The Request
“I will never reform!” Chrysalis loudly declared, pointing an accusing hoof at Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor. “Never! It will never happen, so you may as well relinquish control of the Crystal Empire to me now before you suffer the forces of a thousand changelings!”
The queen of the changelings had them cornered, both literally and metaphorically. She was standing in front of the two who were huddled in a corner of the throne room of their castle, ready to fight them if that's what it took. Not that she really had a thousand changelings to fight for her, but it was a good bluff anyway. Unless of course, they called it, but she didn't see that as a possibility. She was a changeling queen! A fearsome creature in her own right! She was certain they would do what was in their best interest and surrender the kingdom to her.
Cadance and Shining gave each other a knowing look before turning back to the bug queen, the former telling her, “Oh, I’m not sure you want to do that.”
“And why not?” Chrysalis asked threateningly, taking a step forward towards the two and trying to figure out why in the wide, wide world of Equestria the two of them were smiling. They weren't really calling her bluff, were they? They would be foolish to!... well, perhaps not, but still! The queen hoped that they wouldn't.
“Because you’d be so lonely!” the princess responded, she and her husband taking a step forward of their own. “I mean think about it! How many friends do you have now? If you reformed, you could have as many friends as you wanted! Wouldn’t that be nice?”
“N-no!” Chrysalis stammered. “That- that sounds awful! I don’t want your friendship! A-and even if I did, I could have a hundred friends by now if I wanted without reforming! I just- I just- I like being alone! That’s all! I can make all the friends I want!”
Not that she needed friends. She had an army of changelings! Well, she had an army of changelings, but she'd get them back as soon as she took control of the Crystal Empire. Then they would learn their lesson for betraying her. She would show them!
“I bet you could,” Shining Armor jumped in, “but it wouldn’t be the same if you force ponies to be your friend. I mean, wouldn’t it be so much nicer if ponies were your friend because they liked you?”
“P-ponies like me! They do! And- and if they don’t, it’s because you’re spreading lies about me! That’s all it is! Nothing else!”
“I’m sure ponies do, but you could have ten times the friends if you reform. Wouldn’t that be nice? Imagine how much love you’d be consuming with all of those friends.”
“I… you… it…” Chrysalis got out as she thought it over for a second. It did sound like a lot of love, and the changelings who did reform seemed much happier as a result. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
But it was a thought that only lasted for a second. She was a queen! Ponies, changelings, and creatures of all types flocked to her! She didn’t have to reform to make friends, nor did she need friends! She didn’t have friends in the past, and she didn’t need them now! She wasn’t going to give in to their demands! Who did they think she was?
“No!” she told them loudly, firmly. “I don’t need friends, and if I did, which I don’t, I could make all the friends I ever wanted! I swear! Now hand over the Crystal Empire!”
“Hmm… she does make a pretty strong point…” Shining said thoughtfully, putting a hoof on his chin as though thinking the outcome over. “What do you think, Cadance?”
“I don’t know… maybe you’re right. It might just be a matter of time before she takes our kingdom from us. We might as well just hand it over now peacefully, shouldn’t we?” They said it with an obvious air of sarcasm, smirking as they did so, but the queen of the changelings didn’t seem to pick up on it.
“Y-yes! You should!” she got out. “Now no more wasting time! Get to it!”
“Oh, of course, we’d never be able to go against some creature as strong as you,” Cadance responded playfully. “We might as well just give in, seeing how your victory is assured. But…”
“N-no buts! Th-there won’t be any negotiation! Now hand over the empire to me!”
“Just one small tiny but for us? I mean, a gracious queen like you would be willing to offer Shiny and I one last request, right?”
“I… well, I- is that-” she stumbled over her words surprised at both the speed and how well the conversation was going. She expected a fight, not negotiations over the conditions for handing the country over. Not that she would complain, given the circumstances.
“Of course, you’ll give us a last request!” Cadance decided firmly for her. “After all, it’s it the proper thing to do in these sorts of situations as you know. I mean, you are a royal like us after all, so you know all about these things.”
“That- that’s right! I do! And I understand, so… what’s your last request before you give me the Crystal Empire? And make it quick! I don’t have all day to waste with you vermin.”
“Oh, we understand,” Shining Armor said. “You’re a very busy mare, obviously, with no time to waste with us. We have just one tiny thing we’d like before we give it to you.”
“And what is that?” she asked, getting annoyed that they hadn’t told her yet. “Spit it out!” She was already tired of the mystery they seemed to place over whatever it was they wanted. She simply wanted to take control now, not waste time bargaining.
“We want you to go on a date with us,” Princess Cadance finally said, she and her husband giving wide smiles as she said it. In return, they watched the queen of the changelings change her expression from the annoyance she had to shock, and then from that to embarrassment as her cheeks went bright red and her ears flattened.
“What? N-no! I- I won’t be entertaining joke requests! Be serious now before I decide to be not so benevolent to you! Just because it's proper to have a last request doesn't mean I have to comply!” She should have had them thrown in prison for even daring to make such a joke. The nerve!
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing it’s not a joke,” Cadance smiled, Chrysalis’s blush deepening as she looked at the floor. “Come on! Surely a changeling queen like you gets a lot of date requests. This can’t possibly be your first time being asked out, can it?”
In reality, it was, which was the first thing that came to mind when the queen was given the request. Not because she wasn’t worthy of being some creature’s date though, oh no! It was clearly because every creature else was just so far beneath her and knew that they shouldn’t waste their time with their obviously futile requests! Yes, that was it! Every creature else just wasn’t fit for her to go on a date with!
At least, that was the case until now, and she was in a difficult spot because of it. The obvious solution would be to smite them down for thinking that a queen like her should entertain a prince and princess. Clearly, despite the fact that all three of them were rulers, there was still a level of authority separating them. However, she wasn’t sure if that would be considered the proper thing for a ruler to do to another royal counterpart. As well, there was the very minor issue that she couldn’t claim to have experience in such activities (not that that was an issue. A queen like her would have no trouble entertaining her lesser counterparts!). But still, she didn’t know what to expect from it. Likely, it would just be an attempt to humiliate her. To ambush her! To get her alone and do all kinds of despicable things, like teach her about friendship and try to reform her. She wouldn’t stand for it!
“Absolutely not!” she decided, sending a scowl their way. “You’re trying to set me up, and I see right through your plan! You’re going to try and attack me, or worse! Turn me into one of those awful colorbugs with your so-called ‘friendship’. You must think I’m a fool if I would fall for your trick!”
“Aww, we’re not tricking you. We wouldn’t do those things to you, Chryssi,” Shining Armor assured her.
“Ch… Chryssi?” Chrysalis got out, completely aghast at the nickname she’d been given. "Don't call me that!"
“I mean, a beautiful mare like you,” the stallion continued, “I don’t see how you don’t have swarms of creatures at your hooves. Cadance and I think you’re absolutely gorgeous.”
“I- no! Don’t call me- I’m- I’m not gorgeous! I mean, I am a goddess, but- but it’s just strange coming from you! What’s gotten into you both?”
She didn’t understand what was happening. Clearly some creature was playing a prank on her. Perhaps it was even twp of her former subjects, taking the place of Cadance and Shining Armor to try and pull a fast one on her!
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Cadance replied, still smiling widely, much to the bug’s annoyance. “We just want to go on a date with you. What’s so strange about that?”
“I was thinking of something nice and romantic for the three of us to do,” Shining continued, “like a candlelit dinner under the moon, or a nice walk in the park.”
“Although if you want, we can do what I thought we should do for a first date, like bowling or a movie. I mean, I think first dates should be fun, and I’m the Princess of Love, so I would know.”
“But why?” the queen asked, struggling to figure out what the two of them got out of it, almost certain this was a prank. “Why- what- why? What exactly do you want this from me? You can’t possibly be serious in this being your last request!”
“Well, I mean, you started it, Chryssi,” Cadance explained to the bug queen, who grimaced at the new nickname she acquired, “when you took my place at the wedding. At first, I was angry, but after talking to Shiny here, we decided the best way for me to move on would be for me to date you, too! Then everything would be fair again!”
“But- that- that’s not how-”
“Plus I told Cadance here how nice of a mare you are, and it just made her want to go on a date with you that much more to see for herself.”
“I- no! What has this devolved into? I’m not going on a date with either of you! This is all completely ridiculous! Hand over the Crystal Empire now and admit defeat!”
“Well, in that case, I guess we’ll just have to call Twilight Sparkle and her friends to come and take care of you, right Shiny?” Her husband nodded in agreement as she continued, “Or… you could go on one tiny little date with us?” the alicorn princess asked, giving her a hopeful smile that begged her to say yes.
Chrysalis, for her part, managed to scowl, her cheeks still bright red as she weighed over her options. She could try to take these two on and win… and then the group that was Equestria’s protectors would swarm on her and she'd be burnt toast. Or…
She had to admit, spending time with Shining Armor and feeding off his love was quite nice, and she’d love to have another chance to take some. Or maybe even have some love directed her way specifically? Would that happen? Probably not, seeing as this was an obvious trick. But still…
Chrysalis’s angry expression eventually turned into her growling and stomping a hoof before she finally yelled, “One! I will go on one single date- no, outing, with you and Shining Armor, and that’s it! No more! Then you will relinquish control of the Crystal Empire to me! Do you understand?”
“Yup!” both Cadance and Shining said at the same time, a cheery tone in their voice. “One date is all we want! Oh, this is gonna be perfect! Let’s get to planning, Shining!” With that the two skipped off, leaving Chrysalis standing alone wondering how exactly the conversation turned out so strangely.
“What have I gotten myself into?” the queen of the changelings asked herself worriedly.
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Updates monthly? Aw, man. I want more now!
dont rush and nice work
Well, looks like the lovebug is going to get some bug love.
This was silly fun.
This was an amusing story! I liked the way you present Chrysalis here, she’s really adorable!
That said, I do have some constructive feedback for you.
The first is that I noticed several sections where the viewpoint went away from Chrysalis to either Cadance or Shining, and then back to Chrysalis. That can feel a little jarring, because it confuses the reader over whose perspective they are meant to reading as. I recommend choosing a viewpoint character (Chrysalis is the best choice) and depicting everything from her perspective. You can still make it clear that Cadance and Shining are humoring her without spelling that out.
I also see a lot of overwriting. A lot of redundancies, over clarifications, and messy phrases abound here. It’s nothing to worry too much about—this is a common beginner mistake in creative writing, especially on this site
I would recommend sitting on future chapters for a few days, and then re-read the story, looking for ways to revise it to make the writing clearer. Allow me an example:
Allow me to revise this. You don’t have to copy this exactly, it’s just to demonstrate what I mean:
You’ll observe that this re-write is both shorter and more to the point, all the while saying the same things your paragraph did. Personally, I don’t think the narration is actually necessary. You could convey the same thing with just her dialogue.
This is something to think about for your future updates. On the whole, I enjoyed this story. I look forward to seeing how their date goes!
Who's the artist behind the cover photo? It's familiar, but I can't quite place it.
10945878
kanashiipanda
This looks interesting. What will happen
every time i see characters preach about reformation, it sounds more and more like a cult.
11021010
please accept our lord and savior harmony in your heart
This can only end well.
11021010
Oh no, their on to us scatter!!!!