• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Raugos


T

Arc Weld has a bright space career ahead of him, but an unforeseen change looms on the horizon as the result of a little indiscretion on his part.

Luckily for him, he might just stumble across somepony who knows a thing or two about change.


A submission for the My Little Pony Renaissance Contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 30 )

A pinkish-purple aura bloomed on the figure’s horn, gradually revealing more and more of her features, until Arc’s jaw dropped when he realised that he had a purple doppelganger of Archon Tungsten Glow standing right in front of him.

i wonder who is she,is she Cozy Glow descendants?

Aww. Interesting world you've built here, and a sweet story in it.

10922165
Not necessarily. There are only so many names available before we start running into similar themes. :derpytongue2:

10922169
The worldbuilding was a lot of fun! Heavily inspired by The Expanse.

10922209
Glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Ponies in space? Twilight travelling between stars to solve friendship problems?
Nice fanfic, I like this!

On my Read it Later but any plans to make this a full fic? The blurb looks promising.

sheesh. SHEEEEEESH.

10922643
No plans for a feature-length story, I'm afraid. Though I hope that this one will satisfy you all the same! :pinkiehappy:

10922663
Umm... thanks, I think? :rainbowhuh:

Sorry, I have no idea if this is some new twist on slang that I haven't heard of. :twilightsheepish:

10922165
If any descendants of Platinum are still known at the time of G4 [Blueblood is often considered to be one] I'd consider the Archon to be a further descendant, seated on the New Metallic Throne.

10922684
Bummer I would have loved to see more of this universe

You do this too well, I will endeavour to bug you until we're given the full-length story this AU deserves — constantly.

But first, all the best with the contest!

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It basically means I enjoyed it and is now making annoying noises

Kind of surprised they didn't go with Twilight -- I mean if they ruined their careers, they are good enough at their jobs, and Twilight could probably use a good tech.

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Well, their careers aren't exactly ruined, per se. Arc Weld's perspective on the matter is skewed by panic and bewilderment, so it's not necessarily as bad as he thinks. They also still have families who care about them and would most likely support them - after giving them a very stern lecture about unplanned parenthood.

Besides, Twilight wouldn't want to put lightyears' worth of distance between them and their families, not when that is exactly the situation she's trying to reverse with Spike. :twilightsheepish:

Wish there was more of these space stories. My favorite one either stopped updating or updates very slowly. I love the immortal alicorn existing long past equestria in a new galactic government ascetic.

This was a nice, lighthearted jaunt through a really cool space universe. And it is handled in the same way I would handle things, with individual planets acting as canon locations and big azz spacestations. Hopefully there's more in store but if not I totally understand as universes like this can get really big really fast. Cheers and good luck in the contest!

Ohh maannn....
I went looking for the Next Chapter button.

As far as one-shots go, this is superb.
Wonderful world building in a short amount of words.

Oh, this was outstanding. Great work in establishing the setting, the state of society, and Twilight’s uneasy relationship with it. Thank you for a great read.

Now I interrupt this fan fiction to bring you a special message from the Princess of Friendship's voice actress herself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzqmvInMsVU

10924395
Space stories are a little harder to come across, yeah. Any recommendations?

The ones I've read are mostly Mass Effect crossovers, and I'm currently following Flurry in Time.

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Thanks for reading, mates! It was a pleasure to write this one. :twilightsmile:

10926435
A space story recommendation ?
Your story reminded me of this one...
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/308357/cobalt-blue
It’s another short story with its own world-building.

I’ve not finished this one yet...
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/456221/just-like-magic-of-old

This one is quite new...
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/238757/the-children-of-planet-earth

Happy reading! (and writing :ajsmug:)

This was interesting. You did a very good job of establishing a setting and the characters' relationship with it in a very short space and only using incidental hints and mentions -- enough so that it bugs me a little that I won't get to see any more of it, to be honest. I'm more than a touch impressed.

10924395
I always had a soft spot for these kinds of stories too.

10926435
Ooh, Flurry in Time looks interesting.

Sleep While I Drive is also an interesting story, if we're sharing recommendations, although it's in the distant past rather than the future.

In regards to crossovers, Star Trek: Phoenix is also quite good.

10926435 Yeah I've read nearly all the Mass Effect stories too. Since it's the author asking I'll go all out with my 400+ personal favorite shelf, stories so nice I read them twice (at least parts of them).

The main one that I was referring to that this reminded me of was Cyro-7 It's not finished yet but it is 5 or 6 arcs in, it's AMAZING, and has exactly this future beyond alicorn rule vibe that this story has.

For stories with ponies or EqG in space in the future I've read:
Cobalt Blue Amazing story but it's only a one shot
Harmony Among The Stars A semi-Star Trek crossover mostly just ponies doing the Star Trek thing
Voyage of the Equinox An experimental CYOA using a discord program acting as a DM, yes I would say it's good
Log of the UNS Twilight Sparkle and Fate of the UNS Moon Dancer Almost as good as Cobalt Blue but it's a two shot with with an abrupt opening and ending
Friendship: Beyond Equestria Not as spacey but it's about colonizing a hostile planet after Equus is frozen over.

Now there's stories where the future and spaceships come to the ponies, Some of these are super popular so you might have read them before.
Message in a Bottle I found this one mainly because of the print run of it
The Maretian The author tried to write this story one chapter a day I think
What I've Become This is a long three part series of a human abducted from earth and crash-landing in Equestria I don't want to spoil anything cause I don't remember what is revealed early on or later but there is space travel but not by humans or ponies.

Also as an honorable mention there's Twilight's 1000th Birthday Blowout technically there's future space stuff and the future of Equestria stuff. Did make me cry twice though so I thought I'd throw it in here.

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Ooh, thanks for the recommendations, guys. Definitely gonna add a few to the reading list!

10927736
Just remembered about another one I forgot -- Voyage of the Harmony. It's a one-shot chapter in an anthology, which is why I think it slipped my mind, but it's got some very interesting worldbuilding (a kind of hyperspace travel based on Cordwainer Smith's "Scanners Live In Vain" and "The Game of Cat and Dragon", and an interesting idea that I haven't seen used elsewhere much where different species are naturally suited for different tasks on a spaceship -- for instance pegasi and griffins make the best pilots. Humans are present in the setting as another spacefaring civilization, but don't appear in the story proper.) It's also an AU -- mostly ponies have been spacefaring for a long time and the stars and sun are technological constructs. There's also a fairly dark spoiler-y part, fair warning. The author's the same as Sleep While I Drive.

Good job; no grammatical issues whatsoever. A warming slice of life story. I felt your characters come to life, especially Spigot making it clear she had second dibs. The SF wasn't just decor; it works as an evolution of Equestria and I liked the timelessness of the message it implied. I gave you an up-vote and put it in a bookshelf.

The story showed lots of promise. Because of this I am giving you a critique. Understand that I am positive you can become a better writer. Keep in mind that these are my opinions and feel free to disregard if they don't work for you.

All right then: There were a two things that I feel you need to think about in future stories.

Be aware of your teminology; especially important in SF. You refer to Ferrite as a unicorn with a branching horn. This is genius, and I liked where you were going with this, implying a blurring of pony designations and tribalism. Then you directly refer to her mother is a Kirin? To make the point, Commander Blaze, a unicorn with a branching horn can still go Nirik without using the K-word. Unless I'm mistaken, you never refer to the protagonist as a bat or a thestral. You get a star 💫for this idea conceptually, if not for perfect follow-through.

Secondly, ask yourself, would a real person do this? Arc Weld worries about being court-marshaled!? If a commander in a navy walked through a ship shooting a gun at a seaman, he would be brought to the deck so quickly his head would ring (if not get his or her sorry flank outright killed). A court-marshal would be the least of his or her worries. That one action blows up the story for me. Too Hollywood. People get emotional. They can act stupid. But there are limits. If you want that scene, it would have to happen in a civilian area like a hydroponics park or a mall. Of course, there would be police, then... Even a public shouting match in the Navy dry-docks could end up in a court-marshal of some sort for behavior unbecoming an officer. I just can't make this work on a space station. (Sorry, I'm an actual SF writer.)

I bet you could fix both of these issues in five minutes.

I want to re-iterate: I liked the story and gave it an up-vote. Keep writing.

10928267
That was a good one-shot. Thanks for sharing!

The concept of needing a special class of organism for navigating FTL travel reminded me of Dune.

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You refer to Ferrite as a unicorn with a branching horn. This is genius, and I liked where you were going with this, implying a blurring of pony designations and tribalism. Then you directly refer to her mother is a Kirin? To make the point, Commander Blaze, a unicorn with a branching horn can still go Nirik without using the K-word.

I'd actually intended to imply that Ferrite is a half-Kirin, whilst her mother is a full Kirin. Unfortunately, due to the contest deadline, I didn't have the time to come up with a more elegant way to get that across.

If a commander in a navy walked through a ship shooting a gun at a seaman, he would be brought to the deck so quickly his head would ring (if not get his or her sorry flank outright killed). A court-marshal would be the least of his or her worries. That one action blows up the story for me. Too Hollywood. People get emotional. They can act stupid. But there are limits.

That's fair. Admittedly, I was writing that scene more in the mindset of pony shenanigans as opposed to the limits of acceptable behaviour for a military commander.

I'll leave it as it is for now, though. Once judging is over, I may take another crack at it.

Thanks for the feedback! :twilightsmile:

Wanderer D
Moderator

I'm adopted. I never felt a hole in my life. In fact, one of my friends once said I couldn't be adopted because "I was too happy." What is it with people thinking we're all tragic figures?

10968088
Hmm, I wouldn't quite call Spike a tragic figure, but I think there is some canon support for Spike's emotional vulnerabilities associated with his adoption. If I remember correctly, he was shown to have some insecurities about it in certain episodes, especially that one with Sludge pretending to be his father. Admittedly, though, Spike's feelings might have more to do with his dragon heritage than his adopted status.

It wasn't my intention to imply that adopted people are inherently tragic figures; my apologies if Twilight's remark came across that way. Twilight was trying to dissuade Arc from potentially giving up his child, and she's doing it by pointing out the real possibility that it will affect his child's emotions, based on her experience with Spike.

Thanks for the feedback.

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