• Published 9th Jul 2021
  • 7,856 Views, 63 Comments

Clandestine Arrangements - Uh-hmmm

Ultimately, what Anon learned was to never trust Cadance. (Contains gratuitous Scottish accent) (RGRE) {This story has two versions, the last chapter is the first person version.}

  • ...

First Person POV

Author's Note:

I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies with the Scottish accent.

I am Anon, on what was supposed to be a simple matchmaking mission. I was charged with delivering an invitation to a hermit stallion, but I should have known something was up when Shining wouldn't meet my eyes during the short debriefing. So here I stand, in my snowshoes and parka while six bandit mares bicker about what they are going to do to me. The slate blue breezie peeks out from the violet mane of the sky blue earth pony.

"As the leader of the Sinister Schlicks, I call dibs on riding in his ball bra!"

The other mares grumble, with the green unicorn snorting.

"Rustle, just because you have the ear of the prince, that doesn't make you the leader."

My jaw drops.

"Shining set me up?"

The breezie grins.

"Sure did! Every once in a while, he sends us a treat, and in return we don't spread the things he and the missus get up to. Shame about your friendship, colt."

I scowl at her. I’m not terribly happy about Shining either. Whatever blackmail they have on him can't be worth sending his own subjects into slavery or whatever this is. But between the two unicorns, two earth ponies, and the pegasus, I really doubt I can escape, or even fight my way out. Pony magic is bullshit, even if I could probably suplex one or two on my own. I'll just have to bide my time, and take my opportunities when they come.

"Can we at least get out of the cold? I don't want to freeze to death, just because you lot can't agree on anything."

Rustle nods solemnly, then zips over and wiggles into my clothes, hooking her forelegs on the waistband of my pants. I can feel the tiny curves of her butt and legs press up against my shaft, and react despite myself. She grins up at me.

"Knew you'd warm up to me~."

I frown and say nothing. Rustle faces forwards and points a hoof dramatically towards the distant cliffs.

"You heard the lord, everypony march!"

As the afternoon begins to wane, I hear a distant rumbling. I cast an apprehensive look towards the cliffs, but there is no sign of movement there. My escort glances around nervously as well. Rustle hauls herself out of my pants and takes to the air.

"Sounds like a yak. You know what to do, girls."

The pegasus leaps into the air and climbs high in the sky. One unicorn encases the group in a shimmering lime dome, the other bracing it with six rods of yellow magic that dig into the ground under the snow. The two earth pones dig with incredible speed, leaving mounds of dirt and snow outside their holes. Rustle settles down on my head.

"Catching a colt and fleecing a yak, today definitely is a good day."

I had hoped the yak would be my ticket out of here, but Rustle's confidence dims that hope.


The figure that bursts through a snowdrift is definitely not a yak. Easily two to three times the size of my pony captors, the absolute unit of a mare leaps above the dome. As Rustle yells incoherently, the huge mare hurls a greatsword as long as I am tall, shattering the dome. One second later, she hits the ground in front of me, kicking the unicorns with a fore and hind leg. They get sent flying, landing yards away at the end of long furrows in the snow. The two earth pones collapse the ground out from under her. I stand frozen in place as meaty thwacks rise from the hole in the ground. Rustle curses under her breath, then darts off into the sky.

"Nimbus! Get the whole camp!"

That just leaves me and the giant mare clambering out of the pit, cursing under her breath. She shakes the dirt out of her long orange mane, then bites my coat and heaves me onto her back. I yelp, scrambling to get my legs under me and astride my rescuer. The giant sheathes her greatsword and begins trotting, picking up speed as I wrap my arms around her neck.

"Ginger Scotch, biggest ana strungest mare in the two courts and greata territories! By me Mum's straps and Da's garters, Ah swear Ah'll bring ye back safe an' sound!"

I focus on trying not to bite my tongue.

"Ah, thanks for saving me."

She laughs.

"No problem! 'Tis the duteh of any guardsmare worth her salt! Na, are ye holdin' on tight as ye can?"

I swallow and clench my legs and arms as much as I can.



She leans forward, picking up speed. The wind roars in my ears, my vision blurring with windswept tears. For long moments, all I can focus on is the powerful muscles roiling under me, the mare's flesh almost feverishly warm. An unknown amount of time later, Ginger slows to a trot. I lean back and wipe my eyes. She looks over her shoulder at me.

"Ye alright back there? If yer bout tae hurl, kindly do it off tae the side."

I laugh a little giddily, coming down from the adrenaline.

"No, I'm, uh, haha, I'm good."

She gives me a skeptical look.

"If ye get any boak on me, Ah'ma batter on you, ye ken?"

I nod seriously.

"Got it. So, uh, did we lose them?"

Ginger Scotch shakes her head.

"No with all this snow around. No doubt they got a few pegs an' mebbe a griff or two, so it's only a matta o' time 'fore they try an' swoop at us."

I frown.

"What do we do then?"

She points forward.

"We'll take a break inna forest o'er there, then head back tae the city. Should be a patrol tae meet us, if we're lucky."

I look forward to see an evergreen forest, patches of brown needled forest floor visible deeper in.

"Hard to swoop through all those branches, makes sense."


For several moments, all I can hear is the crunch of snow underhoof and Ginger's steady breathing.

"So, what brings a bonnie stallion like ye oot tae the frozen wildaness?"

I sigh.

"I thought I was delivering an invitation, but if what the bandits said is true, the prince set me up."

She snaps her head up to look at me with a troubled expression.
"The prince? Ah cannae believe it. Far more likely, they were talkin' oot their fannies tae keep ye muddled."

I sit back and consider her point.

"That's... that does make sense. Something to talk to Shining about either way."

As the two of us enter the forest, I huddle close to Ginger's neck to avoid getting hit with branches. The pine scent combines nicely with her earthy musk. Before too long, she finds a relatively dry spot under an ancient pine and slowly kneels with a groan. I smile a little at the sound, then swing my leg over her back and slide down. Only for my practically numb legs to crumble beneath me, landing me face first in the brown needles. Ginger lets out a bark of laughter while I push myself up. I brush the debris from my face, then decide to lay down more carefully as feeling returns to my abused backside.

"Ow. Ugh, why does my butt hurt? I would very much appreciate my butt not hurting."

The giant mare grins at me.

"Ah can kiss it better if ye like."

I roll my eyes, even as she tosses a waterskin to me. I prop myself up on one elbow and take a surprisingly long drink. I didn't think I was that thirsty. I toss the waterskin back and set to massaging my sore muscles.

"So, how does a pony get as big as you?"

Ginger maintains eye contact as she chugs the rest of the water. I raise an eyebrow at her antics, but say nothing. She nonchalantly tucks the waterskin back in her saddlebags.

"Simple enough. Me great granny went an’ shagged a dragon."

I blink, waiting for her to laugh. She raises an eyebrow at me. I lick my lips.

"Seriously? You don't look... dragonish."

Ginger shrugs.

"Ma always said it was extreme sexual dimorbi- diamon- dime- Father Nature being a pure numpty bastard. Ye should see mah brother, he could pass for a shaved kirin, he could."

I grunt.


She nods.

"Pretty much. Pa says it's fate fer takin’ a dragon's son, though Ah dinnae ken if that's the right of it."

I shrug and set to massaging my thighs. Ginger doesn't bother hiding the direction of her gaze, which I more or less ignore. Mares are going to mare. Eventually, I get to my feet with only a little wobbling. The giant mare watches me appraisingly.

"Ready to go?"

I grimace at the twinges in my muscles.

"Ready as I'm likely to get. Let's go."

I climb onto her back and whimper a little. She looks at me with concern.

"If'n ye need more time tae massage yer foal-chasers..."

I shake my head.

"Let's just get back to safety."

Ginger nods seriously and stands up. She starts off at a walk, keeping an eye on me. It doesn't feel great, but I get used to the stinging pain. As the two of us emerge from the forest, she slowly picks up the pace and settles into a smooth trot. I keep an eye on the sky, but there is no sign of pursuing bandits. I can't tell if that is a good sign or not.

As I turn to look ahead, I accidentally make eye contact with Ginger. She blushes under a face full of freckles and quickly faces forward. I giggle a little at the juxtaposition of my worries and her cute reaction. The mare just grumbles about stallions under her breath. I take pity on the mare and try to think of a conversation topic to distract her from her embarrassment. What do we have in common?

"Oh! Do you know about any place with higher doorways? I keep hitting my head on the threshold at my apartment."

I can feel Ginger swallow.

"Ah had the same problem, but Ah just moved inna barracks fer the guard. Dinnae if that helps."

I hum.

"Maybe I should join the guard or something then. Or just save up for a house and get it altered."

She looks at me over her shoulder with a grin.

"Ye'd look pure braw inna guards' uniform."

I tilt my head.


Ginger blushes again.

"Means good lookin'."

I pat her neck.

"I'll keep that in mind."

That does her in, her cheeks turning beet red as she faces forward once again. This is kind of fun, but I probably shouldn't distract her while I am still in probable danger. The two of us travel on in silence for a fair while, no sign of enemy fliers. Then Ginger stumbles into a deep drift of snow that comes up to my hips. She hisses in discomfort. I look at her in concern. Did she sprain a hoof or something?

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothin Ah cannae handle, just got me some diamond cuttas from a snow quenchin'. If'n yer feelin grateful fer yer rescue, mebbe ye can kiss 'em better once we get tae the city."

She laughs at her own joke. Maybe it's the adrenaline talking. Maybe it's the feeling of her powerful muscles moving under me. Maybe it's the musk of a working mare addling my senses.


Ginger stumbles, but catches herself before I get more than jostled.

"Wot?" She croaks. I giggle.

"Maybe I'll just twist them instead."

Ginger huffs good-naturedly.

"Yer a cruel stallion, getting a mare's hopes up like that."

I rub her neck fondly.

"Let's not get too excited out here. We can flirt more when we're not in danger."

She nods.

"Aye, fair enough."

After she climbs out of the dip in the ground, I think she might be trotting a little faster than before. I decide not to bring it up.

Unexpectedly, the two of us make it to the city without incident. Ginger agrees that something weird is going on, so she accompanies me to the palace. I have to keep an arm on her withers to steady myself, the long ride did a number on my leg muscles. I probably should have rested, but I had to know. The imperial guards let me and Ginger pass. When Shining and Cadance see the two of us, they brighten up and hoof Flurry to Sunburst to take to another room. I frown.

"Shining, did you set me up?"

He grins.

"I'm glad we did, you two are cute together!"

I blink.


Gringer's jaw drops, even as a light blush dusts her cheeks.

"Yer really working with those grimy minks?"

Cadance clears her throat.

"To be more accurate, those so-called 'minks' work for me. They are my specialists for difficult cases."

I rock back in understanding.

"Like a ...forthright guard, or a janefilly human."

Ginger scrunches. The pink princess beams at me.

"Precisely! Special individuals require special circumstances. You were never in any true danger, and don't worry about any injuries the team suffered, I already have my best healers on the job."

Ginger relaxes slightly at that. I raise a skeptical eyebrow at Cadance.

"The breezie got in my pants and touched my dick."

Ginger's greatsword practically teleports to her mouth as she takes slow, deliberate steps towards the princess. Shining is giving his wife the stink-eye as well. Can't-dance laughs nervously.

"You will, uh, be compensated for your trauma?"

Shining levitates her up by her ear, ignoring her whimpers.

"I am going to have a long talk with you and your agents. It sounds like you all need remedial training."

They vanish in a flash of rose-colored light. Ginger is still bristling with anger, but sheathes her sword. I pat her on her withers.

"It's not fine, but it will be."

She lets out a long breath.

"When Ah get mah hooves on that..."

I rub her back as she curses the breezie to Tartarus and back. However heartwarming it is to see her so passionate in my defense, I am still really sore.

"Hey, could you escort me back to my apartment? I'm not sure if my legs will last the whole way."

She focuses on me and nods seriously.

"Of course, Anon. Ye can count on me."

I lean on her as I waddle my way back out of the palace.

"Not to mention I owe you some nipple kisses."

She stumbles, and I fall down on top of her back, laughing. Credit where credit is due, Cadance is very good at her job.

Comments ( 45 )

Ma always said it was extreme sexual dimorbi- diamon- dime-

Made me chuckle
Great as always, Scotspone a cute
>She will never lecture you on the importance of independence from the Equestrian Kingdom

O come on... Now im hooked and the next chapter is not there :raritydespair:

I blink, waiting for her to laugh. She raises an eyebrow at you. I lick my lips.

You should probably be “me” unless I’m missing something. Beautiful story!

Huh, I missed a couple of those. Thanks for the catch!

I love this mare. She is friggin adorable.


Time for a celebration! Haggis and Irn Bru for everypony!

Wait, scratch that. Haggis and Irn Bru for nopony. That can be just as much of a celebration if you don't like haggis and Irn Bru. True?

(Damn the USDA for outlawing it. Bunch o boggin dobbers).

First of all, it is good to see you back again to share with us another of your tales! :pinkiehappy:

It is also good to see our dear Scottish mare back in action, and what a badass she is!

It always brings a smile to my face whenever you release a story here, for they are very fluffy and heartwarming to read!

Here are some corrections, dear author sir. :twilightsmile:

The title should be Arrangement, not Arragnements ... unless it is part of the Scottish accent shown at the title. :applejackunsure:

So here I stand, in my snowshoes and parka while six bandit mares bicker about what they are going to do to you.

You'll just have to bide my time, and take my opportunities when they come.

One second later, she hits the ground in front of you, kicking the unicorns with a fore and hind leg.

For long moments, all I can focus on is the powerful muscles roiling under you,

Only for my practically numb legs to crumble beneath you,

I roll my eyes, even as she tosses a waterskin to you.

All these lines have leftovers from its second POV inception, changing them to 1st POV should be easier with the sentence reference to help you out with the search.

Thank you for the release, and see you next time! :twilightsmile:

I love Scot pone. I can't imagine running through snowdrifts with all the ice at nipples height , though. :twilightoops:

Glad you liked it, and thanks for all the catches. I tried using Office 365 for the conversion to first person, but the find and replace tool is really poorly designed. I could barely tell where it was pointing.

My personal go-to for word processing is LibreOffice, though it isn't for the PC lacking RAM. It is also one that doesn't play nice with this site's formatting. Sadly, so is Google Docs. XD

I am happy to have helped you out with catching the discrepancies, and I will eagerly await your next work! :twilightsmile:

Is this a sequel to those other stories I've seen with this mare?



Stella Sabre laughs at simpering nancies who can't handle some cold tits.

Nope. Honestly, I didn't know about this mare at all until I was commissioned by the guy who made the cover art to write a story based on it. I was basically working off of a few other pictures with a little dialogue in a Scottish accent, and had no idea there were actual stories about her.

Neat, I'll check that out.

Oh, haha, I was initially amazed you found such incredibly accurate cover art. :pinkiecrazy:

Fair enough. She's real waifu material I'll say that :raritywink:

Honestly it's a complete opposite of this story. Here she's actually functional and not breaking everything and screaming, or nor does the story try and set up the protagonist with someone who drunkenly rapes them.

Also while good holy shit it makes me hate Cadance and Shining. Was hoping they'd face some penalty for their crap or that Anon would turn his back on them entirely.

Good results but Cadence definitely needs to have a talk or two with someone about ends and means.

Every single time ya write something, it's always such a blessing to read! With this one, it reinforces that and then some! Everything about this story is freaking fantastic, and with the cover that Nignogs did, oh man it's just FLAWLESS! Hope you didn't mind, but I couldn't resist making a reading of this adventurous fic of yours!

Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/0kAIkA6dHLQ

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

The interactions were cute, and I thought it was overall good.
But it felt like this was a chapter in the middle of a story and not a standalone one shot. Didnt feel like a fell rise in tension or a climax to an ending.

But the writing was solid and I liked both the main leads.

An RGRE story with a mare who, while buff and hypermasculine, is actually interesting.

You've earned a like.

Her hypersexuality!! All turned out & played out well.

Princess of Shipping

She's come a long way from destroying trains mistaking them for beasts! :twilightsmile:

So, what is the graceful yet intimidating name of the scottish pone? I read both points of view and I still don't have a clue.

This story is such a tease, where the hell is my follow-up?! I wanna see them interact more, exchange saucy quips, maybe more... damn.


"Ginger Scotch, biggest ana strungest mare in the two courts and greata territories! By me Mum's straps and Da's garters, Ah swear Ah'll bring ye back safe an' sound!"

It would be nice to see more of these two.

If there was another chapter it would probably make this story mature.

I haven’t even read the story yet, but I felt the need to thank you for making both a first and second person version. Too often do I see a nice looking story only to discover that it’s written in second person. I can understand that some people enjoy it, but it just doesn’t work for me.

This needs a sequel so badly! We need more large Scottish pony lass in our lives haha!

Ginger is cute an absolute unit. I like this mare

How's he's supposed to you know.....if she's too big?

Look it up, even real-life, animal mares can clamp down enough to make up for size difference.

It that something you want from this girl though? She'd probably clamp him to death. Be literal horse snu snu. Also make more of this. Its still funny though.

Good stuff yo!

Straight up, I would love more about these two.

Yo I know you ain’t leaving this masterpiece without a sequel.

For procreation fare enough. For enjoyment...unless he uses a arm no amount of clamping is going to make up the size difference between the two. Unless he's the rare present that matches the fraze hung as a horse?

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