• Published 25th Aug 2021
  • 1,204 Views, 15 Comments

Cupcakes - PrincessEnchanteDream



It's not what you think it is, I swear...............really.

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WE'RE MAKING CUPCAKES, DASHIE!!!

It was a beautiful and sunny day in Ponyville. Everypony went about, chatting merrily and having a wonderful day.

Especially one pony in particular.

Rainbow Dash grinned as she soared above the clouds, the wind blowing in her ears as she whizzed past everypony.

This was the life. The thrill, the joy, enjoying every moment spent in the air.

However, she slowed to a stop in front of the town clock and stared at it.

It was quarter past three.

"Oh ponyfeathers," thought Rainbow worriedly as she frantically flapped her wings. "I was supposed to meet Pinkie at 3 p.m. sharp."

Sometimes, Spitfire's practice sessions took too long. Oh well, just another day in the life of a Wonderbolt.

She flew through the streets of Ponyville, eventually coming to her destination, The Sugarcube Corner.

Rainbow hesitantly poked her head inside the door and smiled sheepishly when she saw Pinkie.

"Heyy......ya there, Pinks. Sorry..... I got a little late."

Pinkie bounded over and pulled her into a hug.

" Silly Dashie, I'm not mad at you. Now that you're here, we're gonna have lotsa fun!!"

"I....need....to.....breathe......Pinkie," Rainbow wheezed out.

Pinkie Pie giggled and released her iron grip on Rainbow, who gasped and massaged her neck.

She then led her to one of the tables.

"Have some orange juice, you're gonna need it," said Pinkie as she handed Rainbow a glass.

Dash shrugged and took it, gulping it down almost immediately.

Suddenly she felt lightheaded for some reason, and opened her mouth to speak. However, she found that she couldn't as a wave of dizziness washed over her, and she slumped down on the table top.


A few minutes later, when Rainbow Dash woke up and came to her senses, the first thing she registered was that she was in a very dark room.

She bolted up immediately, looking for any source of light, and was subsequently greeted with Pinkie in her face, holding a sharp blade in her hooves.

"Good morning....or should I say afternoon, Dashie!!" Pinkie chirped.

Rainbow flinched and moved slightly backwards.

"Uh...why do you have a knife in your hooves, Pinkie?"

Pinkie grinned and swung the knife around as if it was a sword. "For cutting, silly billy!"

"Cutting?" Rainbow squeaked out, although she'd never admit it. "Cutting what, exactly?"

Pinkie leaned close until their faces were inches away from each other and grinned maniacally.

Thunder and lightning flashed behind her as she cackled and raised her knife high up in her air.

"You."

Rainbow didn't care anything at that moment, she just screamed and screamed in terror, with Pinkie's maniacal laughter echoing around.


Pause.

Aurora frowned and flipped on the lights with her magic, staring at Rainbow, who lay passed out on the bed.

"D'you think we over did it?" asked Aurora, prodding at Rainbow with one hoof in an attempt to wake her up.

Pinkie glanced over to her. "Nah."

Aurora sighed and conjured up a bucket of water, and poured it over Rainbow Dash.

She woke up stuttering and gasping as she heaved for air.

"Help......me.......somepony......please," choked out Rainbow.

Aurora rolled her eyes.

"You're fine, Dash."

Rainbow paused as she surveyed both of them. She scowled when she saw Aurora attempting to muffle her laughter, while Pinkie didn't even bother trying and rolled around on the floor.

"That......was.........hilarious," wheezed out Aurora, hooves clutching at her stomach. "You should've seen the look on your face, it was absolutely priceless."

"We got you pretty good, Dashie!"

Rainbow glared at them.

"Not funny guys."

Aurora stuck her tongue out in response. "Payback for the one you pulled on us last week, Dash."

Rainbow crossed her hooves and turned away, already plotting her next prank on the two of them.

"I've got to go now, Pinkie," said Aurora, giving Pinkie a high- five. "See you tomorrow then! Bye, Rainbows."

"See ya..." muttered Rainbow.

"BYE RORA!!" yelled Pinkie, waving at her.

Aurora chuckled good-naturedly and flew out the bakery.

It was just Pinkie and Rainbow now.

🎶 I can see you from behind. You can hear me in your mind. Run so fast as you- 🎶

"AAAHHH!" Rainbow shrieked and jumped five feet in the air. "PINKIEEEEEE!!"

Pinkie giggled sheepishly and pulled a music player from her curly mane.

"Sorry Dashie. I think I forgot to switch it off. Oopsies!"

Rainbow Dash calmed down slightly and flew down on the bed, making sure to be at some distance from Pinkie.

She was still on edge, not trusting anything around her yet. Unfortunately for her, she glimpsed something in the corner of the room, and her blood ran cold.

"W-wh-what is t-th-that?" Rainbow stammered, pointing a hoof at the thing in question.

Pinkie glanced over to where she pointed.

"Oh, thaa-aa-at," explained Pinkie. "That's just pony, Dashie. And pony horns, wings and hide."

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Rainbow made a move to fly the heck out of there, when Pinkie grabbed her by the tail, Applejack-style.

"Mmph mm mmmm!"

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings frantically. "Let me go, please!"

Pinkie shook her head.

"You're not going anywhere yet."

"I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID. I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! AND I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD-"

Pinkie stuck her hoof in Rainbow's muzzle to quiet her down.

Her concerned blue eyes then peered into Rainbow's magenta ones.

"Rainbow, what's wrong? You seem really out of it today."

"You- you're going to make cupcakes out of me," sobbed Rainbow. "Of-of cou-course I-I'm gonna be freaked out!"

Pinkie blinked bewilderedly.

"Why would I make cupcakes out of you?"

"You invited me over, remember?"

Pinkie looked worried now.

"You must be hallucinating, Rainbow. I offered to help you make cupcakes for Soarin's birthday, not to make Rainbow cupcakes!"

Rainbow paused, feeling utterly stupid.

"I'm sorry Pinkie, I really am. I don't know what came over me, but that pony in the corner did it for me."

Pinkie snickered. "You silly filly. That's fake pony cake, and it's not real. You see, I have to make a real-life version of a pony for this one filly's birthday."

Rainbow stopped struggling and leaned against the headboard.

"That...does make some sense. But why did I faint?"

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "You were over-exhausted from your practice and crashed on the table. That's why I gave you juice but apparently it didn't work.

Rainbow felt like the world's biggest idiot.

"I'm so sorry, Pinkie."

"No worries, Dashie! Now come on, those red velvet cupcakes aren't going to make themselves!"


Half an hour later, a batch of beautiful red velvet cupcakes were ready.

Pinkie waited until they cooled down, and then packed it neatly in a box wrapped with red ribbons.

Rainbow gratefully took the box from her.

"Thanks so much Pinkie. I appreciate you making these.....even after my terrible accusations. Sorry for that again."

Pinkie pulled her into a hug.

"Dashie, it's completely fine! Now go go go, Soarin's waiting for his cupcakes!"

Rainbow hugged her back, and holding the box of cupcakes in her mouth, flew out of the bakery.

"BYE-BYE DASHIE!"

A blue wing could be seen waving.

Pinkie sighed happily, satisfied with having helped one of her best friends.

She turned to go clean up the kitchen, but her hoof slipped on a piece of butter paper that had fallen on the floor.

Pinkie yelped and grabbed a nearby table-top to prevent falling down. Unfortunately, the kitchen knife was lying right next to her hoof, and as she tried to get her balance, her hoof sliced on the knife, leaving a small cut.

"Oww-wiiee, that hurt!"

A small stream of blood was now flowing from the cut. Pinkie brought her hoof to her muzzle, and sucked on it to stop the blood flow.

Her eyes widened.

"Mmm.......tasty."

Author's Note:

To be continued.......

Comments ( 15 )

And then suddenly blood.

Did you know that Cupcakes is a parody of excessively gory creepypastas?

10950809
*laughs* Totally.

It is? I thought the author himself had the idea.

10950812
Ironically, it became one of the most emulated creepypastas out there.

jmj

Cute.

10950982
Mhmmm.

10951133
In a kinda dark/creepy way. But, thanks for your review!

Pause.

All jokes aside, I don't know if I wanna laugh or shudder at this. If my homies pull this shit on me I'm whoopin they asses.

10951161
Only difference between you and me is where I'm at shit like this prolly happens

I live in the O so nothin surprises me

Have you read “Rocket to Insanity?”

Thought I might give another work of yours a read. :twilightsmile: It's a fairly simple, straight-to-the-point parody story, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Similarly to the previos story of yours, this one could use some extra meat on its bones to really sell the idea. Messing around with descriptions, sentence length, et cetera allows you to modulate the story's pacing, and, in turn, how tense a scene feels. So, if you want to give us the creeps, more vivid descriptions is the way to go. :raritywink:

Grammar and spelling remain mostly solid without any glaring recurring issues, though the punctuation errors that I've mentioned before appear in this story as well. Also, note that you shouldn't insert a space after a hyphen connecting two words. Furthermore, if a character is directly addressed in dialogue (or even in letters and stuff), the address should be preceded by a comma. You know, there's a difference between "Let's eat, ponies!" and "Let's eat ponies!" :pinkiecrazy: Oh, and also, while there are some exceptions (certain dates, ammo calibers, etc.), numerals shouldn't appear in stories. It may seem odd that I'm talking so much about a single 3 you have in the story, but it's an issue that's very noticeable. Besides this being against the regular rules of writing, the disadvantage of numerals is that they are different than letters and thus break up the text and draw unnecessary focus.

Now, just a few more tidbits:

It was a beautiful and sunny day in Ponyville. Everypony went about, chatting merrily and having a wonderful day.

This is what I call "the weather forecast opening". Every other story written by a novice writer starts this way. It's good and bad at the same time. It's bad if you do it since it makes your story seem just like the stories of others, plus it doesn't do what a proper opening should. That is, hook the readers by piquing their interest as well as hint at the story's atmosphere and plot. (Study the opening of the G5 movie and see what they do with the earth pony crystal so early on. That's some good storytelling. Also, the opening of the first Mission: Impossible is a masterpiece. There are so many layers to it that speak volumes about what's going to happen.) However, a good thing about these openings is that if you don't use them, your stories will immediately stand out far more, making more people give them a chance.

"BYE RORA!!" yelled Pinkie, waving at her.

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID. I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! AND I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD-"

I know that people on the internet use CAPS TO CONVEY THAT THEY ARE ANGRY, SINCE IT GIVES THEIR COMMENT THE EXTRA FLAIR AS IF THEY WERE SHOUTING AT YOU :flutterrage:, but let's face it, it doesn't work and takes away from the statement rather than adds to it. It's also quite hard to look at. In general, if you have an exclamation mark (just one, no need for more) and a dialogue tag, you don't need the CAPS. It's fine if you do it very rarely for very emotional statements like "NO!", but it's still unnecessary. There are cases where it might come in handy if you want to highlight the speech of a very special character. Terry Pratchett's Death comes to mind as a character speaking this way, but it's a character that speaks very rarely and for short periods of time. So, better use this scarcely. Very scarcely. Also, a verb is oftentimes much better than a dialogue line. Imagine someone doing and audio reading of this story and encountering the "AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" line.

🎶 I can see you from behind. You can hear me in your mind. Run so fast as you- 🎶

What exactly is the purpose of these emojis? In general, don't put these into stories. Not only is their interpretation unclear, but few emojis are supported on all devices, so some people may see just empty rectangles instead of musical notes. Plus, again, this information is going to be lost for people who listen to the story (People doing audio readings will skip it, the site's reading feature just says "musical note" out of sudden) or who have it downloaded in a format that doesn't support this.

Pinkie snickered. "You silly filly. That's fake pony cake, and it's not real. You see, I have to make a real-life version of a pony for this one filly's birthday."

Lol :rainbowlaugh: The first time I saw someone create a cake based on a real person, it creeped me out a bit, haha.

Happy Hearth's Warming! :twilightsmile:

11093764
Duly noted, and thank you I appreciate you taking the time to read and review it, as well as mention specific areas where I could work on. Thank you!

Happy Hearth's Warming!:twilightsmile:

Hey maybe someone should remaster the og cupcakes to make it EVEN BETTER!
...and im caplocking again

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