By and By

by shortskirtsandexplosions

The Forest For the Trees

She never should have opened the envelope.

All things considered, she never should have even kept it in the first place. All these years—from the third summer break to the Fall Formal to graduation to the college lurch beyond—it lingered like dust in the corner of some forgotten drawer. Unopened. Untouched. The ink on the outer surface remained perfectly preserved: Sunset Shimmer's name etched in fancy cursive.

Now, it was ten minutes to midnight. The outer skin of the missive lay limp and discarded on her bedroom floor, the name slightly crumpled and bent from the unraveling.

It was a card. Store-bought and cheap. Plastic and saccharine.

But the graphics on the outside and inside were “video game” themed. Pixelated robots with laser guns and mushrooms. Generic and contrived, but silly and cute, and it shamed her deeply that she felt the slightest lilt in her heart upon first seeing the cartoonish sprites plastered across the folded and unfolded surfaces.

Sunset Shimmer held the card in her hands, squatting on the side of her bed, ready and not ready for sleep. She took a shower an hour ago, but had taken to an aimless stroll throughout the empty confines of her duplex immediately afterwards, so now she felt like most if not all of the refreshing cleanliness had been wasted by late evening sweat. And heavy thoughts. A typical Friday night.

She had punished herself with many a lonely stroll like that before, and each time she circled close enough to the epicenter of her thoughts to feel the temptation of approaching and unearthing that hidden envelope, she still couldn't bring herself to so much as touch the thing. Much less look at it. Until this evening.

Now it had been opened. And her soft fingers slid over the cartoon graphics like a shroud, exposing the handwritten words to her sad eyes, the first time such a message in a bottle had been graced in years. Words that she could not stop reading over and over and over again. And with each revolution her gaze ran, she felt the years reversing, narrowing, carrying her back from a woman to a teenager to a pony.

“I think I'm starting to fall deeply for you.”

It was so brief. So coy. So confident.

Instead of a period, it was punctuated by a lightning bolt against a heart-shaped shield. There was just enough creative nuance for Sunset Shimmer to instantly taste the adorable uncertainty wafting off the haphazard scribbling. Her heart even thudded a few times. Before sinking.

The woman's dull eyes raised slowly to her bedside table. Behind a veritable monolith of college textbooks stacked on top of one another, a forest of framed pictures resided—both against and on the wall. Bright eyes. Colorful hair. Warm arms-in-arms-in arms. A sea of memories—yesterday and today in patchwork quilt.

The author of that ancient sentence wasn't anywhere to be found in those pictures. But he was elsewhere—everywhere—surrounding her in bits and pieces and scraps... like the envelope lying dead on the floor. He was in the guitar case resting against Sunset's closet doorframe. He was in the stack of old high school clothes lying in a distant corner that Sunset had thus far lazily neglected to drop off at the nearest Goodwill. He was in the faded plastic Nintendo ornament that dangled off her car keys, the petrified duck sauce patches hidden in her refrigerator, the old Pink Floyd CDs gathering dust next to her stereo, and the third party Xbox controller she had bought several summers ago. A controller that someone else ended up using, even if it had been meant for him.

Sunset looked at the pictures again. So many beautiful faces. So many lively expressions. But one outshone them all. And as the images drew brighter—and outward—they formed fonder and fresher memories, like the outermost rings of a tree cut in half. Eventually, the pictures only contained the two of them, perfectly complementary, souls at opposite ends of the spectrum and yet encapsulated by the fall of night.

Photo after photo. Just the two of them. Sunset knew it bordered on obsession. And yet, each time she visited—and even well past graduation and after the two had split off to separate universities, she did visit often—she said nothing of concern about it. She showed no fear or misgivings or anxiety in Sunset's presence. Only smiles. Only laughter. And—when a good hug was Sunset's only measure against them—the occasional tears. They shared so much, even in the shadow of him, to the point that Sunset expected nothing short of a cataclysm could end it.

Whatever it was.

Her fingers curled around the colorful card, folding it shut. She knew that opening it would be a mistake. After all these years. A history built on idiocy. Breaking up with him was stupid. Asking him out in the beginning was even stupider. But opening that envelope? This was torture. Guzzling arsenic made more sense.

But time was stretching thin. These nights were made longer by the vacuum of it all, and as the years went by the gravity of hindsight made brief moments of lucidity like this all the more bitter. Sunset Shimmer couldn't hurt herself more than she despised herself. So what was one more mistake?

She reached a determined hand to her beside table, picking up her cell phone. All it took was a few thumb-swipes, and his face came up. Blue fuzz against golden skin. The goofball had decided to grow a mustache over the past year. Sunset chuckled. She wanted to cry.

This was dumb. It was nearly midnight. Nevertheless, it was the perfect time for banshees to poke old haunts. She plodded through a text message before she had the good sense to stop herself, and the words formed between each pulsing heartbeat: “Have I ever told you how much you mean to me—?”

Sunset Shimmer didn't finish. Something caused her heart to leap—with agony and ecstasy.

And it wasn't him.

So

How do I look

Is it too much

The text alerts floated over the top of her cell phone screen, accompanied by a face. A face found in all of those photos on her wall. A face that sent Sunset's heart soaring, only to fall back down.

She landed with an even breath, backing out of the incomplete text with a crooked zig-zag of the thumb. She brought herself swiftly—breathlessly—to the interceding conversation. What she saw nearly made her faint.

She stood in a silver strapless dress that fitted elegantly at the collar, covering her bust and midsection modestly. Long sleeves flared out in sparkling translucent bands—no doubt an up-and-coming fashionista's work. The skirt slitted down both sides, and opaque violet tights that complemented her skin tone ran seamlessly into a pair of obsidian black high heels. She carried an indigo faux leather quilted clutch purse, dangling with silver constellatory ornaments that matched the star-shaped hairpiece maintaining her delicate violet updo.

Beneath this breathtaking photo—taken casually (and awkwardly) within the confines of a college sorority bathroom—were the three text lines Sunset had seen earlier, and in the space of time it took her to digest the beauty of the selfie, another line materialized:

You know how casually Timber dresses; I don't want to overwhelm him

Sunset Shimmer balanced the sore lump in her throat. It wasn't pain that delayed her response. It wasn't jealousy or rage. It was the glasses—goofy and thick-rimmed—that were being worn in that selfie. Glasses instead of contacts. The woman's real self. Flanked by an uncertain blush. Something that colored so many of those other picture frames that featured just the two of them.

Something only Sunset knew. Something only Sunset cherished.

Something nobody else would ever have.

She replied confidently and deliberately: “I hope it knocks Timber dead on his feet.”

There was a dancing ellipsis. Followed—at last—by a goofy vomit of emoticons. Then the semblance of civilized dialogue:

LoL

So

Do you approve?

“I whole-heartily approve.”

Good! I'm so glad~

I'm

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow

This is the fanciest place he's taken me to yet

I know he's got to be spending an awful lot of money on this date

Makes a girl wonder if this is it

If maybe this is when he pops the question

The words ended. But there was more lingering on the precipice than could be measured.

Sunset found herself gazing once again at the photos on the wall. The outermost layer. The warmth and color of the two of them were real, but thin. She knew that nothing but darkness lay beyond the fringe of nightfall. She always knew this. But it had to be someone's place to light the way, even if both couldn't pass through. And it wasn't as if something could be done about it. The tree had been felled years ago, and the forest didn't look the same for either of them.

What were three years? Or thirty? Sometimes, an entire lifetime of discourse is a letter that's never opened. Only the few—cursed to know and want—feel the ache of that which will never be.

The words wrote themselves out before any of Sunset's tears could: “Whatever happens, I will always be here for you, Twilight. Just know that I have full faith in you tomorrow—and beyond. You couldn't possibly have found a happier person to be with.”

The response consumed a thoughtful space in time:

Thank you so much, Sunset

You're the greatest friend a girl could ever ask for

I gotta dress down and got to bed

“Fill me in on how it goes tomorrow.”

Will do!

Pleasant dreams, Sunset

Much love~

Sunset's fingers stroked, producing: “Back at you.”

But she didn't hit send. A long and cold breath rolled through her. She slapped the tip of her thumb on the “back” button, deleting those three words.

Twilight deserved equal to that which she gave.

Sunset's hands shook a little. She swallowed that lump down her throat, switching to the other face. The azure fuzz and gold skin. The sky blue eyes that matched the cursive words of a sweet little boy who didn't know he was going to be bulldozed, crushed, and thrown to the wolves in mere days after sealing an envelope. So many sighs ago.

He too deserved everything. Even if that meant all of nothing.

Sunset didn't even look at the unfinished text she had prepared minutes ago. She slapped the “delete” button, switched the phone off, and dropped it like an anchor into the fabric of her bed.

She curled up on the edge, hugging her knees to her chest. For an hour or so, Sunset Shimmer stared past the picture frames, beyond the fringes of that imprisoning forest, wondering if just enough mistakes might fell a path between her heart and the death of all loneliness.

She fell asleep before she could find out.

Comments

[Shrouded Lunes]

Oof. Is Sunset accepting hugs? That was heavy. Well done!

[Pete100]

I’m kinda confused.

[FanOfMostEverything]

A quality Sadset snpashot. There's no easy answer or magic solution here. Just guilt, regret for missed opportunities, and a dark path to who knows what. Here's hoping she opens up to someone about this.

[Jake The Army Guy]

Okay, so if I'm reading this right, the letter is from Flash Sentry, telling Sunset that he is in love with her. However, Sunset rejected him because she wanted to be with Twilight... only for Twilight to end up with Timber Spruce.

That... holy damn, my dude. That is gut-wrenching and tragically relatable for pretty much everyone. Even if it wasn't love, everyone can connect to " the one that got away." Fantastic as always.

Also, with all these mentions of it being nearly midnight, I can't decide if I should make this joke, or this joke.

Also also, a story that has Flash Sentry and he's not a flouncy femboy. Who are you and what have you done with Skirts?!

[Boltstrike58]

Sunset needs a hug.

[cyberpoison]

I love this story

[The Voice in the Water]

Oh. Poor Sunny. Its one thing to have missed an opportunity. It's another to be in love, and have to see them in the arms of another. But both at the same time?

[Thereal_lunastan]

This hit me right in the feels
Poor Sunny.

[Revel Montaro]

10910016
It's about missed opportunities. Too scared of the results to take the leap of faith. At a guess, she had feelings for Flash and sci-twi and failed to take a chance on either. So she went to bed lonely. Again.

[Pete100]

10910326
Oh ok.

[CapNTilfy]

This hit me in a way that was perhaps different than what you intended.

Every crush I've ever had, I asked them out. I was never one for "what-ifs", so after reading this I feel like I've dodged a bullet or two. Unfortunately, I'm no stranger to falling for a girl who already loves someone else, even if I don't know it at the time.

I've wanted to be in a relationship for so long... the sting of loneliness has haunted me time and time again.

Twilight's situation also hit me in a different way. I'm genuinely happy for her and Timber, and I truly hope he does propose... it also reminds me of my sister, who just got married last October. She'd been in several relationships over the years, and had found true happiness with a great guy.

As for me? Countless crushes, with only one relationship to show for them. A toxic one, at that. That was nineteen years ago, and I haven't found a date since.

Bottom line: I know the sting of loneliness that Sunset feels, even though our situations differ.

Forgive my ranting, but this story and the quote below really and truly resonate with me.

“There's a girl,” Flash Sentry said, absorbing himself into the distance. “A girl that I have never met. And yet... I've no doubt that I would fall in love with her the moment I saw her.” A deep breath. “Which is precisely why she'll never exist. She's just too perfect. She's everything I want and fear all at once. I would love for you to meet her—all of you—if only so she'd be real to someone. And maybe—just maybe—with her around... everything would make sense. Everything would be as it should be. Even if... even if I can't be there to admire her. I think... I think I would be okay with that. If she was here and I wasn't anymore. It would be just right. Or—at least—it would be way less st-stupid than it's always been. It would be less stupid th-than it is right now...”

Thanks for the killer story, man. Sometimes I wonder if you and I are going through the same thing.

[Cerulean Blue]

That really hit home hard. Well done.

[cyberpoison]

May I ask you a question?

Why use By and By] as the title?

[Shortsighted Fan]

Maybe Sunny should seek out Flash.
She can still try to put some lingering regrets to rest, even if it's just a hopeless self serving apology. Sometimes trying is all we have. Because it's Now or Never, Now.

[CryoWolf]

10910457
Where did you get this quote? Sounds like a good read.

[CapNTilfy]

10944587
It's from Skirts' story "Wingmanicide". I'd link it, but I don't know how to do that on my phone.

[Uz Naimat]

Deep. So deep.

This hit me right in the feels. (And this is coming from someone who hasn’t yet been romantically attracted to anyone.)

[Psychosplodge]

So sad