The Second Dream

by totallynotabrony

Tell Your Tale: Clip Trot / Foal Me Once / It's T.U.E.S. Day

I admit, maybe my attempt at romance would have been a little more romantic for Hitch if I hadn't kabedon'd him, but relationships are two-way.

Hitch sputtered after I asked him out. I don’t know if anyone had ever asked him on a date before. Actually, I didn’t know if he’d even ever been on a date before. Though maybe his awkwardness was because of my literal stiff-arm approach than the question itself.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. To my original proposition about dating, I added, “Oh, and separate question, can we be roommates?”

“Why me?” he managed to ask.

“I am not going to live with four girls, only one bathroom, and no walls.”

“No, I mean…going out.”

“Because you’re the best choice.”

“I…I am?”

“Yes. Like, who else would I date? Izzy? Ha, no. Pipp? Absolutely not. Sunny? With the whole savior of magic thing, succeeding despite literally everyone telling her she was wrong, she has a lot of complex things going on, not to mention, I’m trying to get away from living in her house. As for Zipp, I have incredible respect for her, but she’s way smarter and more athletic than me and is the future Queen of Zephyr Heights, so while I put her on a pedestal, I recognize she needs someone more on her level than I am. So that leaves you.”

His brow furrowed. “I’m not sure if that was a compliment.”

Maybe he was kind of right, but I tried to gloss over it. “But you’re a great guy. You have a good job, everyone likes you, you’re practical, helpful, and as good with animals as you are you’d probably be a great dad.”

“Wait, why are you already talking about kids?”

“Kids? I…oh no!” I pulled back, putting my hooves on my head. “I totally forgot! You and Sunny have known each other since you were kids! I’m getting in the middle of the childhood friendship! I’m so sorry, honor dictates that she has first right of refusal.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The unwritten law of childhood friend friendship. I would be a terrible person if I got in the way of you and Sunny.”

“I’m not romantically interested in Sunny,” Hitch said.

“Are you sure?” I asked pointedly.

“I’m sure. She’s just a friend.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay. Okay. I need to do my due diligence and get her perspective on this too, so let’s put a pin in this for now and we’ll circle back around later. I’ll see you at work, okay?”

He nodded, although perhaps because he didn’t know what to say. I hurried away.

I’d jumped the gun. Hitch now knew how I felt, but my own priorities weren’t yet in order. Gah, this was a disaster.

Maybe not as big of a disaster as I found back at the lighthouse, though. Pipp had everyone cornered and was trying to get them to perform in some kind of viral video trend.

“What kind of normie stuff is this?” I asked, walking in. It drew an eye-roll from Pipp, as was intended.

“It’s the Hip Hop Bunny Bop,” she said. “The new dance craze. It’s only got like, a million hoof taps.”

The girls seemed to be a lot more enthusiastic than I was right then, but as they danced for Pipp’s cell phone camera, she variously blew them off. “No no no no no. Cut! Stop. Stop it. That was nothing like the bunnies!”

Amid the general discomfort, Zipp glanced at her own bare fetlock and said, “Oh, is that the time? Gotta do that thing I was telling you about.” She hurried away.

“Hey Sunny, got a second?” I broke in.

“Yes, absolutely!” She departed just about as quickly as Zipp had.

I don’t know if she actually cared what I had to say or if she thought she did in fact owe me a moment, but she turned to face me when we stepped out of the building.

I led off strong, just to make sure I had her attention. “Do you want to date Hitch?”

“Um, what?” She shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

“I just got finished asking him, so now I’m asking you. I know you’re childhood friends, so you have right of first refusal.”

“Date Hitch? Did he put you up to asking me?”

“No, I’m asking you for me. I want to date Hitch. But do you want to?”

“Hitch is a good friend, but I’ve never really thought about him like that.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “Thank you, Sunny. I appreciate you giving me the go ahead for this.”

“I didn’t-”

“But you said you didn’t want to date him?”

“I…that’s right.”

I pointed at her. “No take-backsies.”

I started to leave, but then paused. “Oh, and I realize this is totally awkward to ask just after the previous conversation, but what’s Hitch’s favorite smoothie, and can you make one?”

“Super Citrus.” She sighed. “And you’re right, super awkward, but I’m also honor bound to my craft and have never not made a smoothie when somepony asked me.” She gestured resignedly. “Come into the kitchen.”

---

Down at the sheriff station a few minutes later, I checked my mane in the window reflection and took a breath. I had consent from Sunny, Hitch already knew I was interested, and so with the gift of a smoothie I hoped I could get a final yes or no from him. I propped my phone in the window and set it to record.

I opened the door. Hitch was just getting up from his desk, maybe on his way somewhere.

“So about our conversation earlier,” I began. “I talked with Sunny and I want to let you know that she says you’re a good friend.”

“Um, okay,” he replied.

“So, if we’re going to live together, would you also do me the honor of trying out a relationship?”

“Wait, we’re living together?”

“You didn’t say no when we talked about it earlier.”

Hitch paused for several seconds, blinking, remembering. “Um…”

“Hey, I get that this is a big step and you might still need time to think about it. I brought you a Super Citrus smoothie.” I handed it to him.

“Oh, thanks, it’s my favorite.” He took a sip. He then paused, shook his head, and said, “Wait, I was in the middle of something. I was on my way to a call.”

I could have kept blocking the door until he gave me an answer, but sensed maybe I could keep using this to my advantage. I followed Hitch out of the station, pausing to grab my phone from the windowsill, erased the audio from the clip, and posted it. Without context, it just looked like me giving a drink to the local police as thanks for their hard work, and the likes immediately started flooding in.

Hitch galloped down the waterfront. I could have easily flown to keep up with him, but in the interest of camaraderie and also getting a cardio workout, kept pace with him on the ground. It was easier because he was hobbled, still drinking the smoothie.

We jumped over a few people in the way. I noticed Hitch had slipped on some sunglasses at some point, so now we matched. Cool police, coming through.

Pulling up short at a flower stand, Hitch asked the proprietor. “What seems to be the problem, neighbor?”

She wordlessly pointed at an upset trashcan.

Hitch swung into action, pulling out a full-on CSI kit, snapping pictures and taking swabs.

As he worked, three rabbits with horns hopped over, holding a pony-sized sandwich between them. I mean, a sandwich appropriate in size for a pony to eat, not a sandwich the size of a pony.

“You guys have jackalopes here?” I said. I was only mildly surprised. I'd already seen even stranger things in my short time in Equestria.

Hitch glanced at them. “You mean bunnycorns?”

I guess these rabbits only had a single horn each, not antlers. Whatever.

He shoo’d them and their sandwich away. “Not now. The only thing I'm hungry for... is justice.”

The trio of bunnycorns looked visibly crestfallen, but started to eat the sandwich themselves.

“Animals just bring you sandwiches?” I said in wonder. I knew critters liked Hitch, but this was something else.

“Yeah. I keep meaning to do more of my own cooking, but…” He shrugged.

“So I have a theory,” I said, taking another look at the bunnycorns. “I remember we once saw a bunch of raccoons with horns. We’re dealing with spilled trash. What do you think?”

“Huh,” Hitch said. “Maybe. Good idea. But I can’t just go scold them without evidence.”

We headed back to the sheriff station. Walking in, all five phone lines were ringing. Hitch immediately swung into action and I followed his lead.

Between the two of us, we answered calls from Sunny claiming someone had stolen fruit from her smoothie stand, Posey Bloom at the art museum about a stolen painting, the guy at the sunglasses stand about his entire stock being taken, and a few others. The phones kept ringing and both of us were taking notes furiously.

Zipp wandered in near the end of the barrage. “Hey, I came to - oh, you look busy. You really should find a new deputy, Hitch.”

“I've got this under control,” Hitch said. “Anyway, I work alone. There's only one perfectly groomed sheriff capable of handling it all.”

“Hey, I’m supposed to be the edgy loner,” I said. “But we can work alone together.”

That seemed to amuse Zipp and she left us alone to get on with it.

Hitch and I left the station again to get started investigating this wave of thefts. Waiting for us outside were a group of bunnycorns, the horned racoons I had mentioned, as well as flying snails that were an order of magnitude weirder to me than the other two species.

They all seemed happy to see Hitch, but he ignored them as we hurried away.

“They really do like you,” I observed.

We hit up all the places in town that had reported things missing. In all cases, nobody had seen a thing. Hitch took plenty of notes, but at the moment, neither of us seemed to have any ideas.

“We have a lot of evidence, but nothing I would call clues,” Hitch lamented back at the station, as we stood in front of a string-connection board we had made.

“Any usual suspects?” I asked. “Normal troublemakers around town?”

“No, none that I can think of that would fit this pattern.”

“Hmm. What about that Bonesaw guy we got a bolo about from Zephyr Heights?”

Hitch shrugged. “Haven’t seen him.” He licked his lips and coughed. “Ugh, my throat’s so dry. I’d arrest somepony for a super citrus smoothie right now.”

There was one sitting on the desk.

“Woah, that’s convenient!” Hitch exclaimed, grabbing it and starting to slurp. “I don’t remember picking this up.” He frowned between sips. “Strange. Delicious, but strange…”

“Definitely strange,” I agreed. “Sunny’s the only source for smoothies in town, and she got all her fruit stolen. So who could have even made it, not to mention delivered it here?”

We puzzled on it together for the rest of the afternoon, but didn’t come to any conclusions.

As evening came on, Hitch eventually changed the subject. “Wow, I’m starving. It’s been a busy day.”

“You said you’d meant to cook more,” I said. “Can you show me?”

“Do you not know how to cook?”

“First of all, sexist. Second of all, yes, I can. I happen to specialize in mea-uh, grilling things. I’m asking you. But I’m also happy to help.”

“Well sure, okay, I think I’ve got some hay patties in the fridge.”

We moved from the station into Hitch’s living area, which was in the back of the same building, and got working on dinner. I couldn’t tell if Hitch hadn’t noticed the day was over, was too polite to ask me to leave, if my ploys to stay with him were working, or if he had finally accepted the idea. Either way, I made sure to do a good job with dinner. Plus, I was going to have to eat it, too.

Through the meal, we kept talking about the case but as the evening got later, conversation started to shift more towards personal matters.

We discussed a lot of things, but I made a point to ask about his family. I also assured him there was no chance he would ever have to meet mine. He seemed slightly relieved by that, perhaps wondering who could have raised me.

When Hitch was distracted, I snapped a stealthy picture of the table, his hooves and my hooves visible over the food. I captioned it Homemade <3 and posted it.

Most of the near-instant comments on the picture seemed to be cheering about my apparent special somepony. I hoped so.

After dinner, I quickly offered to wash the dishes. Hitch seemed to want to go back to the corkboard with the evidence.

“Is it okay if I shower and head to bed?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he murmured from the other room.

Well, he still wasn’t saying no.

I did exactly as I said I would, showering and then going to bed.

I had…sort of planned on “accidentally” using Hitch’s bed, and had purposely not looked for another bedroom, if there even was one in his place. He was a little bit of a neat freak, which meant the sheets were nicely laundered and carefully tucked in. He’d used them at least once since washing, though, and the pillows smelled like him.

Several hours later, I was partially awoken by Hitch climbing in. He didn’t say anything, or even seem to notice me, so I wasn’t sure if he was super tired or just not able to see me in the dark. I wasn’t about to disturb him.

I was…sorely tempted to, though. Even if it was just a little spooning. Even if I had to be the big spoon. I let it go, though, and drifted back to sleep.

In the morning, I was abruptly jerked awake at the sound of a screech. It took me a moment to realize it was a bird call. Hitch seemed used to it, though, and sat up in bed, yawning and smiling. “Look out, crime! Hitch is coming for ya!”

He hopped out of bed and opened his wardrobe. A ton of stuff fell out, burying him.

It took him a moment to raise his head from the pile. “What the - smoothie cups? Sunglasses? The missing painting?!” He gasped. “Am I the criminal mastermind behind it all?”

“Hitch, that’s ridiculous. I was with you when that stuff was being stolen…and I was with you last night.”

His eyes focused on me, sitting in bed, and it looked like he had forgotten for just a moment about all the junk. “You, um…”

I got out of bed and helped him stand up out of the junk. I could maybe see how someone who instantly jumped to the conclusion that he had stolen things might get the wrong impression about sharing a bed with someone.

“You were good last night,” I said, trying to reassure him that he had behaved appropriately. Though, it was only after I said it that the double meaning started to sink in.

“I, um…” he stammered.

I, too, sensed the awkwardness coming on and quickly changed the subject. “Hey, you want some coffee?”

I left the bedroom and got the office coffee maker running, and then went to do my makeup. When I was finished, I checked the pile of mail that had come in. There was a public service announcement for Ligma Awareness Month.

By the time Hitch had emerged from the bedroom, I had a cup of coffee waiting for him. I wasn’t sure if he’d spent so long in there cleaning up the mess and sorting the evidence, or trying to get himself under control. He did accept the cup from me, but seemed on edge. Again, I wasn’t sure if it was the case, or me.

“So…” he began, after a sip. He paused. “Hmm, this is good coffee.”

“Thank you.”

Hitch took a breath. “So I think I have some leads on the case. I realized that all those things that were stolen were things I liked. But you’re my alibi; I wasn’t the one that stole them. And then I got to thinking, you showed up in town and I know next to nothing about you, plus you really like me.”

My eyebrows went up.

“But I’m your alibi,” he went on. “Plus, after spending all last night talking, I think I know you a lot better now. Plus the sleeping-” he blushed and stopped speaking there.

“So what are you thinking?” I asked.

Hitch glanced out the window, where various animals had their faces pressed to the glass. They all smiled and waved when he looked their way.

“Is your fan club always this intense?” I asked.

“Yeah, um…” He sighed and facehoofed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this about animals, but if they really did the crime, then they’ve got to do the time.”

So we arrested a bunch of magic bunnies, raccoons, and snails.

---

The next morning, I was awakened by the screeching bird again. I hoped this critter wasn’t a criminal, though would have relished an excuse to do something about it. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t used to rising early and suddenly, I just would have preferred a less shrill noise.

This time, Hitch seemed to be expecting to see me beside him in bed, though today was noticeably more tense about it. I wondered if he had slept. He looked like he could use a back rub…

My phone made a noise and I reflexively picked it up. It was a private message.

By the time I read through it, Hitch had left the room. I sent my reply and then got up from bed.

Hitch was in the kitchen, making coffee. I accepted a cup from him, and after a sip, said, “I’m going to go to Zephyr Heights. They want me to speak on some talk show for Ligma Awareness Month.”

“I’m glad you’re so involved in such an important cause,” he said.

“Um, yeah.”

I again felt guilty, but another line of thought had started to creep into my mind. Speak on a talk show? Watched by thousands, where I could say whatever I wanted? Hmm.

“So how does this work?” Hitch asked. “You’re some kind of celebrity, right? But you’re also a marshal?”

“Yes. Somehow.”

“How has nopony made a big deal about it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe they just haven’t put two and two together yet.”

I stepped out of the station, getting ready to go. Izzy wandered by, carrying along a mannequin-like pony-shaped thing with her magic. “Hi Sentra! This is Señor Butterscotch. Do you wanna celebrate T.U.E.S. Day with us?

“I’m all for holidays, but it’s Thursday.”

“No, T.U.E.S. Day! The Unicorn Expression of Sparkle Day!”

“I had not considered that each race would have its own holidays." I put my hoof to my chin. "Three times as many holidays? Okay in my book.”

I snapped a quick picture and wrote an explanation for my followers. Surely they also wanted any excuse for additional holidays.

After that, I flew off for Zephyr Heights. It was a little bit of a long trip for my own muscle power, but despite all the ponies now being friendly, public transportation was still under construction. I had already made sure the TV studio would have makeup ready to go before it was time to begin shooting.

Skye Silver and Dazzle Feather were names I knew. They were some of the biggest faces of Zephyr Heights TV news, had the biggest show, and the biggest audience. Perfect.

I chatted with them a little bit as the three of us sat in the makeup room. Of course, I needed a lot more than they did, but the ponies working on me were professionals and I came out looking great.

“We don’t usually have celebrities as big as you on the show, but it’ll be fine,” Skye assured me as we headed for the studio. “We’ve interviewed the queen before, you know.”

“Can I stream this on my channel?” I asked. One of the broadcasting techs helped me get my phone set up to push the signal directly.

Skye, Dazzle, and I sat down on the couches in front of the cameras. They’d already run over the basic format of the show with me, but told me to just be natural. I planned to.

The director called for places. The cameras were pointed. Someone gave us the green light.

“Good morning everpony!” Sky said. “Thanks for tuning in. As always, I’m Skye Silver.”

“I’m Dazzle Feather.”

“And in honor of Ligma Awareness month, we’ve invited a very special guest to join us today.”

They introduced me. I smiled naturally, or as naturally as I could. I think I pulled it off.

“We’ve invited her on today to discuss this very scary disease going around. I understand that you’ve been personally affected, and we’d like to hear your story.”

Everything had come down to this moment. There were literally thousands of people watching me on their TVs. There were probably thousands more following along on my stream. This was being recorded and would be rebroadcast everywhere. Everyone was watching me. It was time, my moment was at hand. I may have started this accidentally, but there was no way I could pass up this opportunity.

Skye said, “So tell us, what is ligma?”

I put on the biggest, toothiest grin I could manage and leaned closer to the microphone.

Comments

[Amos Anon]

Oh my GOODNESS! Way to leave us on a cliffhanger!

[Cyana Flame]

[Hawattie]

After all the opportunities she's had to finish the joke she's not gonna follow through, is she?

[Fatail]

All of them chapters, just to make this kind of joke waaay down the road. .. love it, 10/10.

I wonder if Candice will make some appearance as well.

[Orderly Disassembly]

OK, love the ligma joke, but the MC is coming off as extremely creepy while she's around Hitch.

[totallynotabrony]

11245761
Hitch has noticed

[artofwar77]

11245761
Batpones gotta batpone.
Especially when in love.

[Telly Vision]

I wouldn’t be surprised if Ligma became a real disease because Sentra told them about it, Reality shifting unwillingly because of jokes.

[totallynotabrony]

11274002
It's funny you mention that. It wasn't going to be ligma, but there is a certain medical condition Sentra is going to introduce to the world...

[KVFFour]

I’d jumped the gun. Hitch now knew how I felt, but my own priorities weren’t yet in order. Gah, this was a disaster.

This is like, a specialty brand of autism.

Amid the general discomfort, Zipp glanced at her own bare fetlock and said, “Oh, is that the time? Gotta do that thing I was telling you about.” She hurried away.

The absolute Chad of this one.