she had started to learn about what being trans even meant. At first, it confused her. Then it intrigued her. Finally, she started to become fascinated with the subject. Sure, it was one thing to read about it and even see a few videos about others' experiences, but a chance to meet one in person? It sounded like the most amazing thing ever!

The first highlighted transition works fine, but these other two are unnecessary (“Then” and “Finally”).

It then clicked inside the sophomores mind why this was actually bad. Really, really bad. Especially, as far as Sunny was aware, her school’s first experience with the T part of the LGBT.

Needs an apostrophe before the “s”

“It’s,” Isaac let out with a sob, “it, it’s Iz, Izzy now.”

“…” works better in the stuttering than “,”

“Well you already did,” Sprout spat. “Come on then, little boy, man up.” He gave Izzy’s hair another yank. “If you want me to stop, then take off that stupid costume, and stop acting like a restarted girl.”

Did you mean to say “ret*rded”?

“You’re not saying we should allow this?” he challenged the senior. “I mean, then what's to stop me from joining the girls soccer team then?” He clasped his hands to his face in a mock scream. “Think of the horror, and all the rightful scholarships, I would steal from you guys then!”

Also needs and apostrophe before the “s”

“It means I’m neither gender,” they clarified, getting a few ‘O’s’ of understanding before adding, rather sternly, “Anyone got a problem with that?”

How come the students are understanding of this and not MTF? Even if non-binary is only an identity, I’d expect at least some of the students to be against it. Were they just not speaking up due to how popular Zipp is?

“You, ladies, okay?” he asked, trying his best not to look at Izzy, if only by focusing his attention to Sunny.

Why is he not looking at Izzy? Is he afraid of her?

“Oh, um, yeah,” Zipp said, biting her lip as they gave her sister a thumbs up. “You keep being you, Pipp.” With that, they waved the three girls farewell, and strutted off theirself.

I know Zipp goes by she/they, but this part sounds inconsistent.

Thoughts on characterization: Although you said you hadn’t watched the movie prior to writing this, I feel that every character is portrayed well. It would have been nice if Izzy got a bit more dialogue (near the end, especially, since I imagine finally having friends would make her peppy) since she was relatively quiet.

Thoughts on the plot: The plot really could have been fleshed out more. It sort of took that “bullying route” where a character gets bullied and people come to quickly resolve it. It would be more interesting if more time was given to help Izzy and to deflect the bullies. Bullying is not an easy fix, especially when dealing with LGBTQ+ topics. One thing to consider is, not all people are accepting of it (like Sprout), no matter how much explaining is done. There are also people out there (like Pipp) who are willing to be accepting and open. Giving the story the chance to explore both sides would add so much to the plot and leave room for extra characterization.

Thoughts on the LGBTQ+ representation: I can’t speak much for it since my knowledge about gender identity is very limited but I feel as if both Zipp and Izzy are represented in a positive way. Izzy is just trying to be brave and express herself and Zipp is unafraid of what people think of them. One thing I wonder is, how come no other people were supportive of Zipp and Izzy? Were they all just following the crowd, or more accurately, Sprout?

This whole Equestria girls and Generation 5 crossover inspired me to make some fanfics with this crossover, except for the whole Izzy trans thing.

Maybe someday I'll get to it if I can try to interpret what Sunny and her friends were like in the Human world as best of my ability.

Do you know it’s weird it could only be something like 10 years since The main seven went to CHS

Pipp Pedals: new besties are best! <3 ;) ^.^

Is Pedals intendent here? XD

Anyway, that was quite brutal description of reality but written well. And Sunny is brave and inspiring as always. Good job!

“Hitch!” she called out, causing the football captain/hall monitor to fumble about.

Huh, figured he'd have something cool as a human. :ajsmug:

She had known Hitch since kindergarten as someone who wasn’t afraid to lay down the law. While they were what you could somewhat call friends, it more had to do with their parents being so close to each other. As such, Hitch cared for Sunny like a little sister (even if he was only a year older), and had been there for her on more than one occasion when her activism work had gotten her into trouble. Like the time she tried to protest school starting too early in the morning for teenagers, or when she advocated for meatless mondays, with bottle rockets. He had been firm, yet more than fair in her cleaning up the mess instead of being punished as badly as she could have been. Honestly, he was normally that way, usually, with everyone, but especially with bullying. Well, this seemed to be a special case as all he had been doing was watching while nervously tapping his foot until Sunny had called him out.

It sure fits the picture with what we do far know since mlp a new generation came out. 😌

“You don’t want to risk getting in trouble or risking your precious titles, huh?” she guessed, flicking his hall monitor badge right above the C of his sports jacket.

Yeah I think that's why, I'm with sunny on this. 😎

“That…. That’s not,” Izzy started, letting out a cry of pain as she was lifted to her feet when Sprout grabbed at her hair extensions. “Ow, ow, ow! St, stop it! Please! I’m honestly not trying to hurt anyone!”

I'd so want to punch sprout right about now. :flutterrage:

At that, Sunny retracted her hand, before firmly reaching out to take Izzy’s. “You know what, Sugar, I am.” With that, she sealed whatever fate this act would befall herself as she pulled Izzy to her feet.

Way to show them sunny! :rainbowdetermined2:

“But what if he tries to use the girls bathroom?!” Sparkle Chaser asked. Getting several other students to give a, “Yeah!”, in agreement.

I izzy said she won't then she won't! Some people are serious with their promises myself included.

“Well,” the talk girl said, puffing out her small chest. “I’m pretty sure most of my girls could run circles around you if you tried out.” To Sprout's surprise, more people laughed with Zipp than they had at his previous attempt at comedy.

Ha! Take that sprout! :rainbowlaugh:

“Well, squirt,” Zipp said, flicking him on the head with their finger. “I just did. And you know what? I always did think you were more of a prune anyways.” Dozens of students laughed to that. “Besides,” they flipped their short hair back. “All it means is that I’d prefer it if you all would try to use more gender neutral terms on me like they/them/the most awesome caption since Rainbow Dash.” They lifted their chin and confidently crossed their arms. “Its not going to cause the fall of civilization, and, I even promise not to make a big fuss about it if anyone wants to still think of me as a she/her.”

Huh, wasn't expecting zipp to mention rainbow dash but it's a sign that she's following in her footsteps. :scootangel:

“Zipp, that was like, so awesome!” Pipp said, pulling out her phone, leaning against her older sibling. “Hashtag, best coming out day ever!!!” There was a snap, and before Zipp could protest, their sister had already posted the photo and hashtag online.

At least pipp is fine with this which is a good sign if you ask me. :applejackunsure:

“And I say, these two are among the bravest, and therefore, coolest girls at CHS at the moment. Plus,” as if by magic, her phone appeared in one of her hands. There was a snap, and Pipp's latest photo with her two new BF’s found itself with over five hundred likes before anyone could say, pancakes.

Damn, impressive. :pinkiegasp:

“Alright, show’s over!” At last, Hitch finally stepped in, talking over the cries of students saying, ‘burn!’.

Took him long enough. 😒

Not only had she finally found the courage to be who she knew she always was for the first time, but, despite her fears (even when they were justified) she found herself accepted by two (not sure if Hitch and Zipp counted) new friends who had come to her aid. It was truly the best day of her life.

I'm sure they count.

And ngl this story was better than I thought it was gonna be.

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