• Published 30th Aug 2021
  • 5,478 Views, 149 Comments

I'm Celestia now?! - Mittens of flabbergast



I woke up as Princess Celestia and I have no clue what to do. Somepony get Twilight!

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Chapter 1

Groaning wearily I rolled over onto my stomach and wormed my arms under a pillow, my hands felt odd and my fingers oddly numb as I did so but I dismissed it. I was still in the pleasant in between place where I was just awake enough to be aware of what I was lying on but still have submerged in dreams where anything could make sense.

Something prodded my left shoulder and I heard a non distinct voice mumble something. For some reason I thought it was an old friend of mine and I became very aware of the fact that I was naked. Hadn’t I been wearing underwear when I went to bed? I could feel something hairy lying across my legs and I was satisfied that whatever it was, it was hiding my shame. I mean, it was at least partially hiding my shame.

I had a long blue pillow with fake fur on one side. I was sure that's what it was but the hair felt too long for it. Maybe it grew? That made sense, right?

Someone jabbed at my shoulder again and I rolled my head just enough to let my mouth out into open air, I gulped down a lung full of cool air. “You peeeeervert. Gooo awayyy,” I slurred.

It was at that exact moment I remembered that I lived alone. I also remembered that friend had thrown me away like garbage almost a year ago. My eyes snapped open and I lurched up into a sitting position, I hugged that large pillow to my body trying to cover up as much as I could.

My head still felt fuzzy as I blinked uncomprehendingly around the room. Finally my gaze came to rest on a very annoyed and familiar looking dark blue Alicorn. I gaped at her dumbly for several seconds before my brain turned back on.

My worst nightmare had finally come true. My life was nothing but a clop fic and judging by her expression there might be some S&M in store for me. My eyes widened in horror, my barn door didn’t swing that way. I could already see the tags, porn, fetish, Non-Con. I briefly remembered a relatively short period of time where I’d assumed the tag non-con had stood for non-canonical and had dismissed it thinking, “Well, duh, it’s fan fiction after all.” It’s like, you know those stories that add a disclaimer to the description saying they don’t own the rights to the mlp franchise even though we’re on a fan fiction site and that should be obvious.

Then the horror when I realized what Non-Con actually meant.

Nooooo, sweet princess of the night. How could you take such a dark path? “If you spare me I promise to stay up late more often.” I was practically nocturnal already so it was a promise I could keep.

Oh no, the word count, my life could end in another thousand words. Luna opened her mouth to say something but I pressed a white hoof to her lips. The hoof explained a few things I hadn’t bothered to pay attention to earlier, I chose to ignore it like I’d done my voice. “Hush,” I said, “Don’t add anymore to the word count. My life might depend on it.”

Luna shrugged my hoof away and puffed out her cheeks which turned rosy with blush. “Sist-”

I raised my hoof back to her mouth, “Remember the word count.”

This time she shoved my hoof away then stepping back out of my reach she said, “What are you talking about, sister? Hast thou finally lost thine mind!?”

...Was she using old English correctly? I wasn’t sure. Wait. Did she just call me sister? I suddenly became aware of my mane, well, not my mane. That was definitely Celestia’s mane blowing away from the side of my head.

I cast a look around the room finally seeing it. It was a large master bedroom with white stone walls and half circle pillars in each corner, there was an open door leading to what looked like a bathroom. A large oval bath was set into the floor already filled with water and it had white and red flower petals floating on the surface. That was to my right behind Princess Luna, to my left there was a glass-panned set of double doors leading out to a balcony. I had a pretty nice view of the night sky from the bed. There was another door, a large heavy dark oak, which I assumed lead to the hall although I couldn’t see out of it. it was closed a crack and I could see flickering light coming through. Torch light? It was possible.

Luna waved a hoof in front of my face and I refocused my attention to her. I had no clue what to say. She didn’t wait for me to figure it out. “The sun should have been raised twenty minutes ago. The guards are becoming worried!”

Twilight. I needed Twilight. Like, twenty minutes ago.

“listen very carefully, Luna,” I told her, my tone serious, “I’m going to need you to raise the sun for me and then I’m going to need you to send a letter to Twilight Sparkle and ask her to come right away.”

Luna’s eyes widened, she even looked a little scared. It made me feel bad but it’s not as if the fear was unwarranted, I could only imagine how she’d fare once she found out I wasn’t actually her sister. She didn’t speak again, she merely turned and trotted over through the double doors and onto the balcony. Then lighting her horn she raised the sun.

As I watched her I wondered vaguely why she hadn’t simply done that before. Celestia must never sleep in. As soon as the sun was up Luna vanished in a flash of magical aura. I guessed she was off to send that letter. I wondered how long it would take for Twilight to get here.

Was she even awake yet? Somehow Twilight seemed like an early riser but she also seemed like the type to stay up all night reading and maybe she had only just gotten to bed a little while ago?

But then I remembered the letter would go through Spike, even if he was still asleep I bet violently burping a jet of flames would wake him and then he could wake Twilight. So fifteen/twenty minutes tops.

The only question left was would she fly or would she teleport? She’d teleported to Canterlot before hadn’t she? I was pretty sure I remembered that. I was also pretty sure she’d come out the other end a little singed. But I wasn’t actually sure where she’d teleported in that episode. Maybe she’d teleported from Canterlot?

It’d been a while since I watched through the show. I groaned. I just needed to wait for Twilight to get here and then we could figure out what was going on. I tried to shut off my brain, to distract myself looking around the room. There was a really cushy looking rug in front of the fireplace at the far wall, and just to my right next to the bed was a low lying book shelf up against the wall.

I rolled over off of the bed and stood on four hooves for the first time. It felt weird, this body had felt almost human while I’d been lying in bed but as I took my first steps and felt the unfamiliar muscles in my flanks and hind legs moving it sent a shiver down my spine.

Craning my neck back I examined Celestia’s cutie mark. It was just my luck. I get sent to Equestria but it’s as one of the ponies I wanted to meet most. I was definitely getting sent back too. There’s no way they were gonna let me stay here and keep living as Celestia and I wouldn’t want to anyways. Not because I think it’d be unpleasant to be Celestia. I just couldn’t do that to her. She might not have been real in my dimension but my loyalty to her most certainly was.

I ran a fore hoof through my borrowed mane. It didn’t look like hair but somehow it felt like it. I decided not to question it too much.

A shiver went down my spine as a thought crossed my mind. What if Twilight didn’t know what to do? What if I was stuck here? I’m kind of horrible, despite what I said earlier about loyalty to Celestia I actually felt some hope rise in my chest. Coming to Equestria was kind of a dream come true for me.

I might not have wanted to come here as the princess but the idea of coming here only to get sent right back was sort of heart breaking. Maybe if I was lucky I could somehow get separated from Celestia and turned into a pony. If I was lucky that is. The name of my Ponysona just happened to be Lucky Star. Maybe that was a sign. Although, it probably wasn’t and I was screwed.

A sudden knock pulled me from my reveries. I turned to look at the door. Since I didn’t have much confidence in my ability to walk on four hooves yet I decided to call out instead of answer it. “Yes? Come in.”

The door pushed opened to reveal a white unicorn guard stallion. Also, I’d been right about the torches in the hall. He stepped forward into the room and saluted. “I heard you weren’t feeling very well this morning, Princess. I wondered if there might be anything I could do for you.”

I considered this for a moment and then my stomach gave a small growl. “Bring me bananas.”

Author's Note:

That misunderstanding about what non-con means is totally a true story. Also this is a shameless self insert. Maybe I should have warned you earlier.