About four weeks ago, you had just moved to Canterlot and you were enrolled in Canterlot High School as a new student. There, you made seven really good friends who brought a lot of happiness and fun into your life and have helped you whenever you've had bad days. They're all great people, but the person who stuck out of the group as your closest friend was a girl named Sunset Shimmer, who has always understood you and helped you whenever you've had anxiety problems, and you've been able to become more happy and get through a day much easier.
One day after school on Friday, you were invited to Pinkie Pie's slumber party. And even though you should feel excited about attending since it will be with just you and your new friends and especially Sunset, you are seriously worried due to a game that Rainbow Dash told you about that is common at sleepovers. You still show up for it, anyway. You just hope that whatever Rainbow Dash has up her sleeve for you, it will not have anything to do with Sunset.
Is wearing he usual skirt? Not that she would care.
Proof Rainbow Dash has no brain and doesn't think.
Rainbow Dash diserves it.
he's a real Don Juan-a-be
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The characters are wearing their resdesign outfits from the Better Together series in this story. The line that supports that is Sunset wearing her black leather vest.
I like how he was dumb enough to actually send it afterwards, instead of simply not and sending an angry text about how they tricked him.
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Yeah. But thank goodness he did so that it would cheer up Rainbow Dash.
c.tenor.com/0p5go9l0C_AAAAAC/free-guy-ryan-reynolds.gif
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lMAOOOO😂😂😂
10943063
Sunset would never say that, but that's still so funny.
Love this man I like how you made it so show accurate to Equestria Girls I loved everyone especially Rainbow Dash I love it when you made Rainbow cry it was powerful since she’s a tough girl but sometimes she can’t help it and I think it’s beautiful that she has these emotions
I don’t know if you take requests but I’ve always wanted Equestria girl Rainbow to get over her emotional walls and learn that crying is ok it would really warm my heart if you explored that part of her because people don’t realise how sensitive she is because she tries to hide it and act tough so if you could write something where she learns it’s ok to cry I’ll feel so proud of her 😁
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Thank you. One of my intentions with this story was making it as faithful to Equestria Girls as I could make it, and you saying how accurate it is really makes me glad. While I did want Rainbow Dash to cause the main conflict of the story, I didn't want to make her unlikable and look like too much of a jerk that you can't sympathize with her.
And about that Rainbow Dash request, I guess I could try to come up with a story that revolves around that. It could focus on Rainbow Dash's Equestria Girls counterpart being taught that it's okay to be open about her sensitive side, though a story like that sounds smaller in terms of length. I'll definitely give that some thought.
The one thing I don't like is how Rainbow has been a bit of a prick and when he decides to get payback which wasn't any worse than anything she did to him he feels so much guilt and apologizes. I will let it slide if Rainbow apologizes for being a jerk too, but this cliche really bugs me. Character A gets to do X to character B and be a jerk without any issues, but when Character B finally gets payback he feels guilt, despite character A deserving it and apologizes while Character A doesn't and their actions being the same way is ignored.
A series that has redeemed a few villains and antagonists refusing to do so for the most logical choice. A child who still had her whole life ahead of her and could easily be molded into a better pony before she becomes an adult with proper guidance is a weak reason? Sure....
Oh good she did. Aside from that stupid nonsensical Cozy Glow jab I am content. And no I am not a fan of her either it just makes logical choice to redeem and give proper guidance to a child for being so since there is still time to mold her into a better pony.
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Yeah, I felt like that joke could be more subtle. Don't worry, I'm not gonna make any more references to Cozy Glow throughout this series, especially since I don't exactly have any plans to feature her in it.
11199325
I get what you mean, and yeah it's a pretty common cliché. When I was writing this story, I was trying at the same time to keep Rainbow Dash in-character since I feel like she would do something like that for laughs, but not make her outright insufferable since she goes through some cathartic misfortune through out this story.
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It isn't so much it not being subtle then it being unnecessary bashing of a character. Like I said I am neutral against her, but to act like fans wanting her to be redeem and their reason for it being nonsensical is itself nonsensical and Sunny saying well she doesn't want to. How does she know? They never tried to and for a series that has redeemed Villains you would think the one that is a child would be the ideal one, but nope. I get your thoughts on Cozy Glow, and I don't care if you dislike her but there is good reason for her to be redeemed if the writers had decided to. Also, wouldn't it be out of character for Sunny to make a statement since she herself is a redeemed villain. Way to be a hypocrite, Sunny. You a selfish egotistical teenager gets to be redeem but a child without any proper guidance doesn't. You would think she would be more open to that idea since again she herself is one, but nope her and to a lesser extent Anon must be your mouthpieces in this again unnecessary gag.
11199452
Okay, I see your point. The joke's just an unnecessary bash of a character. I went and removed the joke from that chapter.
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Thanks for the feedback, by the way. It really helps.
Was Pinkie kind enough to return it since Sunny needs it to live for the week or did she have to find another way to get food, drink, and other expenses?
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That part is supposed to be a joke, so it's not meant to be taken seriously.
11199495
I know but I am still curious about it. If you don't have an answer fine, we'll move on.
11199499
Well, no I don't have an answer. I just simply intended for it to be a joke with nothing further to add to it. But I guess if you're really curious about it, it can just be left to interpretation.
Eh... not the worst first story I've ever seen, not the best. Some grammatical issues, the flow was choppy, etc. I despise second person fics, so I might be biased.
Edit: the characters and dialogue seem OOC. Some jokes just didn't hit the spot.
Don't take this personally. I'm just a random stranger on the internet giving their two cents. Writing is difficult.
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Yeah, I will admit, the hardest part was the in-character part, which I will try to fix with the sequel. And also, I have recently been using a more variety of words and trying to improve the length of my sentences.
And don't worry about giving me critiques. If anything, they're helpful, even if the thing you tried your hardest at may not have worked out and feel bad about that.
Is writing hard? Yes. Is it even more hard with depression? Quite painfully so.
If I may ask, can you give me some examples of OOC moments?
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Depression sucks. I'm trying to get diagnosed right now, but my age is a barrier. Writing with depression is hard. Regardless, kudos to you for trying.
I would quote stuff for you, but it's ridiculously difficult to type on a tablet. I'll come back and try when I get the energy.