Discord's Rules.

by Hotel_Chicken

Out of Sight, Out of Mind.

Not many ponies could claim they truly understood Discord. He was a spirit of chaos, a harbinger of mischief and the embodiment of disorder.

Of course, being a creature beyond mortal comprehension didn’t stop ponies and their ilk from making baseless thoughts about him. And one idle thought many of them shared was that Discord hated harmony and rules.

The truth was, his relationship with both was much more complicated than something as simple as hatred. Chaos couldn’t exist without rules, otherwise it would just be senseless anarchy. It wasn’t fun to bother just any mare or stallion, ponies in power were always the most fun to tease and poke at. Without rules, he’d be left with a figurative, and literal if he felt like it, flock of scared sheep with no hierarchy. It would still be fun for a while, but there would always be something missing.

After easily toppling several kingdoms before the ponies arrived in Equestria, Discord began to create a few rules for himself to make his life more entertaining. Outside of those self-imposed rules, there were very few actual rules that could ever hinder him, so he was his only judge and jury.

Some of his rules had been adopted from the races that came before the Equestrians. Simple things, like “No committing murder,” or “No more virgin sacrifices,” which were easy considering his disscontempt for both. Other rules were a bit odder, and older than he could remember. He didn't know why it couldn't rain spaghetti if he heard somepony wet themselves in fear, or why there was even a rule against replacing somepony’s shampoo with itching powder. Specifically shampoo, too. Conditioner was free game, strangely enough.

But, the rule must have been there for a reason, and he wasn’t going to break it.

Discord followed all of his rules down to the letter, sometimes bending them but never outright breaking them. The rules of reality and the pony rules he didn't like were free game, things to tear apart without worry as he enjoyed whatever odd day he decided to craft.

Sadly, having a set of self-imposed rules never removed his other desires. His new rules had been the strangest he had ever devised, and most tempting to break.

A glance at his grey lion’s paw reminded him of his newest set of rules. He had explained it to the princesses a few days after he created it, but it left a foul taste in his mouth.

“It’s not healthy,” Twilight had argued, earning a little bit more of his ire as she prattled on and on about grief and acceptance, and other boring pony concepts. He thought the other immortals would at least understand, even if they were ponies.

Celestia gave him a sympathetic look, something he detested greatly, while Luna just looked worried in general. He never got to explain his new rules to Cadence since he kept instinctually teleporting her away along with Celestia’s ugly regalia.

He couldn’t understand why they had all felt so strongly about his rules. It wasn’t like anything was hurting any creature with them. If anything, it was an ingenious plan! It was so simple yet effective.

Of course, despite it being a brilliant and full-proof plan, there was one problem with it. Every single part of his rules relied on self-restraint.

It was easy in the beginning to follow the rules. But, with each passing day came another small temptation. It gnawed at his mind, almost mocking him with the will to break his own rules.

It wouldn’t be the end of the world. A snap of his claws and they’d be broken, and nopony would ever need to know. In a flash of light or a flurry of bubbles, his self-imposed limitations would shatter. All it would take was a second of weakness and he’d be free of his rules.

He wouldn’t even need to go back to Equestria, or the planet in general. It wasn’t like there was anything he wanted there anyway. Sure, he’d have to move his new house to his personal dimension, but that’d be even easier than breaking his rules.

Discord would never go through with it however. A moment of weakness would be an eternity of shame. It was funny in a really cruel way, that his happiness would only hurt him and the one mare he would ever care about.

His cloud colored eyes soon fell on the grey talons rapping on his armchair, causing each digit to stop as ice crawled over his skin. He needed a distraction, something to make him unwind and forget about his troubles.

In a flash of purple light, a plain itinerary booklet fell into his lion’s paw as he flipped through the pages. His gaze flew across the pages to catch up to the week’s schedule when he spotted a familiar name.

Any fake smile or carefully crafted mask fell from his face when he saw her there. It was sloppy, misspelled even.

Too many T’s, the y was too curly, and it was all too… too…

Too p̸̨̜͚̟͖͖̯̃͑͌̔̌͐͋͘̕į̶̨̯͓̯̱̮͇̤̖̗̾̓̃̆̌̈́̎͐̅͑̅ñ̴̼̯̗̣̰͎̼̊̈́k̸̨̢͖̰͍̮̭͚̳͚̤̥̤̳͑͌̇͋͗̐̂̾͛̚͝ͅ.̴̡̨̲̜͔̳͙̞̙̬͕̹̤͔̜̈́̍͑͊͊̿.

With a loud clap, the itinerary was closed and banished to the realm of forgotten laundry socks and couch change. Odd dimension, but a nice closet space.

Out of sight, out of mind, as some ponies liked to say. No thinking meant no rule breaking, and nor rule breaking meant no exceptions or loop holes. He just had to think of something else, quickly, a good distraction. He just needed something to not think about the rules.

It would have been so easy, like tearing tissue paper. Just a simple snap and everything would be fixed. But it wouldn’t be fixed because everything would be wrong and he couldn’t break his rules and she would say she wasn’t mad but she’d secretly hate him and he could always see it in those beautiful…

Beautiful…

…

What color were her eyes? What color wer— No.

No checking, no thinking, no photos, yet. The plan was working.

Out of sight, out of mind, and out of mind the temptations… Something that rhymed with mind. Out of sight, out of mind, nothing to remind of the temptations left behind? Perfect! If he kept repeating that then he'd forget about those pesky thoughts in no time.

It wouldn’t be like he’d forget her completely, anyway. He’d never be able to forget about her. So, he planned to forget just enough to not be tempted.

Until then, he just sit and relax in an endless realm that was devoid of anything ỹ̶̧̮̣̝̌́̃͋̀́̒̕̕͘͠ȇ̸̛̩̦̈͛̿̽͋̈́̋̽̄̎͗̈̚ļ̶̨̮̘͓̯̘̯̮̪͚̟̩͖̊̃̍͜͝l̴̛̫͚͔̤̮͈̦̫̣̹̫̗̰̲̿̉̈́̅́̓̔̔̅̐̑̽̚͜ȍ̶͈̪͚̅̆͘ẃ̵̢̧̯̞̱̟̜̯̱̫̮̿͆͑̆̈́͊̆̔̒̀̿̚͝͝ͅ ̸̭͎̱̯̤̳͇̯̞̘̬̮̂̾̂̈́̈́o̵̻͚̽̊͐̏̏̋̃͗͒̀͋͗́͠͝r̷̢̭̘̋̓ ̶̧̣̥̙͎̮̥̩̻̜̻̝͊̃͂̅̌̆͝ͅp̸̜̤̟̘̗̳̯̖̲͚̝͚̖̋̿ͅi̶̧̛̖͕͔̬̞͔̠̰͋̎̿̓͊͑̈́̓̒̚ǹ̶̢̲̺̭̪͈̺̲̜͕͒͂͝ͅk̵̩̳̠̹̹̭̬͚̇̍̿͗̎͑͛͆ͅ.̶̜͉̒̋͊̒̾̋͑̿͠ ̷͓͙̣̞̜̈́̉̔́̈̓̊͗̊̿͆̈́̚͝

A place where he could hopefully forget about an unforgettable mare.

Comments

[BottleH2O]

Great story!

[Hillbe]

He'll sit until Little annarchy asks "You thinking about mom again?"
Chocolate rain?
No cake...Just a mud pie.
Poor Discord

[MDCommissioner]

...good luck forgetting her, Discord.

[Officer Hotpants]

Funny. I was going to quote Genie's rules here but, thinking on it, I'm iffy on rule #1 and I KNOW rule #2 doesn't apply to him. The only thing they have in common, it seems, is rule #3 as a personal choice rather than a hard limitation.

something he greatly detested greatly