- Member Since 21st Oct, 2011
- offline last seen Nov 3rd, 2023
Patches in Equestria
There's an opening to some candy-coloured pony-land, right down that hole. I found it first, but, well, we're friends! Don't believe me? Why don't you have a look?
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Not only did you write a really good succubus story, you even gave little old me a shout out in the description. I thank you sincerely for such a good story and I hope you might write more like this in the future. Thank you so much and happy summer sin!
10921904
Glad you enjoyed it! And right back at ya!
Yeah okay but was he wearing his cape? Key details man key details!
Lol jk
Great story
this was a fun read, love seeing Sunburst getting his plan go complettly FUBAR and that the contract is completly inverted to his submition. I hope this leads to a sequel story.
Usually, this is where I leave suggested edits but I'm not all there today. Not getting enough sleep, I think. I'd love to go over this thing with a full edit later but here's my one-word review for this entire thing: Awesome.
I tend to avoid non-con like the Black Death but this one stuck out to me. And remembering conversations in DIscord about this story, I had a good feeling about it. The first half of the story is excellent worldbuilding with moody/atmospheric metaphors and scene descriptions that got me reaching for the Cradle of Filth tracklist immediately. All of the descriptions of how the summoning worked made perfect sense on first reading. Sunburst himself is on point and his internal monologue felt very realistic in how it responded to the quickly escalating situation that spiraled out of hand.
That said, while I love the hell of this fic, there are a few issues, some pretty significant involving clunky flow due to repetition, issues with the narrator switching between limited and omniscient and missing commas.
You're criminally underrated and deserve more followers. Take me as a start and have some Cradle of FIlth for a job well done!
Nicely done sir! And good luck in the competition.
What a twisted little minx Acrasia is. Not gonna lie, I'd love to see more of this alternate take on lovebugs; would be fun to see what Acrasia gets up to.
10921941
A sequel is not in my immediate plans, but it was a lot of fun to write, so it's not out of the question that I return to it in some way or other down the road.
10922023
Hey glad you enjoyed it both considering the tags are a bit outside your preference, and with the shortcomings I agree it has. Good to know I captured the imagery and themes appropriately, as well as my boy Sunburst who is pretty up there on my list of favourite stallions!
Thanks a ton for the in-depth feedback. That kind of thing is a big factor in what keeps me writing (even as infrequently as I do), and if you have any more directed critique or corrections in the future I definitely appreciate such! And another thanks for the compliment to my writing.
10923101
Not a sure thing but its a possibility in the future! She was fun to write, and I found combining succubus and changeling elements (which was part of the request) naturally worked well given the overlap between them. I have a few other ideas along those lines so maybe they'll make it into a fic down the line.
Decided to re-read this story and I still love it. Since it seems that Sunburt didn't die from the big succ I could definitely see a sequel to this one being possible. Good work!