• Published 14th Sep 2021
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Bane of Equestria - CaesarJ



Cad Bane lands in Equestria, awesomeness and hilarity ensues

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Meeting the Main

Cad Bane knew about the art of waiting. In the thirty some years he spent as a bounty hunter, he had to wait for targets to come out of hiding, as well as wait for traps he’d lay out to spring. It wasn’t just bounties though, he had also had to wait to see employers, many of whom were very powerful and had other clients and people to see, it was also a negotiation tactic used to make a person uneasy.

The meeting with Princess Twilight had not begun to well. Apparently the princess took offense to him threatening her assistant and said she would have to gather her friends before she could discuss anything with him. That is how Bane ended up having to wait in the library while the princess gathered her allies.

While he was waiting, Bane figured he may as well read some books to get the lay of the world he was on. Looking around he spotted a book that could be useful A General Guide to Equestria and the Surrounding Lands. Bane took the book of the shelf, sat on the floor, and began to read.

He soon found out many things in the twenty minutes he spent reading; that Equestria wasn’t the planet’s name but that it was the largest country on the world. The dominant species appeared to be Ponies, those things that he had been talking to, but they weren’t the only species on the planet. He also learned that the Ponies themselves were subdivided into sub-species; Earth Ponies, the majority of the population of Equestria, Pegasi, winged ponies that controlled the weather, Unicorns, whose horns could use magic, And Alicorns, a mixture of Pegasus and Unicorn and the rarest breed whose magic abilities were unparalleled. As Bane kept reading he felt something behind him and immediately whipped out his LL-30 only to see Spike cringing at his sudden movement.

“Word of advice son” Bane said as he holstered his blaster. “Don’t sneak up on a man like me, it’s bad for your health.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Said Spike nervously. “I was just coming to tell you the Princess is ready to see you now.”

“Finally” Bane muttered. He got up from the floor and tossed the book only for Spike to catch it before it hit the ground and checking for tears or creases(Twilight would kill him if he put it away without checking).

Bane made his way to the main hall where he found himself at a great Crystal Table that had what looked like a holomap of Equestria and the surrounding lands. This baffled the Duro, after all Zecora said that none of the the species had that kind of tech. That Pony has a lot of explaining to do if I find her Bane thought to himself as he looked at the six Ponies around him.

On the far left was a blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane, she was looking at Bane suspiciously. Next to her was an orange Earth Pony with a blonde mane made in a ponytail, she was also wearing a hat, something Bane appreciated. Next to the hat wearing pony was a Unicorn whose fur was pure white and had a flowing purple mane, while Bane wasn’t attracted to her, he could definitely see why others would.

Skipping his eyes over the Princess, he laid eyes on the Yellow Pegasus sitting on the Alicorn’s right. She had pink hair and looked incredibly shy. The final Pony on the right was one that surprised Bane the most; it was that pink pony he had bumped into earlier, happy as can be and waving frantically at him as the bounty hunter tried to ignore it.

After a while Bane broke the silence. “The names Cad Bane, and as you may have guessed I’m not from around here. My ship was damaged and I was told you could help me princess.”

Twilight pondered for a while before answering “weeeeeeell, I mean I could take a look at it to see what kind of technology we’re dealing with, then I could see what I could do, but with the differences between our tech and yours it might be incredibly difficult.”

“But not impossible?” Bane asked slightly hopeful.

“No but it would mean we’d have to take a trip to Canterlot and consult with Princess Celestia.” Twilight finished.

Bane pondered for a moment, he wanted his ship repaired but he felt that the trip to this Cabterlot had something more to it. “What’s the Catch?” He finally asked.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “The…Catch?”

“That’s right” Bane “what makes you think I’d go with you to a city I’ve never heard of, on a planet I’ve never been to, with a species I know little about?”

“oh right I forgot my manners.” Twilight slapped her hoof on her head and pointed from left to right. “This is Rainbow Dash.”

At the mention of her name the blue pegasus flew up in the air and did a few tricks before sitting down. “I’m the fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” She said proudly.

The Showoff Bane thought to himself. The Pony next to Rainbow spoke next “Howdy the names Applejack, my family and I own Sweet Apple Acres outside of town.”

Bane nodded. “Nice hat.” It was a sincere compliment, whatever his faults, he knew good headwear when he saw it.

Twilight then pointed to the white Unicorn. “That’s Rarity, she owns a Botique in town.”

“Charmed” she said, though from the tone of her voice, Bane could tell she wasn’t at all charmed.

The yellow pegasus barley spoke above a whisper m. “I’m…um… I’m…um…Fluttershy. Bane leaned in closer to hear. “I’m Fluttershy” she repeated no louder than before.

Just as she was about to start again when Twilight stepped in. “She’s Fluttershy. As you can tell she’s, well, shy”

“Never would have guessed.” Bane said sarcastically. Suddenly a pink blur zoomed front of him.

“HI THERE I’M PINKIE PIE! I WE ALREADY MET, DON’T YOU REMEMBER BECAUSE I REMEMBER, I WAS LIKE GAAAAAAAAAASP AND YOU WERE LIKE SERIOUS AND I RAN AWAY, BUT IT WASN’T IN FEAR DON’T WORRY I WASN’T ALL THOUGH YOU ARE SCARY LOOKING SO I COULD HOW SOOOOOOME PEOPLE WOULD BE SCARED BUT…”

BZAAT

Silence filled the room as the barrel of Bane’s LL-30 was in the air smoking. He then leaned down to a frightened Pinkie Pie. “Get out of my face.” The pink pony immediately complied and zipped back to her chair.

“Hey!” Rainbow exclaimed. “What’s your problem? she was just saying hello!”

“I don’t want my personal space invaded.” Bane replied tersely “she’s lucky I just shot in the air.”

“I don’t think I like your attitude.” Rainbow said as she rose from her chair.

“And you’re a loudmouthed show off” Bane shot back.

“I’ll show you a show off you..” Just as Rainbow was about to attack when Applejack grabbed her tail.

“Whoa Nellie. Don’t do it Dash, he’s just trying to get a rise out of you” Applejack finally managed to get her to sit.

Bane chuckled. “You better listen to your girlfriend little lady, she may have just saved your life.”

Rainbow’s anger once again ignited “why I outta..”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight shouted. Everyone looked in her direction as she breathed out again. “Mr. Bane your comments and actions were uncalled for, apologize to Pinkie Pie or we won’t help.”

Bane grimaced. Deciding to bite the blaster bolt, he turned to Pinkie Pie “Apologies for scaring you little lady” tipping his hat for extra measure.

Pinkie immediately lit up “That’s ok! I already forgave you!” She bounced up and down before sitting back down.

Clearing her throat, Rarity spoke up “So tell us Mr. Bane, what is it exactly you do for a living?”

“I’m a bounty hunter” he simply stated. The different friends shared worried looks at each other before turning back to him.

“Oh” Rarity finally said in a shaky voice. “I see. And..uh have you ever..”

Bane knew what the question was. “On a few occasions, though I do get paid more if I bring em back alive.”

After a moment of silence passed, Twilight cleared her throat “Mr. Bane could you kindly wait outside, we have to talk amongst ourselves before we’ve made a firm decision”.

Bane simply tipped his hat and walked out of the room, the door closing behind him.


Once the door had closed, Twilight looked around the room. “Alright girls what do you think?”

“What I think is that guy is nothing but a jerkwad!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“You’re only saying that cus he got under your skin.” Applejack interjected.

“Yeah… Well… I still don’t like him!”
Rainbow pouted, crossing her hooves across her chest as she sat back down.

“I’m with Rainbow Dash” Rarity said. “He’s rude, uncouth, and his outfit is ATROCIOUS! I mean that Duster with that hat!? Who dresses like..” She soon cut herself off mid-rant when she remembered who she was sitting by. “Oh hehe… of course you always look fabulous in that hat darling.”

“Thanks” Said Applejack unamused. “Fashion aside, that guy seems more shady than a used carriage sales-pony.”

“Well he was a bit of a meanie pants a while ago.” Pinkie Pie began. “Buuuuut he did say he was sorry so he can’t be all bad. Plus I haven’t thrown him his welcome party yet! I’ll be able to turn that frown upside down in no time!” She finished happily.

“I think we should help him.” Fluttershy said. The others turned to the yellow pegasus. “Honestly girls I’m surprised at you, sure he looks different from us, dresses strangely, and maybe he’s a little rude, but the poor thing crashed here, he’s probably homesick and missing his family, we have to help him.”

“What do you think Twi?” Applejack asked looking at her friend.

The Alicorn Princess thought for a moment before speaking “we should help him get home, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to repair his ship. We should take him to Princesses Celestia and Luna, they’ll know what to do.”

“Sounds like a plan” Applejack responded.

“I’m all for it as long as I get to throw him a party afterwards!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“If there’s a chance to help him we should take it.” Fluttershy confirmed.

“Well I still think his fashion sense is of poor taste” Rarity began. “But regardless it’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m for anything that’ll get him off this planet sooner.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Then it’s decided.” Twilight stated. “We’ll help him.”


Cad Bane and Spike sat in silence on the Library floor. The former was cleaning his blasters and the latter was looking up at him excitedly.

After a while Bane sighed. “You got something on your mind kid?”

“Is it true your a bounty hunter from space?” Spike asked excitedly.

“Yep”

“Is it dangerous?”

“Yep”

“I bet you have tons of cool stories”

“Yep”

“Could you tell me one?”

“Nope”

Spike’s face fell a little. “Ahhh come on why not?”

“Kid I’m not the story telling type.” Bane said as he finished cleaning his blasters. “If you wanna hear a story you should go to Bossk, that Nerf Herder’s always bragging about his kills.”

Spike didn’t know who this Bossk guy was, but he pressed on. “Well how come you don’t do that?”

Bane looked at him and smirked a bit. “The best bounty hunters don’t need to tell their stories, others do it for them.”

Before Spike could as what he meant by that, Twilight walked in and faced The Duro.

“Ok we’ll help you” Twilight said. “But first we need to take you to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, they might be able to help us better.”

“Fine” Bane said, getting up from the floor. “So long as I get help it makes no difference to me.”

“Excellent” Twilight finished. “We’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning, Spike see Mr. Bane to his room.”

Spike got up and walked Bane down the corridors. After ten minutes of walking the baby dragon showed the Duro to the spare room.

“If you need anything I’ll be sleeping just down the hall” Spike said. He closed the door behind him.

Bane had had to sleep in many different places; Dirty motel rooms, Sink Holes, Caves, even inside a dead Wampa once. But this room was most definitely a step up, with a comfortable bed, actual running water, and even a functional bathroom.

Laying down on the bed, Bane began contemplating his current situation. They seem nice, even if we did get off on the wrong foot the bounty hunter mused. Then again they’ll probably be asking for a favor in return for assisting me, fair enough, pretty sure I can handle what comes my way. And with that the bounty hunter drifted into sleep.

Author's Note:

And another chapter gone. I hope you are all enjoying the story, don’t worry, action will happen soon. Until then see you soon.