I avoid clichés like the plague.
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There's usually two ways for a typical villain to go down: it’s either they’re defeated and slowly reformed or be defeated for good. Princess Twilight prefers the former and started a program whose goal is to reform Equestria's most irredeemable villains, one good deed at a time.
With Queen Chrysalis as its first subject, everything should be bound to go smoothly...right?
My entry for The My Little Pony Renaissance Contest
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I see the word Wright and immediately think of Ace Attorney.
10898606
I thought about the Wright bros.
and if Phoenix Wright were appointed in charge of the Reformation, he could see deep hidden secrets in the form of psychic locks.
... this doesn't seem like it should be a one-shot.
tracking this just incase it's set to complete by mistake.
10898846
You're right to assume of it not being a one-shot. The original story was supposed to be a 20k word series with each chapter having an average 1k word count. But I had to cut it down to 5k and turn it into a single chapter when I remembered that the contest had a word limit for the entries...
Nice "American Psycho" reference.
10898856
will there be at least additional chapters out of competition to give the story a semblance of completeness?
That was cute.
Chryssie has her own brainwashed foal army now, yay!
Yeah, this needs a continuation, or an expanded version.
10899073
I'm still considering it. Although writing a 20k word story in a single week has left me kinda burned out at the moment. I just felt like taking a break from writing after this.
False
Well this was a a bit different...good. (also)
10899599
I have to go return some video tapes...
When did you find the time to follow me around and base this character after me.
I've never felt this closely represented in media before now, deadass
Ok that made me laugh.
Chapter 2 or sequel when?
10899352
Does this mean there's an uncut version of the story around?
10901307
I have it in my notes. I just encoded the first six chapters. They're arguably the best chapters in the story. I kinda ran out of gas when I was writing from the middle to the end. I think the hints of my burn out started to appear in the "business cards" chapter...
The tsun is strong with this one.
10901335
No reason not to take a break if you feel like you need one. We'll all be waiting excitedly waiting to see what you come up with when you're ready.
I don't know why, but that image makes me think of Dwight Schrute.
10902225
Nice catch! I made the cover as a reference to The Office.
Immediate fave for the American Psycho reference
hahahaha this is such an amazing fic...the cuts, the description, the reactions it's just so awesome. Really loved how you portay Wright and Chrysalis (fell in love with Wright right away)
Hope to see sequel or another chapter cuz this is really good, take your time if needed
10913452
If you love Wright then you'll definitely love Parks and Rec's Chris Traeger more. Wright is literally him but ponified.
I don't know who was supposed to reform who - Wright reforming Chrysalis or Chrysalis reforming Wright. What I do know was that I loved the humour threaded all through the story, and the neat reference to American Psycho was fantastic.
i have never related to a protagonist more
hope Flurry Heart becomes the Princess of Lunch once she's older
i want that gem! tho i guess i could always hook Wikipedia up to 15.ai
this is a kids' show, Discord!
haha, love this line and scene!
i mean if Starlight is anything to go by, all you need to do is tell Twilight a sob story about your foalhood and then the reform process is all finished! so committing Starlight crimes would be a good strategy
ha! it would be easy to do this parody in a way that's jarring and awful but you really make it work and i loved it
aww! tsundere Chrysalis
this was a very fun collection of scenes that i really enjoyed reading. thank you!
11052549
Might release the entire story in the near future, still working on the ending at the moment.
Hi there, I'm here for my very first Comment Club! Let's give it a go!
I love that you went for comedy! Comedy is notably a really difficult genre to write for. There were a lot of really heavy-hitting stories in the Renaissance contest, so it's really nice to see something more light and comedic in the list.
That said, I can usually overlook some grammar errors (pobody's nerfect!) but the tense-shifting really became overwhelming at times. I'd just encourage you to pick one tense and stick with it, and reread occasionally to make sure that you're staying in that tense consistently. It really takes you out of the story, more than a missed period or comma will.
Wright seems like a nice fellow, and we get a lot of funny moments with him! It does feel at times like we're watching a lot of disconnected clips from different stories though, and it wasn't until I wondered 'what the heck does 'white' refer to?' that I realized that a whole chunk of this is taken from the American Psycho business card scene. It made me wonder, despite it being a clear The Office-themed crossover, how much of this was borrowed from other stories, and if that's why it felt so episodic in places. Hence, I'm not sure if I should praise Wrights characterization, because I'm not sure how much of him is by you, and how much of it is borrowed.
Overall, it's very funny, and you do blend Chrysalis into the human comedies very well; almost every line she speaks is hilarious, especially when she lists off her titles! The turn at the end for her to become more romantically (tsundere at that) inclined towards Wright feels a little sudden, so I would only suggest a little more romantic build up between the comedic scenes! Like - why does she like him? Has his constant attention softened her cruel stance towards him? Or is she just enjoying the emotion he brings her, and just plays off the more 'tsun tsun' aspect so she can leech his love when he's not looking? There's a lot of comedic opportunities in there! Good job!
Howdy, hi!
This was hilarious. The documentary-style setup and gremlin personality of Chrysalis really sell the comedic aspects of the story. I enjoyed how much Chrysalis trolled and played with everyone involved and especially Wright's increasingly strained patience with her. This was a really well-done slow burn on small changes in Chrysalis and feels like a proper redemption for her character: she's getting better but still has the rough edges that make Chrysalis Chrysalis.
It was a super fun read start to finish and well worth the time. Thank you for the fic~!
Equestrian psycho