A fan of MLP since March 2013 and a die hard fan of Princess Luna.
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Stygian67 stories ·100 members
My entry to the Pillars Shipping Contest.
Stygian sought to improve his own magic, to help and protect others. But in doing so, he created the Pony of Shadows, and for a thousand years, he was trapped within his own madness. Now released, along with his friends, he must face up to his past mistakes. Fortunately, he will soon learn that he is not the only one to fall to darkness, and in doing so, discover the path to a mutual redemption.
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Thanks for the submission! We look forward to reading this piece and wish you best of luck in judging!
this is a amazing story and a super good read.
I liked this one quite a lot! The dynamic between Luna and Stygian is pretty well developed here and you sell it well. Plus, I really like the concepts you used where Stygian accompanied Luna and Celestia when they were young, I found that to be a great touch. This fic honestly is really close to being a great one, and it's got great legs to stand on! I would personally consider just cutting the scenes that have show dialogue? I think the fic has a tendency to drag in a few scenes and these don't really serve all that much of a purpose other than to ground it in the time period. The pacing I think is the number one item I'd recommend looking at, because it slows down just enough to break some of my focus. In additon rememebr that it's usually better to show us things rather than directly tell us. All that being said I really did like this one, the parallels you drew between Nightmare Moon and the Pony of Shadows were super creative! Thank you for participating!
10958950 Thanks for the review.
It's always nice to get real feedback (and a fave 
), some of which I honestly hadn't considered. I know I'm guilty as charged on the old show don't tell front. It's a bad habit I've been trying to break that was made a bit worse by wanting to stay under the word limit. On the pacing front, where did you feel it overly dragged? I have to admit I felt I stretched out the opening a little too much, particularly the interaction with Starlight. Anyway, thanks again. 
10960232
Yeah I would say the beginning portions were one of the parts which dragged on for sure. One thing that might help with pacing is to consider weaving the narration lines into something like a conversation, that way you can move the story along while adding the thoughts you want without having to cut and set out exposition.
Really nice story, and a great examination of both Stygian and Luna (plus a bit of Starlight). It was interesting seeing how they adjusted to modern times and how they were forgiven. I will say it was awkward having Stygian and Luna grow up together, though; if we assume Stygian turned into the Pony of Shadows as a teenager, then he'd still be a teen mentally now while Luna is much older. That can be glossed over, though.
It doesn't have to be that way even though you felt like you were responsible for everything but that doesn't mean you had to suffer for it everybody will give you a chance if you let them
I guess if you need to talk to somebody who also felt guilty for what they done I guess Luna will be the one to talk with stygian since both of them have in common with each other
Just like the vision that we saw back in season 4 premiere when Twilight had that vision
Even when I saw the fan made video or the official show it's still sad that Celestia had to banish her own sister and she still felt guilty doing that
It kind of felt like how Captain America feel when he woken up to the modern year
I mean Celestia really it's been looking for something exciting and having to been doing this for a thousand years it will get really boring
This is a pretty good story and yeah you're right not enough stories about those two and they have a pretty good chemistry with each other so it looks like Stygian it's still pretty shocking up after they advance of pony of shadow despite that he is gone he still felt like everything what he did is his fault despite that everybody still forgave him but he haven't forgive himself and starlight tried to reason with him but he felt like he would never be okay and even now hit he had a nightmare of the pony of shadow but luckily Luna came in to save him from his nightmare and they even talk about everything they did despite their dark past even Luna showing him her dark past becoming Nightmare Moon she's still regret everything she's done but now he understand that there are somebody who actually can understand how even Luna admitted that she was in love with him including him even sharing a moment with each other but when they woke up it looks like the pillars are about to go out there to see their Homeland but it looks like Stygian it's probably going to be staying with Luna and hopefully for both of them on a Road to Redemption they won't do it alone this is a pretty nice story keep up the good work