Semper Pie

by deathtap

The Note

"So."

"So," Shining echoed Twilight.

"I've written the letter. Shall I read it out to you?" she held the piece of parchment aloft.

Shining just shrugged. He had dictated the letter to Twilight already, what was the point in having her read it back to him? Still, he knew better than to argue. She was somewhat of a perfectionist, and hated disappointing others. Annoyingly so. She had a tendency to overreact about certain things, and that includes an improperly written letter being sent on accident. And truth be told even he would not allow the letter to be sent if there was even the simplest of mistakes on it. It was to his hero and idol, after all.

"Okay. Here goes: Dear Mister Pie-"

"What? No! He's not mister! You need to use his rank!" Shining shouted.

There was a series of shushing noises from the nurses down the hall which made both siblings red faced. They were not very pleased with Shining and Twilight making so much noise. If it had not been for nurse Redheart, they would have been thrown out by now.

Twilight made a face. "Shiny, we went over this already. You said that you didn't remember his rank right now, so we agreed to call him mister-"

"No, I said to call him sir."

This time Twilight rolled her eyes and grunted in annoyance. "We can't!"

"Why not?"

"Do you even listen to me?" His sister pouted for effect.

At that Shining sighed. "Sorry, Twily. I must've missed it."

"I said: we can't call him 'sir' because that would mean that he's been knighted by Princess Celestia or Luna-"

"He has." Shining grinned stupidly. He thought he had said it, but apparently not. Either Twilight had not heard him, or he did not actually say it out loud. He had a lot of things going through his mind. "So 'sir' is right."

"Fine. One second." Twilight's horn began to glow and the ink that formed the word 'mister' lifted right off the page and the little bits of ink found its way to the nearest trashcan.

Shining nodded approvingly. "Wow. That's a neat one. When did you learn it?"

"That? Oh, a long time ago. I used to do it when I spilled things on my books. Didn't want them to get ruined so I learned how to get rid of the stains without ruining my books. It's pretty simple once you know how. When I first tried this trick, I took out all the words and illustrations in one of my books too."

"Illustrations?" Shining asked, raising and eyebrow.

"Well, yeah. It was one of my picture books... from when I was a filly."

That made the Royal Guard nod approvingly. "Wow. You invented this trick when you were little? I'm impressed, Your Highness."

Twilight gave her brother a friendly nudge. "I tried teaching it to several other unicorns, but they could never get it right. They always do it too hard and rip the pages from the books, or destroy the binders. Sometimes they even would really harm them -- the books I mean. Luckily I had them try it on old ones first, just to be absolutely sure that they'd not ruin the- what?"

"Twilight, as much as I want to hear how you taught the librarians of Canterlot how to use your spell, we still need to get the letter sent with Spike. So the sooner the better." Shining put a hoof on his sister's shoulder. "You can tell me after, okay?"

"Okay. Well, here's what I got: Dear Sir Pie."

"No. 'Sir Pie' sounds... stupid."

Twilight nodded. "Yeah. It does. Shall we use his full name?"

"'Dear Sir Semper Pie'. Better. Let's do that."

With a quick glow of her horn, the name and title were quickly changed.

"Dear Sir Semper Pie, my name is Twilight Sparkle."

"Shouldn't we use your new honorific?" Shining asked.

Twilight blushed. "I-I don't like doing that."

"Come on, Twily. You can't use a title with him and not with yourself. It needs to be formal. Besides, I'm sure he'd be delighted to hear from you, Your Highness."

Nodding, she had to agree. Shining was right. You could not avoid using a title for yourself. It was not the proper way of writing to somepony who demands a lot of respect. She had gotten away with it with Celestia because she had treated her more than just a subject. She had always referred to the princess by her title to the point where it felt awkward when she did not. It just felt weird.

"Dear Sir Semper Pie, my name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. I am writing this quick note to let you know that your sister, Pinkamena Diane Pie, is in the Ponyville hospital after experiencing a serious panic attack, of which you are the cause-"

"Suspected. We don't know if he really is the cause for sure," Shining interjected. "Also, the way you make it sound makes it worse than it really is."

"It is pretty serious, Shining." Twilight deadpanned.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Shining put his hooves up.

"It is serious. Nurse Redheart and I think so. Pinkie never gets this kind of thing happen to her. It's practically unthinkable! And I don't want to risk her getting worse if she sees him and she isn't ready."

"Fine. You're right. Sorry, Twilight. I didn't mean to make light of your friend's condition. That's so not cool." Shining lowered his head to show that he meant it.

"I know, BBBFF. So, should we change it?"

"No."

"Okay. Now where were we? ... of which you are the cause. Please delay your arrival until we are able to think of something." Twilight frowned. It seemed so blasé. Was this something you write to one of the most decorated ponies in the kingdom? Surely she could do better?

"What's wrong? Don't like it?" Shining asked. He had seen the signs on his sister's face. Ever the perfectionist, but time is of the essence and they needed to send the letter soon.

"Not really. I'm going to say: until we find a solution. It's shorter, but it sounds better."

Just then they looked up to see a familiar, small shape walking down the hall.

"Spike!" Twilight called.

The little dragon waved and walked over. "Hey guys. You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, we need you to send this letter to Semper. Can you?"

Spike rubbed his chin and thought about it. "Well... yes and no. I can try, but he'll have to accept it. Not sure how he can if he's an earth pony. They don't have magic so it kinda... I'm not sure how he's gonna be able to. Never tried before."

"It's worth a shot. Go on." Twilight hoofed the rolled letter to Spike who instantly breathed his magical breath onto it.

They all waited for a moment.

"Well?" Shining and Twilight asked at the same time.

"Um..." Spike made a face. For a moment he looked really sick before letting out a gut wrenching, ground shaking, ear shattering burp. It actually managed to break a glass of water. On the ground, in front of them all, was the letter they had just written. "Whew. That's better."

"You okay?" Twilight asked placing a hoof on her assistant's back.

"Um... yeah. Just... ouch? I've never felt anything like that before. It was like trying to inflate a balloon only to have it deflate back into my mouth." He rubbed his chest revealing that it probably hurt his lungs instead.

Shining nodded and patted his adopted brother's back as well. "Need some water?"

The dragon nodded.

"Wait here, I'll go grab you a glass." He walked past the nurses who were giving him stern looks. It was not his fault that Spike let out that explosive belch. He returned with the water moments later and gave it to Spike who gulped it down in one mouthful.

"Well, there goes our chances of delaying Semper's arrival. Now our only hope is to tell him when he arrives. How did he say he was coming?" Twilight asked.

Shining shrugged. "I don't think he did. For all we know he could just walk in from the next town. But he's punctual. He won't show up before he's expected. At least that's what I know about him."

"So we're going to have to keep an eye out for him? Well, how are we going to do that?" Twilight asked.

Shining smirked. "Don't you have guards yourself? Have them patrol and report to you."

"You know, that's a great idea!" Twilight got up and walked towards the captain of her personal guard.

Comments

[MarcusBullet]

"What? No! He's not mister! You need to use his rank!" Semper shouted.

May wanna fix that up mate

[deathtap]

2752909 Thanks for that.

[SCP Pinkamena]

...I would rate this as Teen, just for the fact that it's... somewhat...
(The words you're looking for is: It's Teen because that it uses minor details to other things, like violence and other themes.)

[Chromablitz]

Something tells me Semper broke his pinkie promise.

[deathtap]

2755203 Good idea.

[Reeve]

I like this story so much.... but it's difficult to take seriously with 'that' cover picture

[deathtap]

2837866 I'll change it when I find something appropriate.

[Bread Shot]

"It's work a shot. Go on."

[deathtap]

2972005 Fix what?

[pulcheriopolis]

2972005 That video does not exist.

[Emperor]

Convenient that Shining Armor and the other Royal Guards don't remember Semper's rank, even though they were fanboying over him earlier in the story. Maybe it's because he's so good that he ascended to the top rank for a field position in the past, and now Celestia has to keep coming up with new titles to give him

[AyanamiRei]

7876482 Well it could also be that although Shining knows OF him, it's easily possible that he hasn't kept track to the point where he knows his exact ranking. He knows the big stuff, but something like his exact Rank is a VERY detailed thing that can easily change from year to year with someone like Semper.

Then again maybe they created more ranks for him as you said. It's hard to really say.