- Member Since 30th Dec, 2019
- offline last seen April 12th
BleuBlooms
Writer of odd, strange and thrilling consquences.
BleuBlooms
Joined 30th Dec, 2019 ·
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i dont understand
Truth be told, I've had this story bookmarked for a while now. While this kind of story doesn't appeal to everyone, I don't mind reading something very vague, poetic, and all around lyrical. However, pulling off this kind of story well takes a lot of skill and care, since just a few errors can turn it into an incomprehensible mess. There are parts where you've done pretty well content-wise; especially the opening came pretty close to striking that fine balance.
However, if I look at this story as a whole, well... it's Hearth's Warming time, so I'll try to soften this as best as I can, but if I'm brutally honest, this is not a good story. Grammar, spelling, punctuation, formatting... it's all over the place. I'm not surprised that 11036242 said they don't understand. I grasped what you were trying to say, but if I were an ordinary reader... I would probably stop reading as soon as I started.
Now, I know you want people to enjoy your stories, and I know you also want to be an editor (or at least used to want that from what I've seen). I'll try to break down most of the issues for you so that you can correct them and know how to avoid them in the future. Also, know that while not all rules of writing are set in stone and many can be bent or broken if you know what you're doing, the ones that I'm about to talk about should be obeyed pretty much at all times. Otherwise the text will become confusing, and the audience will inevitably fail to understand what you were trying to say.
Throughout the whole story, you mix up possessives and plural forms of nouns. Always remember that plural forms of noun (that is nouns referring to more than one object, person, et cetera) contain no apostrophe (the ' thingy). The same applies to verbs in in third-person present tense, such as runs. (In other words, you have an error in the story's title.) However, if you want to convey that something belongs to someone or something, you use a possessive form that includes an apostrophe. The apostrophe's placement also depends on whether the noun is singular or plural. To illustrate this better:
(It might get a bit messy when words ending in -s like boss or princess are considered. Know that depending on the manual of style that you adhere to, both boss' and boss's may be considered correct. Bosses' remain the same in both cases.)
Now, there also some pitfalls to this. One would think that if something belongs to it, it would be it's. Well, nope. The correct form is its. The thing is, apostrophes can be also used to indicate word contractions. It's is thus the shortened form of it is (ot it has). You have these two mixed-up in most cases. Again, an example to better illustrate this:
its – belonging to it
it’s – a shortened form of 'it is'
The same applies to other contractions and their homophones (words that sound the same) as well.
your/you’re
your – belonging to you
you're – a shortened form of 'you are'
there/their/they’re
there - referring to a location
their - belonging to them
they're - a shortened form of 'they are'
Furthermore, the correct contraction of would have, could have, and should have is would've, could've, and should've respectively. Even though some people use them commonly, would of, could of, and should of don't exist.
Moving on, there's a lot of random typos and spelling errors. I'll point out only one, and that's "hoove". The correct singular form is hoof. The plural form in modern times is hooves. However, hoofs, while archaic, is still considered correct as well. Better avoid using it though (unless you have a good reason), most think that it's incorrect.
Random capitalisation (or lack thereof) of words, strange formatting, incorrect grammar, and run-on sentences also plague most parts of this story, but I won't talk about them here, given each of the individual errors would deserve a separate comment. However, what I'd like to mention is your use of punctuation. Frankly, it's pretty inconsistent, odd, and random. Remember that a comma should be never preceded by a space, and, if it's followed by another word, there should be a space separating the comma and the word. Similarly, it's better to insert a space after an ellipsis (...). Furthermore, you use a hyphen (-) where an em dash (—) or a double hyphen (--) should go. This includes both introducing side remarks as well as a character's line being abruptly cut off. Some manuals of style also suggest using an en dash in these cases, but in the context of this site, you won't go wrong with an em dash/double hyphen without spaces flanking it. Hyphens are used to connect words, such as forty-two.
And that's all I wanted to say. Let me know if anything was unclear or if you want me to elaborate on something. Furthermore, I apologise for such a lengthly and negative comment, but I believe this piece of advice will help you better than pointless sugarcoating. You have courage and determination that could make you into a great writer, but to achive that, you need to refine and hone your skills.