Pinkie Pie has always secretly dreamed of flying. Not even her friends know of this; she never really thought of mentioning it to them. But when the possibility of one of her best friends leaving to chase their own dreams comes to light, the party pony takes the opportunity to take on her own, all while having one last fun time to hang out with her best friend before the latter leaves for a tryouts for the Wonderbolts.
Summary sucks, criticism and comments appreciated, blah blah blah, you get the idea.
Chapters (1)
Not great, but I’m not expecting it to. I was afraid at one point to put this on here because I was afraid it “Wouldn’t be good enough,” but then I thought, “screw it. ‘Least I’m not a trollfic writer.” Could be better, but I can’t do anymore with it, honestly. And so, this was made due to it being stuck in my head forever, and just to get an idea of how Fimfiction.net is. I think the tags are appropriate enough, though if there is anyone who thinks something should be added or even dropped, feel free to say something; I’m totally new to this, honestly. *Blushes*
Writing a one-shot in Pinkie’s POV, and she’s not depressed or anything? Dear Celestia, what have I gotten myself into? My writing had to change ever so slightly just to get into Pinkie's character while in her POV. It was a huge challenge, believe me. It will either be perfectly fine or an absolute disaster—I’ve leave that to you all to decide.
Anyway, for the most part, this was inspired by the fact Pinkie Pie’s first design was a Pegasus named Surprise. And with that fact, everything else came in and I decided to bring this up as my first fanficition on here. Plus, PinkieDash is my favorite pairing amongst My Little Pony, and this is to prove it! Even if it’s one-sided, from what we’ve seen. And while we could have done numerous things with the two pranking ponies—which I considered doing at one point—I lacked any interest in doing anything due to the fact this isn’t about them pranking ponies, this is about their dreams and such.
And while I said this is my first fanfiction here, it’s not my first ever. Though I can say I still have a lot of learn, as I’m seventeen and have only started taking it seriously for a year, so comments and criticism are much appreciated. And if you notice any plotholes…good for you. Heh. BRONIES FOREVER, that is all!
Liking it so far, even though PinkieDash isn't really my OTP. Faved to see where this goes!
1242032 Oh, I'm severely sorry. I forgot to change it to "complete."
While the chapter said it was a "one-shot," I still should have changed it, but it slipped from my daft mind. This is the only chapter, but I still hope you like it, nonetheless.
Very well written.
Very.
Tis was a good one-shot
I shall give two spikes:
1242529>>1242897 Thank you both very much! (:
1244310
No problem. Us writers have to stick together to overthrow the more popular ones
1244335 Well, you're right on that one. Just because it's not popular doesn't mean it's worth reading.
1244338
VIVA LA REVOLUCION!!!!!
And true....there are a crap ton of "diamond-in-the-rough" stories on FIM Fiction.net, like yours, that are definitely worth reading!
This is a very good one-shot. I really felt for Pinkie during this story.
I didn't see a lot of problems with this. There are some grammatical errors, but only one of them was consistent: when you have an ellipses... one is supposed to put a space after them... like this.
I didn't find the characterization off--I didn't like how Pinkie Pie referenced her randomness, but that's just me.
I thought there should've been more focus on the actual flying experience, given the nature of the premise, but that's just me; I thought the part with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash interacted was well done.
Also,
I think you meant "fly," but I'm not sure.
But overall, I thought it was an enjoyable read. Pinkie Pie was in character, the plot was good, and for the most part, the grammar was good. I hope this shortened critique helps you; I don't have a lot bad to say about this.
The best of your talents with whatever else you write!
1280742 Thoughts much appreciated. And I fixed that error you noticed; I did mean to write "fly." Can't believe I missed that. And I'll keep that in mind about ellipses; never knew that in the first place. I guess I could have done more with the flying thing, too, but aside from my small correction, I don't find a need to edit anything else like that. I like it how it is anyway. Still, I really appreciated your comment; thank you.
My third favorite pairing next to Spilight and SpikeBelle? Oh yeah, you have my full attention. I loved this, it's a bittersweet ending for something so heart breaking and you wrote it very, very well. I'm honestly hoping to see another Pinkie Dash from you my friend soon
1915211 Though technically it isn't a pairing story (though you can say it's a friendship kind of thing with a one-sided crush, so I'm assuming that's what you meant, haha), it is one of my favorite pairings. I actually do have something close to finished with these two as the main characters. Not romance, though, but that's all you'll get from me.
1915429 Better then nothing, I guess but I have a feeling you want to write a romance story with them to
1916147 Oh, you know it.
I just can't come up with a decent idea for one yet.
1916192 Right and I can help you with ideas if you wish but it depends if you want just them or traces of other pairings as well, I'm also great with titles
1916225 Well, just them, really. Also, titles would be great, because I suck at them. Took me forever to come up with one for my most recent story. Though you don't have to help me with ideas, really; mainly because I'm quite busy with other stories and real life (I think I still have one, haha!) and may not get in them in a long while. But if you really want to shoot out some, you may.
Right lol, I completely understand and I would be happy to help
1241013
I think you pulled off Pinkie's POV pretty well: if she seems to bounce between rapture and desolation, well, that's what Pinkie does. (One might question just how analytical she'd be about it, but I took her at her word. Easier that way.)
And I know what you mean by getting stuff stuck in your head. I think that's been the origin point for everything I've written lately.
Now Pinkie, be nice to Applejack, she's your friend. Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
I notice Starlight Nova nudging you to submit this to EqD (along with at least one of your other stories), and I do want to point out that I recommended this to Seattle's Angels (you know, that hipster review group that's in the site posts) a long while back. You can find the recommendation here, on page 4 of their thread. It's not the best-written rec (I do meander for about half of it, and I wound up not talking about half of what impressed me about your story), but I wouldn't have recommended it at the time if I didn't truly believe it deserved to be in a review round.
Also, it's been a long time since I've actually read this fic, but if you'd like a more in-depth critique from me, I'd be more than happy to offer it.