The New Girl In Town…
Sunny Starscout looked up from her locker as several students ran one way, and dozens more ran the other.
“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked one of the passing students.
“Ugh,” the girl said. “It’s that Isaac! Always knew the guy was a creep.”
“What the?” Sunny started to question, when another pair of students unintentionally answered her.
“Oh yeah! He came to school dressed as a girl,” she heard someone say.
“The horror!” their friend replied.
“Oh wow, really?” a guy laughed. “A trans freak, at this school? God, what has the world come to?”
Sunny’s eyes lit up. A trans person, at Canterlot High! Rather recently, she had started to learn about what being trans even meant. At first, it confused her. Then it intrigued her. Finally, she started to become fascinated with the subject. Sure, it was one thing to read about it and even see a few videos about others' experiences, but a chance to meet one in person? It sounded like the most amazing thing ever!
“Come on!” someone said, snapping Sunny out of her daydreaming. “Little pervert is being taught a lesson in the cafeteria right now.”
It then clicked inside the sophomores mind why this was actually bad. Really, really bad. Especially, as far as Sunny was aware, her school’s first experience with the T part of the LGBT.
Stomach churning, she raced towards the cafeteria, arriving to a massive crowd of students. Her attention was fixed in one direction. After a little shoving, she was able to get a look at the student in question.
Isaac Moonbeam, Sunny recalled. Yes, she clearly recognized the guy now. Well, that was only sort of true. She had known him prior, but only more as a loose acquaintance she shared a few classes with. In fact, if it wasn’t for how he liked having longer hair than most other boys, she might not have given him a second thought up until this very moment.
“It’s,” Isaac let out with a sob, “it, it’s Iz, Izzy now.”
“Ah,” one of the bullies, a decently popular sort named Sugar Moonlight, said while pushing him towards someone else. “Isaac wasn’t gay enough for you?”
“N… No,” Isaac squeezed as he was pushed around. “I… I just—
“Just what?” a Sprakel Chaser said with a laugh as he was thrown back to Sugar. “Just wanted to start perverting the girls bathroom now?”
“Like, seriously, Isaac,” Sugar huffed, her cold gaze burrowing into the boy. “You couldn’t keep your creepiness to yourself? You now have to make me uncomfortable to pee as well?”
Sunny recoiled, and started to look around, wondering why no one was doing anything to stop this. Sure enough, there were a few teachers within sight, all of whom seemed either unsure, or unwilling, to address the scene. However, her confusion turned to anger as she noticed one particular face doing nothing.
“Hitch!” she called out, causing the football captain/hall monitor to fumble about.
“Who, what, I,” he blinked when he realized who had called him out. “Oh, um, Sunny. Hi!” He chuckled nervously at her advance. “You’re, um, looking lovely today.”
“Hitch,” Sunny hissed. “Why aren't you doing anything about this?!” She pointed towards the scene, stomping her foot to empathize. “Aren't you supposed to be all about peace and order?”
She had known Hitch since kindergarten as someone who wasn’t afraid to lay down the law. While they were what you could somewhat call friends, it more had to do with their parents being so close to each other. As such, Hitch cared for Sunny like a little sister (even if he was only a year older), and had been there for her on more than one occasion when her activism work had gotten her into trouble. Like the time she tried to protest school starting too early in the morning for teenagers, or when she advocated for meatless mondays, with bottle rockets. He had been firm, yet more than fair in her cleaning up the mess instead of being punished as badly as she could have been. Honestly, he was normally that way, usually, with everyone, but especially with bullying. Well, this seemed to be a special case as all he had been doing was watching while nervously tapping his foot until Sunny had called him out.
“Look, Sunny,” he said, taking her hand and pulling the girl to the side. “It’s not that not that I don’t feel bad for the guy. I do!” he said, holding up his hands to Sunny’s stare. “It’s just…
“You don’t want to risk getting in trouble or risking your precious titles, huh?” she guessed, flicking his hall monitor badge right above the C of his sports jacket.
“That’s not it!” Hitch tried to argue. “I mean… Okay, so maybe it’s a little of that. But also, something like this has never happened at CHS before. For all I know, I could make things worse if tried stepping in and—
By that point, Sunny had largely tuned him out, as her attention focused back to Isaac. Who had just been knocked to the ground.
“Pe…. Please!” he begged. “I… I won't even use the school bathrooms if you’ll just leave me alone! I… I just want to be called Izzy, not Isaac!”
Sunny felt her heart break, upon realizing that, this entire time, she had been thinking about him- No, her! Sunny thought, mentally slapping herself. Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but so far she wasn’t much better by having misgendered Izzy in her mind. Certainly, for all she was doing by lecturing Hitch, she hadn’t been eager to try and stop this either.
“Yeah, no,” another football player by the name of Sprout said, staring down at his target. “See, we here at CHS have a, no perverts, policy.”
“That…. That’s not,” Izzy started, letting out a cry of pain as she was lifted to her feet when Sprout grabbed at her hair extensions. “Ow, ow, ow! St, stop it! Please! I’m honestly not trying to hurt anyone!”
“Well you already did,” Sprout spat. “Come on then, little boy, man up.” He gave Izzy’s hair another yank. “If you want me to stop, then take off that stupid costume, and stop acting like a restarted girl.”
“Hey!” Sunny shouted, racing forward. All before Hitch realized what had just happened, and unable to grab Sunny’s before she had made her way through the crowd that had parted to see who had spoken up.
“Leave, her, alone!” Sunny ordered, pushing Sprout off of Izzy, causing the pair to stumble onto their backs as Sunny stood over the jock.
There was a choir of gasps, some of which turned to un-surprise once they recognized Sunny from her rocket (both the bottles, and fiery kind) protests.
“You okay?” Sunny asked Izzy, taking the brief moment of confusion to offer the girl a hand.
“Um, uh-huh,” Izzy simply said, not sure what to make of this sudden savor of hers.
“You’re not seriously going to stand up for this little pervert, are you?” Sugar Moonlight asked. “I mean, I know you do stupid things, Sunny, but this seems a little extreme, even for you.”
At that, Sunny retracted her hand, before firmly reaching out to take Izzy’s. “You know what, Sugar, I am.” With that, she sealed whatever fate this act would befall herself as she pulled Izzy to her feet.
“Careful there, Sugar,” Sprout said, getting himself back up. “The little justice warrior and her gay friend might have tranisum germs on them or something.”
A few of the students chuckled. Sunny stared agape, sensing that Sprout had been a bit more serious with that statement than he meant to let on.
“Is… Is that honestly what you think?” she asked in disbelief. “That being queer is somehow contagious?”
“Um,” Sprout said, getting a few looks at the lack of an immediate reply. “Geez, Sunny! Maybe trans germs aren't really, but I guess you must genuinely be small minded if you're going along with this ‘trans philosophy’ trash so easily!” He laughed to himself. “Boy, are you intellectually challenged if you're siding with a pervert.”
More than a few students nodded and spoke up in agreement as Sunny slapped her forehead.
“Oh, my, what is wrong with all of you!” she shouted, stepping up on a nearby table. “Seriously. It’s not that complicated if you take more than five seconds to look it up! Students of Canterlot High! All being trans means, is that you were born in the wrong body, and are trying your best to be the person you actually are on the inside. The issue isn’t with, her,” she said, pointing briefly down to Izzy, and then quickly pointed back at the crowd. “It’s with people like all of you who makes someone struggling with this life more difficult than they already are!”
“But what if he tries to use the girls bathroom?!” Sparkle Chaser asked. Getting several other students to give a, “Yeah!”, in agreement.
“Oh, my,” Sunny groaned, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “Well,” she started, stepping down off her pedestal. “That, is an entirely different issue if, she, or anyone really, causes a problem in the bathrooms. Now,” Sunny clasped her hands together and put on a fake smile. “Why why don’t we all mind our own damn businesses, and,” she wrapped her arms around Izzy, causing the girl to blush. “Embrace the fact that, Izzy, here, is finally being brave enough to be who she is for the first time in her life, and build a better future for everyone. Okay?”
No one said anything for a heartbeat, and Sunny took the moment to look at Izzy. A faint color tinting her cheeks as she thought, subconsciously, that the girl in her arms was rather cute. That was, until Sprout started to laugh.
“Oh please,” he huffed, making an advance towards the pair. “You really think we’re just going to let you and that pervert walk around the school like that?” He cracked his knuckles. “I’d rather—
“You’d rather, what, Sprout?” an intimidating voice said from behind him. Causing the jock to shrink as he looked over his shoulder.
“Oh! Um, Zipyrina,” he gulped at the much taller girl, who also happened to be the senior captain of the girls soccer team.
“It’s, just, Zipp,” she said, simply, but in a way that caused everyone to take a step back as she flicked him on the head. Even Sunny and Izzy moved backwards, the ladder trying to hide herself behind the former as the two girls held hands.
Sprout stayed intimidated for a moment, before finding his second wind, doing his best to look up as Zipp sternly.
“You’re not saying we should allow this?” he challenged the senior. “I mean, then what's to stop me from joining the girls soccer team then?” He clasped his hands to his face in a mock scream. “Think of the horror, and all the rightful scholarships, I would steal from you guys then!”
Sunny gulped, looking at the imposing senior, who seemed to have a hesitant look in her eyes for a second. It was then that Sunny noticed how Izzy’s hand had been shaking.
“You don’t have to do this,” Izzy whispered into her ear.
“Yes,” Sunny said, squeezing the hand back. “I do, and I want to.” She caught Izzy giving a weak smile, before Zipp drew all of their attention.
“Well,” the tall girl said, puffing out her small chest. “I’m pretty sure most of my girls could run circles around you if you tried out.” To Sprout's surprise, more people laughed with Zipp than they had at his previous attempt at comedy.
“Actually,” she added, pushing the stunned boy aside as she made her way to the center of the crowd. “I’ve been meaning to be more open about this anyways, guess now is as good a time as any.” Taking in a deep breath herself, she held up her arms, and declared, “Everyone! I’m non-binary.”
Sunny’s and Izzy’s jaw’s fell, as only about a third of the student body followed suit. The other two thirds looked at Zipp in confusion.
“It means I’m neither gender,” they clarified, getting a few ‘O’s’ of understanding before adding, rather sternly, “Anyone got a problem with that?”
“Yes, I do!” Sprout protested. Causing Sunny to admire the balls the guy had. It only lasted for a second. “You just can’t say you’re neither gender! It goes against everything that was common sense since the dawn of time! I mean, what’s next? We start saying we’re fruits and helicopters, and if you don’t call people that, you get sent to jail?!”
“Well, squirt,” Zipp said, flicking him on the head with their finger. “I just did. And you know what? I always did think you were more of a prune anyways.” Dozens of students laughed to that. “Besides,” they flipped their short hair back. “All it means is that I’d prefer it if you all would try to use more gender neutral terms on me like they/them/the most awesome caption since Rainbow Dash.” They lifted their chin and confidently crossed their arms. “Its not going to cause the fall of civilization, and, I even promise not to make a big fuss about it if anyone wants to still think of me as a she/her.”
“O, M, G!” a girl squealed, running past Sprout. A girl, who happened to be none other than Pipp Pedals. Zipp’s younger sister, and by proxy, a rather popular girl at school herself.
“Zipp, that was like, so awesome!” Pipp said, pulling out her phone, leaning against her older sibling. “Hashtag, best coming out day ever!!!” There was a snap, and before Zipp could protest, their sister had already posted the photo and hashtag online.
“Um, thanks, Pipp. I guess.” Zipp half heartedly chuckled as they felt the phone in their pocket start to vibrate.
Pipp beamed, and then looked at Sunny and Izzy. “Oh hey!” she said, getting into their faces before either girl could blink. “Great job there yourselves!” she said to Sunny. “I can admire a strong vocal performance anytime. You should consider joining the drama club!”
“Um, co…Cool,” Sunny hesitantly smiled, more by being overwhelmed at the fact she was being addressed by the two of the most popular students at school for standing up for a trans girl.
“You’re welcome!” Pipp giggled, before turning her attention to Izzy. “Hey, weren't you that Isaac guy from home eck? The one with the curly locks who sits in front me? Was that always natural?” she asked, examining Izzy’s hair, particularly the parts that went down to her legs. “Because now that you’re a girl, I’m loving, what I assume, are those temporary extensions you're using while you let it grow out.”
“Well, actually,” Sunny started to correct Pipp on how Izzy was never actually a guy, right before Izzy spoke up for herself.
“Why yes!” Izzy beamed, in a far more upbeat and optimistic tone than Sunny had ever seen her. As Izzy, or especially Isaac. “And thanks. Took me forever to not only find the right colors, but curls, so I had to do much of it myself!” she added, holding out a strand of the extensions for Pipp to see.
“Oh wow!” Pipp marveled, fingering the fibers. “I might have thought this was real if I hadn’t seen you yesterday with shorter hair.” She let out an excited noise. “Oh, you should both totally come to my slumber party this weekend to show me how you did it!”
That got more than a few, less than positive, reactions from the crowd.
“Pipp!” Sugar yelled. “You can’t be serious.”
“Yeah,” Izzy added, deflating a little. “I mean, I’m flattered, but, arnt those, you know.” She kicked at the ground. “Girls only events?
“Yeah.” Pipp answered, not batting an eyelash. “And? You’re both girls. Right?” She tilted her head in mock confusion. “You both look like girls to me.”
Sunny’s eyes sparkled. Izzy’s began watering up a little. Sugar Moonlight began grinding her teeth.
“You’re not seriously giving into this guy's delusion, right?!” Sugar barked. “Come on, Pipp, I thought you were, like, cooler than that.”
Pipp furrowed her brows and turned on her heels. “Well, Sugar, as far as I’m concerned, and as it always has been, my slumber parties are only for the most popular girls at school.” She then backed up between Sunny and Izzy, wrapping her arms around them.
“And I say, these two are among the bravest, and therefore, coolest girls at CHS at the moment. Plus,” as if by magic, her phone appeared in one of her hands. There was a snap, and Pipp's latest photo with her two new BF’s found itself with over five hundred likes before anyone could say, pancakes.
“If you don’t want to come, Sugar,” Pipp continued, unhooking her arms and looking the bully dead in the eyes. “You won’t be missed.”
“Alright, show’s over!” At last, Hitch finally stepped in, talking over the cries of students saying, ‘burn!’.
“Go on, get out of here! Mind your own business, or I’ll start reporting and handing out detention slips!” There were a few groans of protest, but they quickly died down as the teachers found their spines and began to back up Hitch’s threats.
“This isn’t over, Pedals,” Sugar growled, before angrily turning to Izzy. “And you better stay out of the girls changing room if you know what’s good for you, freak.”
“After school detention, one week,” Hitch said, handing Sugar a detention slip. “And, since I’m feeling generous, three of those days will also be lunch detentions, but, you can choose which three.”
Sugar stared slack jawed, but quietly took the slip as she stormed off as the three girls snickering at her.
“As for you,” Hitch added, catching Sprout as he tried sneaking off. “I’ll be adding ten extra suicides to today’s practice, and will shortly be letting the guys know who to thank for that if you want to get yourself mentally prepared.”
“What?!” Sprout screeched. “Hitch, you can’t honestly be supporting—
“You really finish that sentence, Sprout? Can’t promise it won’t end with me raising the workout to twenty,” Hitch challenged.
For a moment, as the two men locked eyes, it seemed as if Sprout might have done just that. However, his common sense won out and he relented a, “No. Of course not, captain.”
“Good, lad,” Hitch nodded, patting his friend on the shoulder. “See you on the field then.”
Sprout then slumped off, but not before Sunny was sure she heard him say, “For now.”
“You, ladies, okay?” he asked, trying his best not to look at Izzy, if only by focusing his attention to Sunny.
“Yeah,” Sunny smirked, giving him the benefit of the doubt as she playfully bumped shoulders. “I suppose better late than never, you dork.”
“Takes one to know one,” Hitch teased, bumping her back.
“Yeah,” Zipp said, causing all four of them to stiffen. “Not too bad, stud,” they added with a wink, causing Hitch to blush, as Sunny smiled at all the teasing she would be sure to follow up on later.
“I, um, better go… Do some paperwork!” Hitch said quickly, catching Sunny’s evil grin. “You ladies, I mean, folks!” he cast a glance towards Zipp, who nodded in approval. “Okay, take care, bye!” and with that, he was gone.
“Anyway,” Zipp cleared their throat and addressed Sunny next. “You got spunk, kid, don’t take that for granted.”
They then turned to Izzy while Sunny’s face made an expression that was best described as if her brain had entered into an Error:404 mode at being complimented by the senior. “Same with you, miss Izzy. Don’t let anyone tell you who you can and can’t be, capisce?”
“Capee, capa, key,” Izzy struggled for a moment, before saluting and saying, “Crystal, madam! I mean, captain, madam. Or, wait!”
Zipp held up their hand, giving the girl an understanding grin.
“Hey! What about me?” Pipp waved. “I helped too!” She began to play with her hair as her sibling looked at her. “I mean, I, liked, helped make them trendy in a positive way.” She gave a half hopeful smile. “That means something, right, sis?”
“Oh, um, yeah,” Zipp said, biting her lip as they gave her sister a thumbs up. “You keep being you, Pipp.” With that, they waved the three girls farewell, and strutted off theirself.
Once Sunny’s brain had rebooted, she noticed Pipp had become, rather quite.
“You okay there?” she asked the younger sister and fellow sophomore.
“Huh? Oh, yeah! Totally! Super duper great!” Pipp said, doing a complete one eighty with her mood. “Besides, we have more important things to deal with right now anyways! Ladies, phones, give!”
Without realizing what they were doing, Izzy and Sunny found themselves following orders as their phones ended up in Pipp’s hands, her number typed into both before either one had a chance to blink.
“Here you go!” Pipp said, handing them both back their devices, each one with a new text that read;
Pipp Pedals: new besties are best! <3 ;) ^.^
“Now,” Pipp gleamed, moving a lock of hair out of her face. “I can count on you both to be at my party this Saturday, right? Oh please say yes!” she added by taking both of their free hands.
“Of course!” Sunny said right away at the idea of being invited to a popular girls party. Her excitement died down when she looked over to Izzy.
“I don’t know. I mean, are you really sure?” Izzy asked, clicking her tongue. “Not to say I’m not glad to be invited but,” she shuffled her legs and pants. “I’m not, er, well, truly a girl yet. If you, well, catch what I mean.” Her face reddened. “Won’t that cause problems?”
“If it does,” Pipp pulled her hands back and placed it on Izzy’s lips. “Then they can just deal with it. Otherwise, they’re just a bunch of trans phobes who simply can’t get with the times.” She removed the finger to give a huff, sticking up her nose up, before returning back to the pair with smiles. “Plus, I’d much rather have the two, newest most popular girls, at school there than a few extra brats simply for numbers. Speaking of which,” she pulled out her phone, and cheered at the number of new followers (overlooking the ones who had unfollowed).
“Oh hey, can I get one more with you two?” Pipp asked, already leaning back into them and holding her phone out. “Come on, girls! A couple of smiles for you new bestie?” she added at Sunny’s and Izzy’s sudden skepticism. However, they eventually gave into Pipp’s puppy dog pout, and smiled for the camera.
“Great,” Pipp cheered once the photo was taken. Awing at how quickly the likes piled on. “Eeee!! We’re trending. Sorry girls, but I gotta go make some meme worthy edits before class!” She first pulled Izzy, then Sunny into a hug, before saying, “See you gals later!” With a blow kiss, she was off, cheering, “Pip pip hurray!”
“She seems nice,” Izzy added after a moment of awkward silence, to which Sunny could do little more but agree with.
“Yeah.” Smirking, she crossed her arms, before noting how she and Izzy, for the most part, were now alone. “Um…
“Thanks,” Izzy cut in, kicking at the ground. “For… You know….” Words failing her, she quickly pulled Sunny into a hug.
Sunny stiffened, but happily returned it, glaring down anyone who looked to back off, and thankfully, they all did.
“So, um,” Izzy started when she pulled away, scratching her neck. “Does this, er, mean we’re, you know… Friends or something now?” Izzy frowned as Sunny developed a thousand yard stare.”
“I’m,” Sunny started, very slowly. “Being offered a friendship, with a trans girl.” Before Izzy got a chance to worry if that meant no, Sunny screamed, “THIS IS SO COOL!!” and pulled Izzy into a bone crushing embrace and spinning the poor girl around.
“That, a, yes, then?” Izzy asked between breaths.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!” Sunny declared, not caring what attention she drew. “Oh hey!” Sunny said once she set the poor girl down. “Now that we’re friends, can I ask you a few questions?”
“Um,” Izzy started, needing a few seconds to compose herself, before the true reality of her situation dawned on her.
Not only had she finally found the courage to be who she knew she always was for the first time, but, despite her fears (even when they were justified) she found herself accepted by two (not sure if Hitch and Zipp counted) new friends who had come to her aid. It was truly the best day of her life.
“Sure!” Izzy eventually replied, feeling the energy radiating off of Sunny.
“Awesome!” Sunny squealed, fishing through her backpack until she fished out a pen and notebook. “Okay! A hundred and twenty four questions for a trans person. Question number one; When did you know you were trans?”
“Oh, er,” Izzy said, a little uncomfortable before looking into Sunny’s overly enthusiastic soul. “Well, I guess it was something I always knew deep down inside. This was just the first time I decided to act so.”
“I knew it!” Sunny beamed, scribbling the answer down. “Are you attracted to boys, or girls? If not both, then how does that work being trans?” Before Izzy had a chance to answer, Sunny read off the next several questions. “Do trans people eat pizza? If so, what toppings do they like? If not, why not? Are you a dog or a cat person, or are trans people attracted to other kinds of pets? Also, is it true that hormone therapy, in your case as a trans girl, really lowers your muscle mass? Oh! Is it possible for you to one day have kids?! Or is that still a far off thing? I mean, I thought it was science fiction at first when I learned that there are actually surgeries that can change one's gender, so who’s to say that one day in the future—
Izzy chuckled to herself, but in a positive way. Figuring this wouldn’t be the last time she would need to bring her new, best friend, back down to earth.
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"despite being csi" in your description.
10986401
What I spell wrong? :/
10986421
I think you meant CIS, as in cisgender, as in a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. ;)
Okay, something about that really rubs me the wrong way...
Like, really badly.
10986451
Was by design 😅
But I do see your point and may be worth re-wording 🤔
10986455
No, that's not I mean't.
Like, transphobia really hits me hard, not because I myself am trans, but I have multiple friends who are trans, and it just hurts to see it, y'know?
10986456
Well I’m especially curious to hear what you think of the story when you have time to read it then. Basically it’s the point of view I wrote myself in with Sunny
(Also, changing out freaks in description with girl or something else shortly. Hopefully that makes for a good balance of what I’m going with)
If she's trans, it'd be a girl who used to live as a guy, or a girl who was assigned male at birth, or a trans girl. She's not a guy dressing as a girl (which is kind of the point), she dresses like a girl because she's a girl.
10986934
Read the story, that was by design/make sense after (I know that’s not an excuse and means I should consider how I do things like, but still…)
10986934
Maybe that's an anime trope.
u think that one would be enuff
10988713
Well I haven’t been to school for awhile, so forgive my lack of the most current slang 😅 was simply trying to use the more timeless dialogue tbh
10989009
Key word; trying. Would love to then have you as a proof reader for the next story ❤️
I understand what you're trying to do here, and I applaud that. However, I find myself agreeing with 10988713 on some issues. I'll admit it's been a long time since I was at school, but the bullying didn't feel especially realistic. I did witness bullying, but it was nowhere near this brazen at the school I went to. Credit to Hitch eventually stepping in; I just wish the staff at my school had been more proactive.
Also, minor nitpick. I'm pretty certain Pipp's surname is Petals.
10989051
10989033
Well thanks for both your input (I do appreciate it even if I was wishing for me, “I loved this part’ kinds too 😅)
Anyways, I do admit I wasn’t aiming for ultra realism with the bullying, but, what I was getting at, both with Hitch’s, and even the teachers hesitation, is the fact that, at least in my telling, Izzy is the first open trans teen at CHS, and, as we have seen, while lgtb individuals are by and large more accepted, there are still reasons of hesitant on, not only on the queer persons half, by even more of those who are just as new to the concept. Which was why I tried to write/hint the teachers being one of two things;
Either those who are homophobic and purposely not doing anything, and those who arnt, but are so new to such a situation they’re not to sure how to act. The reason Sunny and Hitch did so at all was less because they ended up caring less about how how might their actions might have consequences (be it more of the social kind with Sunny, Zipp and Pipp, or more technical kind with hitch) and more that a student needed help, and what everyone else was doing was wrong and needed to be called out. Which, especially after seeing the movie, I will definitely come back and see if I can better touch/portray these themes after a bit of a rocky start, and any feedback is appreciated
(And wanting you as a proof reader because you say you know how the the dialogue would be better)
10989051
You are very lucky.
10989069
No problem. I'd be happy to help as a proofreader.
The first highlighted transition works fine, but these other two are unnecessary (“Then” and “Finally”).
Needs an apostrophe before the “s”
“…” works better in the stuttering than “,”
Did you mean to say “ret*rded”?
Also needs and apostrophe before the “s”
How come the students are understanding of this and not MTF? Even if non-binary is only an identity, I’d expect at least some of the students to be against it. Were they just not speaking up due to how popular Zipp is?
Why is he not looking at Izzy? Is he afraid of her?
I know Zipp goes by she/they, but this part sounds inconsistent.
Thoughts on characterization: Although you said you hadn’t watched the movie prior to writing this, I feel that every character is portrayed well. It would have been nice if Izzy got a bit more dialogue (near the end, especially, since I imagine finally having friends would make her peppy) since she was relatively quiet.
Thoughts on the plot: The plot really could have been fleshed out more. It sort of took that “bullying route” where a character gets bullied and people come to quickly resolve it. It would be more interesting if more time was given to help Izzy and to deflect the bullies. Bullying is not an easy fix, especially when dealing with LGBTQ+ topics. One thing to consider is, not all people are accepting of it (like Sprout), no matter how much explaining is done. There are also people out there (like Pipp) who are willing to be accepting and open. Giving the story the chance to explore both sides would add so much to the plot and leave room for extra characterization.
Thoughts on the LGBTQ+ representation: I can’t speak much for it since my knowledge about gender identity is very limited but I feel as if both Zipp and Izzy are represented in a positive way. Izzy is just trying to be brave and express herself and Zipp is unafraid of what people think of them. One thing I wonder is, how come no other people were supportive of Zipp and Izzy? Were they all just following the crowd, or more accurately, Sprout?
This whole Equestria girls and Generation 5 crossover inspired me to make some fanfics with this crossover, except for the whole Izzy trans thing.
Maybe someday I'll get to it if I can try to interpret what Sunny and her friends were like in the Human world as best of my ability.
Do you know it’s weird it could only be something like 10 years since The main seven went to CHS
Is Pedals intendent here? XD
Anyway, that was quite brutal description of reality but written well. And Sunny is brave and inspiring as always. Good job!
Huh, figured he'd have something cool as a human.
It sure fits the picture with what we do far know since mlp a new generation came out. 😌
Yeah I think that's why, I'm with sunny on this. 😎
I'd so want to punch sprout right about now.
Way to show them sunny!
I izzy said she won't then she won't! Some people are serious with their promises myself included.
Ha! Take that sprout!
Huh, wasn't expecting zipp to mention rainbow dash but it's a sign that she's following in her footsteps.
At least pipp is fine with this which is a good sign if you ask me.
Damn, impressive.
Took him long enough. 😒
I'm sure they count.
And ngl this story was better than I thought it was gonna be.
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Actually it had more to do with the scene where Izzy says they look exactly the same, except for the horn, and the memes that fallowed;
Talking to csi women be like; “we look exactly the same! Except for this of course”
“Whoa! Careful where you point that thing!”
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https://www.fimfiction.net/group/200830/transgender-bronies/thread/480240/talking-to-a-cis-woman-like#comment/7580333
pbs.twimg.com/media/FAkDZN6UcAMaJol.jpg
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That’s the one XD
I'm trans non-binary myself, and while I haven't been bullied for it at school (my school is really accepting)... let's just say that my parents aren't supportive. As such, I feel like the bullying scene is pretty unrealistic. Also, why did they accept Zipp as nonbinary and not Izzy?
It kind of irks me about how Sunny sees trans people like alien creatures, but I don't know how it's like when you're cis and learning about trans people so I guess I can't judge. Overall, this story is much better than I thought it'd be, judging by the like/dislike counter.