SteelSirNoName
Joined 24th Aug, 2012 ·
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>Clopfic
>Scootabon
>Badly worded description
Abandon thread, like a sir.
[youtube=umDr0mPuyQc]
That is all.
!00 veiws and no comment, for shame. So i chall since i always give foal con a chance to shine.
1250255 18 min later 104 views and two comments
You deserve a ......[img]IMAG0032[/img] that is all.
[img]tumblr_m6fi3hhKYa1r45k02o1_500[/img]
I can't see what it is im on my phone soooooo you get a ...
[img]IMAG0032[/img]
Fix grammer than story will be so much better.
1251838 Wrote this at like 3 in the morning, will try and fix the spacing and all that later :I
Some improvements:
Better: then brought my hoof up to the door and pushed it open.
Maybe use Word for the small grammar mistakes and reread what you wrote to spot others like the one mentioned above.
That aside, you wrote a hot little foal con fic. Maybe a bit rushed, but still nice.
Bronydragon
1251985
Advice time!
You should take your time, not rushing through it to do something. For this, take your time creating a good background for the story and avoid the "and then they fucked". It will scare off readers that possibly like the ScootaBon idea, because they are unpleased with the plot.
Do things when you're actually fit enough. (Saves a lot of time and bad comments.)
As I mentioned in my last comment: Word and rereading are doing wonders.
You really have potential
, so don't blame your own writing skills with a bad or nearly non existing plot.
For starters, maybe say that she was fighting with herself about the visit at BonBon's shop, how she managed to get to the store without her friends wanting to go crusading together again. For this chapter, maybe throw in some distraction like someone entering the shop nearly dicovering what they were doing. Or have her friends walking in instead. (Far more emberassing and funny.)
Continuing with the story, you could describe their forbidden relationship, how close they are to get caught, maybe getting more kinky like doing it in special places or even (Dun Dun Dun) outside with the risk of getting caught giving them even more thrill and desire.
Involve others if you want to and let them do dirty things.
Just thinking.
Bronydragon
1254678 Thank you for the advice, but im not going into a full story for this one, it was more of an idea that needed to be wrote, probably on my next fic it will be a proper story.
1255573
I'm waiting patiently.
Bronydragon
cdn.overclock.net/2/28/287d2b5d_1298305804533_MOAR_LOLZ-s450x516-143512-580.jpeg