• Published 29th Jul 2021
  • 1,381 Views, 196 Comments

The 500,000th story on Fimfiction - TheSpoopyTechie



Twilight eats a pineapple, Applejack goes berserk, and Rainbow Dash falls in love with a box of tissues while we celebrate a milestone in Fimfiction's history!

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🤔🤔🤔

Five minutes ago, there was nothing, except a tissue box. The kind of tissue box that keeps a certain company. But that is not of importance at the moment. So just forget about it for now, okay?

And then there was TWILIGHT! Remember her? Twilight Sparkle was a sad pone who by the power of bad fanfiction (and not Grayskull, since they couldn’t afford it) is in love with trees. And pineapples. More pineapples than trees, but at some point that got changed throughout the rest of the fic, so this is the one standing testament to her relationship with spiky fruit. More than a friend, love; the kind of freaky-deaky love you can only truly have with a citrus fruit. But not with mangos. They know what they did, and their war crimes can never be atoned for.

There was also a potato. But it was wearing a tree costume, so— actually, nevermind, there aren’t any potatoes.

Twilight Sparkle felt a strange sadness when the sun set, except there wasn’t a sun yet, so she ate three trees and went back in time to create Princess Celestia, imbuing her with her love of trees.

“Oh dear Celestia do I love pineapples,” Twilight licked the pineapple sitting in front of her, but in a non-sexual way. Absolutely non-sexual. Nuh-uh, no horni here. You will be bonked if you have such thoughts.

Celestia was lonely, so she summoned Luna into existence using a bulldozer called “Water Bottle.” This will not be important later.

“Oh boy, am I confused already.” Princess Luna looked at her moon watch. “Oh, would you look at the time? It’s almost half-past croissant. I must flee to my virgin games.”

Then a demon arose from the ground a metre three American toes and a pocket knife behind them all, noodle arms and everything.

"Hot Pockets, Hot Pockets for everyone!" a vendor announced through his oversized megaphone. “We have all sorts of flavors, ranging from Flim and Flam’s nuclear bunker, the sound of colours, three different types of poisonous tree frogs, the bulldozer from earlier, a rare jar that none shall speak of, and TV static… oh, and it even includes my favorite, rusty nails!

Twilight decided that enough was enough, and called into existence the rest of reality. Centred, of course, around pineapple-themed books with tree-themed, tree-shaped bookmarks that were scented with trees. Tree tree tree. Haha, that’s 3 Trees. Threes…

Suddenly it started to rain goblins and orcs. Twenty-three of them, to be exact. They tasted like trees, but Twilight Sparkle doesn’t know that… yet.

A shadow becomes darker as something steps through it. I AM LORD FROSTED FLAKES,” said the shadow. “WHO ARE YOU?” Twilight couldn't help but feel admiration (and perspiration) for the shadow. It was more than good. It was great. And it tasted great, too.

“Silly shadow man, who are you?” Pinkie Pie tore herself into reality, pointing a hoof at the shadow. “You say funny words.”

"I am… the terror," proclaimed the shadow, "that flaps in the night!" Suddenly, a blast of double-trouble rainbows shot from its eyes and mouth. “FUS ROH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Pinkie finished, also shooting rainbows from her own eyes and mouth. The blast was so beautiful and powerful that it turned into ice so everyone could see it forever and ever onward.

Applejack, who didn’t exist until now, wiped a tear from her eye. “Ah… ah love it!” She suddenly held up a very human-looking thumb. It became immediately clear that she was just Dale Gribble in a horse head mask. Lyra, sweating profusely, obviously didn’t care about this. Her hetero lifemate Not-Bon-Bon sat beside her, staring off into the distance stoically.

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[This section has been left intentionally blank to give your brain cell a rest. Okay, that’s enough.]

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Meanwhile, in Florence, Italy, nothing relevant to this story happened.

Meanwhile, offscreen from our A-Plot, Applejack was planting some kind of seeds.

“This seems vaguely symbolic,” Celestia said, swooping in from literally nowhere, “but I don’t get it.”

“What do ya mean, ya don’t get it? It’s—” She gestured to the baked clay around her, the seeds sitting lifelessly in neat little rows. They appeared to be in some sort of metaphysical representation of reality, an amalgamation of words without corporeal form. “Duh.”

“Perhaps you could explain it to me?”

“I don’t quite like your tone there, Princess?”

“I don’t quite like the way you inflected that sentence as a question.”

Applejack threw a hooffull of seeds at her. “Don’t you make fun of mah accent! Or the bodies I use as fertilizer!”

Seeds flew into Celestia’s mouth. She chewed them experimentally and realized with a twinge of surprise that they were tree (or perhaps pineapple) seeds. For the fourth (or was it fifth?) time that day, Celestia regretted creating omnipotence and subsequently giving it to herself. Twilight clearly didn’t, however, and she continued licking her pineapple aggressively. It was so delicious, nothing could stop her! NOTHING!

“Respond to the comment below with your Fimfiction username (or whatever social media you prefer) to be credited in the description!” Twilight said, pineapple barbs sticking from her tongue and giving her a distinctly Appleoosian drawl.

Twilight then had a sudden urge to make Spike write with a pineapple-shaped pen. Spike, however, was too busy drawing manga and writing fanfiction with an apple-shaped pen. Applejack (the real one) clearly approved.

The shadow did not, so he combined the pens and decided to ride a motorcycle and shoot people with banana pudding.

“NOOOOOO!” Spike said upon losing his beloved pen and rolling up into a ball, crying for the loss of his love. Twilight tried to cheer him up by buying him a copy of Shadow the Hedgehog, but Spike burned it to a crisp and suddenly, fire.

“OW, THE EDGE,” said Spike. The hEDGE continued to beat up Spike until Twilight Sparkle finally said, “Screw this!” and turned it into a pineapple. She salivated at it for the next minute and a half.

Then suddenly her spit started transforming into sapient AND sentient beings as well, so water was created on the 8th day of the week. The sentient beings started to fire up their very metallic arms and were walking towards the obscure references from about 2 pages ago. The pineapples and trees at this point are in a quantum superposition, so nobody knows for sure whether or not they’re trees or pineapples. Perhaps they’re both.

“My trees!” Twilight screeched. “h9i2ja-02.” Which was the emergency code for life itself. The reality-preserver boats materialized out of the closest available tree, bobbing softly in the stream of time itself. The Captain of life itself came out to test one, but he was eaten by Pac-Man.

Pinkie, never allowing a friend to be without emergency trees, became the existence in itself and put one in front of Twilight. When Twilight felt some relief, Pinkie smashed it with a hammer and screamed, “You’ve been gnomed!”

The purple book horse screamed calmly, “HOW DARE YOU?!?!”

“We still need a plot for this thing,” Pinkie exclaimed, “so no trees for you. Fetch me a shrubbery!”

“A what?”

“A shrubbery”

“SHRUBBERY!”

“Well, what kind of shrubbery?”

“SHRUBBERY!”

“I have one,” the shadow who no one remembers says as he points to Spike. “You, lad, are quite the thorny individual.”

Spike snarled at him and said, “SHUT UP, KEVIN, GO TO YOUR PLAYSTATION 4 AND PLAY FARM SIMULATOR AND LEGO STAR WARS!”

“SHRUBBERY!”

“Oh, ok,” was all the shadow said.

“I also have a shrubbery!” a potato said, waving one around. “Take mine!” But the potato was too late, for the scene was already transitioning!

“How long is this fanfic going to take? Beanie, this is hurting my brain cell,” asked some random guy from the corner of the street. Random guy from the corner of the street proceeded to be yeeted into the story in full-force, now the protagonist as we forgot that this is still MLP.

“YOU FOOL,” said the Princess of the Night who jumped out of a moon pie. “WE’RE ONLY A THOUSAND WORDS INTO THIS FANFIC. DESCEND INTO THE CHAOS.”

“HEY, THAT’S MY LINE!” a certain chaos-wielding draconequus exclaimed offscreen.

“SHRUBBERY!”

The AA batteries she was holding from her controller were still dangling from Princess Luna’s wings.

“Where did you even come from?” the lavender purple lilac violet mauve light indigo magenta orange or just ‘purple’ pony said.

“I hide in your pastries every Tuesday waiting for the perfect moment.” Princess Luna munched on a banana. “‘Tis now when the opportunity presents itself!” So the curtains fell and opportunity came walking through. She was the most bueat— beua— pretty thing the ponies ever saw. Then suddenly, that discontinued Tiger Woods-themed Gatorade, the ultimate lifeform, materialized from the mare’s mane.

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[We will now observe a moment of silence for the brain cells lost during the writing (and reading (and ‘editing’)) of this glorious cultural phenomenon. Many were lost, and their sacrifice shall not be forgotten. Press F to pay respects. No, your other F. Your other other F.]

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And then: doom happens as Doom music began playing as the Doom guy from the Doom games suddenly came from out of the doomy doom ground. “DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!” Applejack cackled, the classic Doom music blaring overhead as she pulled out a BFG.

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(Gotta fill the gaping space here so please relax and eat tacos with your siren waifu.)

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“Why did you say ‘one’?” asked Unnamed Background Pony #912, of whom you don’t know how or when they got in this story. And we don’t either. Is that even a correct sentence? Yes, yes it is. Thank you. No problem. Unnamed Background Pony #912 greeted Random Guy from the Corner of the Street. Whilst Appul harse and Doomguy frolicked with Doomguy’s yellow dog waifu (meaning they were looking at maize, gotta keep this T-rated, goshdarnit) in the fields, Rainbow Dash was doing something far more important…

“Oh, tissue box,” she hummed, a flutter in her breath. “How I love you so.”

The tissue box responded, "I have a fillyfriend already and it’s kind-of serious. We’re on, like, the fifth date already.”

“Wait—!” Rainbow wailed as the tissue box excused itself from the table. “Pleeeease, don’t go! I’m so, so lonely! I haven’t even shown you my alicorn OC! It’s black and red and really cool! It makes me think of you!”

“I am sorry but I must go. Goodbyemilady. GLORY! MAY YOU SING FOREVER IN STO’VO’KOR!”

The tissue box leaped off the table in slow-motion. Soon, it went ‘Poof’ and teleported to the other side of the story, while Rainbow Dash could do nothing but sob hysterically and eat a tub of ice cream.

Twilight Sparkle the lavender purple—or lilac-purple—tree-slash-pineapple-loving pony woke up at that moment, realizing she had been sleeping through the entire last 1 and a half pages.

"Relatable," said the shadow everyone forgot about.

Stop ending sentences with so many prepositions because. No. ¿Qué?

“Spike, are you there? Applejack? Was she even with us the last time we were mentioned in this fanfic?” she yelled, but alas, no response. Except trees.

Knock knock knock!

“Who’s thereeeee?” Twilight sang, trotting to the door with INTENSE merriment. She transformed into Celestia, because she had no pineapples close enough to sustain herself in her elevated state.

“Hello, hi there, we’re here to inform you that your car insurance payments are overdue. If you do not pay in the form of Apple iTunes gift cards within the next thirty days, you will have to be evicted from this plane of reality.”

"I have a Water Bottle, can I pay with that?"

“No.”

Princess Luna appeared from the vortex and proceeded to steamroll them with her fabulous flying hover-bulldozer named Water Bottle.

"I said could."

“Lo siento no hablo ingles.”

“Hola, compañero hispanohablante,” said Sombra dressed as an overly stereotypical, or just the standard for Hasbro’s designers, mexican pony. “Sombra es una palabra española que significa Shadow,” said Sombra, which probably means something like, ‘taco tortilla jajaja I fix the plumbing.’

“So anyway,” the salespony who just tried to sell Celestia car insurance even though she herself is faster than a car said, “are you willing to—”

He proceeded to get clobbered over the head with King Sombra. Not by Sombra, mind you—with Sombra. Because Sombra is second best husbando and number one best pone hammer. Spike saw this and teleported to a different place to laugh. Sombra heard this and said, "¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡No creo que sea gracioso!!!!!!!!!!!"Bob the Builder, that savage, handsome beast of a Puerto Rican man (OMG A BOB THE BUILDER CROSSOVER YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! POGGERS!! YOLO SWAG FORTNITE SUS LAMENT GO BRRRR! TIKTOK), witnessed the whole process of Sombra the Hammer of Horseland clobbering innocent ponies over the head with his own body, so he wielded Sombra as his ultimate weapon of choice!

"I'm begging. You. To stop this," Discord said. "These portals weren't even made by moi."

And to end off this scene, Twibright Sprinkle decided to reset the universe to how it once was— just herself, the trees and pineapples, and the mail box with an unknown fillyfriend. Also that tissue box from earlier, who unknowingly also shares that same unknown fillyfriend. This will never be revisited.

Twilight took a bite out of a nearby tree. All was at peace… for a few seconds, until she heard Fluttertree scream in horrid pain, “HOLY F:yay:ING MOTHER OF GOD WHY THE HECC WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME TWILIGHT OH MY GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—”

“Frick you,” stated the Twinkle Spruce Springsteen. Who had somehow morphed into a towering spruce upon filling her mouth with bark and splinters.

Then suddenly, there were trees, trees everywhere. Not a single bad fanfic in sight. Except for the one YOU’RE LITERALLY FREAKING READING RIGHT NOW YOU F:trollestia:CKING MORON—

Haha, who are we kidding? Ourselves.

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[This section once again left intentionally blank to allow for a sanity break. Enjoy all the delicious vitamin-blank. It’s blank-flavored, that same blank flavor you know and love. Mmmm, blank...]

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Join the hivemind! Assimilate into the bad fanfiction. We are the Avengers of Insanity in need of recruits.

At this point, fan-favorite OC Nyx von Nyxington of the fantastic New York Nyx (just Nyx, actually) strode onto the scene. “Oh, uh... Hi mom. You... you’ve got a lot of… ASS.”

She gestured vaguely at the tree juice dripping from Twilight’s mouth. “Are... are you okay? And why are there so many pineapples? I thought they didn’t grow on trees...”

“But now they do!” Twilight cheered, stuffing an entire tree down her own throat.

The shadow that was forgotten about said, “Darkness calls but never returns my messages, it’s really annoying. Come to think of it, has Darkness changed its phone number recently?”

Something responded: "YES I HAVE."


It was then that the story had a gritty reboot as is typical in modern contemporary media, the scene changing to that of gritty cyberpunk themes with hefty amounts of biopunk to increase the shock value to the average consumer.

“Ooookay.” Nyx shook her head, and the sound of a single marble in a tin can was heard. “Yeah, no, I’ve played this song and dance and I didn’t like it then, so I’m out.” She then proceeded to dab herself away.

“You know you want to be a creepy flesh demon in a meat suit, don’t lie to yourself,” a being replied, a single neuron bouncing around in its hollow skull like a DVD screensaver.

“...Discord’s high again, isn’t he?” Nyx sighed. “Right, excuse me while I go wrangle sense out of the senseless,” she said, rolling up her sleeves.

A giant squeaky Thor hammer emerged from a portal and bonked Discord with a triumphant squeak. Discord stood still in silent contemplation for a moment, before opening his mouth to let loose a low and pathetic squeak as he was suddenly banished to Ohio, the best place to find:

  1. More Ohio.

That’s all.

“Remember. You are never truly safe from Ohio.” Ha, more like Blow-hio. Get it? ‘Cause… yeah, you get it.

Nobody knows who said that.

Be sure to take a 15-minute break every hour when using the internet to rest your eyes. And hey, if you’re reading this, wow. You know you could be doing something else, right? Wait… you’re reading this story, so that means… Okay, yeah, you’re in the right place. Good going, champ.

Rarity strutted into the scene for fifteen seconds, long enough to look around. “Firstly, why wasn’t I invited to the anniversary celebration before now? Secondly, why is it so ridiculously ridi—oh. Twilight’s having a tree crisis again. I’ll get the cheese.”

“Pineapples are a bush, you absolute buffoon,” she sighed, walking out of the scene. Only to be shortly ambushed in short order by pineapples, who do not grow on trees and are tired of people getting it wrong.“TAKE ME WITH YOU!” Nyx cried, galloping after her.

The shadow began pulling Nyx in the opposite direction, saying, "No."

“What even are you?!”

“I am Void Spirit, the destroyer of the universes and beloved childhood franchises and nostalgia,” said the spirit. “All your base are belong to me. I think. Please?”

All the readers laughed. Just kidding, this joke sucks. JUST LIKE YA MOM LAST NIGHT HAH!

Every character that has appeared in this story suddenly dabbed all at once, creating a shockwave so massive that reality itself was torn asunder.

“Say my name,” said Big Chungus while continuously dabbing.

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SANITY INTERLUDE - another spot to restore your brain cells and mourn over the ones lost.

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“Ooh! Sanity! My favourite!” bellowed Pinkie Pie, before literally eating ALL of it. Yes, even yours. So I guess, there ain’t no sanity for ya now. Sucks to be you.

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THE ACTUAL SANITY INTERLUDE

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“This is so Orwellian,” said Twilight as she closed her calendar copy of 1984. “Wait, we’re allowed to be sane now?” she asked. “Seriously, my document is starting to lag.”

“Only between the lines that say sanity interlude,” Discord replied.

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SANITY INTERLUDE #4: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. This is actually number 3. You have been bamboozled, no sanity here.

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I’m literally playing that game right now. Well not riiight now, but the past few days. I’m doing the route where androids rise against humans and everyone dies.

“I’m sad,” said the one who had the original idea for this story, as he ate a mushy bowl of peas and lima beans.

“SHRUBBERY!”

Celestia kicked down the door as All-Star started to play in the background.

“Intruder alert! Red Pinkie is in the base!” said the announcement lady as Among Us music began playing.

“A RED PINKIE IS IN THE BASE?”

“Hut hut hut hut. PROTECT THE BRIEFCASE,” said White Soldier.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

“Farmin’s good job, mate!” said AJ.

“It’s challengin’ work, outta doors!”

“I guarantee you’ll not go hungry ‘cause at the end of the day, long as there’re two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone fed.”

“Dad? Dad, I’m a— ye— not a crazed vegan, dad, I’m a farmer… Well, the difference bein’ one is a job and the other’s a mental sickness! I’ll be honest with ya: my parents do not care for it.”

“Oranges?”

“Look, mate, you know who has a lot of oranges?”

“My aunt.”

“Professionals have standards.”

“Apples.”“Apples.”

“Apples.”

Sanya

Okay, now actually back to our regular programming.

“Doin’ ya mom!” shouted Spy as he tossed down a binder full of images of him and Twilight’s mom to the sound effect of a cartoon bonk.

“Sister!” Celestia screeched, “I desire money!”

“NO!” Luna shouted in response. “I SPENT THE ENTIRE EQUESTRIAN TREASURY ON MICROTRANSACTIONS!”That is when Sonic calmly said, “I’M SONIC, SONIC THE HOGHEDGE! YOU’RE TOO SLOW!! I’M CRYING RIGHT NOW, THIS IS BEYOND HILARIOUS! I SWEAR TO CELESTIA, IF THIS GETS ACTUALLY POSTED I’M GONNA LAUGH MY BLUE ARMS OFF FOR MONTHS STRAIGHT!”Sonic then did a line of Rainbow Dash so he could be as speed as possible. Then did a speedrun of life with a generic and overused song playing in the background whilst it happened. He was then kicked from the story for being an annoying-ass character

“Finally he’s gone!” said everyone and no one.

Twilight Sparkle stared at the whiteboard in front of her. This was it. The final exam. She picked up her chalk, setting the tip on the board. Celestia secretly wondered if Twilight actually understood how whiteboards worked, but didn’t bring it up since that wasn’t part of the test.

“So anyway…” Celestia tapped the whiteboard. “You have three minutes left before the universe explodes. Can you tell me what your answer is?”

“Well, erm, at least 40..?” responded Twilight.

“That is correct!” said Celestia.

Then all the readers laughed at the obnoxious Rick and Morty reference. Then at the original author for opening the document publicly. I mean, what WERE they thinking? (Maximize chaos, that’s what they were thinking.) This is the INTERNET we’re talking about! It is, after all, what the point of the mask is. What mask might you ask? We're not answering that.

Over nine-thousand readers proceeded to die from cringe. Those were the weak ones.

Suddenly, in the background and growing progressively louder, we could hear, “...Country roaaaaaaAAAD, TAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOOOME TO THE PLAAAAAAA— I think that’s what it says anyway? AND THE REST OF THE LYRICS LALALALALALA—” and they heard it as you can read it, without pause between the sentences.

“Finally, my colonoscopy papers came back!” exclaimed Blueblood as he swiftly and thoroughly shredded the letter and pulled out the document. “What? This can’t be! 20 percent… BRI’ISH? Nononono! Waitwaitwait!” Bluebrood screamed in agony as he felt his entire jaw squirm in discomfort, his teeth arranging into a snaggletooth grin. “Oi blimey, this is all bongadong drongalong!” He was never seen again as he was dragged into the abyss by spindly hands.

“Hello,” said a wall-eyed pegasus. “Do you or somebody close to you suffer from constant name-shift syndrome? Can nobody agree on what to call you? Do you often miss orders or get the wrong mail because your name’s always different? Don’t worry, there is hope. The Department of Obscure Identification can assist you, and is here to tell you how their best agent—”

“Me!” proclaimed Vinyl Scratch. “People shift my name a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Some people actually think my name is Cinyl Vcratch, Vcratyl Cintch or Isabella or even DJ PON-3! OR EVEN VINYL SCRATCH! Wait, that last one’s right.”

“Me too,” Doctor Whooves added. “I dunno where the hay they got the name Time Turner from.” Dr. Whooves sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye. “I’m just thankful I no longer wake up in Britain.”

And at that same moment, a hushed Brit shed its own tear for its forgotten son.

“Me three,” said Greg, the unnamed green guard from the G5 promo image. Hi Greg!

“Me four,” said Rick Astley. We do not speak of what comes next.

“But the DOI is here to help,” Cinyl continued, adjusting her glasses. “With their patented thirteen-step program, they can make any society agree on what your name actually is!”

“But what if the DOI means Devilishly Overt Imposter?”

Sus. Haha,” somebody laughed to themselves. Before clutching their head and rocking back and forth as uncontrolled giggles leaked from their pursed lips. “Haha sussy, haha, get out of my head, get out, out, out!

“I’m glad you asked, Random Background Pony! It’s true that devilishly overt imposters have often been the leading cause in Name-Shift syndrome.” Vinyl smirked roguishly. “Which is why the real DOI has developed the best meme-based weaponry to capture them and bring them to justice. The DOI takes your identity seriously. Very seriously. So seriously, that the next three paragraphs of this crackfic are going to be a serious story.”

~~~

Big Mac committed identity theft.

One day, Big Mac committed identity theft. The end.

~~~

“Welp, that serious idea didn’t work. I’m out,” said Vinyl as she jumped through the window of the building they were apparently in.

“Identity theft is no laughing matter,” replied the same pony as they looked down upon Vinyl’s plummeting body.

“Muahahaha, I beg to differ,” said Identity Theft, smirking from behind the indoor bush.

“My identity!” Big Mac gasped, who is now in the actual fanfic, too, it seems. After all, he is a princess, he has the right to appear in any fanfic he chooses. He is also a queer icon, which grants him indescribable power.

“This is the most incoherent narrative I’ve been a part of,” Twilight grumbled, “and I’ve been a part of actual trollfics.” She ate a tree slice. Pineapple juice dribbled down her chin.

“Well, it’s still a narrative,” Pinkie pointed out. “The first five thousand words or so are just going to be memes and nonsense, but after that, the authors are going to recognize patterns and there’s likely to be a story (is what the original author NAIVELY thought). I mean, look, you’re eating a tree slice!”

Unfortunately, there exists nothing beyond five thousand words.

“Ugh. Yes. I know. But still, it’s just so much to trudge through!”

“Twi, tell you what, we’ll have an unwritten timeskip where you can be perfectly sane, alright? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure we don’t get struck by any copyright laws.”

“...Might as well,” Twilight muttered. “My brain hurts, the readers must have a much bigger headache.”


Seven days passed in which nothing plot relevant happened.

uwu SANITY INTERLUDE uwuRestore your brain cells and mourn the ones you’ve lost here. Unless you use circuits or some other method of non-neurotransmitter intelligence, in which case you probably have a festering hatred of organic life upon viewing this cognitohazard of a fanfic.

lookit dis smile, his so happy :)

“Uh guys? Do y’all think that this fanfic may be getting a little too out of hand?” asked Applejack. ”Nah,” said Pinkie Pie. “I’m liking it.”

“What are hands, by the way? You’re smoking that stuff too much, AJ.”

“You may need someone, Marked with Power,” Discord said from nowhere and everywhere.

Then, all of a sudden, a tissue box with an unknown fillyfriend appeared, who destroyed the entire in-lore universe of this fanfic

All that remained, once again, was Twilight Sparkle… and a pineapple. The tissue box remained as well, drifting along in the infinite darkness of eternity. After all the chaos, after all the insanity, all that remains… is peace.

A calm wind whistled through her mane, which is odd as there was no wind to exist yet, while the world began to reform for the third time. Just ignore the source of this wind.

“Twilight!”

A familiar voice sliced through the fading darkness.

“Twilight! Are you there? Can you hear us?”

“Yes, I can hear the soundwaves of your voices through the wind that comes from an unknown source. Where are you?”

The darkness by now was entirely gone, replaced by a serene landscape sprawling from horizon to horizon; a wide, shimmering lake. Towering mountains high above, aided in their height seemingly by the very butts themselves. An open meadow, filled to the brim by grasses and flowers.

Twilight closed her eyes.

“Twilight!” the voices called again.

She opened them. Where were these voices coming from? She turned her head. In every direction, she remained in solitude.

“Twilight!” One voice shouted this time. High above, a strange shockwave erupted in the air, spreading its rainbow patterns across the sky.

“Twi!” The rainbow-maned mare responsible landed in front of Twilight. She swatted aside the pineapple, though she appeared to be momentarily distracted by the tissue box. “You’ve got to come back!”

“Come back?” Twilight cocked her head. “Why would I ever want to leave? I belong here, don’t I?”

“No.” A pink mare with a long straight mane emerged from the waters of the lake. “This is a fanatical creation of your own mind. A take, if you will, on reality itself. You currently exist within a fanfiction.”

“B-but tree—” Twilight reached a hoof for the impossible pineapple tree beside her. “I—”

“Come back to us, Twi!” another voice called. High above, where the shockwave had originated, the sky began to warp. My butts parted, as did even the nearby mountaintops. It was as if a hole was punched through the very sky itself, allowing the mare to peer into another reality… her home reality.

“Come back to us!” A mare’s face stared back through this portal. Though distant, it was still clear enough to vaguely recognize.

“Star...bright?” Twilight squinted, craning her neck.

“Starlight,” Starlight Glimmer corrected. “You’ve been trapped here for days. Do you… remember who you even are?”

“I like pineapples, I think.”

“No!” Starlight emerged fully from the portal, much to Twilight’s horror. This, however, gave way to confusion as the unicorn’s horn lit, setting herself down gently beside the mare with the rainbow mane.

“You are Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic! But more importantly, you’re our friend. You have to come home, Twi!”

“...Home?”

“Home,” Starlight repeated, “Equestria. You entered this mess on your own, but we’re gonna pull you out!”

Nearby, Applejack and Doomguy continued their frolicking across the open fields.

“Oh yeah, and Applejack, too.” Starlight lit her horn. “We were going to pull Rainbow Dash out of here as well, buuuuut…” She glared at the pegasus, who was currently rubbing her face against a box of tissues. “...Yeah... Anyway, you’re the last one here. Do you really want to live in solitude now that everything has settled down?”

Twilight shook her head.

“Then that’s settled. You’re coming with us.

Starlight Glimmer proceeded to yeet Twilight Sparkle through the swirling portal, and that, children, is how taxes were made.

Nobody knows if Rarity's still there. Or Big Mac, for that matter. Heck, is Celestia still in this thing? Or is it just me, the final voice in the darkness? Man. Life's weird that way. Now then, before we go, might I remind you of the might of our Lord and Savior, Princess Celestia? She's quite literally a living goddess, and she's the bestest goddess! Hurry, spread the word before they find me-oh dear.

The end, goodbye, and good luck with that headache.

Author's Note:

Welp, time to roll the credits! These are the folks with the courage to mark their names (and occasionally link them) on this dumpster fire:

  • TheMajorTechie (organizer and writer of the beginning and ending bits.)
  • Thenewbluebrony
  • TheBandBrony
  • Nitro Indigo
  • TheVoidCaller
  • DaOtterGuy
  • Sockpuppet
  • MLPHero
  • Barro Broadcaster
  • Sweetbanana
  • HardToRemember#5384/Wamek (post-editor)
  • Masterweaver
  • hawthornbunny
  • Marshmallow Pone
  • Level Dasher (post-editor, with the term being used VERY LOOSELY)
  • Bad Dragon
  • Rytex
  • Bicyclette
  • BezierBallad
  • RandomGuy101 (Didn't actually do anything but somehow got on this list)
  • Sanya

Thanks for reading! Let's see if Fimfic ever reaches the lofty goal of a MILLION stories! :raritywink:

Now then. You should probably get those brain cells checked.


I might open the doc up for a bonus chapter if there's the demand for it! I know a lot of folks weren't really able to join in the first time!

Comments ( 196 )

what the fuck have you brought upon this cursed land

is this a jojo refernece

10918600
Are you a JoJo reference? 🤔

The story that made even Rick Astley give up on humanity.

I didn’t contribute to much other than typing ‘MlpHero was here’ as a joke.

10918616
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

no matter, you still contributed.

I am both completely mortified and somewhat ecstatic that I have been credited twice on this.

Is stuff like this that makes me proud to use this website.

As someone who doesn't like PINEapples... I approve

Also very sad that I didn't participate :(

10918592
The 500000th story

“You may need someone, Marked with Power ,” Discord said from nowhere and everywhere.

You forgot my story link on the shout out

I'm not sure what to think about this to be honest.

what the fuck have you cursed us with

10918655
THE POWER OF F R I E N D S H I P, that's what!
10918654
No probs!
10918652
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I am betting that if we ever get close to one million, there is going to be a rush to try and write that coveted one millionth story. I'm not going to count on us ever getting that high but if we ever do, I will at least attempt it. The closest I got 499,936 with my Starlight hacking my computer story.

Where do you see story Ids

“YOU FOOL,” said the Princess of the Night who jumped out of a moon pie. “WE’RE ONLY A THOUSAND WORDS INTO THIS FANFIC. DESCEND INTO THE CHAOS.”

I don’t think I’ve ever read a set of words so heavily demoralizing yet so morbidly enticing in my life. I can already feel the last vestiges of rational thought slipping away…

10918675
the first number after the /story/ in the link. See: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/500000/the-500000th-story-on-fimfiction
10918677
As you should.

Hello, am Voidcaller, will doomguy

I just saw a dislike bomb and I cannot say I did not expect it.

It was a pleasure/honour to help make this monstrosity. It's beautiful :raritystarry:

Ha, take that, atheists.

Is this really the 500,000th story?

Can we just bring up for a second that this story somehow has 24 likes and 5 views?

This has certainly been interesting now if you'll excuse me I think I need to calm down the raging storm that is my braincells

10918725
I believe the counter of views is for the amount of people who have opened the first chapter, not who have visited this page. So technically, you CAN judge a book by its cover on this site and just like or dislike something without even reading a chapter. To be fair, you can easily like or dislike a concept based on the simple merits of a title, cover art and description alone. It's enough for some people. Myself, I try not to judge.

10918732
Wow! Did you keep track or something?

10918725
When I look into Chapters information, it says this chapter has 115 views. So there is nothing strange about the number of Like/Dislike.

10918734
Check the story ID of this fic. :)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/500000/the-500000th-story-on-fimfiction

the number after the "/story/" bit is the story ID. Every time a new story is made, that number goes up, even if the story is never published or is deleted later on.

10918733
Yup, that's pretty much how it works! Not to mention that the live view counter tends to be bugged late in the month.

10918737
I don’t think I saw it.

10918747
Where exactly do I look? I haven’t been on the website for that long.

10918750
Ohh. Do you mean in the search engine? If that’s what you call it.

Someone needs to turn this into an animation. What a dumpster fire that would be.

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