The days passed quickly. Too quickly.
I was giving the subjects their breakfast; a large helping of French fries, and some cucumbers, when I received the message on my communicator that I had simultaneously been hoping for and dreading; It’s time.
I got them loaded into their old test crates which they had lived in before I removed them from the sample pool, and I placed them onto a small grav-dolly. I told them that as soon as we left the apartment they couldn’t make a sound until we arrived. I took them through checkpoint after checkpoint. It was a normal day; nothing unusual at all happening; completely and utterly normal. The anticipation and eminent dread of Discord acting on his veiled declaration of war on mankind was freezing my blood. We reached the lab sector doors. They were deadlock sealed and the door lights were glowing red; it looked as if it were still quarantined.
I knocked on the door three times, and whispered into it, “Knock knock. It’s me. Scientist level access requested. Callsign: Maiden. Open up.” For a moment there was no response at all, but then the door lights flashed yellow for emergency access and slid open. I pushed the grav-dolly with my precious cargo into the wing, and the doors closed quickly behind me.
“It’s okay to talk now,” I said to the subjects; it hurt for me to call them that now.
Dawn spoke first, “Why is everything so musty in here? Does Uncle Ahmed not clean very well?”
“I have to go to the bathroom,” Dusk whined.
I sighed with frustration, “Then why didn’t you go before we left?”
“I didn’t have to go then, but now I do!”
“When we get there, you can go.”
“But I have to go now!”
“Just. Please. Hold it!” I said with a little too much sting in my voice I realized afterwards.
The two crates in front of me went silent, and I knew I had upset both of their feelings greatly. I wasn’t sure what to do now; apologizing would make me even more emotional and it would be harder for me to do what I needed to do next, but not apologizing would be even worse. I felt absolutely awful when I didn’t apologize at all. I’m a horrible mother, I said to myself. No, you’re not their mother at all, my rational side spoke up; they are the products of two gene donors and of the machinations of science. You hold no bond to them. Throw out all emotion; it’s a simple equation. Subjects plus irradiation equals means of stopping Discord, simple as that.
We entered the Test chamber. Two small pods had their hatches prepped and opened, awaiting their sacrificial offerings. Ahmed stood nearby, his face stoic and unmoving, as if the face I saw before me were instead the black hood of an executioner, tossed forward in time from the Medieval Ages. He motioned me to come closer, and he took me off to the side to divulge the details of our task at hand. “I’ve prepared a genetic solution that will be..intriguing, to say the least,” he whispered to me. “Normally, we choose one of several possible branches in the subject’s genetic code. I’ve decided to keep them strictly horses, but because of their near limitless potential, we’re pushing their boundaries to those limits.”
“What are you proposing,” I whispered back.
“A binary gene splice. In most cases, a recipient of Tesseractal radiation can only receive one beneficial mutation, whether it be wings, horns, whatever. These two have the capacity for two beneficial mutations. With both wings and horns, they can literally do anything, though there might be some..unforeseen consequences.”
“Side effects?”
“You care about them. You don’t want to know all of the things that can go wrong. If this doesn’t work, we’re all boned as it is anyway. We either have one high risk shot, or no shot, no hope. I still need some time to prep the necessary serums, so say your good byes now.”
“Ahmed, what side effects? Don’t treat me like a child. I can take it. Why should I say good-bye?”
He sighed and looked at me, his eyes communicating to me the pain he felt in delivering his professional opinion, “Assuming the procedure works absolutely perfectly, they will never be able to live normal lives ever again. Their bodies will be mutated to such a degree they will be never be able to reproduce. Their minds will be exposed to things that will change their perceptions of reality forever. The price for this forbidden knowledge is either temporary or permanent amnesia, and to what degree of severity, I can’t guess. They may never remember you ever again.”
We were silent for several seconds, as I struggled with this knowledge. “Do you want to continue with this?” Ahmed asked me.
I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to stop this whole mess right then and there. I wished this were someone else’s life in some other place. I wanted to escape this mad nightmare, but I couldn’t. That’s when I heard a little voice in the back of my head. It was a tiny but resolute voice; You have a responsibility; it is your duty to act accordingly. This world needs a deterrent for Discord, and these fillies will be the solution.
“For mankind,” I solemnly said.
“Alright,” he replied, “Go say goodbye. Those girls need their mother.”
I started to tear up, and I turned to explain to my two little ones why they had to be forced to grow up and do the hard things in life.
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1473781
What'd I do perfect? And how do I keep doing it?
One question: Didn't Dawn and Dusk (those are their names, right?) just hear the entire conversation about how they're going to be genetically mutated and how it's going to screw up their lives forever? Wouldn't that terrify them out of their minds? Wouldn't "Maiden" (wow, I'm terrible with names right now) want them to not hear that part?
Aside from that, I like how you're building this up and taking your time. A lesser writer would have jumped straight to the experiment, but your pacing is such that it moves the plot along while giving the characters ample time to act like... well, characters.
1473864
Ahmed and the Maiden were off a small distance away from Dawn and Dusk whispering to each other. Sorry I didn't make it more obvious in the text! I definitely did not want to miss the opportunity to continue to flesh out each of the characters even further than what I have.
As is, I've had to do a significant amount of cutting and editing of The Maiden and the Serpent. I'm actually complete rewriting the ending I'm working on right now because the way I was going to do it wouldn't be fair to all you guys; it would probably seem too abrupt of an ending and would have been disappointing, I think, in the end.
Basically, things are setting for a big bad showdown between the mighty powers at work here; Discord, Dawn(soon to be Celestia), and Dusk(soon to be Luna). Initially I was going to be lazy and just smash to a quick historical overview of the First Battle of the Elements and the recreation of Earth. That's not fair to you guys and it would have been inconsiderate on my part. Because of that, the last chapter (which is still a couple weeks away, mind you) might take more time to upload, as I'm trying to make it as satisfying as possible!
1473814
Right now in your story, you have in a perfect way showed the events that will unleash future reasons of the existence of everything, down to the dot. I can't help but point out how perfect it seems right now.
Perfection of how every question of how things are in the future world is explainable, especially at this very moment in the story, to a point of logic that can't be refused, doesn't matter what you try to question, how are they so powerful? Explained, what are the elements? Explained, why don't they remember anything? Explained, etc.
1474885
Yay logic!
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