• Member Since 20th Jul, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

BlueHalo56


any body ride motorcycles hmu

Comments ( 11 )

*passes this back covered in red ink*
Lack of punctuation.
Run on sentences.
Forgetting to capitalize proper nouns.

Suggestion: Remove, make corrections, then post.

10971542
Noted I'm currently in the field so if it doesn't get done it doesn't get done but I'll try to do some quick edits here and there while I've got the little internet and time to do so thanks for the comment

10971542
Done at least i think so curse my fat fingers not hitting what I want then to

Interesting so far keep up the good work!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH" Came a scream from the Castle of Friendship as birds flew off into diffrent directions as a crash could be heard. "Ugh did you have to hit me so hard Twilight?" Came the voice of a certain dragon. "Well that should teach you to knock before entering the bathroom next time Spike." Stated a now dressed and annoyed alicorn as she came out of the bathroom dressed in a black t shirt, and blue jeans.

That’s an interesting way to start a story.

" It sure has. When we came here you were 10, and I was 18. Aj and Rd were 18 Pinkie Pie was 17, Rarity was the oldest at 19, and Flutteryshy had just turned 19. Now we're all in our early to mid twenties, and you just turned 16." Twilight said, as she played back memories in her head.

So they’re legal?

"That and your a princess now, and all our friends have relationships. Fluttershy is dating Big Mac, Rarity is dating Emerald Blitz, Pinkie's dating Caramel Volt, Rd is dating Soarin, Applejacks got Artic Ace, and Starlight is dating Sunburst. You seem to be the only on thats not interested in anypony." Spike says as he finishes his food.

Are some of those original characters?

'Must have been recently added on.' thought Twilight, there was a screen going around that seemed to be used to keep bugs out. There was also a flag hanging from the front it had red and white stripes and a blue square in the corner with what looked to be stars on it. Walking up to the house the girls started to get more nervous as they got closer.

Is the screen a window?

10972566
Thank you they are of age except the cmc that are around 15 to 16 get there later yes some are original characters and you ever seen a porch that had the same material as a screen door but it goes around it to keep bugs out its like that you see it alot on older houses down south and some newer homes through out the states

10972640
Have any images or something?

10972784
Since I don't have a computer and can't seem to beable to add photos with my phone just search screened porches and it should come up with it and when I get to a laptop when I'm out of the feild I'll post what it'll look like in the next chapter or idk I'll figure it out for the next one
Or email idk I won't be for a little bit so idk

"Yea I'm with AJ on this one I mean we don't even know what he's got in there." Rainbow Dash says agreeing with her.

If rainbow dash is telling you not to do something, then it’s better not to do it.

"Wait!" Yelled the group but it was tomato Twilight opened the door to find the creature standing down a hall way with what seemed to be a... "is that a paintball gun?" Was what was heard before screams of pain and compressed air being let out at high speeds, before Twilight came running out covered in paint, before shutting the door. Breathing heavily Twilight snapped her eyes to her friends as they all laughed at her.

That is fantastic.

"That isn't funny! Gah what is his problem!!" She Screamed her mane starting to smolder.

You entered his house.

"Rise my little ponies, now explain what has happened." With that they proceed to tell the princess what happened up till now. At the end of it Celestia was laughing while the guards behind her were trying to hold in their own laughter.

It’s ok to laugh at stupidity.

Aww can't wait for next chapter

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