Kyle, a 6-year-old boy in Baltimore, Maryland, has been having a tough and hard life since he was way younger. Three months ago, his parents left for a business trip in Europe. When his Aunt Paulista, his Uncle Vincent, and his mean fat cousin Brent take him in, they treat him like a servant more than a nephew/cousin, but give him plenty of food if they need him to work.
One night, Kyle didn’t know what horribleness would happen next but one thing besides being kidnapped by a gang of thugs, was that he finds a strange light greenish blue baseball diamond colored like a evil dragon’s eyeball that can connect with a beaming light from the full moon with a bluish purple glow, sending him off somewhere, taking the diamond with him.
Meanwhile, in Equestria, Twilight journeys her way back to the library she and her dragon assistant, Spike were moving into, but suddenly, she sees the same diamond Kyle found, but as she touches it, the magic within it is unleashed, revealing a ghostly spiritual figure resembling the mare she and her friends defeated, Nightmare Moon. As the ghost entered Twilight, she gets a painful feeling in her stomach, causing her to become pregnant with a colt that resembles her, and her brother Shining Armor, but has their mother’s eyes.
After the colt runs from the mare, he ends up in the Castle of the Two Sisters, and is now scared, before he sees himself as a unicorn colt.
But how will the ponies of Equestria understand his hard life, and how a human boy magically appears as a unicorn colt? This will be a big mystery for the Mane 6 and Spike.
This story is based of both Mister E-Nonymous’ “A Sparkle’s Little Dusk”, “The Royal Apple”, and “Through the Eyes of Nightmare”, jkreader’s “New Life in Equestria”, and GunsNRoses365’s “A Mother’s Love”.
This also takes place during Seasons 1 and 2 of Friendship is Magic, and after the 2 part premiere of the series. (First volume of my Human into Pony franchise and a rewrite of the entire series)
About a fast one
Great beginning can't wait to see the next chapter
You also seemed to add a part from another story of mine. "The Royal Apple".
Interesting, eager to see how this goes. Wonder how kyle's surname is.
And I admit, the start was a bit confusing
Still a bit stilted in the writing but you are on a good start keep it up. I would wonder why NMM would want to impregnate Twilight like that, what would be her plan, and how will the boy's soul be snatched up and put into that body .
You might want to add more variation in characters responses you had AJ, RD and Shy descriptive responses be the same one after the other, I would suggest that you add a little more descriptor in how they say it like to make them stand apart and have the personalities shine through better:
Also if you are ever looking to commission your own cover art for this story let me know, here is a little demo of my work. Best of luck on your story.
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The colt I made up kinda resembles the fur color of this OC:
https://www.deviantart.com/stellamoonshineyt/art/MLP-Next-Gen-Starline-Sentry-Bio-863663265
but the mane and tail resembles this OC:
https://www.deviantart.com/faith-wolff/art/Stella-Nova-Mane-WINNER-497443300
It’s for the cover art.
And could you maybe have it show how much he loves his mother Twilight, like if he’s sleeping next to her or being hugged while standing up?
great chapter!
I loved all the stories this is based off.
keep it up!
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I love it. Keep up the good work, mellonin.
awesome chapter, keep it up.
Amazing chapter I'm looking forward to see what will happen next
You're doing amazing so far to keep it up if Twilight gave birth to him tacitly she is his mother
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But I might actually have him call her Twilight until he’s ready to call her Mom or Mommy
10958047
I did the same in "A Sparkle's Little Dusk". Although, Henry/Dusk's human parents were still alive.
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But I might have him see them but as angelic figures from heaven in his dream, and have Princess Luna accompany him.
Nice job!
lovely!
I must have missed something somewhere. What about Comet's appearance would link him to NMM? His description makes him sound like a miniature male Twilight.
Also, I know you said English isn't your first language, so I thought I should let you know that the phrase "bedroom eyes" means something very specific in American English that I'm pretty sure you didn't mean.
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I meant like her upper eyelids were lowered a little and her eyebrows were shaped like a mirrored V.
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I meant like this, while looking down at the colt hugging her.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/30/26229__safe_artist-colon-ambits_twilight+sparkle_pony_unicorn_bedroom+eyes_female_high+res_mare_show+accurate_simple+background_smiling_smuglight+sparkle_solo.png
awesome chapter mate
I think you messed up something!
10959379
There. All fixed
Pretty good chapter are you going to make them powerful with magic will he have unlimited power
Great chapter!
Nicely done
You might want to fix that, too.
Amazing chapter as always.
I'm liking this story, but you need to fix how you write it. Some lines of dialogue from different characters are within the same paragraph and that makes it hard to understand who's talking
I hope twilight can do something to help him settle his mind about his mom & dad.
And hope something won't go wrong!
Keep up the work!
lovely! he deserves a good family
10960500
yes he does
awesome chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter
10960695
Yep
great chapter, keep up the work!!!!
You really need to be careful on what you're writing.
so how bad will this gourmand pony get it?
Yes congrats Twilight.
You deserve a happy family Comet.
Wonderful chapter as always buddy.
Now all we have to do is wait he unleash unlimited power!!!
Lovely! But something I noticed
You know what I don't get, why tell anyone anything about Comet's true origins? Why tell the world he was created by a spell cast by Nightmare Moon? Why tell everyone he's from another world? No one other than a private few saw it happen. There was no need to broadcast that info to the world. Its not like he even looks like NMM, just a bluer Twilight. They have the backing of the heads of state, they could easily have forged a few documents and bingo, normal child.
It just seems like everyone went out of their way to broadcast all this information for no other reason than to paint a target on his back. I get that it's to cause conflict in the narrative, but I can't help but feel there would have been better ways to get that which didn't necessitate absurd actions taken by otherwise smart people.
at least Luna didn't over react to the letter like Celestia did.
She saw it from afar I bet, and thats why Luna best princess!
Also is nightmare moon his dad?!?!?!
keep up the work on the chapter!
10963027
Nope
nicely done. though i can't remember ponies being mean to comet or did i forgot something?
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They were mean to him because they though he was a spy sent by Nightmare Moon because of the maternity spell casted onto Twilight by Nightmare Moon
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i know, i just meant i can't remember that happening in the prevous chapters
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It’s because some ponies think he’s a cute innocent colt and probably doesn’t look like a Nightmare Moon spy, but they’re afraid that he might have her magic within him
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i know, i meant, i can't remember if this was shown in the previous chapters or if it was off screen
10964894
Actually, it was shown in other chapters, but this one was an apology from the ponies, because they were mistakenly confused or terrified.
10964909
Okay