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Shortdesc

On the day before starting her apprenticeship in Ponyville, Sugar Belle is confronted by a mare from her past.

Info

The first draft was an entry in the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting B is for Bisexual contest. The prompts were "Something to Believe" and "The Colour of the Sky".

Thanks to Mike Cartoon Pony for prereading the second draft.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

I can't tell if I feel sympathy for Rosemary or irritation at her for manipulation. Have an upvote and get this moral dilemma out of my sight.

Damn, a story like this deserves an upvote.

*Upvotes*

There we go!

This felt way too real

And god damn big mac is a dead beat

10881422
Good.
10894966
thank you!
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yes, i may have been inspired by some real-life Issues, tying into my reaction to rewatching Hard to Say Anything and The Break Up Break Down right before writing this fic and officially becoming a Big Mac Hater. just did an edit where i tightened up some the exchanges and added show references to the quotes:

Rosemary winced, then narrowed her eyes. “What you see in a stallion that tried to kiss you when you were sleeping!”

“He didn’t even know the color of your eyes, Sugar Belle! He called them blue!”

Hello, a review to your story has been posted. I hope you find it helpful. :raritywink:

The comment is a bit late, but I liked having the time to mull this story over. I don't see a lot of more mature and introspective looks into queer relationships on the site as I'd like, doubly so for stories about non-lesbian characters. Though, that trend is big for media in general. Seeing that this was a serious look into a bi character dealing with how different partners can be, both in terms of gender and as individuals, with a sharp, realistic take on a toxic ex was a treat. So few stories deal with exes who aren't vilified into something generally too dramatic and have the creepy sense of vague abuse and manipulation that Rosemary has are rare. From the first moment, she showed up to the ending line, the manipulations and I found their dance of dysfunction to really give off the impression that they had been together. It was pitch-perfect and authentic in that way.

I enjoyed the implicit aspect of the bi themes a lot too, since it scratches the itch of still being a clear queer story without a glaring spotlight. For once it was great to see a bi character not being treated like a slightly more exotic form of being gay; Sugar Belle was clearly able to find something to cherish in both of her relationships, even if one didn't last.

This was the only typo I found:

[He called them blue!”

There is a stray bracket there. The only other suggestion that I'd have is adding the bold section breakers in the description is a bit much. The line break option [ h r ] (remove the spaces) is a neat transition for dividing both story scenes, description elements, and more in a way that isn't too redundant.

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