The Ponyville rumor mill attempts (badly) to make sense of terrible apocalyptic happenings. Then, we meet the culprits, and finally, we figure out what happened and (hopefully) set things aright.

Trixie is Terrible Rating: Trixie (Indirectly) Causes the Apocalypse: 8 :trixieshiftright: out of 10.

Content Notice: (1) Trixie makes some double-entendres in a paragraph in Chapter two perhaps due to her inability to properly use a thesaurus, (2) Some ponies "die", but that won't stick. (3) minor mention of what is essentially zombification (4) one young pony gets pulled in two directions, (5) sickness, (6) blinding, (7) inebriation, (8) violence at the beginning of chapter 4.

Era: Takes place during Season 7. (See an index of my stories, sorted by My Little Pony Season).

Image: Compiled by me, containing four sub-images with rights only to those sub images: here, here, here, and here.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 9 )

dang….I’m loving this. 100% loving it.

"I saw them myself!" Lyra, an aqua colored pony, piped up. She hugged another mare beside her. "Bon Bon told me they were added faster and faster until it was like they were multiplying! Then they fractioned apart, dividing and glimmering like diamonds in the sky until a horrendous explosion subtracted all of them.

yay, Lyra and Bon Bon! and yes, that's a fun play on words with the four elementary arithmetic operations

Pinkie Pie piped up: "Was it a tongue-twister? Like 'she sells sea shells sometimes slowly by the sea shore for shore'! Or was it just a really long word like antidisestablishmentarianism? A homophone? A homonym? A sound? A smell? Onomatopoeia? Maybe a weird gobbledygook word that's not really a word, like Austreaoh?"

very Pinkie in its poetry, very nice

"How could he see crops fail if he was blinded? ..." Twilight considered, failing to note the flower ponies' more dire reports of fighting and death likely because she had been mentally filtering out anything they said as nonsense ever since she had endured their weeping histrionic fit after Ponyville's latest rabbit invasion.

fun callback to that scene here!

"We'll probably have to subsist on awful awkward apples."

fun alliteration, and always great to see one of the best ponies around here

"It was more important to evacuate." Bon Bon looked around. "And where there's magic, there may be bugbears."

Lyra gasped and grabbed Bon Bon tighter.


Then the train, packed burgeoning to the windows with its fearful exponentially rumor-generating ponies, was off and the Mane Six galloped into the town to confront apocalyptic terrors lying within.

and nice use of yet another arithmetic operation here! great to end this chapter on

Then the train, packed burgeoning to the windows with its fearful exponentially rumor-generating ponies, was off and the Mane Six galloped into the town to confront apocalyptic terrors lying within.

indeed! it was very fun to see all the background ponies get their time in weaving this tapestry of panic and rumor

"Yeah, don't recognize me?" Dash scoffed, living up to her reputation for vanity. "You blind or just forgetful? And where's your brother?" Dash sneered. "Not loyal enough to stay at his side?"

damn, RD! he has a family!

Bam, boom, striking detritus straight to the moon--over the moon!

it is strange how much staying power this même has

"--teacups ... a tempest of hundreds floating. Porcelain and a foul liquid ... but then I was bit and I couldn't see."

lots of great foreshadowing and setting up of mysteries to be resolved throughout!

"Of course," Trixie coughed into her napkin. "You see, The Great and Powerful Trixie was throwing an excellent party to celebrate Starlight Glimmer's graduation, and the Faithful and Fastidious Maud was assisting. Trixie's magical demonstrations were so exquisite that Glimmer had thrown her hooves around Trixie in a thankful embrace, so moved was she; this is the power of true magic." She affixed Twilight Sparkle with a glare. "Trixie doubts you have ever had such a momentous embrace occur."

absolutely love how sneering and Trixie this paragraph is

Trixie, in point of fact has had orgies full of ponies embracing her!


"The four horsemares of the apocalypse?"

and of course i really appreciate the "man" -> "mare" replacement here! fits in perfectly with my preferred cultural worldbuilding

"Regrettably," Maud interjected. "Though details of the myths may be imprecise. One of the horses looked like a stallion and the last transcended classification."

very nice

"Trixie is certain that Trixie must be omitting somepony and for this oversight, Trixie apologizes effusively. Trixie is trying to be more fair-minded." Trixie screwed up a final frightening smile, teeth askew and cheeks distorted, directed at Maud.

Maud noted that with a nod. Trixie coughed, and Maud, with a hoofkerchief cloth, wiped Trixie's face.

aww! this was a sweet moment

And Trixie did get that mare off--which is something Trixie is very adroit at doing!

And fireworks! I ejaculated celebratory fireworks, which sent that mischievous mare straight back to the stars!


Trixie waved a dismissive hand. "Trixie has memorized all appropriate synonyms to titillate and delight audiences from the eminently reputable Sophistic Synonomic Soliloquies, thank you very much."

"To actually be erudite, rather than to merely mimic, one must also understand synonym's definitions before using them with abandon--"

"Pish-posh," Trixie laughed. "But since you are such a Wise and Powerful 'friend'," Trixie made the air quotes, "Trixie, as Trixie has done with other Interesting and Important points you have made, notes your suggestion for improvement and will take it under advisement! The less malapropisms, the more impressive the cheers and less appropriate the jeers."

and this is fantastic. there's a reason why you got the prize for the most Literature

Maud walked to the window, where Pinkie Pie was pointing. "The aurora borealis?" Pinkie asked. "At this latitude? I guess it explains the glow. Good weather for cooking steamed vegan hams." (Pinkie's on another wavelength.)

perfect (though i have seen the variation "steamed yams" which is a bit less awkward, the existence of vegan hams would explain why there are foods that look suspiciously like ham sandwiches in the canon)

"This is not in character for either of you!" Twilight scolded, but the two kept sneering and snarling.

meta! i love it!

"Yes. But that didn't cause this;" she indicated her thinness. "This is because friendship won." Starlight looked at Twilight with a determined expression.


"Here's what happened:"

and that's a great chapter-ending hook


"The Great and Powerful Trixie commands more tea!"

This statement demands an image.

and i agree!

"At Pinkie's party, there were so many ponies. I hid in the corner. ..." Starlight shuddered.

aww! i like that Starlight has this in common with Maud! and this ties in nicely with her anxiety about being the positive center of attention on her first return to her village post-reformation just days before (though of course at that time there were other dynamics to make that uncomfortable as well!)

Maud brought the wine, seasoned with cooled stones of the "gneissest caliber". Trixie, showing off a newly-mastered spell, assumed responsibility for providing the wine glasses ... which turned out to be random items she proudly, in front of us, transformed into identical tiny porcelain teacups. And I brought some fish-shaped pastries I bought from the Cakes."


We sat and started talking about life, the universe; everything.

Douglas Adams or the GameFAQs subforum?

Then we played a game that Maud and her sisters sometimes play, Hitchhiker's Guide,

ah, Douglas Adams

"Mmm-hmm," Maud nodded. "Horses are an extinct race, although their bones have been found. They predate ponies by tens of thousands of years."

"Wait--wait--you mean we are descended from ... those big things?"

"Yes, we evolved from them during a time of scarcity to become shorter, requiring less calories, becoming more compact, more magical."

"I'll be a bucking monkey's uncle before I believe horseapples about evil-lotion like that," Trixie laughed. "Next thing you'll tell me ish geologishts believe tha world's round and like four point five billionsh years old."

Maud met Trixie's accusations with a neutral stare.

and yes, loved this worldbuilding about the relationship between horses and ponies in this world! i headcanoned the word "horse" as having the same cultural space as the word "giant" does in the human world, which would include cultural myths that they were real creatures related to humans. it is neat to have them actually exist in the ponies' evolutionary line here, and how that legacy affects how ponies see themselves and their history

"You mean you did." Maud had a penetrating stare.

"How can you blame me?" I boiled. "Why is it always Starlight's fault?" Then, overcome by anger, I blasted a wild lightning bolt into the sky. It curved back down. There was a distant explosion.

this is very Starlight, and #relatable

"Lorem Ipsum Sin Dolor..."

nice reference! tho from canon readings Old Ponish is clearly Germanic and thus the analogue of Old English, while this should properly be the canonical Pony Latin, and furthermore;

Then Trixie shuddered and the horse exploded and all of its magic--I think it went into Trixie.

always great to see action Trixie! the first step in doing something ridiculous is to refuse to have a reason to believe that you cannot

"See, she actually needed stones, Twilight, not to get 'stoned'. Maybe you don't know this--I didn't. I learned what that meant from some students at the School of Friendship, see, getting 'stoned' can mean ..."


Meanwhile, as reported by the bouncing Trixie from her higher vantage point, the red horse pursued an unfortunate gray-coated, blond-maned pegasus and whacked her aside the head with the butt of a sword.

noooooo Derpyyyyyy

"Huh," she took a step, smashing a deep hole in the ground. I peered over the edge, concerned for her sake.


Trixie's tears were falling on me. "Starlight. What would I ever do if I lost my Great and Powerful assistant!" She accompanied sweet words with raspy coughs and expectoration, all across my face. She hugged me close; I could feel bursting boils on her forelegs.

a fantastic mental image, and a great Trixie moment

"I mean," Trixie quickly added. "We are friends because Trixie enjoys the services you provide and that are part of your personality--nothing to do with Twilight's opinions. Meanwhile, you enjoy the Trixie Treats, including all of Trixie's myriad and multifarious splendid services: Trixie's cleverness; Trixie's gumption; Trixie's beauty; and of course, Trixie's tricks."

of course your Trixie was fantastic throughout all of this, but this especially! ugh i love her so much

"I wanted a plant, Maud, a healthy green one. I'd name her Phyllis. ..."

and yes, the best plant character in the show!

Maud blinked at me and cocked her head. She may not have realized the content was an insult, but she could read the agitation in my tone. Trixie laughed.

and aww, poor Maud! she would indeed not take that as an insult normally

And then we hugged. The light of our cutie marks grew brighter and brighter.

aww! the magic of friendship! it was very nice to bring it around to that in the end

Congratulations in advance to anyone who catches the hidden four Douglas Adams references. There are other references, too.

i'm guessing the fish cookies are the third, but the fourth escapes me

"I just finished solving a teensey-weensey problem. Pardon though. Would you be a dear and help me clean up? This mess is far from fabulous." Blood oozed on the wall, on the floor, on Rarity. Rarity sponged it up with Fluttershy's coat.

that was quite the mental image! very well-drawn, the effects on the rest of the Mane Six. also nice reference to the fandom's serial killer Rarity, if this were meant to be one (though i've never actually read any of those!)

(Unbeknownst to Twilight, Boulder, the final rock remaining in Maud's grasp when that stolid grey pony confronted silent and pale Death, had boldly struck, sacrificing himself in an audacious thrust that thankfully did not end in his demise, but in Death's.

And while Twilight was desperately divining Death's final destination, Boulder, resting in Maud's pocket, dreamed. In Boulder's dream, he traveled to an olden ponies living center, specifically alighting on a bed stand where a pony within did not breathe. Boulder observed. A ghostly form resembling the pony drifted up and away from its body. Boulder implored. The pony, with a start, noticed Boulder, then acknowledged the rock's presence with a long sigh. "Funny. I'm dead, right?" Boulder loomed. "Death ..." The pony considered. "I thought you'd be taller.")

a beautiful and perfect story-within-the-story, very fitting with the liminal status Boulder occupies as a character in the show

And Twilight, with Discord's clear support after he had finished savagely slaughtering Rarity in this cursed timeline, did successfully travel back in time. ... Which is why no pony ever speaks of this terrible apocalypse that sort-of-kind-of didn't happen. No one remembers, except Twilight--Discord would have remembered but he demanded Twilight seal far, far away the horrific memory of his friend's demise.


this was one of my favorite stories overall to come out of this contest. it accomplished what it was trying to do with great wit and skill, and was thoroughly enjoyable throughout! if this had been a "stories about Starlight, Trixie, and Maud" contest rather than a shipping contest, i would have been very upset and surprised if it didn't place!

* Thank you for all the elaborate and kind thoughts!

(though i have seen the variation "steamed yams" which is a bit less awkward

An interesting idea! Steamed yams does flow better! Thank you. I also suppose there is an inherent question of why the ponies would call something "vegan hams" unless there were actually "meat hams" at one point, which seems to be a bigger diversion than is merited for this tale. A third way could be just to call them "hams" even though they actually are vegan, but that likely raises reader confusion. :pinkiehappy:

, the existence of vegan hams would explain why there are foods that look suspiciously like ham sandwiches in the canon)

How can we be sure those are not sliced yams? :derpytongue2:

it is strange how much staying power this même has

I think you may be referring to the Reddit investors' use of the meme. In case you find it interesting, I had three things in mind with that sentence: :rainbowderp:
Bam! Zoom! To the Moon- The Honeymooners was extraordinarily popular in its day despite the unfortunate laugh-tracked abuse. :fluttercry: That said, Ralph gets told off quite often. The King of Queens is a more modern version. I've updated my reference to be a little closer without degrading the scene (Obviously the best references are ones directly or thematically in service to the plot, but I like throwing them in when they don't detract): "Bang! Boom! Striking detritus straight to the moon--over the moon!" In this scene, one thematic ironic tie in is that the Doctor was struck down.)
Over the Moon- A saying.
To the Moon- Cryptocurrency reference. And if your investment went "to the moon", then you might be "over the moon" with glee.

* Three unfortunate references to 'hands' that I noticed after seeing your comments have now been anatomically corrected. :pinkiecrazy: Nothing to see here. :trixieshiftright: Although in chapter 4 a reference to 'handled' remains, I think that one is acceptable. I wonder what most pony authors use in place of it?

For fun: Did not yet find an image of Trixie demanding tea. But...

and yes, the best plant character in the show!

If it qualifies, I can sort this into your Phyllis group as a "minor Phyllis piece". :derpytongue2:

but the fourth escapes me

A good showing! The fish cookies were difficult to guess and to work in to the story.
1. Correct on the fish cookies: "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish!" (Book 4)
2. We sat and started talking about life, the universe: everything: "Life, the Universe, and Everything" (Book 3)
3. "Chatting in a restaurant when here we were, confronting the maybe-end of Equestria, at the end of the universe, at the end of time.": "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" (Book 2)
4. "Then we played a game that Maud and her sisters sometimes play, Hitchhiker's Guide,": Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Book 1)

also nice reference to the fandom's serial killer Rarity, if this were meant to be one (though i've never actually read any of those!)

I have read one story where she is a murderer but I did not realize it was a popular depiction. :pinkiegasp: Shockingly, the concept was not intended to be a reference. She just seemed to be the best fit for comedic purposes (And no way Fluttershy was going to defeat her especially when Fluttershy's demise could feed into the Discord gag at the end) and also her coat is naturally white. Red blood--white coat... :pinkiecrazy: ... :pinkiecrazy:

Howdy, hi!

This was a trip and also one of the few "ending retcons the entire story" type stories I liked. The trio was fun and the idea of the horses of the apocalypse was intriguing. I enjoyed the designs of them and thought they really fit what they were supposed to. Your writing is also very unique. It's this interesting mix of over descriptive but heavily stylized.

The opening is a solid hook and really drew in to find out what happened. I also enjoy the fact that the opening was in fact all explained by the end. Each piece is given a corresponding reason as to why it happened and who caused it. There are so many hints littered throughout that are brought up later in such interesting ways. I also like the inclusion of Discord at the end, it was a nice touch.

Anyways, excellent read. Thank you~!


Thank you for the detailed comment! :pinkiehappy: And thank you also for taking the time to read it in-depth. It was an interesting experience putting it all together so everything would intersect. Best wishes.

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