Spike vs Bridezilla, Destoroyah of Marriages

by TheMessenger

Chapter 5: Six Months

It was a place of utter contrast and confusion. On the one hand, Rarity was as comfortable and content as she would have been in her own home, for it had been exactly that for a significant portion of her life. By her own hooves and ingenuity, she had built up Carousel Boutique, pouring in her tears, sweat, and blood, all figuratively of course, into her craft until it became the thriving business it was today. This little store was where it all began, the seed that grew into the mighty fashion empire she now ran. Sister and daughter stores like Canterlot Boutique and Rarity for You and so many more now dwelled in just about every major settlement of Equestria and beyond, but for a time, there was only Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s humble little dress shop in the humble little town of Ponyville.

And yet, it did not feel like her store, not entirely. The overall layout of the building was about the same, though the place had been renovated and expanded over the years, but here and there were little details that she could not recognize. The stairs were a tad wider than she remembered, the wallpaper on one side of a room not quite what she would have picked, there were pictures and knickknacks decorating the walls and tables that were not hers, and on the displays, between some of her most popular pieces, were dresses that she herself had not designed.

And then there was her current position, up on a raised stage, posing at the directions of another as they measured her with a strip of segmented tape. Rarity had always been more used to being the one holding the measuring tape, and she couldn’t help but feel a trifle bit uncomfortable with the role reversal, even if the one doing her usual job was one she knew and trusted.

With the tape still in her teeth, the yak started to grunt out something, but seeing Rarity’s eyes widen and the mare frantically shake her head, the yak stopped and instead took the notepad out of her assistant’s grasp and jotted down Rarity’s measurements herself.

“So, um, I’ve been itching to say something for the past hour,” the light-lime stallion with a messy mane of light cyan and turquoise green said, scratching the back of his head. “Just wanted to address the elephant in the room.”

“No, Yona doesn’t think Rarity needs to lose weight at all. Rarity’s waist healthy. Dress’ll look good, especially the rear part. No elephants here.”

“Not, remotely what I was gonna say,” Sandbar said as Rarity, her face growing pink, struggled to keep herself from checking her behind in the full length mirror. “I meant.” The earth pony waved his hoof weakly as if trying to prompt himself. “I mean, I’m not the only one finding this weird, am I? Like, you, coming to us, for your wedding dress?” He started to laugh but stopped himself. “Sorry, it’s just, I’d have thought you would’ve wanted to make the dress yourself.”

Rarity finished Sandbar’s laugh which tapered off into a sigh. “That had been the original plan, but, well, it’s a rather embarrassing story.” She nodded to a large open notebook on the table with several strips of colored paper stick out between the pages. Upon the current page opened to the world was a sketch of a dress, strapless and with a corset around the torso that transitioned into a long flowing train as it continued down to the hindquarters. “Perhaps it was just something too personal, but the project was getting too distracting, and at the same time it wasn’t something I could maintain my focus on. I kept bouncing between different designs and concepts, trying out all these new experimental ideas, seeing if certain styles could blend together. It was all so directionless. I had no idea what I actually wanted.

“Spike managed to convinced me to turn this over to someone else after I had spent an entire evening seeing if I could make feathers work with southern Equestrian satins and completely missed the dinner we had planned with my parents months in advanced.” The unicorn shook her head and frowned. “It was our first major disagreement since our engagement. I can still see how horrified and panicked he looked when he kicked in the door to my messy studio, looking for me.”

“Yikes,” Sandbar said with a low whistle. “Still, that can’t have been easy, giving something like this up like that. I can think of some creatures out there that might’ve had a harder time accepting help.” He looked to Yona with a smirk, and in reply he received a snort and a sharp flick of the yak’s tail to his nose.

“Yes, well, I couldn’t exactly come up with a compelling disagreement when the project was causing me to lose sleep and my other activities to suffer,” Rarity acknowledged with a small pout. “I suppose this may be why bakers don’t tend to make their own wedding cakes. But at least now I can rest easy knowing that the matter is in the capable hooves of someone I know and trust.” Rarity nodded to Yona which caused the yak to beam with pride. “I might still want to design the dresses for the bridesmaids, however. With the main bride’s dress as a basis, I should be able to focus if there’s something to keep everything centered around.”

“Yona welcomes the challenge,” Yona announced with a stomp on the ground and a pound on her chest. “Bridesmaids dresses by Rarity will be beautiful, no doubt, but Yona will make sure that dress for bride is best of all. Rarity will wear prettiest dress, Yona promises.”

“Well, that will be one more thing to look forward to on that day,” Rarity said before letting out a giddy giggle. “Oh, apologies. I’m just, this is honestly still so exciting. I’ve made so many dresses for weddings and brides before, but to be having one made for myself, and knowing what’s to come, I can hardly contain myself.” She took in a breath to calm herself. “Ahem. Oh, these next few months of waiting will be torture.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining.” Sandbar looked over to Yona with another smirk. “It’ll give us time to figure out what the prettiest dress is supposed to look like.”

“Yona already knows!” the yak declared, but her confident grin wavered after a moment, and she glanced to the table where the stuffed sketchbook rested. “But, Yona appreciates having Rarity’s notes. Will make prettiest dress even prettier.”

“Of course.” Rarity stepped down from the stage. “And again, thank you. I should be able to sleep soundly now that I know the two of you will be handling this matter.” Putting on her coat, she let Yona and Sandbar lead her out of her old store. They shared a wave, and after sparing the boutique one more glance, basking in the nostalgia that came with the sight of decorative poles and prancing models, Rarity headed back into town. She hadn’t gotten far before the chime of the town’s clocktower rang out, signaling the closing of the hour.

Looking up at the grand old timepiece, Rarity frowned. The measuring procedure and reconnection with her old students had taken longer than she had expected. She had hoped to pay Starlight Glimmer a friendly visit at the School of Friendship before her appointment with Sweetie Belle, maybe even take a quick tour of the campus to see what was new, but now there was no time. Perhaps at a later date, she decided as she started making her way to the local spa where her sister was no doubt impatiently waiting.

Sandbar continued to watch from the window as Rarity slowly disappeared from his view. “Ooh boy,” he muttered as he tugged at the collar of his vest. “This, is huge.”

“Hm? Sandbar say something?”

“Just, talking to myself,” the stallion said weakly. “You know, wondering if we’re really qualified to be making the wedding dress for one of the greatest minds in fashion history.” His attempt at a chuckle came out as more of a cough. “I mean, no pressure, right?”

“Of course Sandbar and Yona qualified,” Yona answered. “Rarity not give task if Rarity not think we best. Yona believe in Rarity, and Rarity believed in Yona and Sandbar.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right. Oh gosh, I hope you’re right.” Sandbar clapped his cheeks with his front hooves. “Alright then, I guess Rarity’s sketchbook’d be our best starting point.”

Yona nodded her agreement, and the two started to return to the boutique’s parlor when they were stopped by a loud knock at the front door. A second knock swiftly followed the first, then several more in succession. Both turned to the other with a look of wariness before both started toward the door. Sandbar was quicker but not by enough to matter as Yona simply nudged her way to the door ahead of her partner and opened it, ready to receive their sudden and apparently frantic guest

The tall cloaked figure lifted their hood to reveal a scaly purple snout. “Can I come in?” the two heard Spike say, and after another glance to each other, the two made room for the dragon.

“Thanks,” Spike said, his hood now fully removed as he breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Hey?” Sandbar greeted, though his tone made it seem like more of a question. “What’s with the getup? You on a secret mission or something? Wait, don’t tell me!” He threw his hooves over his ears. “Plausible deniability! Plausible deniability!”

Spike shook his head as Yona rolled her eyes and forced Sandbar to lower his forelegs. “It’s not like that. I’m just, trying to keep a low profile. Especially since Rarity is in town. Not exactly the easiest thing to do when you’re a dragon. Did she come by here earlier by any chance?”

Yona answered with a nod. “Spike just missed Rarity.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why Spike avoiding Rarity?”

“It’s, a little hard to explain,” Spike said with a wince. “Just, okay, so I’m guessing Rarity already talked to you about making the dress for our wedding, yes?”

The two nodded. “Great, perfect. Here.” Spike pulled a bulging sack from his cloak and held it out to Yona. Both her and Sandbar’s eyes widened as Yona opened the bag and found it stuffed with gold coins and a large assortment of diamonds and gems. “This should cover materials and labor and everything, but I can get you more if needed,” the dragon said. “Rarity’s going to want to pay for the dress. Whatever you do, don’t let her worry about the price. Make something up about it being a gift or that you can use the opportunity to advertise or something, but if she insists, don’t fight her but keep the price modest.”

“I mean, couldn’t we just tell her you already paid for it?” Sandbar asked, his eyebrow cocked.

“Don’t,” Spike responded with a grim look on his face. “We agreed that she would handle everything involving the dress part, and, well, look, just trust me on this. I’m just, I don’t want her to worry, especially after seeing how stressed she got over trying to design the dress herself.” He folded his hands atop each other and turned between Yona and Sandbar, his eyes meeting one set before moving to the eyes of the other. “This day is going to be her perfect day, and I want to make sure there’s not an ounce of stress in her that might take anything away from it. Understand?”

There was another exchange of glances between Yona and Sandbar before Yona put away the payment and Sandbar gave a little shrug. “Er, sure. Yeah, I think we can manage that.”

“Good, good. Um, so, there’s just one more thing.” Spike placed a claw around the back of his neck and looked away. “I need to see the dress before Rarity does.”

“Er, what?”

“What?”

The two exclamations were almost simultaneous, and under the brunt of their combined confusion, Spike shrunk back. It was a sight to behold, the dragon who stood taller than even the full grown yak now cowering before her and her smaller pony companion.

“I know, I know,” Spike assured, holding up his hands with his palms opened out toward them. “I get it, it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride’s dress before the wedding day.”

“That true?” Yona whispered to Sandbar who made a noncommittal noise that accompanied his expression of uncertainty, with one end of his mouth lifted up while the other end stayed grounded, turning his pressed lips into an ascending diagonal line.

“Eh, you know. It’s one of those weird superstitions,” Sandbar responded. “Like black cats always landing on their feet unless attached to buttered toast, or something.” The slanted line of his lips curved into a full frown as he turned back to Spike with an eyebrow raised. “But speaking of weird, um, you wanting to see the wedding dress before Rarity gets to? Yeah, that’s weird.”

“Look, it’s, it’s the same deal as before,” Spike explained, the gestures of his hands driven by evident frustration. “I want everything to be perfect for her, you know, and, well, can you imagine how Rarity might react if the dress you gave her, her wedding dress of all dresses, was one that she hated?” The dragon shuddered.

“Not possible,” Yona said with a frown of her own. “Yona dresses all good dresses. Rarity will like dress from Yona.”

“Sure, sure. I mean, Rarity wouldn’t have gone to you if she didn’t think you were up to the task. But, it’s just in case,” Spike said, this time his hands moving more in a pleading motion. “Please, some extra feedback can’t hurt, and it’ll put my mind at ease at least knowing that Rarity’ll be completely happy with her dress.”

“You sure you’d know what Rarity would like?” Sandbar questioned. “Because it sure sounded like even she wasn’t sure about what she wanted in a dress.”

“I’ve worked with her long enough to pick up one or two things, and you don’t get very far with a mare if you can’t recognize her preferences and dislikes.” Spike’s prideful grin quickly returned to a worried grimace. “I know I’m meddling here, but please. Help me help Rarity.”

Sandbar looked to Yona for an answer, and the yak let out a tired huff as her broad shoulders sagged. “Yona not think Spike bothering will help much, but Yona suppose Spike can see dress first.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Spike said with a sigh. He clasped his claws over Yona’s shoulders before pulling her into a hug. He did the same to Sandbar. “And not a word of this to Rarity, alright?”

“Got it.” Sandbar winced. “I mean, I’m not exactly sure how I feel about keeping Rarity in the dark like this—“

“Feels dirty,” Yona said glumly.

“—but we’ll keep quiet. So, uh.” Sandbar looked Spike over. “What about a new suit? You gonna need one? Maybe something that’ll match the dress?”

“It’s being taken care of elsewhere,” Spike said. He started toward the door. “I feel like you’ve got enough on your plate, so just focus on Rarity’s dress. Let me know once you’ve got a design ready.”

The hood went back over the dragon’s head. Spike gave Carousel Boutique’s current caretakers one last nod and wave before exiting the store and stepping outside. The moment the door closed behind him, Spike’s entire body appeared to droop, as if the exhausted sigh he let out was causing him to deflate. He leaned against the shop’s wall to prop himself up as he lifted his head, and with eyes closed, he groaned. Reaching into his cloak, he pulled out another sack, though this one was much smaller than the one that had held Yona and Sandbar’s payment. From it Spike removed a handful of small turquoises, green emeralds, and purple amethysts, all no larger than a segment of Spike’s finger. The gems were immediately thrown into the dragon’s mighty maw and vanished with a satisfying crunch. A second handful soon joined the first.

“Spikey? Is that you?”

Spike nearly choked on his snack at the sound of a familiar voice, and he scrambled to stand up straight. “H-hey, Rarity,” the dragon said, forcing a grin at the unicorn. “Er, sorry.” Spike quickly brushed his teeth against the back of his arm as Rarity wiped off the bits of gem gravel off her face. “Um, fancy meeting you here of all places. Uh, you, uh, finish your day with Sweetie, oh, hi, Sweetie Belle.”

A second unicorn joined the first. Like Rarity, the mare had a white coat, and her mane was styled in curls, though her curls were less distinct and had a bit of a puff to them, giving her a more fluffy innocent appearance than the sensual maturity that Rarity’s mane commanded. The unicorn’s mane was a mix of light pink and mild mulberry in contrast to Rarity’s violet, and there was an apparent lack of gray.

“Hi, Spike. Or should I start calling you Big Bro?” Sweetie said with a grin while her actual older sibling rolled her eyes.

“Come now, are you going to greet him that way every time?” Rarity asked. “Surely you must be getting sick of that joke.”

“Mom and Dad still thinks it’s funny,” Sweetie replied with a small pout before returning her attention to her future brother-in-law. “So what are you doing here? Because honestly, it kind of looks like you’re planning on robbing the boutique.”

“Yeah, I know,” Spike said, sighing. “I was trying to avoid drawing attention. Everypony makes a huge deal when I’m around because me being here must mean the Princess should be around too, but it’s not exactly easy to disguise yourself when you’re, you know, a dragon.”

Sweetie Belle smirked. “Have you tried wearing a fake mustache?”

“Knew I forgot something,” Spike said with an exaggerated gasp as he threw a hand over his face. They shared a smile.

“Hm, if I had known you were planning to visit Ponyville, perhaps we could have come up with a proper disguise.” Rarity tapped her chin. “I’ve camouflaged myself as a dragon, I can’t see why, with some time, I couldn’t turn you into a pony.”

“Hey, whoa.” Spike held up his claws. “That’s fine, no need for that. I don’t want to take up any of your sister bonding time. Speaking of which, how was the spa? That, was the plan, wasn’t it?”

Rarity rolled her eyes for a second time as Sweetie Belle looked away sheepishly. “Well, as it turns out, dear Sweetie here forgot that the spa was closed today to take care of some maintenance, so now our plans are currently in flux. What about you, dear?” she asked, her head tilting to the side. “I can’t recall if you had anything scheduled in Ponyville today.”

“Oh. Um, well.” Spike’s eyes wandered about as his head started to swivel around. “I was, um, going to, see—“

A group of giggling schoolfillies ran by, all holding caramelized apples on sticks.

“Apples! Er, I mean, Applejack. I’m here to see Applejack.” Spike leaned his head back against the palm of his claw as he forced out a laugh. “Yeah, you know, just making sure everything on the catering end is going smoothly, seeing if there are any ingredients she might be having a hard time getting a hold of that I might be able to help with. You know, that sort of stuff.”

“Oh, so Applejack’s taking care of the food, huh?” Sweetie Belle’s grin widened as she licked her lips. “I was a little worried when you said the wedding was going to be in Canterlot. Don’t get me wrong, those royal chefs can make some pretty good food, but they’re all so tiny.” To demonstrate, Sweetie held out her hooves so that there was about half an inch between them. “It’s pretty much impossible to get a full meal out of that without looking like a glutton. But, um, I get that you’re excited over this and everything, but don’t you think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself? I really doubt anything you start making now’ll stay fresh for the wedding.”

“There’s more to catering than baking a pretty cake, Sweetie,” said Rarity. “There’s menu planning, making sure there’s enough of a variety to please the palates of all the guests, ensuring that all the necessary supplies will be ready in time, shipping and handling, equipment maintenance, coordinating baking times so that everything will be ready together.” She turned to Spike. “I’m confident Applejack can take care of most of that on her own, but I’m sure she’ll appreciate the extra assistance. Hm, perhaps I should come with you.”

“No, no! That’s alright,” Spike hurriedly assured, waving his hands. “I mean, you have your thing, you know, with your sister. And that’s important, real important. Siblings are so important, family, relationships. Right?” He swung his arm in a jerky motion, bending it at the elbow and bring his fist to his shoulder. “You two should finish your day together. Have fun. Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Whoa, hey!” Spike looked up and pointed at the clocktower. “Well, hey, would you look at the time. I should really get going, don’t want to keep Applejack waiting. Or, you know, keep you from, whatever the two of you were planning now.”

“Hm, well, alright then.” Rarity gave Spike a small smile. “Try not to work too hard, alright darling? I love you.”

“Uh huh, sure, great. Love you, bye!”

A few seconds passed before Sweetie Belle coughed, and Rarity reluctantly opened her eyes to see Spike fly off. Her pressed and presented lips, now cold from being exposed out in the air, turned into a pout. Her dissatisfied sigh was suddenly interrupted as her dragon suddenly returned and lowered his head over hers, the hood of his cloak now draped over both of their faces as he planted a long and hard kiss. The kiss broke with an audible smack, and as she watched Spike disappear once more into the sky, Rarity brought her hoof to her still warm lips.

Sweetie Belle, meanwhile, rolled her eyes and nudged her sister along. “Come on, Rarity, save it for the wedding. Even my tolerance for this sort of thing has a limit.”