Ace Is The Place

by Buck Swisher

Michael [Bonus Chapter]

A lot had changed in just a few months.

When Michael told Fred he was done, he was just glad to be gone. Glad to be done waking up every day to deal with ponies for essentially minimum wage. He had given a lot to his job, given the three years he spent with it, but when his time was up, it was up. And it was exactly what he needed.

But now, after spending the past four months working at an Apple Store, he was wondering how things were going back at Ace. He had never even met the new manager. But his curiosity about the place was growing every day.

So on an average Tuesday, after finishing his shift as an undervalued Apple employee, Michael began to drive his eight-year-old Mercury to the good 'ol Ace Hardware.

It took a while.

When he finally arrived, he was surprised to see the number of cars in the parking lot. There had rarely been that many people when he was the manager. Then again, he hadn't been a big fan of busy days.

When he walked in, he was greeted with the standard scent of whatever it is that makes hardware stores smell like your uncle's garage. It was somewhat nostalgic for the moment.

"Mike?" said a light blue pony. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey Windy," said Michael, "Just came to see how things are going. And grab some batteries while I'm at it." It sounded a lot better to pretend to need something.

"Uh huh," said Windy. "Have you met the new manager?"

"Nope," replied Michael. "Where is he?"

"Over there," said Windy, gesturing towards one of the inactive checkout lanes, where Dan was chatting animatedly with a mint green pony. Catching sight of the old manager, the pony nudged Dan, prompting him to turn around.

"Hey there!" said Dan, approaching Michael. "Can I help you?"

"This place looks great," Michael replied. "How the heck did you do it?"

"Well, I started off by giving each and every employee a respectable amount of attention," said Dan somewhat haughtily.

Michael fell silent for a moment. "Look, I gave a lot to this job," he replied. "It just didn't work, you know? I had to move on from it. I mean, I never even got a raise."

"I did," replied Dan.

"Wait, what?"

"I got a raise."

Michael was shocked. "What in corporate's name did you do in four months to get a raise that I couldn't do in three years?"

"Easy," Dan replied. "With me here, the store makes more money."

While this conversation was taking place, a small crowd of pony employees and customers had gathered to watch. One aggravated customer was attempting to recapture the attention of a dark brown pony that had stopped scanning his items to observe the two men.

"You think they're gonna fight?" asked Chamomile.

"No, but I think it'll be close," replied Windy.

"I don't know what you trying to say," said Michael. "But it sounds like we got beef."

"We do?" asked a pony in the crowd. "I thought we didn't sell meat here."

"Not that kind," Michael replied. "I mean it sounds like Dan got a bone to pick with me."

"Wait, where did Dan get a bone?" asked another pony.

"You guys really aren't helping," said Dan.

It was a duel of looks. The former manager and the new manager stared at each other intensely, as if they were preparing to draw revolvers. The surrounding crowd was unsure if there was real tension or if they were just messing around, but in that moment it looked like even the worst was capable of happening.

"How's Bobert?" asked Michael, narrowing his eyes.

"He's great, actually," replied Dan, also narrowing his eyes. "And I can ask him about the weather anytime."

There was no collective gasp, even though it would have been pretty cinematic.

"There's no way," said Michael. "Bobert is impossible. I spent three years trying to figure him out."

"And I figured him out in three days. You know he really likes meteorology? He told me that once I managed to get him out of his depression."

At this current moment, Bobert was among the crowd watching, but was so spaced out that he was oblivious to the two men talking about him, as well as the ponies staring at him.

"Face it, man," said Dan. "I'm the better manager. They love me here."

"Maybe," said Michael. "But what about the kids?"

This time there was a collective gasp.

"We don't talk about kids here," said Dan.

"I know it still happens," Michael continued. "At least once a week. What do you do when a kid walks in here? Even the best of managers can only do so much."

"That's not fair, man," said Dan. "You know there's nothing I can do about the kids."

"Unfortunately," grumbled George. His back was still sore from an incident the previous day.

"All it takes is one kid," said Michael. "And being a good manager no longer matters. It's chaos."

"It's a small price to pay," said Dan. "You see this place? It's busier than ever, the staff loves me, and customers talk to me instead of asking for me. You ran this place like a McDonald's ice cream machine, man. But your days are over, and with me here the store can only go up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to piss." And with that, Dan walked away.

Michael was left standing confusedly. "So, uh, any of you know where the batteries are?" he asked.

"They're over here," said Bobert, holding up a pack he had just picked up.

"Ah, thanks," said Michael. As he walked over, he added, "How you been?"

"Great, actually," Bobert replied. "Dan's been awesome."

"That's awesome, buddy," said Michael, taking the batteries and heading over to pay for them.

"That was an interesting scene," said Chamomile, quickly scanning the double As.

"Yup," said Michael, cracking a smile. "You think he'd let me rejoin the team?"

Chamomile chuckled. "Nope," she replied. "But feel free to ask him yourself."

"Nah, he probably wouldn't want me around," said Michael. "But it was nice meeting him, I guess."

"Wait, so do we have bones or not?" asked one confused pony. As you would expect, he was ignored.

"He'd probably warm up to you if you came around more often," said Chamomile, handing Michael a receipt.

"Well, who knows," he replied. "Maybe I will start coming around more."

From that moment forward, Michael did indeed start coming around more, and to the great displeasure of the infamous Fred, he decided to rejoin the team and once again become a Helpful Hardware Folk. Unfortunately, the kids remained an issue, but thankfully George was relieved of the constant attacks by being allowed to run and hide whenever a situation arose.

Now you're most likely wondering, Is this it? This story sucked, and this is all we get? To tell the truth, the future of this particular Ace Hardware store remains unknown. Will Dan continue to elevate the income of the store? Probably. Will he and Michael become close friends? Maybe. Will Fred ever give out another raise?

No.

This concludes the epic of Ace Hardware.

Author's Note:

I promised this almost a year ago and never dropped it.

You don't have to tell me it was crap because I already know it was. Hopefully you still laughed at least once.

Feel free to leave some comments, cause they mean the world. And maybe drop a follow?

Peace.

Comments

[HumanSVD]

Funny. I liked it. It was simple.

[NudeRei]

A nice ending, but I'm still curious what Dan did that Michael could not.

[Teardrops]

I work at Ace!

[Admiral Biscuit]

Fun fact, two of my co-workers recently got second jobs at hardware stores, and one of them works for Ace (I think).

Also as a bonus, Ace Hardware Applejack!

derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/10/20/2174740.jpg
Source

[Buck Swisher]

11325804
what exactly is going on in that picture...

[Admiral Biscuit]

11326026

what exactly is going on in that picture...

AJ is being asked many questions by customers. I suspect some customers are about to get bucked right out the door.

[PonyDragon]

It was a duel of looks. The former manager and the new manager stared at each other intensely, as if they were preparing to draw revolvers. The surrounding crowd was unsure if there was real tension or if they were just messing around, but in that moment it looked like even the worst was capable of happening.

If they would be in Equestria one of the attending ponies would pull out a guitar from somewhere and play western music.
I'm sure of it.

Edit: Damn, reading this chapter while having this song in the background is great!

"Wait, so do we have bones or not?" asked one confused pony. As you would expect, he was ignored.

Other pony: "Remember how I called you spineless a few days ago? I wasn't kidding."
Confused pony: "Woah..."

[PonyDragon]

11325804
This picture reminds me of the last panel of this comic:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/2/28/1098583.jpg

[hein]

Lovely story!

[Rikad]

This was delightful to read. I laughed multiple times at this, in both chapters.