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Zecora welcomes Celestia and Twilight to tea with mixed feelings. Celestia, after all, was the first pony to ever call Zecora a friend, but she's also one of the few creatures who knows the truth, a truth that Zecora feels certain Celestia wants to share with Twilight...
This was going to be my entry in the 200th Writeoff contest, "Looking Back," but once again, I couldn't get it finished in time. And the cover art is by Andy Price, of course.
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A remarkable feat of prose, well done.
Now, that was an interesting style. I'm not sure that I liked it (Alas, too many English lessons devoted to poetry...), but it was at least worth a try.
This is a very interesting take on alicorn imortality and a concept for Zecora that is quite fascinating. Overall a great story.
Damn...that was gorgeous. Strikes the hearts and the veins. Well done! Love me some poetry.
Yes, that's exactly the kind of a reaction Twilight would have to such a revelation.
Wonderful work with the rhyming, it never feels forced or strained!
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Thanks, folks!
This is something I've been thinking about doing for years over on my AugieDog account as part of my big Pony Poetry Collection: a whole thing written from Zecora's POV so all the narrative bits would be iambic tetrameter couplets. But when the 200th Writeoff prompt gave me a story idea, I decided to try for something that would be long enough to stand on its own. And this is what came out!
Mike
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So Zecora is an avatar of the High Wills in a zebra suit?
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My first reaction was to reply, "Both the High Wills and the Chill Wills," but then I had to Google "High Wills" to see where the phrase came from--a video game, it looks like?--and realized that I'd probably hafta supply a Wikipedia link if I mentioned Chill Wills 'cause I'm guessing the majority of folks who use this site are completely unfamiliar with Francis the Talking Mule.
So Maybe I'll just say "Thanks for reading!" and leave it at that.
Mike
This is by far the smoothest, most beautiful rendering of zebra rhyme I've come across to date. The way you blend those rhymes with jarring pieces of pony prose adds a nice touch of chaos to the mix. Congratulations!
I'm one of those people who HATE reading rhymes and poems like this. Hated it in school and I usually skip over when people have song lyrics in their stories. However, I decided to read this because A) I dig your work, and B) the story description really caught my attention. And I enjoyed this. It did indeed tell a story WITHOUT having stretch the rhymes to make it work. So well done. I'm content.
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Thanks, folks!
That smoothness is something I try really hard to do when I'm writing verse. It's absolutely vital to me that a poem doesn't twist the sentences around in ways that make it harder to read, so I'm glad to know that it works here!
Mike
As a person who has tried to get Zecora's rhyming (and fell flat on my face), I respect this piece. Rhyming is only half the battle. Trying not to strain your prose is the other half of the battle. This story is a beautiful example of both sides. I can see why it took some time to work with.
It's a shame that it didn't make it into the Writeoff. In my book, this would be a top contender any day. Still though, this deserves all the love its receiving and more. Bravo!
That was packed! Easily the best of Zecora's rhymes that I've read thus far on this fair site, and even then that's a bit of an understatement. And the story it conveyed was heartfelt and well-developed; alluring but not spoiling; wasting no words. Thank you for the experience!
I will add, though, that I found it hilarious how spoken words and the narrative shared rhymes, which, in-universe, implies that Zecora doesn't always rhyme, in spite of how the story explicitly mentioned the inescapability of the contrary
This was very nice. The breakups of the rhyme were jarring at first, but as I went along it began feeling right for the characters. And I'm always fond of seeing Zecora get character. This was an impressive take - it was good to see her struggles and support, as well as the hints of a Great Being who actually loves and cares (a novel take in this post-Lovecraft era).
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Thanks!
Writing verse has always been something I enjoy, and having a character in the show who talked in rhyme made it inevitable that I would try a story like this.
Mike