Anon Officiates the Transfer of Land Ownership
Your name is Anon, and evidently, you now own the entire Everfree Forest.
You are still in the Mayor's office building, in the record-keeping area, and you are getting all of the little legal bits and bobs in order. She has drafted an agreement surrendering the Everfree Territory of the Ponyville Township to you and is doing her darndest to make sure you have copies of all of the relevant legal documents you will need, Faust bless her little equine heart.
“You are going to want a copy of our original charter, of course, so you can understand the conditions under which you actually own the land in relation to the Crown. You are also going to want maps I presume? We have a few, though they are all fairly outdated, but that’s better than nothing right?” She says as she digs through a particularly old and dusty series of books and scrolls on an ancient-looking shelf. Every so often she tosses something to you, adding to the slowly growing pile of paperwork held in your somewhat more quickly tiring arms.
“I-is all of this really necessary? I mean, I just wanted some land to set up a place outside of town so I could get some sleep at night without having to worry about waking up to this week's fifth cattle stampede.” You say, your knees beginning to buckle ever so slightly from the massive load of legal documentation.
The Mayor pops up from her work and gives you a quick, serious nod. “It is. I do not know if you are aware of this Anon, but the Everfree has remained unsettled for good reason. It is a very dangerous place if you do not have a proper understanding of the geography, and what’s more, you run the risk of accidentally trespassing into Griffin Empire territory if you stray too far.”
That name clicks in your head as something familiar. You vaguely remember the resident science horse mentioning that the Everfree acted as a natural barrier and land border between Equestria and the Griffin Empire. Back before everyone was relatively chill, it prevented a number of invasions by the Griffins when they decided that invading during Celestia’s time of vulnerability after banishing her sister would be a real pro gamer move.
The mayor continued to speak, having stopped piling on, seeing you are already struggling. “Hmphh...that should be enough to get you started. You will need to make a trip to Canterlot to file your ownership of the territory with the appropriate offices. Normally we could host such a transaction here, but due to the size and complexity, they will have access to resources and documents on hoof that should make the process significantly easier. In the meantime, I suggest you brush up on what I have provided here.”
“Ugh, duly noted, Mayor Mare. Now if you will excuse me, I think I hear my knees crying for me...” You say as you waddle off back towards your home with all of your effects in tow. You hated to go back. You were hoping to just sort of making a beeline for the forest to inspect your property once you were finished in the Mayor's office, but you were going to need to pack all of this away and plan a trip to Canterlot sometime this week.
God, why couldn’t anything just be fucking normal in this town?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your name continues to be Anon. It is now tomorrow, and you are currently at Princess Sparklebutt’s magic crystal tree fort, where she has begrudgingly decided to help you sort through all of the various documentation the Mayor was so kind as to provide to help you ascertain what information will be relevant to your dealings this week in Canterlot.
Honestly, you are about 80 percent sure the only reason she agreed was because it meant she gets to take time out of her princessly duties to spend hours pouring over dusty old manuscripts and performing logistical information organization tasks. But of course, that is exactly why you brought it up with her in the first place. You knew she couldn't resist categorizing your thicc, dusty old scrolls, the little bookslut.
“...So your best bet would probably be to file your land ownership in junction with a request for a Title of Nobility. Being a noble pony will significantly reduce your overhead yearly Land value Tax overhead versus being a normal landholder, and in the event you actually manage to accomplish some level of internal development it will make granting land to any potential cohabitants far easier and quicker by naming them as Vassals instead of going to the process of actively renting out parcels of property to them.” She says, bouncing around slightly on her hooves as she read. She was incredibly in her element, her cute little tail twitching this way and that as she flitted from book to book to scroll.
You give a solemn nod and cross your arms as you pretend to understand half of what she is saying. You do get the gist to your credit, but half of the terminology flies over your head. Though some of it might be her speedy, enthusiastic delivery. “Thanks for the pro tips, Twilight. Say uh… how do you think Zecora is going to feel about this? And don’t you guys have like, a castle and a magical friendship tree out there or something?” it would be so fucking awesome if you could just live in a castle. A spooky old abandoned forest castle. You bet it has secret piano-operated doors. All old spooky castles have pianos, and secret doors which are operated by them.
Twilight actually seems stumped by these questions for a moment. “That is actually a very good question anon. Zecora owns her little plot of land where her home is the same way you own well...the rest of the forest…” She said as she seemed to check a particularly old scroll. “Hm...according to the original Everfree Company Charter, that is to say, the document that gave the original settlers clearance to colonize and develop the area, you are, and I quote ‘Entitled to the plentiful bounty left untapped in this land, forsaken by the crown, once lost to time.', So I believe that barring any other legal documents that come into conflict with this one, you do technically own the Tree of Harmony, and since it is unquestionably an abandoned structure, the Castle of the Two Sisters…”
You smile wide as you listen to her unsurely confirm your sneaking suspicion. It seems like you are going to have a very nice place to settle into. Only a few hours walk from town too!
Twilight sees your expression, and her own quickly becomes a bit apprehensive and perhaps slightly annoyed. “Anon, whenever you get that look on your face, you are never up to anything good. Don’t get too excited, I am sure the princesses and their staff have some sort of legal documentation on hoof providing special protections to these extremely historically, culturally, and magically significant landmarks.”
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It is once again, tomorrow! A different tomorrow than last time, about three tomorrows after that one. You booked an express two-way train ride to Canterlot, and you are currently sitting in yet another waiting room. This time it is at least, a significantly more spacious and comfortable one, with a water cooler and little snacks and everything!
Honestly, owning land seems to involve a lot of sitting in waiting rooms and signing paperwork. It’s pretty gay, but as long as you get to enjoy some god damned peace and quiet by the end of it, it should all be worth it in your estimation. Twilight was kind enough to bookmark and notate any and all tidbits she felt important to the proceedings, as well as making a list of all of the questions and concerns the two of you had about certain...property questions. She had admittedly contributed significantly more to the list than you did. You still feel like most of what she wrote down was important enough to bring up though.
You are halfway through what you think is a quiche when you are finally called by a receptionist. You wolf the rest of the little snack down and make your way through the door, briefcase in hand, tie on straight and suit ironed and everything like a big Anon.
The pony who waves you inside is a short, squat little unicorn mare. She looks to be about in her forties, with a dull golden coat and a greying mane and tail that seems like it used to be a fairly vibrant shade of green, tied into tasteful buns.
“Ahhh yessssss, Mister Anonymous…” she croons out softly as she levitates a set of half-moon spectacles to her snout, setting them on her face as she looks over a day planner. “Please, come in. My name is Fee Simple. I will be helping you get everything sorted out today"
She clears her throat softly as you walk closer, placing your briefcase down, continuing to speak without looking at you again. "I was quite surprised when we received your request for a Noble Title. Congratulations on your land acquisition by the way. I imagine this must all be very exciting for you...”
“Not really actually. I would much rather be fishing in the river for dinner and getting settled into my new heavily fortified digs.” You say with a small shrug in that unfortunately blunt fashion you are so well known for back home.
“Yes Indeed dear, it is a very big deal.” She says, not having seemed to have even heard you. She must be in the mode she uses to deal with self-entitled twats who have too much of mommy's money for their own good to throw around. Can't say you blame her it must be a reflex at this point. “Now. You most certainly qualify for a noble title under the letter of equestrian law, especially with the sheer volume of land in question. We can have that signed and notarized before you leave today. However, I’m afraid there are some issues in regards to the documentation of the Crown's ownership of the land in question.”
“You tilt your head and squint down at her, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you ask the question. “Oh, and what might those be?”
“She sighs and takes off her glasses, looking you dead in the eyes with a deadpan expression. “Well for starters, they don’t seem to exist.”
God. Fucking. Dammit.
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10873628
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/497672/2/anon-buys-the-everfree-forest/anon-officiates-the-transfer-of-land-ownership
Bruh am I really back on the top slot y'all are fuckin animals.<3
(... Well, it seems SOMEONE skipped on the paperwork when granting the Everfree to Ponyville... or just plain forgot to ever actually claim the land. Silver lining? If they didn't remember to document that part, then there's probably no special protections for the castle either! So, getting through this, could net Anon a castle! Hopefully.)
10873784
it mean you did a good boi!
They don't seem to exist... Well, someone is getting fired over this...
Lol, great chapter! I look forward to the next one! :)
And she loved every second of it. You can bet she'd beg for more, the literate strumpet!
I guess it's fronteer land basically nobody wanted.
Welp, once again, paperwork is the true villain in our protagonist's plight. Somepony back in the olden times didn't do their friggin' job...
So.... It turns out that the Princess, of which there was only one of at the time, didn't want anyone living near the old castle. Cursed the land to be a dangerous forest, and told anyone who was to live nearby, (that is to say, Ponyville), that they'd have to pay a massive amount of money in taxes, or develop the forest. This made most of the settlers not live there until, oh, was it, ah, the 'Apples' who got a land grant in perpetuity from stealing an apple from said Princess when she was touring the nation. Something about making sure they'd die alone, but I digress. Seems they were a bit of a larger family than was expected, and somehow made it work? Glory be.
Well, I'll have to get this authorized from up top, but don't you worry, you are important to us. Currently all available Princesses are busy dealing with petitioners, but if you stay in line, they will get to us shortly. We are currently number fifteen thousand, four hundred and seven in queue. Wait times are approximately one year.
I hate it when the prerequisite documentation is missing.
Bad things happen when people don't file documentation.
Ah well, blame last shift, kick it up to your boss, and implement whatever hacked-together workaround they send back to you.
So... wait, does that mean Ponyville didn't need to pay all those taxes?
Is the Ponyville budget owed like a thousand years of tax return revenue now?
Of course, paperwork...or lack thereof. Major pain in the butt.
Still, guess this means that Anon will need to head to Canterlot Castle to verify some things though if this is how I think it will go, Anon won't be the one going.
Which means that he'll need to either stick around or come back when it is resolved...eventually.
Got a good chuckle out of me calling Twilight bookslut XD
You get the OG Castle, all the stuff that's in it, and own "The Tree of Harmony" without the princesses say on the matter since they lack the documentation.
The only problem I see is gonna be between Ponyville and Canterlot if Anon lets it slip that the former's basically being robbed by the latter.
I bet the original documentation says something along the lines of "Any being that is foolhardy enough to wish to dwell in the Everfree Forest may do so, but shall not expect to be able to call upon the services of the Crown to rescue them from their witlessness"
(Translation: You can have the Everfree Forest. We don't want it. Don't expect us to pull your plot out of the fire when your choice burns you.)
10874001
The crown can’t give him land it doesn’t own. Without that document it’s gonna be an assload of paperwork to settle
If it’s a land nobody owns would that not make him the king or the ruler of that land at the same time don’t have to give his money back because it wasn’t theirs to sell
Dang. The quest for land!
Well, i wanted to see Anon in the Everfree. But Author Pony wants the beauracracy.
We all know where all the paperwork will lead.
https://youtu.be/JtEkUmYecnk
10873897
Probably closer to a hundred, given that Granny Smith was present at the moment the town was founded.
10874018
...Ok yeah, that's bad.
10874001
2 words, Bureaucratic Nonsense.
Then again, it could be as simple as you said and Anon simply reacted like that due to personal experience back home?
10874056
Granny Smith is an Alicorn in retirement and older than both Celestial and Luna.
Change my mind!
Uh... the Everfree Forest is DAB SMACK in the MIDDLE of Equestria. The Griffin Empire is beyond the sea at east...
static.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/a/a4/Map_of_Equestria_2015.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20151205072352
that makes it a opportunity to those devious to use it to their advantage
poring
10873199
Oh, those things? Their still smoking, and are still very much, very hot. In fact, too hot to be placed inside the mystery boxes, so I moved the mystery box.
Don't mind the burning flame-poof enchanted box.
10874078
That's not my job.
That's the job of the Tax Department.
10874018
... But since Ponyville did have the paperwork proving that they owned the forest and that have now sold it all away, Equestrian side of Everfree now belongs to anon *completely*.
He has no liege lord.
Free land? But that puts him as big cheeze of that area, as an independant country, within the borders of Equestria?
Griffins live over the sea NOW, but was the third Griffin War fought over kicking them back that far?
Was it a Bonsai Shrubbery?
Hope this goes one for awhile. Anon buys forest. Anon gets forest and becomes a noble. Anon starts letting 'refugees' stay on his land. Anon now has more than one reason to need a castle. King Anon reins and still is getting no sleep. 50+ chapter epic please!
10874095
10874149
We ignore the canon geography in this house in favor of what makes an interesting story!
if this bothers you you'll hate my other story where Appleoosa is technically in an entirely different country >:3
10874001
10874018
10874018
>:3
10873810
This is where the overwhelming gristmill wheels of Bureaucracy roll over Anon.
I bet he's already regretting passing up that little fantasy of going fishing.
You heard the lady! That land is unclaimed, untamed and untapped! Get out the bulldozers, diggers, rollers and wrecking balls! Get some chainsaws and flamethrowers, invest in some farming equipment, build the walls and start creating the underground drainage systems. Show these ponies how humans build city-states!
10874095
Yeah, I was really confused about that statement. Ponyville isn't a border town, it's in the middle of Equestria.
10874177
10874183
I refer you to my previous response to this, approximately half an hour ago ^^
10874158
10874184
My apologies, I posted without reading further.
It's never simple is it?
Oh, and let's not forget the "Everfree Endangered Species Protection Act" which specifies cute little things like, bunnies, cockatrices, and manticores have the right of the forest and can't be injured or chased from their natural habitat, such as the forest, or old half-damaged castles they may have taken residence in.
10874146
This paperwork being missing semi delegitimizatizes that paperwork. Like I said, they can fix it, it’ll just take an assload of extra paperwork. There’s a precedent for these sorts of things
Did he get that room by having to cut down a tree with a herring? For the knights who formerly said...... Ni!
All hail King Anon?
Ah. I see it all now.
There is no adventure or wacky shenanigans.
This whole thing is a troll to see how long we'll read a story about nothing but bureaucracy and paperwork so long as it occasionally has cute ponies in it.
What a masterful plan. I love it.
10874158
does that mean we could potentially have anon dealing with a invasion of his realm
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/monstersincmovies/images/0/0d/Roz_reading.jpg/revision/latest/top-crop/width/300/height/300?cb=20131030203113
Am I the only one that pictured her as a pony?
Also
Remove the quote marks at the beginning of these lines. It's not dialogue, it's action.
10874241
Dead ass XD
10874231
Ya boi Franz Kafka would be proud.